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Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by Adaezeagu(f): 7:44am On Feb 18, 2016
She's wicked joor

5 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by ednut1(m): 7:58am On Feb 18, 2016
dump the fool abeg. tomrw u may be d one in need or ur kids. wat will she do den.

2 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by Silas0(m): 8:09am On Feb 18, 2016
Miami11:
Do you consult her before giving out stuff from the house, maybe she has plans to use them and don't like when you give them out.
You are in a patnership it does not hurt to consult her before giving out stuff,

Some people are not used to extend families, some people were just brought up in nuclear family so getting used to people who have to support the whole village is hard,

People have different personalities, I remember when my sister in law came to my house and put on my clothing without permission, it drove me crazy, I did not grow up with sisters, so I wasn't used to sharing. She on the other hand have 7 sisters and they share everything.

Poster this is not a big deal, maybe she likes hanging on to old stuff, just try learn and work with her.

1 Like

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by Silas0(m): 8:17am On Feb 18, 2016
[quote author=Miami11 post=43014385]Do you consult her before giving out stuff from the house, maybe she has plans to use them and don't like when you give them out.
You are in a patnership it does not hurt to consult her before giving out stuff,

Some people are not used to extend families, some people were just brought up in nuclear family so getting used to people who have to support the whole village is hard,

People have different personalities, I remember when my sister in law came to my house and put on my clothing without permission, it drove me crazy, I did not grow up with sisters, so I wasn't used to sharing. She on the other hand have 7 sisters and they share everything.

Poster this is not a big deal, maybe she likes hanging on to old stuff, just try learn and work with her.

[/quote I strongly believe you are replicate of his wife. No wonder an old woman feels uneasy when she's mentioned in a proverb.

2 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by calculator123(m): 8:23am On Feb 18, 2016
yemi16:


Bros....i already tried this severally and it yeilded nothing....infact she doesnt even want to behavior is/was bad.... sad sad
can u kick her ass out?if yes pls do so u would live long.

3 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by yemi16: 8:28am On Feb 18, 2016
mizquote:



its funny that women re d first to throw stones at their fellow women.

the woman might not have a problem with d giving aspects but she needed to be informed before her husband gives out those properties.


imagine the man comes to pick her sewing machine or tv without her husband informing her.


Like i mentioned earlier...i already bought a new replacement even before giving out the items...

4 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by yemi16: 8:37am On Feb 18, 2016
lynnfeb:
I am a married lady and I wont support your wife. Women are known to be sacrificial and always eager to help.

Sorry you married a stingy woman or probably she does not like your family. Has she ever sat down to think if it was the other way round?

Nobody knows tomorrow. Infact I support the poster that says she needs to be active in church.

Oga just apply wisdom like wise king solomon would do. Let her be in d dark whenever you want to help them. Case closed.


thanks dear..i appreciate the advice.....
Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by yemi16: 8:53am On Feb 18, 2016
pureview:


I hardly ever comment on nl but I had to do this to stop you from making a mistake.

please,please ,please , do not invite a 3rd party into your marriage. It is the first step in bringing cracks into your marriage. Your pastor at this point is a 3rd party.

This issue isn't something you can't handle. I guarantee you that you would lose some respect from your wife if you invite a 3rd party on this issue just 6 months into your marriage.

In the early stages of any r/ship or marriage , women tend to push the boundaries to know the extent of what a man can take. I believe you have been too soft on her so she now throws tantrums and acts up.

Bro , this is the time to be firm without being harsh. The ground rules you lay now will most likely guide your family from now on. It seems you are the one that always go begging when you guys fight , STOP it, it's not healthy as it can be used as a tool to manipulate you.

Ignore her for now so she would know that this issue is very important to you and hence non negotiable. when she gets tired of sulking and eventually comes around , let her know how dissapointed you are about her attitude and warn her you wouldn't want that to happen again.

This is the time to be the man, husband and leader and not outsourcing your job to your pastor.
If she is truly a decent lady , she would eventually appreciate you the more for being the man and showing leadership.

Thanks and i appreciate your advice...especially the begging aspect...where u have said i need to stop being the first to initiate the peace/begging process....i have had this advice from a couple of folks also on the begging aspect...
Its not gono be a solo ride the next few months...but i think a man has gat to be a man....wish me luck!

3 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by BuddhaPalm(m): 8:56am On Feb 18, 2016
yemi16:


I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...

I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

Therein lies your problem.

You didn't marry the wrong woman. You've not exactly been wearing the pants.

Whenever you give a woman too much leeway, no matter how seemingly well-behaved she is, she becomes insufferable.

NOBODY, ever, should tell you how to spend YOUR MONEY, most of all in YOUR HOUSE!

3 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by ivoatt(m): 9:09am On Feb 18, 2016
Na wa oooo

my.cf
Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by Nobody: 9:13am On Feb 18, 2016
yemi16:


Thanks dear...for the first time i am seeing an unbiased advice from a lady.....and i really appreciate ur sincerity and openness...before doing option 1 and 2, i'd try todo 3 first...

Please don't report her to the pastor.... Trust me, this is not a major issue that needs external interference
(from my own perspective if you do this at the point you have lost it)
This is your home and its for you to manage and not the pastor to run with biblical doctrines...
Be firm with your stands when the need arises also give secretly when you can

5 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by Lionhearted: 9:16am On Feb 18, 2016
yemi16:

hmmmm.....sounds like a good one there.....i 'll surely give it a though....thanks...
It's just sad i ll have to start keeping things away from her this early into my marriage.....so sad!! sad sad

She gave you a good advice.

