For many Muslims, the process of
finding a spouse can sometimes prove
challenging and frustrating. During
this time not only do brothers and
sisters have to wrestle with their
own personal quirks, but they also
have expectations about the potential
mates they are considering. From a
sister's point of view, a suitor can
exhibit subtle but significant traits
that turn her away from wanting to
continue getting to know a brother
for marriage.
The following are the top 11 issues
that can help brothers avoid having a
sister becoming uninterested and
discontinuing communication. In no
way is this an exhaustive list; in fact,
it was difficult to trim the list down.
This list is a collaborative effort on
the part of many MuslimMatters
Associates – a big jazakum Allahu
khayran to all of them.

11. Dress to Impress
Generally, when meeting with a
suitor, sisters put a lot of effort into
presenting themselves respectfully
and in a composed manner. A
brother who is going to visit his
potential wife should reciprocate in
like. Remember – first impression,
lasting impression. During the first
meetings, it is important for the
brother to dress decently. Nothing
fancy or bling-blingy, just make sure
you dress with a purpose – you are
presenting yourself to the person you
may end up making this big
commitment to. Avoid wearing a t-
shirt, sweats, or dirty socks – trust
us, sisters notice. And be well
groomed. Don't walk in looking like a
ruffian with your beard all over the
place.
Although its important to dress well
during this courtship period, a
brother shouldn't pretend to dress
differently than he normally does.
For example, thobes can turn parents
off sometimes. If guys prefer wearing
thobes, then they should make that
known to the sister when they talk to
her; otherwise, she's gonna get scared
and so will her family. Know your
taste, but survey the landscape before
taking a dive.

10.
Kitchen
Politics
Some
girls do
not like
being directly asked, “What dishes
can you cook?”, or when a trolley is
rolled out during a visit, “What did
she make from these items?” Cooking
is something anyone can easily learn
after marriage, and most do, so
please do not ask this question
directly.

9. Information Highway
Don't spread information about a
sister that you're talking to. At this
delicate stage in a relationship, a
brother should be very discreet and
guard the privacy of the sister he is
communicating with – even if the
relationship doesn't end up in
marriage.
If you're a single brother, most likely
your friends are also single and
looking. If you tell other brothers
that you were courting sister so-and-
so, this may make them acquire the
mentality that “he talked to her, so I
can't”. Don't inadvertently ruin a
sisters chances by being overly chatty
about your courting escapades.

8. Call Back
If they are not interested in a sister
or something comes up, some
brothers just never contact her or her
family again. Call back. It's as simple
as that. It won't break her heart if
you do so…but not calling and
making her family wait for days
upon days until they give up hope in
the proposal… that's worse. It's just
one call – make it so that everyone
can move on.

7. Sharing is Caring
Be sure to show that you've put some
thought into the meeting you're going
to have with the sister. This can
easily be done by bringing a cake,
some flowers, or other items with
you to the visit. Brothers not bringing
something to the house or for family
when they first come may be a turn
off for some sisters, but this could
just be a cultural thing. Find out
ahead of time so you can check off
this symbolic but sweet gesture from
your to-do list.

6. Pathways to Citizenship
Please do not marry a girl just
because she has a foreign passport or
is a citizen of the U.S./U.K./Canada if
all else is not compatible with her. It
is an insult to choose a girl just for
her nationality and then coerce her
to change herself to suit your other
requirements.

5. Don't be a jokester
Seriously, if you want to impress the
lady, you have to come off as a
serious man. If you're funny, that's a
great quality, but not when the girl is
sizing you up as a future bread-
winner plus role model for kids plus
protector (i.e. men are “ Qawwaam”
over women). To a sister, one
significant sign of readiness is when
a brother is financially prepared.
Have savings (not just a job) if
feasible, and communicate to her that
you are financially responsible.

4. Avoid oversharing
Some brothers actually mention to
the sister the number of girls they've
seen for marriage (not for
information purposes, but for
boasting purposes). Never, ever joke
about or carelessly mention other
girls you may have been involved
with for marriage in the past or
other girls you're interested in at
present. Be in the moment, and know
that a sister is sensitive to
comparisons. What wins a sister's
heart is making her feel chosen –
understandably, everyone has a past,
but avoid overly showcasing your
past experiences with other sisters.

3. To See or Not to See
Before meeting a sister in person,
some brothers prefer to see a picture
of the sister. Approach the whole
picture/seeing her thing gently. It's
really easy for a brother to come off
rude if he doesn't ask or approach
this properly. Some tips for
approaching the picture topic
graciously: volunteer your picture
first, treat the photo like an amanah -
look at it once and give it back.
Please do NOT take pictures of her on
your mobile phone when you are
introduced to her. It is disgusting,
intrusive, mean, rude… in short,
don't do it! Do not ask for a photo at
all if you know that the girl
wears niqab. And most importantly,
don't get offended if the girl's family
refuses to hand over a picture of her
to you at the first request.

