₦airaland Forum

freecocoa:
OP as long as you aren't neglecting your own immediate family then I'm afraid you married the wrong woman like you put it.

I honestly don't understand women who have a thing against their men helping his family, his family fa.

The nerves, she even called your brother to bring back some stuffs, OP e be like say your wife no get respect for you o.

My sister...i understand your thoughts...with a 6months old marriage.....you sometimes are beclouded with whether there is respect or not coz it all should be sweet lov for atleast first 1-2 yrs..

Orlarmie:
Does she have Siblings? If yes, how does she react when you do things for them or you dont at all?
If you want a good home for your immediate family and you have noticed this bad attitude in your wife, do not carry her along when doing things for your family any longer.(the calm way).

What i will do is that i will stand my ground in the house as the man, if she does not like the way am helping my family, she should go to blazes. In as much as you are providing for her needs and shes not lacking anything, God elevated you to be able to help the needy. She is mannerless and not a cultured wife for her to have the gut to call your brother. I pray God continues to bless you and table does not turn for you. Your kind of lady can run you down with sharp tongue and leave you.

Advise- Stand your ground as the man in the house and give freely without regrets.

thanks and very well appreciated!

TheLeakyTribe:
I'm just wondering if you tell her before doing these things you've mentioned. Not to ask for permission but because she's your partner and should be a part of decisions you make even to support your brother.

If you never told her and just called your brother to pick up stuff, would you have been cool with it if you got home one day to see she sent the same stuff to her parents or siblings without informing you because 'you were gonna replace them anyway'?

Bottom line Communicate. Treat your spouse like you would want to be treated, she's in your life for the rest of your life!

thanks for the advice, if you read my story well...i 'd mention that i already bought replacements for the items i didnt intend taking out. Its only common sense that if i already pre-informed her about it....even before buying a new one...By the way...its my house, my property...my money....and my elder brother we talking about here....
If she calls her sis to pick things without informing me and i find out....i dont even think i 'd be angry...coz it her SISTER...!!...as long as i know we dont neeed the item or there is a replacement for the item.

thanks anyway!

viktor01:
Make her understand that in life, nothing last forever. The tables could turn tomorrow.
BTW, never tell a woman everything.

Its really amazing how what is taught during pre-marriage classes quickly fast becoming almost irrelevant in the real world..
During the pre-marriage courses, the counsellors will advice that there should be togetherness, and that no one should hide anything from the other....no matter how little or insignificant.....and that there should be no secrets...
Nowadays, this theory is almost not application anymore especially....really a strange and changing world!!

pureview:
I hardly ever comment on nl but I had to do this to stop you from making a mistake.

please,please ,please , do not invite a 3rd party into your marriage. It is the first step in bringing cracks into your marriage. Your pastor at this point is a 3rd party.

This issue isn't something you can't handle. I guarantee you that you would lose some respect from your wife if you invite a 3rd party on this issue just 6 months into your marriage.

In the early stages of any r/ship or marriage , women tend to push the boundaries to know the extent of what a man can take. I believe you have been too soft on her so she now throws tantrums and acts up.

Bro , this is the time to be firm without being harsh. The ground rules you lay now will most likely guide your family from now on. It seems you are the one that always go begging when you guys fight , STOP it, it's not healthy as it can be used as a tool to manipulate you.

Ignore her for now so she would know that this issue is very important to you and hence non negotiable. when she gets tired of sulking and eventually comes around , let her know how dissapointed you are about her attitude and warn her you wouldn't want that to happen again.

This is the time to be the man, husband and leader and not outsourcing your job to your pastor.
If she is truly a decent lady , she would eventually appreciate you the more for being the man and showing leadership.

Thanks and i appreciate your advice...especially the begging aspect...where u have said i need to stop being the first to initiate the peace/begging process....i have had this advice from a couple of folks also on the begging aspect...
Its not gono be a solo ride the next few months...but i think a man has gat to be a man....wish me luck!

lynnfeb:
I am a married lady and I wont support your wife. Women are known to be sacrificial and always eager to help.