If and when you want to do things for your family don't tell her or let her know. Neither keep it a secret either...

1 Like

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by UnknownT: 9:17am On Feb 18, 2016
yemi16:


Like i mentioned...i do as often as i can....both her siblings and parents....i remember sending money across all when i received my January salary...not that i do it monthly though...
Will she stay when things get temporarily hard for you?
Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by redcliff: 9:17am On Feb 18, 2016
zayhal:
Stop telling her about everything you want to do for your brother. Help your brother (and other family members) without informing her. That way, peace will reign.

you are the real wife material..!!!

1 Like

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by sannirules(m): 9:18am On Feb 18, 2016
a biblical verse says " a brother is born for adversity". You're doing the right thing by helping. Avoid telling your wife what you do for him. Plus how can your wife call your bro to return the stuffs, common this is your brother we talking about here. You need to step up and be the man of the house abeg. In my opinion, she crossed the line by doing that.

7 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by repogirl(f): 9:18am On Feb 18, 2016
Your wife is selfish ooooo Is that how she has also cut herself off her family members?

1 Like

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by mudiana(m): 9:18am On Feb 18, 2016
my brother start praying oh! u married someone who doesn't believe in giving

3 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by ifoundmyperfect: 9:19am On Feb 18, 2016
yemi16:
I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

YES YOU DID.....

4 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by U2ice(m): 9:20am On Feb 18, 2016
yemi16:


Yea she's got 3 sibling...all younger ones and i do my best to make them happy when i can...she cares for them also as every normal sister would..

Then wats her ish wiv u helpin ur blood undecided caution her well oo mk she calm down

2 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by babyfaceafrica: 9:20am On Feb 18, 2016
Miami11:
Do you consult her before giving out stuff from the house, maybe she has plans to use them and don't like when you give them out.
You are in a patnership it does not hurt to consult her before giving out stuff,

Some people are not used to extend families, some people were just brought up in nuclear family so getting used to people who have to support the whole village is hard,

People have different personalities, I remember when my sister in law came to my house and put on my clothing without permission, it drove me crazy, I did not grow up with sisters, so I wasn't used to sharing. She on the other hand have 7 sisters and they share everything.

Poster this is not a big deal, maybe she likes hanging on to old stuff, just try learn and work with her.

so he has to consult his wife before helping his brother?.....did she consult him before sending stuffs to her family?....she is just petty and selfish!!!!!

2 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by viktor01(m): 9:21am On Feb 18, 2016
Make her understand that in life, nothing last forever. The tables could turn tomorrow.
BTW, never tell a woman everything.

3 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by U2ice(m): 9:21am On Feb 18, 2016
peterdrury:
U did not marry the wrong woman, you only married a self centered, greedy, stingy and heartless woman.


Gbam!!!

2 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by oglalasioux(m): 9:22am On Feb 18, 2016
How can you ask us what to do when she told you from the onset that it's the reason she left her ex? You walked into it wide eyed. Deal with it.

3 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by Taiwoabolade: 9:23am On Feb 18, 2016
Stop telling her what ever happened between you and your brother,

3 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by Nobody: 9:23am On Feb 18, 2016
Mindfulness:


And you think that fighting with your wife will get you there?

Very very dumb and daft comment/question from you, dude.

1 Like

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by omonighoblessing(f): 9:23am On Feb 18, 2016
just for the records .......for anyone dating ,my pastor always say ..."do not neglect warning signals "......don't at all.it's only a sign from God to help u avert problems later.
meanwhile. ..since u know her reactions already, u don't have to tell her anything concerning your family or any help u want to render them.as long as u know u are doing the right thing...she don't have to know since her outcome won't be nice.just do a transfer or go pay to the acc....by ur self......be wise in ur dealings.

3 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by Nobody: 9:23am On Feb 18, 2016
Don't tell her if you want to give out things to your family. Cefinis! Some ladies sha undecided, she wanna separate d husby 4rm d family . It's not possible nah. Family always comes 1st

3 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by AFRICANDICEY: 9:24am On Feb 18, 2016
Your brother does not need to come to your house for money; you can do a transfer. Your wife must not always be in the picture. She is not a bad wife but ''over protecting her husband finances''. Be diplomatic with her, always convince her of your reasons. If you can help your brother get a job.

2 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by redcliff: 9:24am On Feb 18, 2016
[quote author=Silas0 post=43024594][/quote]

so would you consider money an old thing his wife likes hanging on to? I understand the message you are trying to pass. But lets not ignore hr fact here that his wife is a selfish and greedy woman. and wicked too..

3 Likes

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by TheLeakyTribe(f): 9:24am On Feb 18, 2016
yemi16:
I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

I'm just wondering if you tell her before doing these things you've mentioned. Not to ask for permission but because she's your partner and should be a part of decisions you make even to support your brother.

If you never told her and just called your brother to pick up stuff, would you have been cool with it if you got home one day to see she sent the same stuff to her parents or siblings without informing you because 'you were gonna replace them anyway'?

Bottom line Communicate. Treat your spouse like you would want to be treated, she's in your life for the rest of your life!

1 Like

Re: Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? by ojoyebola1: 9:25am On Feb 18, 2016
My brother you did not marry wrong oh you two just have to agree on matters like this before been done.

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