olushowunm:
Be more pragmatic in your giving. Make sure you help ur siblings without letting her know. Do that at work or request for Bank account information and do online transfer most times. Then about that attitude, you need to use reverse psychology on her. Make sure you make her dependent on your family by giving her cold war. Don't talk and make sure u act irrationally without talking. If u have been coming home 8am before. Starts coming late and also never apologize to her nor give her reasons for your actions. Also make sure you don't sleep on the matrimonial bed. Move with ur pillow to the living room. Without long she will have to call your family attention to your behavioral changes. And if luck will smile on u she will go to your eldest brother first.

So with this she will be more grateful you have someone you listen to.

Xsolutions:
CHAI!, This Got to me shaa...hmm
@ OP: yemi16, I hope you saw this.

raumdeuter:
Yemi16

You seem to be going the wrong direction? You seem to prefer hiding from her? That is the wrong way to approach it

Be upfront with her. Tell her you are going to help your family and no Jupiter can stop you

let me tell you something, to her friends now, she is probably bragging that her husband is a mumu who she can push any way she wants

This is the way to approach it.

1. Tell her the stunt she tried earlier calling your brother to return that. never in her life should she try it again

2 Rake for her madly. Surprise her. You have been too predictable. Show a side of you she has never seen before. And be clear to her, every option except physical violence is on the table. You can divorce her (you dont believe in the "divoce is not an option" mantra

Theres one thing in relationship, The best way a woman can describe a man is "He is loving, kind, gentle etc BUT he can be crazy when you do this ......" The part in bold is the most important thing. if a woman knows she can do anything and get away with it or you would come beg her as soon as she shed a few tears then you are in for a rough ride in marriage

Sorry to ask but did you have previous gf before marrying her? Women need a loving but FIRM hand. Not someone they can always walk over

greatbrian:
Am a little boy but with the little experience hv had in live lemme chip in dz. When tins goes bad ur wife might loose u or even change her name. Buh one tin z sure ur brother and family will never do. They were there when u were growing up, they were dia when u failed in skul if u ever did. And they were still dia during d bad times. Talk to ur wife and mk her know u cherish ur family coz they r ur blood like she is. Nd if she won't change my brother pray. Peace

Ochyglowsglows:
Please, i d advice u do not stop giving to ur siblings. For heaven's sake, they were there even before she was, am sure they v been helpful to u too. That was d major reason I broke up with my ex, he d always complain about the way i buy gifts for nephews and nieces, saying they v got parents. Imagine me going to visit my elder sister and I decide to buy things to make lunch, not even cos she asked, but cos I felt like doing so and he d start complaining, this is my own money in question o, not his. Pls, i d advise u keep giving to ur siblings in secret, she may eventually find out, but don't stop still. Cheers.

emenideen:
My post is coming late... I hope u get to c it.

Urs may be a little matter of communication or lack of it. Ur wife may be peeved because u don't consult ( man read; take excuse from) her b4 u take such decisions. If u don't, u should.

Ayam coming...

It does not excuse her method of seeking relevance in ur life ( that's one good reason). She should know better.
Why do u need to consult her?

let me come.

In fact, instead of not telling her, bring her in into d circle of ur close confidants. Tell her things. About u, about ur life.

Now, y do u need to consult her...?

because u r now one. U, the man, are the head. U must not despair, always lead d way.

Echidimeh:
She is acting as if she is Oyibo wife.is only Oyibo women that behaves like that not we africans. Get a second wife to teach her a lesson.

Onegai:


No, actually the message is right. People are the issue.

I'm a gambling woman and I'm going to make a bet. I bet you N200 that she also acts jumpy when your relatives come around, like she's not comfy but dare not be rude and overdoes the fake smiles sometimes. Did I win my bet?

if that's true, she's suffering from I-Gats-Fight-Needless-Battles Disease. it's a nasty illness, ah tellya. There's a long cure for it and a short cure. Only take the short cure if you are a very calm and in-control person. ONLY IF YOU ARE CALM AND IN CONTROL AND HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR.

if you do, reply this and I'll post the short cure here.

