freecocoa:
I don't really know how you worded the advise but you could have just said smiled and said "it's because of his indigestion issues, ma I love my husband too much to see him in discomfort" in a jocular manner, I understand that there's an underlying problem but then, everything shouldn't have to cause trouble or upset you, you can actually overlook some things, diplomacy is very essential in dealing with others.

thank you for the advise. In my opinion I wasn't being bossy but she could have misinterpreted it. after that answer I just kept quite for the rest of the night.

username792:


If he cant stand up to his mother, you wont be able to do either. HE IS THE BEST SUITED TO ADVISE YOU ABOUT HOW TO BEHAVE AROUND HIS MOTHER.

one of the things that shocked me the most was to notice how he can't stand to his mother! I imagine that in nigerian culture measn that one was well raised

ephemm:
This is my opinion:
You were wrong to ask him not to eat amala late at night in the presence of the mother, mine too won't take it:
Reasons:
1. The mother had taken time to prepare the amala and she wants some appreciation for her effort from both of you by way of eating the food and giving some complimentary remarks afterwards.
2. She is probably sad and angry that you think she no longer know what's good for a boy she nurtured for 3 decades and U now know how to take care of him better.
3. You shouldn't have attempted to correct your husband in her presence - to her it means "you are controlling him"
4. She's naturally territorial like lots of MIL and as the older women in his life, her opinion should stand first.

I have used the 'amala' scenario to form my opinion, she may be wrong at other things o; but to truly be at peace with her, you must first love her as a mother and take her criticism as if it's coming from your mum.

In Yorubaland, a new wife is a new child in the family and they believe she must be trained to know the values of the family and would not hold back from chastising her if they perceive she has done something wrong.

At such instances just say "e ma binu ma" - "pls ma, don't be offended". You may be right, don't claim to be, but let your eyes be on the prize - your husband.

It will soften their hearts towards U.

thank you for your advise. she wasn't the one who cooked it. however it never occurred to me that giving him advises in front of others may not be rude, although I did speak with authority it may sound like it to who doesn't know me.
I can certainly take her advise like from my mum but my mum would never talk to anyone like that unless she's really mad!

ibkgab001:
Your ID thou
Are you sure it is not yourubaajiyaje

blame it on google translator loool

I am an african girl married to a Yoruba man in the Uk.
In my culture we have lots of respect for our parents and we are collectivist (relate closely to extended family) so I expected to relate easily to my inlaws and the rest of the family. I am a very easygoing person who hates to be in conflict with anyone.
I have a good relationship with my husband, he's a good and very hard-working man but when we are around his family its like our relationship changes.
when his parents came to visit us we started having arguments because he's always stressed and it looks like I become a child who people can talk to anyhow. he talks to me in ways that he's not used to and it looks like I don't have the right to contradict him.
even his mum talks to me in ways I don't understand if she hates me or its just their culture that allows disrespecting me. for example we were visiting some of his family members in London at very late hours and advised my husband not to eat amala at that time because of his indigestion problems, my mother-in-law asked me: is it your stomach? I felt verbally abused. how to react to this sort of situation?
also, I do not always agree with her in certain issues. is there any way, socially accepted and polite for me to contradict my mother in law without causing offense?
I'm getting frustrated and seeing myself accumulating negative feelings towards people . Please help with any tips and advises.