₦airaland Forum

WhyMe222: Wow! So touching. Life oh life. You have touched one of my biggest fears. What guarantee do I have the next woman will be better than her? It might not be in terms of cheating but she might have her own faults that will make cheating seem like a child's play. I have also thought of not remarrying but the fear of growing old alone and lonely prevails over not remarrying. Sincerely it would have been easy for me to forget it and assume it was temptation if it happened just once and also if I did not stumble into evidences that what they shared permeates the S€X they shared. To add to that, these things were happening 4 - 5 months after the birth of our adorable daughter. Where I come from, it is sacrillage. I am at a loss of which way to go. I wish I could find and press a delete button to wipe it all away. Going on a cheating spree too is not an option (at least at the moment) because every woman at this point has the mark on their forehead. God help me.

I can imagine the hurt you feel. It brings back memories. The mistake you made was trying to get all the details about the affair. I did that too thinking it will help me heal, but it only made it worse. Please talk with your wife, let her know how betrayed you feel, pour out all the rage and let her know that you will not tolerate a repetition. You will feel better in time. Some women do worse. I know one who cheated while she was 7months pregnant with her husband's baby. It is sickening to think of it, but this is the kind of world we live in.

WhyMe222: Thanks everyone for your contributions. You have all spoken well. I love my wife and I love my daughter silly. I leave no stone unturned in taking care of my family cos that is the only reason I go out daily (To provide for them). Her friends are a testimony to my capability in taking care of her. Her colleagues in both her former work place and the present one all appreciate for her what she has in terms of her marriage and husband. So there is no gain saying I may not have been leaving up to my expectations as a hubby.

In the last 8 months I have tried to heal, I have tried to see how we can work around it, I have also tried living like it never happened. In all this, none seem to be working. I loved my wife and that is why I have made all these efforts but the torture I live through will never go away and for this singular reason I feel there is no need going on like this. At the moment, I am only tolerating her and that is not good for marriage; reason I said marriage is not meant to be endured. Can there ever be a time I will not remember the incident? Can there ever be a time I will laugh it off and not hurt instead? The sex is dead; No urge because she repulses me and there is no way I will think of S£X with her without remembering what they did. So how can one live in this manner?

God help me.

I have been through this before. It has been almost 2 years now and still remember, I still feel repulsed. The healing does not come overnight. You have to decide to forgive again everyday. As long as she is repentant, you can recover from this. Please if you love your wife, do not leave her. Try to work it out, do not chicken out by divorcing her. Anytime you remember while trying to have sex, push those thoughts aside and think of the good times. You will get through it. Infidelity is one of the worst things that can happen in marriage. Take heart bro

successking: Until you see man as God has created him and endowed him with unrestricted liberty, you will pass on the route of adultery on the grand that if a man does it a woman can do it, and you end up throwing your dignity to the wired destructive fire of life. May God open your understanding.

I hope God gives you wisdom too. If you took the time to read my previous comment and the comment I responded to, you would have seen why I ask the guy if he heard of polyandry. Men and women are equal. If you want us to start backing it with biblical references, I'm game.

kukus01: WOMEN = chicken brain
The nigerian society frowns at adulterous women! if dem born you well try polyandry for here!!!

If you read the comment I responded to, you would realize I do not condone adultery, but it seems you lack the intelligence to do that. Your comment shows your level of intelligence. You obviously have the chicken brain

successking: Stop seeing man and woman to be equal. From the beginning man has been marrying more than one woman at the same time but no woman has married more than one man at the same time. People will laugh at him doesn't matter as far as the problem is solved.
Op, go for DNA test to be sure that the child is your and stay away from infidelity woman who is just starting her life career.

Are you trying to justify a man cheating? This is the problem with most men, you feel you are superior. Ever heard of polyandry? MEN = WOMEN . No one is superior. We both have brains.

1stCitizen: OP,

Do a DNA test on your daughter for starters. It is rare for Nigerian women to cheat and there is nothing like mistake in such situations.

Be realistic. You cannot forgive her. It won't work even if you try, you will only drive yourself to depression and possible suicide when your head gets messed up or worse off, you will end up like that Arowolo chap that killed his banker wife. You try to forgive her and somehow images of her screaming oooh! ahhh! with another man whilst she was married to you will continue to haunt you and then your mind will start playing tricks on you. Unfortunately, that is the psychological make-up of every Nigerian man. Take it or leave it.

