₦airaland Forum

Contact me on Zayngee@gmail.com or k.ayinde@adenijikazeem.com I'm a lawyer.

Hmmm, this is nice coming from a Lady.

Ok, Applelady, , I hope 29 is a marriageable age,

Skittles18 is right. Besides, I think you should be asking yourself that:

"is love all that matters for a couple to decide to get married? Is there anything else?"

Once you can answer that question, I believe that you are good to make a comfrotable decision yourself,

Wish you all the best.

Thanx for taking time to read everyone.

@sexskillz, I am doing just that, tanx again 4 d advice too.

What I have below is actually excerpts of an email to my brother who was bothered about me and my relationship. I have gained a lot from nairaland and so I thought may be I should have my turn to rant about my botched relatuionship. thanks for volunteering to be a listening ear. Comments are free people

My issues with this girl are characteristically multifaceted and driven by very deep concerns.  It starts with the general problem we guys in naija face with the girls (and I conclude that it is a general problem because I read discussions on Nigerian online forums we all seem to have the same kind of problem with them).
This is how most relationships go in naija:
You call the girl everyday, she does not call you back; at best she flashes you; and if you dont call you are not caring.
And because you have told her you love her, you immediately start to carry all her burden such as buying her this and that, you change her wardrobe, pay for her hairdo, send her recharge cards etc, and this is despite that u yourself have a lot of personal burden on your head. And you dare not let her find out that she is just one of your competing priorities; she must be undisputable no. 1 priority even above yourself at every point in time; her “yes man”. Otherwise you are not caring, or u don’t love her. And rarely does she spend her money for you. If she ever does, she will keep reminding you of it at every moment an issue about you hesitating to do anything for her pops up.
When it comes to romance, she starts preaching that she is not ready, she wants to wait till she is married, or its against Gods law, or she asks you whether your luv for her is based on sex, that you dont luv her for demanding sex from her (And this is despite that she is not a virgin o o!). It beats me, really…
Then after managing you for some time, she dumps you and moves to another guy, or she just simply plays games at your back.
A lot of the times you are left wondering whether you are her mugu or whether it is normal for a relationship not to be 50-50 i.e. the guy coming 50 of the way and the girl equally coming 50.
This is the basic trend my relationship takes and what makes me raise issues with her and I find out that at the end of the day, I never win upon resolution. SHE WINS ALL THE TIME; because I am “pussy-whipped” (Lol) as one of my friends would say.
The root cause of this last fight is this same thing:
I complained to her that before I got my apartment, she used to put a lot of pressure on me that we don’t even have our privacy; that I should already have my own house, etc. (Hakim was privy to this before he left) But that now that I have my apartment, she rarely comes visiting; that after all we now have our privacy that she wanted and all. I insinuated that I believe that its because she doesn’t dig the apartment because it is a bachelor’s shit-hole (a mini-flat) and in turn doesn’t really like me too anymore cause I really don’t fit into her plans anymore (of which I am right). Well she took it badly and went beyond the issues, calling me a toddler she really doesn’t think she can baby sit. She even called it off and said that I might as well go find a girl that will be doing all my biddings and forget about her…
Now I feel like she crossed the line and that I really shouldn’t keep making her feel indispensable by apologizing for a justified complaint.
God, I look back now and wonder how proud she was. A lot of the time, I found myself accusing her that her ego was looming large between me and her/the progress of the relationship.

But I must admit that aside from the above, there is also the issue of my own fears about my own readiness for marriage: My finances that are not big enough to get the kind of lifestyle I’d prefer to start a married life with, the very many additional responsibilities that come along with it (talk about extended family members and the Society and their relentless expectations of you). Even though, this girl and I have discussed it that a married life should involve both guys bringing equity contributions to the table, I look at the trend of the relationship and I cannot but rue at the way it belies “our aspirations” (please read as my aspirations). I don’t trust yet that a married life with this girl will feel good.
Besides, I don’t think she wants me the way I am with my church rat income too. I may not be right but my understanding is that 99.9% of naija girls are like this and she sure doesn’t feel like she falls within that 0.1%.