Acidosis:



Can I PM you my account number sir?

omirb:


Borther your wife had a very bad mentality. Moreover, do u have to anounce to your wife what u want to do for your family? Pls if u know that such as become her attitute, stop informing her of your giving plan. It is nonsence
Your welness even in future depend on how many people u have succesfully helped, and this is what we called impact. Every single thing u do today weda good or bad is awaiting u tomoro.
You are bless not because u are smart or sharper than others but because u are engraced. Anyone wu want to deprive u of giving is going to deprive u further blessing in life, because where giving stops is where the flow of d grace stop.
Now, tell her openly, she is not d one wu send u to schl, afterall some of those brothers in one way or d other must have contributed one or 2 things into your own life in d past. So how will a woman wu comes into your life in d afternoon stops your people from enjoying u. Be careful bro and tell her to stop me and my husband only kind of attitude. If she truly love u, she will love people around and especially your people, it is God wu gave them to u and not u choosing them from heaven by yourself. Beside, there is no one in this world will ever pray to be concern to people in life, but wen d situatn of life sometimes push people to where they dont want.
Anything can happen to anyone at anytime, because life is always 2 sided. So u might need to fight( I dont mean u chase her away, she is still your but u need to correct that attitued) to put a stop to that nonsence , that might be d language she understand.
Stop begging for such a thing, u can beg her for other things but not on things that may ruin your future.
Let me tell u d way we handle things with family and friend in my family, most women do not like giving to your family but if u are doing it to her family, she will not talk, so simply keep mute on whatever you as d man want to give to your family, do what u want to do and that is all
See, u will notice that this argument of quarelling wilk not hapen wen u want to do it to her side.
Just be careful bro and God bless u

God bless u also bro...thanks for the very luvlie advice.

4C2215131:


The extreme naivety of the OP and nature of the post forced me to use the clichéd "my house, my money" comeback. I wanted to jolt him to his 'senses' (OP please don't be offended by my stabs at your person, just trying to provoke you to 'righteous anger').

I do realise that a marriage is a symbiosis. That said, the advice I see here tells me one thing; a lot of folks are suffering and dying in silence in supposed state of marital bliss, lying to the world that all is honky-dory while beating their head against a wall for the chaps and crying their pillows wet for the ladies. Such a shame!

Princewell2012:

Hmmmm, let me add a little thing here.

Others have equally spoken well. You see your marriage is still very young, you must bend the hot iron before it is cold. I have married for about seven years now, I think I have a little experience about marriage. Woman is like a child, let her know where you stand at this earlier stage, so that she will get used to it.

It works for me perfectly. Alots of folks allow all these so called yeye love to destroyed their marriage, at the end of the day it is either she kill you or you kill her. When
You re heart get full of wrath you can do anything. How long will you continue to nurse it

I think you should correct it now, the better for you. One day she will stop you from helping your mother, until it will get to a stage where she will start fighting her, that is if your mother is still alive.

Infact my wife takes care of my parents more than I.

This very singular act of hers, has destroyed the good ones, that is if their any.
Enough said.

ariyike23:


for now help yur brother wiout informing her and temporarily stop talking about your family to her. Try pretending wen u get home ,be cold wid her,if possible sef dnt eat her food for that night only(this method drives women crazy),we dnt like it wen our food is nt been eaten.if she asks u wat is wrong,say nothing,jes be quiet and do your own thing for like 2 days,den on the 3rd day cme home very happy,buy wat she likes best nd pamper her,den wen shez relaxed,tell her u both need to talk,just tell her how much you love her and all dose sweet things,den ask her y she flares up wen u help ur broda,listen to her reason and wen shez done,let her know that no mata wat u do for ur broda,dt it will never affect hers,if possible sef,cook up a story of ao ur broda paid ur fees in the uni. Do show emotions,let her know ao much her attitude is hurting you . we also like to see our men show dier pains,if shez a sensitive person with the heart of a human,she wuld stop afta dis...

ojuolu:

Did you read the write up. " just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldn't or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quarrel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements... please note that this is not the first time. " each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i lavish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things..." OP, please do not apologies like i said earlier. you are doing the right thing. Be careful though. I don't want Ibadan lawyer story on any nLder oh. It is well.

jahrule:
Thank you Op for bringing this topic; i also have a lady i am currently dating that is exhibiting this trait. Ladies like that want to be controlling husband`s life, she would soon create a wall between you and everybody if you don`t fight it now.

I think i have to drop her sharp sharp before she destroys all my relationship with people.

ammyluv2002:
Yemi16, i get your point. I know, we(women) can be annoying sometimes. I'm not in support of the way she goes about it, she shouldn't stop you from helping your blood, but there are few things ,i would want you to know;

1) The first five years of marriage is usually very difficult. This period, a lot of things happen and if you guys aren't careful, those stuffs can lead to divorce.

2) I think, you guys lack serious communication. why would you decide to give out those old electronics to your brother without communicating with your wife? I mean, who wouldn't panic? if you had communicated with her then this wouldn't have happened. In marriage, decision taking should come from both parties. don't play "the man" card in your home. Seriously, i think you owe her an apology for not telling her of your plans. Its a simple logic, it should have been like this "Dear, since we are moving, i think it would make sense if we get new set of electronics so i can give the old ones to bros" This is understandable! No woman will say no to this, we love new things.