After the DNA test, whatever the result, DIVORCE her like yesterday. Even if the marriage was contracted in Japan, you can get divorce anywhere so long as you are resident there for some time.

you are so mean, do you have to potray the thing in such a graphic manner. Please let this man heal. Some naija men forgive.

WhyMe222: Thank you everyone for your kind words and suggestions. May God bless you all.

On the paternity of my daughter, I have no doubt she is my flesh and blood because of the striking resemblance. She is a replica of my mum.

I want to forgive her and move past this period and work on the marriage, this is the reason why we have stayed together till this moment. I had the chance of informing both parents last Christmas but I chose not to with the hope we will survive it and move on. Yeah my wife is remorseful. She has tried in her own way to make amends but truth be told, it is not easy. I cannot lƠ̴͡Ơ̴͡k at her and not wonder how she got to that hotel, took her clothes off, slept with her colleague/our family friend, left and I possibly went to pick her up when she got closer home in our usual fashion, she came back and carried my daughter, forming mother and wife, slept on the same bed with me (Oh Lord I must have been so foolish), and lƠ̴͡Ơ̴͡k me in the face to tell me she loves me. And then they repeated same thing few days later, and again and possibly again and again and again until I made the discovery. They claim it was just a few times cos I have spoken with the devil himself.

Before breaking the news to her after my discovery, I made her unlock her phone so I went straight to their BBM chats. Their BBM conversation and email correspondence lend credence to the fact that, they didn't just sleep with each other out of raging hormones, they were actually having an amorous affair. A supposed wife!

I wish there is a reset button so I can reset my memory and move on in my marriage cos I ĺOVƐ my wife and for the sake of our adorable daughter. But how will I cope in this misery she has put me in? Right now I don't feel anything for her anymore. I snap sometimes no matter how much I try not to. Even the way I relate with her. Our usual pet name "НONEY" is so heavy in mouth now that I just mumble it when I need to call her attention for anything.

I feel my best option is a dissolution. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured. Yes I know it has its up and downs and we have had our fare share and gone past through it. This one is bigger than me. I don wanna die young or age faster than I should cos I have noticed some rapid changes.

Meanwhile, I made her confess because she was trying to be economical with the details initially. Let me also mention that in all this, I never raised a finger at her. I am one with an absolute self control. I don't subscribe to violence in any form.

God help me.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. The truth of the matter is that things will never be the same. That is a fact. Please do not try to get details of their affair because, you will only hurt yourself more. From your story, it seems it was more than just a physical thing. If you still love your wife and you are sure she feels the same, you can stay in the marriage and work on it. You have to wake up everyday and decide to forgive. The pain will fade with time, but you will never forget. Pray to God to help you heal. The fact is that most times, when women cheat, the relationship is kinda over because women have to be emotionally attached to have s ex (meaning she might have had feelings for this guy). If you try and it is not working, it is better to leave the relationship, so both of you can move on. You sound like a very good man, pls do not compromise your values. Some people are saying you should get people pregnant etc. If you do that, you are no better than her and you are bringing yourself down to her level. If you both sit down and decide to work on your marriage, do not separate and pls do not start having s ex, because this will cloud your judgement. I was once in your shoes, I decided to forgive but I have not forgotten. I wake up everyday and decide to forgive all over again. You will have to trust her again for your own sanity. Please do not act in anger, because most people recover from infidelity and have a stronger marriage. It will take prayers and discipline. Please do not discuss with family members or frnds cos it will make the healing process harder.

honeric01: And your husband is?

You only know others but not yours?

Her own is Fi Ese lu husband

toprealman: Are you for real?

LOL. He is oo, you know he and eldee are best friends. Eldee called him one day to complain about her weight. I do not know why people dont mind their buswax

stankezzy: but oluchi and agbani have kids,still they are not as heavy as this .....

That is why people have different genes. Those women are models and might not put on weight like others.

ItsModella: Are you serious? somebody who has given birth to 2 kids already (even recently just gave birth to the second one), that's who you're saying is too big. Were you expecting her to look like Agbani Darego?

Thanks my sister. Most people have no sense. Even Aishwarya rai gained weight when she was pregnant.

The bill has not even been written, talk less of been passed. Poster the post is misleading.