2. Put All the Major Cards on the
Table.
You want
to live
with your
parents?
How
many kids
do you
want? Do
you want
sister to
observe hijab before other male
relatives? Do you want sister to wear
niqab or not? Will you prevent the
sister from working after marriage?
Make sure you marry someone who
wants the same things that you do,
it's best to disagree and move on now
than it is to emotionally invest in
someone who is pulling in a different
direction on issues that you don't feel
like you can budge on. It's not about
being confrontational but rather
about being honest and upfront about
how you see yourself living and
whether the potential can see
themselves in that same situation
happily too.
Major expectations should be out in
the open immediately, but if
problems existed in the past (i.e. past
psychological issues), this is very
sensitive and I imagine it would be
very difficult for a prospective suitor
to discuss them within the first
couple of meetings. Also, people tend
to keep things like this under wraps
so the family may only discuss them
once a solid relationship has
developed. While this is
understandable, this also causes huge
issues and can result in a great deal
of heartbreak since an attachment
may have already developed by this
point.

1. Be honest.
At all times. It's very easy to find a
lot of information about a guy
online, so if he says one thing, yet
his Facebook or Twitter profile shows
an entirely other side, that's a major
red flag for a sister during the initial
stages. Honesty is the best policy

source:muslimmatters

The writeup contains some useful tips but not attractive to read, well done sha

Nice writeup, some good pointers I agree with bintaalabi not attractive to read.

You ladies are harsh o. "Not attractive to read"?

@OP: errrmm.... you try sha. The lapses not ur fault sha..it was culled right? Give her a break, ladies!

@Post/thread: as in "ARE YOU FOR REAL!!!!

Okay, let's get one thong straight before I start taking this apart one by one. This was so... unusual...for me to digest. for several reasons... well, she said it was culled up from somewhere sha.. but seriously?!!! Who does that? Is that what happens really? I couldn't comprehend ooooo... i'm starting with d first one sha.

1: be honest: all these social networking sites are public. Not everyone likes to put their life out there on a platter. Sometimes what the pages depicts might be quite different from who that dude is or what he represents ( is using dude wrong too....**eyelashes**) what he says matters and what his fb page says isn't a full interpretation of his essence.
Yes, guys (brothers...whichever...I don't do that we'll jor...), so guys, be honest for real. Don't do facebook when you know what u av on there isn't what can endear a "sister" to you. To me, the only honesty that can be found is the one that is observed and gotten on true life meetings and acquaintances.
Ladies, don't take his Fb page too seriously... it might mislead u esp now that it says 'his fb' page should be a tool for wooing u... as in... smh!!!

2) major cards on table: hehheehehehe... mehn! take a look at the cards you stated. As in... really?! Are those topics to be tabled like we in a business meeting so each party will put his proposal... Y'Allah!!!! no wonder ooooo... that most muslim marriages I see are just so fake and robotic and routine-based. *zzzzzzz...kinda boring!!!!** I don't wanna know all that when I first meet you... it just doesn't sound like it's a union of two hearts... sounds more like a mearger of two businesses...

Naaaa!!!!! Come on!

Yeah, guys, put the cards on the table... how emotional are u? how do u react to confrontations? How do u handle d jealous streaks in u? What makes u tick? How often do you say 'thank k' for deeds done by ur a lady? What do u think a lady should do in a relationship? What is ur take on sex in Islam? And polygamy? What do u do when you are not at work? Any hubby?

That's a conversation that's gonna open a line of communication that is relaxed... truthful and worthwhile. not automatic or robotic!!!!

*.my two censt sha**

3) to see or not to see: babe, who says we don't also want to see? I wanna see that person. It's only natural. There is no way I wouldn't want to know if I'm physically attracted to the person. So, why act like it's such a bad thing if guys do. It's just curiosity and nothing else. And so that no time will be wasted. It becomes real awkward when you have been on for a few weeks without knowing what u both look like only to meet when the sparks had already started flying... and u find out u are not attracted to the person...at all... babe, na second wife u dey play with oooo... automatic one... as he dey look at u, he don dey calculate to not do same mistake when THAT time comes, that's bad ooo... meeting for d first time and he is already thinking of having a second one.

So, pls send him pictures. Don't be upfront about ut though. Buh really, you have got nothing to loose. Even if it's just one, I advise u make it just one sha** he should drool on that.. ... till u guys meetr, trust me, if he us serious.... that will hasten his readiness and preparedness to get the ball rolling... if he doesn't, he won't waste your time.

And guys, so she sent u a picture, don't overthink it! It's just a pix for u to put a face to the name. And reciprocate... if she is so pretty and u think u are not... u will be tempted not to send it... come on, talk about it with her... let her know ur reasons... it doesn't remove or add to ur existence on earth.

It just upgrades from strangers... to a known face... simple!!!

4y) oversharing: I know right?! Guys what's d issh with u and that thing sef? Ur girk is pretty, we get it must u now be showing her around to everyone that shows a curiosity? Like the OP said, keep it to yourself. It was supposed to be between the two of you... **i actually am guity of this one, buh its not applicable to ladies sha** )

Anyway, so u have had many or several... what has that got to do with me? does that remove or add to me? What u boasting of about how many failures u av had at being a real man that's responsible? To me, that's just childish and will instantly put an x in front of your name... bottom of the list u go...