In order for peace to reign let her know, you re sorry! then make it clear that you will continue to help your brother till he gets a job. She's your wife and i think, you owe her that explanation. Don't assume she understands, carry her along. Act like you really need her opinion.

josite:
until she stabbed you in the neck and u are certified dead,it is only then a lawyer can say if you married a wrong wife.this is how the other idiot waited for the second stab before returning the wife from hell back to the sender.be4 it is too late,reasses your choice and either affirm your choice or dissaffirm it.

why will a man remain married to an unkind woman.the one that killed her hubby showed definite murderous instinct/traits and the idiotic hubby ignored it.

freecocoa:
I can understand but if we are being totally honest, you ignored the signs for real.

When someone says they left a partner because he was helping his family, then you have to think it through, anyways, you already married her so you just have to do your part to make it work, which includes letting that woman(I'm sorry to refer to your wife like that but she has pissed me off )know, your family is a very important part of your life and should be treated as such, you have to put your foot down, she needs to readjust.

It's not even just about helping family alone, a little kindness here and there hasn't killed anyone.

foriz4u:

hmmm... my bro things like this only wisdom will help. I always tell ppl, human beings don't change in their natural xters despact change is constant. my bro be ready to live with ur wife's inbuilt xter for ever she will never change n no amount of prayer can help it only wisdom will.

I'm nor married bt in my mid 30s, count urself lucky n privilege for God's blessings but I need God's hands to come into ur family n extended family, ur wife is not born again(if she's a xtain) non have d fear of God. remb d virtuous n contentious woman's parable king Solomon talked about. so pray 1st for God's fear upon her lifw, every other thing will b made easy n u'll experience peace, joy, love n happiness in ur marriage.

lastly, while u do d above, keep every assistance u render to ur siblings, mother, dad, or friend's away from ur house. make them official, confidential/secrete n elliminate every trace ur wife can lay jher hands. even if she ask... 'honey, for some time I've not seen ur siblings or u sending money to ur bro.' tell her u stopped to please her because u love her genture will tell disclose if she has changed.

May God continue to give u wisdom n don't stop helping ppl o...even if they pay u back negatively because u never can tell how ur own uncomprehended blessings r coming. don't think its ur hard work. just try helping ppl n c how things goes with u for d next 1-2yrs.
so stay bless, remain positive n continue in what gives u joy even at d detriment of soneonce joy.

godbless u!

dotune:


Gbam!!

A wise woman does not even try to come in between blood brothers. Infact she should be the one complaining that u are not doing enough for ur brother.

Let me tell u something today, if u think the reason u got a better job is for u and ur family alone then u don't know anything. most times, God factors other people into ur blessings and that's why he opens way for one. So that through you, the blessings can spread to others. And mind u, ur brother's situation will not continue like that. So whatever u do now is what people will remember you for.
Scripture says don't be weary of doing good, for in due time, u will be rewarded.

My brother, women wey dey stab their husband, an like this we dey sabi them ooo

Ganoderma:


If you do not take your stand now she will begin to assume you are weak and trust me you will have more troubles. Shebi na 6 month you don spend. Imagine what 1 year will bring. 2 years. 5 years. If you don't die 10 years.

Sit her down and tell it to her straight. You married her because you loved her and wanted to spend the rest of your life with her. But that does not mean she is the only person you are responsible for. Tell her that if she wants you to stop helping your family members then she must do the same too. She must never send any money or help to her family members otherwise she would only be a hypocrite. Tell her that very firmly. Let her understand that the topic is not up for argument. If she has any sense of moral righteousness she will go silent. And the matter ends there.

Period.

Recherche:


He said he replaced those with new ones, what else does she want, come on.

He can give his brother money be it in the open or wherever, and so what.They are brothers for crying out loud. He should be able to help his family without feeling restricted by whoever.

She should respect herself please.

My immediate elder brother helped our big brother to pay his children's tuition fees, till he got his feet back on the ground and no one complained and now he is so successful.

No condition is permanent, she needs to stop fussing over unnecessary issue and focus more on enjoying her marriage. Haba

xtervaganza:
I'm seeing far too many stoopid advisers here and it upsets me deeply.



Why would you hide your intention of helping your bro from your wife? Why? Is it because you fear her or respect her?


If you fear your wife then you're a big old fool (sorry to say) and you're a poocee too.


If you claim to respect her by not telling her b4 you help your fam then you're stoopid again and it means she does not respect you in any way.


When you get home today, sit her down and tell her you'll continue to help your brother for as long as possible and let it be the last time she will be angry at you helping your family.



Let her know she will see hell the next she queries your good deed

makabulchi:

Get her busy...set up a small biz 4 her