₦airaland Forum

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.

I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.

When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.

My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now

Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2 million to start a business etc.

Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.

Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it.

My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.

So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. It's a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also he's the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and that's because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship

7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect

It’s obvious you are directing him to the right direction that will favor him and help him in life to achieve something good ASAP but his not listening to you which is very bad, I see him as someone that doesn’t want to listen to your advice as in any advice from you is doesn’t make any sense to him and again that’s a very bad attitude because when the bad side of it happens you will both suffer for it and it will be too late to correct it. Imagine him going for an apartment of 600k and he Can’t boast of extra 500k in his account (believe me his not thinking like a mature guy, in this hard country that everybody is looking for up to 6 different income so they can beat poverty) ..I will suggest you look for His relative that he always listen to or a close friend of him that will talk to him on your behalf so everything can be fine for you not to regret marrying him at the end

DaddyOpe:
I got married to my wife 5 years ago. Before we got married, she dated a guy. We all stayed in the same area. I live here because it is close to my place of work. Her ex lives in the area. He does building contractor. While they were dating, I met my wife. I was able to convince her to date me. And since the guy was always travelling, I was able to get close to her. I think I won her finally after we had sex. Because that first day, I scattered her brain. She later left the guy. I proposed, she accepted and we got married.

I will say, at that time I got married to my wife, her ex and I were on the same level financially. But, recently, the guy has turned to something else. He does building for people overseas. People said the guy's work is good and he is always getting contracts. My wife said he had a 2.1 in Civil Engineering. He started selling cement. He is now a dangote cement distributor. He built a duplex at the junction of my street. He has 3 cars in the compound (he recently bought 1 car during this lockdown that people are saying no money oo). I and my wife do not have any car. I am still a tenant. We have to pass front of his house every day.

During this lockdown, my office has being delaying salaries. It has not being easy. I have had quarrels with my wife in the past but yesterday was the worst. During the quarrel, she said she regrets marrying me. That if she had ignored me and married her ex, she would have being living comfortably. I almost beat her up. Then she told me that this her ex paid her school fees in 300 and 400 level when she almost pulled out of school for lack of finance. She regrets paying him back by leaving him to marry me.

Since then, I have not being myself. I just created this account to express myself.

Firstly, you need to pack out of that street and rent another apartment very far from where you are now and again as a man you don’t rely on one hustle especially as a office worker that is not that reliable. There is something you didn’t noticed from the beginning when she accepted you despite the fact that she has a boyfriend and they are in good terms (then why did She accept you in the first place to the extent that you both have sex) Maybe you tease her with some money (and now there’s no money again her real attitude as come out) or she’s kind of flirt And you didn’t observe it, as it is now Calm her down and do your best do the right thing As husband and leave the rest for God take control

funkmrflexx:
We Have Been Dating For 1 Year and 6 months now. I’ve met her parents, we wanted to get married last year but her dad told me to wait till she finishes school which is supposed to be next year. I’m 25 years old and she’s 22 .

I live alone in the city while my mom lives in the village. My younger sister who I’m sponsoring through school sometimes comes to my place during holidays and weekends. My girlfriend practically lives with me because she comes from a type of an Abusive family. So she lives with me and I even assist her with school fees and house rents sometimes. I’ve spent even more than her father for her school.

Everyone In my family knows her and she’s a very wonderful girl. Typical wife material. She supports me every time even when I’m broke. I’m not the type of guy that dates a lot of girls . I don’t even cheat on her. Since I met her I’ve done away with a lot of ladies. I’m 100% committed to the relationship

But the problem is that she Has very bad anger issues. I mean she can destroy your property when she’s angry and I’m the quiet type. I don’t like hitting a lady execpt once in a while a general brain resetting slap. When she starts she doesn’t listen to anyone. Not me, not even her parents. So anytime she’s angry like this I will just find a way to make her laugh. Both of you can just be eating and she will get angry if you ate the fleshy part of the meat and left oily part for her (we have quarreled because of that I mean serious quarrel) . Sometimes I get tired of the whole situation. At the end even when she’s wrong I’ll let her for peace to reign. So I try to manage the anger at home so it shouldn’t go out

So we went to visit my mom in the yesterday. Because of curfew we slept over. So my mom bought us mangos this morning and told us to carry.

My girlfriend then said she doesn’t like mango that if I want to eat my mango I should carry it myself. Then my mom (she is the type that always shouts at every body. The real wahala woman) told her that if she can’t carry the mango then she should just put it on my head for me to carry na (If you no fit carry the mango u for kuku put am for e head make e carry am na).