Sorry you married a stingy woman or probably she does not like your family. Has she ever sat down to think if it was the other way round?

Nobody knows tomorrow. Infact I support the poster that says she needs to be active in church.

Oga just apply wisdom like wise king solomon would do. Let her be in d dark whenever you want to help them. Case closed.

thanks dear..i appreciate the advice.....

mizquote:
its funny that women re d first to throw stones at their fellow women.

the woman might not have a problem with d giving aspects but she needed to be informed before her husband gives out those properties.


imagine the man comes to pick her sewing machine or tv without her husband informing her.

Like i mentioned earlier...i already bought a new replacement even before giving out the items...

yvelchstores:
I will not bother reading other comments as I don't want to cloud my judgement. U hv three options

1) be stern on her and make it a LAW that she shld never interfere in such matters, afterall, it's ur money.
2) hide and give ur brother whatever assistance u deem fit
3) report her to your Pastor and ask him to call her to order.

Actually, I think no 3 shld be done no matter what option u choose,

Most importantly sir, your wife is your first and most impt family as far as God is concerned, don't treat her like an outsider, ur brother has his own wife n he confides in her with tins he can never share wit u, ur wife is ur wife. Mould her to what u want. Teach her, reprimand her, discipline her(in love), u are now her father so the training continues, mould her to the woman u want.
We women secretly like it when our husbands "train" us.

All d best.

Thanks dear...for the first time i am seeing an unbiased advice from a lady.....and i really appreciate ur sincerity and openness...before doing option 1 and 2, i'd try todo 3 first...

dytbabe:



Yemi16
I wonder what she will do to you when you in that condition

Pls stop feeding your bro
Get him a business to do so he can be earning too

Bros...u can see the job situation in the country.....its not so easy to get job anywhere....just in december...almost one quarter of my company staff were laid off....]I am scouting around and he has also been aplying online as much as he can..unfortunately its not been possible to get one o far...so i really need to keep helping pending when he can stand again...

thanks for the advice!

Atlantian:
Time for you to get a mistress outside. Person no go die cos of wife.

.....

Miami11:
What is her explanation, maybe she wants you to do something like open your brother a business so he can become self reliant than giving him monthly handouts, am sure she has an answer, am just trying to help you put the marriage in place, so you people don't break up, have a heart to heart conversation on this issue.
You are already married it is up to you to find solutions to a peaceful home.

I tried talking it with her but nothing came out....i will try again when we makeup....or better out, when she comes to apologize....coz i am not going to this time.....

Miami11:
Do you consult her before giving out stuff from the house, maybe she has plans to use them and don't like when you give them out.
You are in a patnership it does not hurt to consult her before giving out stuff,

Some people are not used to extend families, some people were just brought up in nuclear family so getting used to people who have to support the whole village is hard,

People have different personalities, I remember when my sister in law came to my house and put on my clothing without permission, it drove me crazy, I did not grow up with sisters, so I wasn't used to sharing. She on the other hand have 7 sisters and they share everything.

Poster this is not a big deal, maybe she likes hanging on to old stuff, just try learn and work with her.

Thanks for the advice..i wish it is as easy as you are saying it....you are lady and most likely not married....i am a guy...married with brothers who all assisted me growing up and supporting each other...
She has sisters and brothers....and she helps them often...and i even commend her when she does it...so why should mine be different....?

Most of the items i even give my sibling are items i consider old and outdated and i always buy a replacement even before giving the old them out....!!.To be a bit more specific....during my moveout..i had to leave the refrigerator in my former apartment coz she insisted heavily that i shouldnt give my brother even after i bought a brand new one....

gidjah:
No hard feelings bro, but to break some of her attitudes, you must try pushing her into service o, else na heart attack u want take play o!,most of dem are like dat, my own too no different,but she is into church and christ now, she has pretty change, she is a ldr now in d church.pls learn to draw lines o, most of this ladies need to know u r firm and fair,they will try you and tempt you always to know your soft spots, once you fall for such,they will begn to play psychology on you.you should atimes stamp you feet to d heavens over ur decisions like this o,...but i might not want to say few things here in d open for security reasons and immature young ones on this forum.you may wish to contact me ,we can be friends na,abi?08181250960.God bless you sir

thanks.....i just saved ur contact...will give you a call tomorrow morning....

calculator123:
u married a self centered stingy,proud and troublesome woman.let her know her behaviour isn't good and u aren't happy with it.