Anthonymighty: Hey guys. I am confused right now after reading all this. In my own case, I was approved for visa on 27th of december 2012 which is some few days back. I'm suppost to pick up my visa at ikeja tomorrow. Before my interview at US embassy lagos, my passport was suppose to expire in June 2013. But now I already have a visa of 2 years on it, what do I do? Do I travel to the US with it because its an F1 visa and I am to resume in April which is just 2 months before the expiry of my passport. I don't know what to do if it is possible to extend it here with my visa on it or travel down in april and have it extended over there. Kindly advice please as this is really bothering me. Thanks

Please go and renew or extend your passport before coming. Since you have deferred your admission. You still have time on your hands. There is just one embassy in Washington dc and two consulates in Atlanta and new york. If your passport expires while you are in school, immigration will give you wahala ehn. The stupid embassy will not pick your calls and you will have to apply online and then they will pick a date that you will come and appear. The flight will be expensive as hell, you will have to look for accommodation cos they will not give you your passport in one day. I know these things cos i am currently facing issues with renewing my passport. also do not allow anyone to misinform you. Having an I-20 DOES NOT give legal status. When you are the US you need to have a valid passport at all times. If your visa expires and you are still enrolled in school, you are legal but once you travel out, you need to get a visa before you can come back to the US. I-20 is just a piece of paper. please research and don't listen to all you read here. I have been here way before 2011 and never saw a case where you "do not need a student visa to live in the US"

[quote author=Okija_juju link=topic=785746.msg9389866#msg9389866 date=1319208437]No contest it is the yoruba,

It is embarassing to see them even on the streets of Yankee and Jand prostrate fully to greet an elder.


Last-- Ndi Igbo[/quote]LOLEST. My grandma is always embarrassed too, says it makes her feel very old.

mbatuku1:
Most of these self-glorying people who have never left yorubaland just annoy the hell out of me.

You think knelling down and prostrating is all there is to respect for elders?

Respect is relative. What you call respect might be offence to me.

You claim you know how to prostrate, right? I'll take you to my town and I can assure you that if I dont put you through, you cant spend 30 minutes with the elders in my community without them complaining that you're disrespectful.

I dont know how you Yoruba people reason. You're the least travelled nigerians yet you behave as if you know the end of the world.

Are you really going to say that. Really Have you been to the UK (London, Peckham, Nottingham precisely)? The Yoruba are not the least traveled my friend, come to Chicago, Maryland, New Jersey, New York, Texas, even Florida, California and Detroit, stand on the streets and yell Biola, Demola, Kunle and see how many folks will answer you. Please don't say stuff you don't know. Even in Nigeria I can say Yoruba tribe has the highest population. Don't be Ignorant buddy.

Koolking:
I disagree. Respect is absolutely comparative. It is not a-do-more/better stuff. Respect is respect unless not sincere. Most people exude respect out of timidity which arises from feeling of self-inferior. This has been very obvious among many in lagos in the guise of 'respect'.

make a wrong offer to a yoruba woman selling in the market, that respect she accorded you when you stepped into her shop will be something you will live to regret.

Which is the same thing those Ibo boys that sell electronics do also.

freshcvv:
The same yoruba that would say "boda mi, koni dafun yin o"?

And Ibos will say onyara, onyoshi (wateva) or e no go better for you.

I wont say a particular tribe respects more, but the Yoruba just do a better job than most tribes.

Hello everyone,

I must commend on your posts. You are all the best. My brother was denied F-1 visa few weeks ago and he is planning to come in this August. Is it possible for him to re-schedule another emergency appointment? If yes, is there any chance of granting the visa as the consular already knew he applied few weeks back? What I know is that you should only apply once in 6months, How true is that?I advised him to defer the admission to next spring and tackle his weak points but from the look of things, he wanna come in this fall. Guys, please I need an advice on this.Thanks all!

Hey,

Thanks so much for the information, Nice one

Hello all,

Does anyone know any school that offers PhD program with assistance in any of these fields?It can be in any state in the US.

Manufacturing Engineering
Construction Management/Engineering
Industrial Engineering/Management

Thanks

This is a lovely forum, Its so nice and it helps Nigerians a lot.Keep it up.There are several factors need to be considered when going for a US visa interview which is very shady to a lot of Nigerians

olayemi_james01@yahoo.com

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