Keep it under wraps dear... I am not interested.
And ladies, when he starts, just cut him to size... being a lady doesn't mean u should take some BS from a man.

**not meant in a rude way....)

5) don't b a jokester: yes, bra... don't make me laugh.... haahahaha... are u for real?! since when does that make him less responsible?

I like hilarious guys. I play a lot. I'm a playful at heart; I want to tickle u if I feel like it. I want to pinch ur nose if I feel like it... **many av said I'm childish... so what? it keeps me happy and young... its fun!

So he should be all serious... cos of?
It doesbt depict being responsible!! Mehn' I really need to start my blog soonest...

This isn't a new age....modern... oyinbo... thing o... this is about keeping a healthy, fun relationship. what has his financial prowess got to do with him being a joker? Or being responsible. Babe, I av a friend that got married to a banker... and she still buys the pampers and pays the fees...

U wanna be a dependent wife... tufiakwa!!!!

I WANT TO BE THE RESPONSIBLE ONE, if he likes he should spend his finances anyway he likes... if he dies...*God forbid** will ur life end? A colleague of mine too, her husband gives her his salary every month... how uts spent depends on her... and this man is the most fun muslim 'tebliq' guy I know. he is hilarious, I tell u. We don't ever take him seriously...

Now that's what I'm talking about... u r dating and u wanna know if he is financially prepared... are you? **eyelashes... don't fall my hand here o***

6) pathways to citizenship: now that's just a dumb thing to do. It's not worth my data and stressed fingers but I'm going to write a few things.
Guys, goose and gander oooo.... how would u like it and now make matters worse and u now fall in love with such a girl. won't u feel so terrible she married u cos of that? So why dish out what u can't take then?

If it's sumtin to b agreed upon; fine.. then parties involved knows what they are getting into... trust me, some ladies will still do it all d same If they LIKE u that much.

Ladies; don't do it! Even If u like him that much, stay away from it. What if u fall in love with him... and he is gonna keep reminding u that 'love' wasn't part of the deal... and then what? PLEASE DONT!!!

7) sharing is caring: bottomline.... it just says u are thoughtful.... we want to know that you are thoughtful... well, maybe 'not stingy' sha. tight fist tinz ain't gonna cut it! Trust me, in my family, they will laugh my azz off... 'won a fe bu mi daku..."

Well, family don't really care buh its the gesture that just says... u are seeking for permission to be able to bring sumtin into d family. I suggests fruits... I have always be a fan of that... and flowers for her... awww... sweet... if she knows what it means o and can care for it... bring me flowres ehn, OYO ni mehn! u are on ur own; I don't do flowers..

So know what the lady likes and what takes in the family.. my dad will wonder what the point was...my mum will make fun of u for not bringing it buh will still pound yam (iyan to set ) and efo osiki for u (she is Ilesa yeah)... anyway, it's the family that determines that... and sometimes d culture...

call back: lmao @keep the family waiting... as in....
Do we do still do that? Wait around for some guy to call/come back and say 'yes I don gree"?

That's just wrong and unfair to us as ladies. I'm not gonna say anything to this... all my thoughts are bann-able ones... so I'm gonna pass...

**yes I use 'gon' 'gonna' 'wanna' 'wan', 'sup wit' WTH, BS... don't judge*** it just happens**

9) information highway: I talked about this in 4. Keep it to yourself. Aside from stopping others from proposing to the lady, it's just plain rude.... and childish and so... immature!

In my opinion... dont boast about it jor, when with your guys, boast about how much money u av more than them.. so u guys can hustle harder...

10) kitchen politics: yeaaaaahhh!!!! I totally agree to the OP and Post on this one!
100 per cent, even if I know how to cook, I am not going to tell you that when we start dating... u will know eventually now. you will now be making a conversation
You: **with a sarcastic grin.. I hope u can cook o. I like food a lot..
Me: **a matching sarcastic laugh** abi o (in my mind.... u don high' see question o?)

11) dress to impress: okay... listen up! whatever he wears doesn't determin how responsible he is or how good a hisband he is going to be.

Whatever he likes, let him wear as long as it is clean and fit for the occasion.

Bling bling.... bling jare! and then?! What if he is a blinger... and the thing go come become issue later abi?

Buh, dude, bling lo si ile ana... o ni mu iyawo kuro nibe o! hahahahaha**

Clean... ironed... well shaven... no nasty smell...

Regardless of the attire. Be dressed to be comfortable... don't wear what u are not comfortable in... u are just gonna feel stupid and thus act stupid and will be in a hurry to leave....

Whew!!!! And I rest my case!

One more thing... guys, have an open mind. Don't be rigid. Don't be egocentric. Listen... and pay attention to her. Some ladies, like me, have two personas... im naturally shy o... buh not when I write or type... try to know and embrace her kind of person.

And ladies, don't be too uptight. Relax... don't do what you normally won't do cos u wanna land the guy... it can backfire o... and we always the one that the thing it's the hardest.