Bros....i already tried this severally and it yeilded nothing....infact she doesnt even want to behavior is/was bad....

Acidosis:
Some day, she will break your brother's head.

gidjah:
Is she a working class too?,does she encourage you to go see your own people?is she ove more concerned about her own kindreds than your own?does have a receptive attitude?how does she relate with your friends(if you have any)?....she is just a self centered type ,she musnt know about all you do concerning your people,show her family the necessary attention needed, but try keeping her away from what you do about yours,most women are like that o.you saw the hand writtings on the wall but you foolishly ignored it sir,you were supposed to dig into that one area critically and get it solved, but you no allow toto give you sense, i am married just like you and knows what that kind of special attitude can amount to in any woman,its better she naggs than she displays that kind of habit, such kind of habit can destroy a home completely, it is about the worst attitude in the life of a woman.you must start working on her, if you are a christian get her neck deep in church activities the way i did with wifey, and of course she on the fast lane of change .you too must support her in the church activities by studying with her and all those,...if u be islam you should be able to plan for the second wife, her head go correct big time,(but i doubt if you pactices islam)na christian ladies dey mostly put up this stupid character,just because thir men aint permited to marry more wives.God go help u bro

lol...@ ..you saw the hand writtings on the wall but you foolishly ignored it sir,you were supposed to dig into that one area critically and get it solved, but you no allow toto give you sense.....
My brother...thanks for the advice...i am a christian...sunday sunday type though....i luv ur advice...and i think lots of pple have actually said the same thing.....

Admire her good xters, treat her family well and keep showing then support and care..continue to help my own family too without her knowing...atleast until she changes.....and also..Get involved with church activities...(this will be hard small...)

thanks....

PresVA:
So selfish of her.The signs were there but you ignored it.... Since she can't come to terms with you helping your siblings, do it secretly... Please don't stop helping when you can; we all need somebody to lean on when things ain't going right. ..

Funny enough, you give to her own siblings and she doesn't complain. . mtcheeew

However, do not let this disrupt your family. . Appreciate her other good qualities while working towards this one. . All d best..

Thanks...really appreciate this one...i only pray for perseverance...

mutiply:
I don't understand why you will want to help your brother and your wife will let hell loose. I think you are soft on her, you need to tell her you are the man of the house. If you have more than enough, please do assist him cause you never can tell how your tomorrow will be.

I might be soft but really i cant help it....its just 6months into our marriage, its not so easy to go real hard so early....
thanks anyway for the advice.

peterdrury:
U did not marry the wrong woman, you only married a self centered, greedy, stingy and heartless woman, if I may ask, do you give assistance to members of her family?

Like i mentioned...i do as often as i can....both her siblings and parents....i remember sending money across all when i received my January salary...not that i do it monthly though...

zayhal:
Stop telling her about everything you want to do for your brother. Help your brother (and other family members) without informing her. That way, peace will reign.

hmmmm.....sounds like a good one there.....i 'll surely give it a though....thanks...
It's just sad i ll have to start keeping things away from her this early into my marriage.....so sad!!

Kingsasian:
You don enter one chance but op does she have siblings at all? And if she does, how does she treat or care for them?

Yea she's got 3 sibling...all younger ones and i do my best to make them happy when i can...she cares for them also as every normal sister would..

Mindfulness:
Is it the only problem you have with her? If the answer is yes, then ignore it. Go silent on her and do not even bother to think about it.
I say it because it seems to me that you two are quite comfortable and because I believe that there are situations where our siblings need and deserve our help and you are doing the needful without depriving your own family of anything necessary.

If your wife has other attributes that are pleasing you, then it is enough. Nobody is perfect.

Yea..that is the only problem i have with her...but its a big one for me and i dont see myself not thinking/talking about it...i want a united and peaceful extended family...thanks for the advice though!

I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.