₦airaland Forum

Thanks my dear Polarman

This product just arrived the Nigeria market and promises a lot if all the makers have claimed that it does is anything to go by. It's called Xtreme Fuel Treatment. Some of the things it does are:
- increases fuel mileage by at least 25%
- prolongs engine life
- improves engine performance
- reduces harmful emissions
My question is simple, does it work?
You can check the site below for more.
www.mysyntek.com
Thank You

Akpos married one of a pair of identical twins. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for divorce.

"Tell the court why you want a divorce," the judge said.

"Well, Your Honour," Akpos started, "every once in a while my sister-in-law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are identical twins, sometimes I'd end up making love to her by mistake."

"Surely there must be some difference between the two women," the judge said.

"Exactly, Your Honour. That's why I want the divorce."

Dear Tech Support:

Last year, I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favourite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User (KEEP READING)
______________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag. Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,
Tech Support

In igbo, Oburu n'igbo

* Green>akwụkwọ ndụ akwụkwọ ndụ
* Pink>uhie uhie
* Purple>òdòdò
* Brown>ńchárá, àkpammanụ
* Blue>alulu
* Red>mmẹ-mmẹ
* Grey>ntụ ntụ
* Yellow>édo, ògùlù
* Orange>mmanu mmanu
* Violet>udara.
* Indigo>?

Igbo kwenu kwesunu oooo!!!

TO MY DEAR WIFE,

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean

17 times it was too late

49 times you were too tired

20 times it was too hot

15 times you pretended to be asleep

22 times you had a headache

17 times you were afraid of waking the baby

16 times you said you were too sore

12 times it was the wrong time of the month

19 times you had to get up early

9 times you said you weren't in the mood

7 times you were sunburned

6 times you were watching the late show

5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do

3 times you said the neighbours would hear us

9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished, and one time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat

36 times you did not come home at all

21 times you didn't cum

33 times you came too soon

19 times you went soft before you got in

38 times you worked too late

10 times you got cramps in your toes

29 times you had to get up early to play golf

2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls

4 times you got it stuck in your zipper

3 times you had a cold and your nose was running

2 times you had a splinter in your finger

20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day

6 times you came in your pyjamas while reading a dirty book

98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV

Of the times we did get together the reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

Who do you think is Right?

LADY: Akpos, no sex for now, I'm mourning my late husband.

AKPOS: That's why I'm wearing a black condom. So open your legs and accept my condolence.

This is the phone conversation between Akpos and a girl he just met earlier in the day:

AKPOS: Hello girl.

GIRL: Hi.

AKPOS: You are really very sexy and beautiful.

GIRL: Thanks.

AKPOS: I really like you baby. I want you to be my girlfriend.

GIRL: Hmmm. What do you do for a living?

AKPOS: I'm the G.M of First Bank.

GIRL: Wow! Of course I'll be your girlfriend. I've always dreamt of marrying the General Manager of a big company Like First Bank.

AKPOS: No, I'm not the General Manager of First Bank.

GIRL: (confused) But you just said you are the G.M of First Bank?

AKPOS: Yes. I'm their Gate Man.

The girl immediately drops the call.

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer.

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to "love, honor and obey" and "forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever," I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged.

When it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."

The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer." So what will you do if you're the groom?

Dear Sisters, Let someone want you, instead of acting like you need them all the time; Let someone meet your standard instead of you lowering yours to meet theirs all the time. Every compliment someone gives you shouldn’t make you fall in love; You got to Stop looking so Thirsty. Stop looking so EASY. Stop looking so trashy and find some class about what you do. You don’t need to sleep with success to make you successful. You can open doors without opening your legs. You are BEAUTIFUL just the way you are! Love & accept yourself! You are WORTHY in God! You don’t need a man to confirm that… So you better Stop trying to force that man who isn’t ready to be ‘ready’.. You are only going to leave yourself disappointed … You can’t blame him for leaving you disappointed because you are the one setting unrealistic expectations… Give it to God & realize you are perfect to ONE!!!! Not everyONE, just one! You are not going to find your Prince messing around with a love-vendor named SlickBack, You are not gonna find your Prince hanging around people who don’t move your life forward. You can never create the relationship you want out of someone who can’t give it to you; Just because it feels good doesn’t mean it is good; Don’t let your “feelings” lead you to a place where you shouldn’t be! One bad decision can ruin a life time full of good choices!

Weather you do good or bad people will always have smething negative to say; Matter of fact, the more good you do the more judgmental many will get, expecting you to be perfect as they put you under a magnifying glass, yet neglect to look at their own lives; But you know what? We get to determine whether our labels become our realities, We get to decide whether we choose to believe the odds or believe God.

We have the ability to choose to love ourselves more and decide we will succeed! Don’t focus on what people think! rather strive to be the BEST you can daily! There is a process to everything! Live & learn… You can be genuinely misunderstood or fraudulently accepted, but you can’t be everything to everyone. Not everyone is going to “get you”. Learn to be okay with that. The more in love you fall with yourself the less acceptance you need from others. Often times we get so caught up trying to be so memorable to people that we forget who we are to ourselves, but never forget that you are the star of your own show, a co-star in some other peoples show and an extra in others. You gotta learn to be okay with that if you are going to grow. God can’t direct your show with you creating your own plots. Growth is a part of life and change is inevitable. You will have to answer to God for the life you lived. Make it honest, Make it genuine, Make it compassionate and Make it real.

Exactly what I've thought of some people do

Blackbeauty: I was actually thinking that when I get one I would be happy for it..I got the cubetalk tablet..truth be told..I miss having a mobile phone..The truth hit me hard after I got a tablet that I actually don't need one..Well,asides using it to read ,its virtually useless.

Firstly, its not sth I can carry about with ease.Asides the large screen size, it offers the same functions as a phone.Just my opinion tho..I think anyone is far better off with a normal 5 inch phone.In the end,u have to buy a smaller phone to use as a second device asides the tab which amounts to another waste of money.in the end..the tablet just sits there gathering dust once the initial buyer's high wears off.

My point is to ignore the hype and don’t buy one just “because everyone else is.” (This goes for any purchase.) Instead, make sure that it will really serve a function for you that your smartphone and laptop don’t. Otherwise, as magical as it may be, it’s just an expensive toy. To sum this whole thing up, I think tablets are a waste.

They fit right in between a full computer and a phone, and I do not see why we need another expensive piece of technology to bridge that gap. For some people, who do not need all the features that a laptop offers, I suppose it makes sense to buy a tablet. However, if you cannot live without your laptop, and you own a smartphone, I just do not see the reason to waste money buying an iPad or some other tablet.

How do you feel about the tablet revolution? can u honestly say you are fully utilizing your tablet? Do you think they are a waste of money?