That was the only thing my mom said. Then she sparked. Started shouting at my mom. That she should stop talking to her like that, that she doesn’t like it. In fact she’s going home. So she carried her bag and started going home. Every one in the compound started saying it’s ok (Na dat thing why dem tell u Dey make u Dey vex so) she was still shouting. I was even try to calm her down but no way. She was still shouting. Even my sister who had never seen her angry before became angry (na so you b? She said). I was really disappointed In her

The issue is what even made me angry is how she reacted. If she didn’t like what my mom said made her angry. At least she should have waited till we got home (this was the first time we were both sleeping over) then she would tell me. Or she could have called my sister and told her what my mom said. After all the fracas, she went inside the room till we left. I just told everybody to just leave her.

So when we got home I told her what she did was wrong that she shouldn’t have reacted like that. Na there war start. She started yelling and shouting at me that if my mom talks to everyone like that she won’t take it (my plan was to tell her that she should apologize to her. Because my mom already apologized that she won’t talk to her again like that. Which I know she will o . So we can just forget about the issue. But she never accepts she’s wrong ) She said I took her to my village to intimidate her in front of my family people, I was really angry and called her uncle and told him what happened. He said there was nothing wrong with what my mom told her (If you no fit carry the mango u for kuku put am for e head make e carry am na) and that he would talk to her .

I even scolded my mom before I left that I didn’t like what she said what she did that’s she was just causing issue. My girlfriend said when my mom said the word (If you no fit carry the mango u for kuku put am for e head make e carry am na) that I should have immediately rebuked my mom. But me sef no see anything wrong with what my mom said( If you no fit carry the mango u for kuku put am for e head make e carry am na)

I just Dey follow her uncle advise and leave her be until she calms down and I talk to her

So my people what’s offensive in this word? If you no fit carry the mango u for kuku put am for e head make e carry am na)

But this her attitude don tire me. Break up is not on the card for me at least not yet. She always thinks that they are other guys out there because she has a lot of toasters but I know they can’t do quarter of what I’m doing for her. In this modern time it’s difficult to see a guy who will allow his girlfriend stay with him thereby losing his freedom to do certain things. A guy who doesn’t cheat, a guy who takes care of her does everything for her .

I just think the things she went through in her family is affecting her physiological. And sometimes when I think about leaving her I feel pity because she can’t go back to her parents house.

Try to correct her and if she didn’t listen then she’s not ready to be your wife, you don’t have to pity her and use that to inconvenient yourself....she’s suppose to be the humble, loyal, cool and listening babe with all the things you have been doing for her. If you finally marry her there’s 80% assurance that she will do more than that & it will be too late for you to get things right (As she get a lot of toasters u self get a lot girls out their waiting for you)

Nelso2:
Saw a contact on her phone late last year, saved as aa1 and each time he wassup her it's either he calls her my friend or my love.

Confronted her but she denied, saying it's her customer that is owing her money. Been searching for the contact but couldn't find it again after then.

Recently, I searched on her phone while she was sleeping, went through her wassup again, saw a number saved as 3, had to checked on it, behold the profile picture is the same man. Funny part of it, each time she chat wit him, she deletes the chat at the end of it. Been mad since and about to confront.

The man in question is almost 54 and I am in late 30s.

It’s obvious she’s hiding something from you and for her to be going to the extent of deleting there chats and changed the name after you challenged her my brother something is fishy act fast before is too late(remember that no woman will open her mouth to confess unless cut red handed) Ji Masun

aimuan:
Hello Nairalanders.

Pls I need a genuine advice.. I met this girl for like 2 months now, and we just started dating about 3 weeks ago. Sincerely I am not interested in sex or whatsoever now until maybe later or after marriage.

The reason I really want to marry her is because of her family. I know her sister and the husband, they are very kind, so that's why I am interested in marrying this girl.

But however, she speaks pationately with her ex, which add credence to the fact that they are still in love, though she told me there is no chance of them ever coming back, even though the guy wants her back..

I feel she may go back to him in the future given how they communicate. Should I end the relationship and search for another girl?

Please I need advice

If you truly love her as you said earlier tell her to stop talking to her ex, tell her you are the jealous type (even though you are not)....tell her if she really loves you she should do it for you and let you both focus on building ur own relationship. If she agree that doesn’t mean she’s holy so as a man don’t dull yourself try to mark ur register anything can still happen