I think I might just allow the relationship to end with this fight because this is really very far from what I bargained for. When I decided that I was going to start having a relationship during my final year in Ife, I felt what will work for me was a girl that was around my age-mate, who wouldn’t care in the world what I have as material possessions and be my equal, my partner. I believed in finding that one true love and being committed to each other forever. You know, like in the marriage vows, "for better or for worse, through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer" etc. that we would start out as friends even though we’d have marriage in view and get married when both of us feel things are ripe and right for it rather than walk at anyonelse’s pace.
After two failed attempts, scarcity began to breed value. And here I am today.
The first few moments I began to deep my hand deep into my pocket for this girl, I couldn’t believe myself (You can ask Hakim. He was privy to it). But I felt sebi its just to prove that I have feelings for and that I am not s stingy brute. I never knew it could only get worse for a naija girl.
One of the things she mentioned in her tirade at me during the fight was the fact that I had not been able to get her a job despite that I work in Lagos (she has not gotten a job since she finished her service year in February). She said that if I really cared, I would be snooping aggressively around and would have gotten her interview dates (And this was inspite of the fact that I was actually doing this for her but obviously not as intensely as she wished. In fact, I got her 2 interview dates which she threw back in my chest saying she is not up for “anyhow job o”).
I just couldn’t help but feel that after devoting at least 30% of my $500 pay cheque every month to this bitch (and yes, I am not exaggerating about this), she sits her ass out in her own home and expects me to abandon my job and go about looking for hers?
Chris Rocks was right,  He said that we all know that for any relationship to work both people have to be on the same page, both people have to have the same focus… and we all know what that bleeping page; what that bleeping focus is: that focus is all about her. When a woman enters the relationship, she is already on that page; she is just expecting you to come aboard. So as a fella, when you wake up in the morning, you should just look yourself in the mirror and say:
“FUUU**CK YOU!!! Bleep your hopes, Bleep your dreams, Bleep your plans, Bleep everything you thought this life is gonna bring you. Now lets go out there and try to make this bitch happy”

And that’s it. He is right.

And besides, who wants to put up for the rest of his life with her little tites and her flat a*s sef… mchewwww. FCUUk HER!!!

But how I wish I could just be an eunuch; seriously; and not have to go through all of this poison.

only if she herself will consider it so and not keep scores on every little thing she does like harakiri has said, Women seem to me so fckn in2 themselves,

uplawal & seun, abeg small & small on d girl now, I don laff tire. Anyway,@ teefah, Seun is not just smart: fyi, d last time i remember seeing him in 2001(when nairaland was probably an embryo somewhere in him) he was d unofficial best student in Faculty of Tech in OAU-ife. So watch what u come up with in ur assessments

I have a trusted friend that I share even my deepest existential fears with. So it was normal for me to discuss my interactions with my girlfriend in my relationship with this friend of my. However, my girlfriend "caught me" last weekend- did i just say she caught me? well to me, it's "men's talk" that is supposed to and is indeed kept away from their ladies because mostly, what is talked about during such sessions is our honest assessments of our ladies in the most lurid and sarcastic of terms;
So anyway, she caught me and was so cross with me accussing me of discussing intimate stuff between us with a third party- infact I think we might end up with a break up with the way things are going down now.

Dear Nairalanders, I have been defending myself that I have only been involved in "men's talk" and I don't see anything wrong with it. She seems to be getting more pissed with me but sincerely, I don't have anyother way of rationalizing what I have done to feel the guilt that she probably wants me to feel.

chay, C as xynerise finish me! Tanx anyway dear nlanders

Yea, she needs a therapy and that's what i am here for, to learn a little bit of what the therapy is how to apply it

Please my people, I need sincere and informed advice on this serious issue:

My new girlfriend resisted me the first time that I tried to have sex with her. She was storming out of my house during the episode when I threatened her that "you walk out through that door and you ve walked out of the relationship, ". she stopped in her tracks and came back.

Now here's it: she told me that her reaction to me is not because she doesn't want me but that my approach to her triggered in her memories she is has been battling to smother all her life. She said that (probably her first experience) of sex was a violation during a robbery attack years ago and that since then she has never been able to behave in a "normal" romantic way with a man. She told me that the rape led to a pregnancy that she had to abort. She even said she 'its alright if you say you don't want me again because of all this' but i told her that I still love her (which I meant sincerely).

Nlanders, I need assistance on how to deal with a frigid lady. I really like this girl and I have no problems being with her in spite of herself. But I don't want to hurt her by doing anything to trigger bad memories and the emotions that come with it.

hey deelady, zayngee@gmail.com. Ciao

Shy-One, this is priceless. The World is smiling @ u

@kaycrystal - for a male to be making such a comment as yours, i can only say to you that you will get there 1day.

@odunnu: yea, kind of. Now i need to contrive some kind of unopenable boltto seal dt door,

I am a young man in the throes of a bitter break up right now with my now ex-girlfriend.
We liked each other or I think it seemed she liked me as much as I genuinely liked her when we first started about a year ago but I must confess that throughout the relationship, we were at loggerheads for at least 70% of the time over this or that one… in short we have so many individual differences. But I trudged on with her because I figured that it was normal since we were from 2 different individual backgrounds and personal histories. I must confess that I think she did her bit too in trying to tolerate my negatives too.
Anyway, I committed everything about myself to this relationship: my hard-earned money, all my spare time, everything- she made me decide to abstain from sex (or even romance during our few moments alone together, she’d say she is fasting etc) until we get engaged and I have ensured that I did (unless self service is cheating!).
Now we have fought again as usual and this time around, she pulled an emotional trigger that seems to have dissolved everything I feel for her. I don’t want to go into the long details but my problem now is that I very much want to believe that this relationship is a wreckage and cannot be salvaged but I am finding it difficult*. The reason I need to is because on her part, she has said that she is no longer interested and has in fact totally shut down on me.
I feel she is treating me as if she has been doing me a favor staying in a relationship with me and that why should I be begging her anyway- afterall, if she really loves me, she’d fight to keep the relationship?
In my line of work, I run into young single ladies who are veritable replacements for this girl but I don’t want to start another relationship that will get scuttled once this girl decides to come back. I need to bury her in my archives but I don’t know how to. Can anyone help?


*I got an air of clarity that the reason am finding it so difficult is because I am yet to come to terms with the fact that I should let slip away what I have invested so much in. And I think this is close to the truth.

My dear,i can c u lyk him but u r very uncom4table with certain things abt him dt u ve mentioned. In my honest estimation, those certain things r deep enuf 4 u 2 consider leaving him. He's 37, baby, he aint no kid. Not even a young guy sef 2 be given as much rope u seem 2 want 2. I thnk most words on d thread r clarifyn enuf 4. Pls take heed.

still available,

ding

A decent 1bedroom-mini flat with separate toilet & bathroom and a kitchen in a very spacious premises is available for let in Ojodu-Abiodun, just a minutes drive from the Berger Motorpark/Junction. if you have 460k to cover 2yrs & other sundry expenses, you are good to have it. Landlord doesn't want night-crawlers.

Also Available in the same area is a 2 bedroom flat - 250k; 600k total expense.

Serious (and i mean only directly interested users) lessors only may please call kehinde on 08061388220.

And be prepared for a weekend inspection only.

Ope o, thank God it is now coming into the public glare. I went through the law school a few years back and the same kind of thing happened. Good gracious the B. O. B is now stepping up to their responsibility.

Serious lessors ONLY, please.

still hot,

still available o

Only 2yr payment is acceptable. Commission& sundry expense make total cost abt 480k.

Serious lessors only pls

i thnk d ladies shld help us undstand what they mean by pontential in a man. Cuz av seen men who started out wf a many a woman, wf no money; then grow 2bcome com4table & afterwrds reduce himself to naught, Am talkn 4rm personal experience around me. Many ladies r nw d breadwinners 2day especially in d SW cos d men decide 2 abdicate their responsibilities for Godknows y

look meen, we r in d tropical region where quality of life is low even for d ajebutter. So smelly kittys shld be excused. We shld all jst learn 2 knw hw best 2 manage dt region arnd our cr*tches in d heat, even we men

well, i knw sum1 in Ota must rolln on d floor in laffta ritenow over ds tread,

My girlfriend made a post on facebook: 'u r so special to me', only to tell me later when we talked abt it dt it was stupid of me to think she was addressn it to me. It hurts. what hurts more: i dont earn much but i earn more than a lot of my friends. I buy thngs regularly 4 her and i ensure she is fine in her moments of need. Yet my girlfriend has d temerity to tell me dt i am loser cuz there i are many guys earning far more than i am earning @ my age, I fill like shooting her!! God help us