Myself and my wife have multiple combined accounts, I take care of mostly domestic bills utilities, phones, house, gas, credit cards, tax filings, etc, while she take care of things like daycare for the kids, groceries, shopping, etc, we are both working, her salary goes into one combined account, that I do not touch and mine goes into another combined account that she does not touch, but we all have access to all the accounts, even combined credit cards, she have some store cards for female stuff and some small credit cards, alone, while I have access to business credit cards and other accounts alone,

During birthdays, valentine, Christmas, etc, she usually buy me gifts, cards and I also do the same thing with flowers, I usually say thank you, but most of the times, I do not need the things she buys, the truth is, if I needed it, I would have bought it, more so she just bought it with one of our credit cards that I will have to pay off at the end of the month, the flowers are dead and discarded within a week, the cards are set on the table for a while, after sometime they are shredded and discarded,

Are all these gifts and cards really needed for married couples? I can type up what is written in those cards and send them as email, what about the presents? As married couples, you pull all your money together, is the present among yourselves from pulled resources really worth it? She would have bought the stuff herself if she needed them, she might not like what I bought, the same thing applies to me,

Now the question, why not old fashion love, going out, candle night dinner and loving-lovin-makin, etc instead of gifts and presents between couples, just like out parents did it and their love is still very strong, Is it really a present if you will have to pay for it from the family combined resources?

What do you guys and gals think?

your wife is doing a sensible thing - she's spicing up the marriage and doing her civic duties before another pretty damsel gets there before her.
however, if it's putting a huge burden on your finances, have a word with her to reduce the frequency of these gifts.

interesting. i do hear ''they have commercialized xmas, birthdays, val, etc"
and i just lol.
dont discourage her and you shouldnt be discouraged to get to the stage where nothing for ya lady. share with each other small or big.
doesn't have to be expensive thing. card, choco, perfume, cologne, that nice smelling deodorant you saw at the mall,
victorian secret lingerie you want her to put on for you as specials, etc.

spice up your relationship and don't stop, cheers.

There are things one does not because it makes sense but because it makes the other person happy.

Everything she buys as gift are the little unnoticed ingredients that keeps the foundation of your marriage solid.
To her, her pride is in giving to the one she loves and cherished and appreciating every moment spent together. Its not what she gives that will fade away but the act behind the giving that will keep good memories alive. Cherish all those gifts not the money you believed she is wasting and keep her heart alive. Even if the gifts does not whot it, jump up, carry her and say Whao what a lovely gift( she will always go the extra for you).

SONG, Buy me lovvvvvvvve, money cant by me love,

m sure if she stops witout u tellin er
u start 2 feel she s cheatin n sm1 else s gettin all d love n attention

I don't think the poster says there should be no special attention between husband and wife, just that, with combined income and accounts, it is probably not necessary to go through the hallmark val card and new jumper kind of thing.

I actually kind of have the same feeling as you about these things, but my hubby and I are on the same page. So many romantic gestures can be done without spending money in a store. I love it when he writes little notes to say "I love you" and leave them in my folders, books, mirror, I like the fact that he left work early on val day to buy and cook a nice meal for both of us, as I was finishing work late, and so on.
That doesn't mean both things can't work together (presents paid for and other unpaid for attentions), just that different people like different things.

That being said, op should be very careful when bringing the topic up with his wife, because what doesn't mean much to you can mean a lot to her, and if she likes it that way, then you'd better keep doing it. You can just add some other less commercial attentions to your relationship and she might enjoy it even more.

[color=#000099][/color] @ poster,i think she is actually doing the right thing but in the wrong way anyway. i think for it to be a gift,the bill should be from her personal purse. But the gift is actually necessary to rekindle the love and keep it burning.Guess your should find away to put it across to her indirectly. what do u think nairlanders.

Poster, I feel you.

It's just the way things are. For some people gifts are a nice touch and reminds them that you're thinking about them. It's safe to say that gifts are important to your wife, so keep them flowing. However, you may decide to make them more thoughtful and less about money.

On the other hand, there are some people who aren't really into gifts. I believe you and I fit into this category. If my wife cooks me a nice meal on my birthday, that's enough for me.

Conclusion, if gifts form a big part of a partner's love language, then those gifts should continue. A lot of relationship practices don't follow logic, that's why we men take a longer time to really understand them.

midich:
@ poster,i think she is actually doing the right thing but in the wrong way anyway. i think for it to be a gift,the bill should be from her personal purse. But the gift is actually necessary to rekindle the love and keep it burning.Guess your should find away to put it across to her indirectly. what do u think nairlanders.

You said it all,women don't want to lose anything sef?

u're lucky dt ur wife is showering u wth gift.my hubby don't do it 4 me despite d fact dt i give him occationally

My husband read a book and taught me about the different Love languages. Different people express love in different languages
1. Language 1: Gift Giving: To some giving gifts may be the best way to show how much they love care and appreciate you.
2. Quality time:To some, spending quality time is the way they express love and when their spouse doesn share this language it often causes conflict
3. Expressing open affection: SOme people are very affectionate. They like hugging, kissing and cuddling with their spouses all the time. It is also an issue if they are with a spouse who may not understand the need for constant affection.
4. Through acts of service: For some it is through service, running errands, doing favors, caring for thier spouse that they can best show how they feel about their spouses. eg, the wife who will always pack his breakfast, deliver his lunch to work, pack his bags when traveling, or the husband who likes to repair everything (damaged or undamaged) around the house. He takes the cars for servicing, fuels them, washes them etc
5. Words of affirmation: Some like my husband best express themselves through words of affirmation. They always have a wonderful thing to say to their spouse. You look great, you are pretty, you are the best thing in my life, these people cant say I love you enough, lol. When we first met, my husband always complimented me and my own gift is acts of service and a little of gift giving I found his compliments a little too much and assumed he just wanted to sleep with me, he also thought i didnt really like him because i was not generous with compliments, however, we found a balance.
Poster why this long essay? Maybe your wife speaks the languauge of gift giving and you speak another language and am guessing "acts of service" the key is understanding that everyone expresses love differently and rarely do you end up with a spouse who speaks the same love language.

Usually a couple

Very funny post but true sha!!

I have heard male friends say of their wives (who are not working), that the gifts they buy for them are from their own pockets.ure not the only one feeling like this.

Try subtle hints and make the first move on other romantic gestures instead of gifts, hopefully she would get the message and follow suit.

My hussy and I dont keep money jointly, but he is hardly ever pleased with the gifts i buy for him. Within a month he either gives them out or yabs me incessantly. At first i was very upset becos i am such a gift giving person, i have always been. but now i have learnt and am so much wiser, before i buy i ask him. ' i would like to get you this, should i, i even take BB pictures and send to him'. Nothin like supprise gifts, its dosent work for him.

I on the other hand love supprise gifts, but i have been cured, i have learnt to live without and focus on his stronger areas. I hardly buy things for him now and i think i am better for it.

On an occasion i just give him the cash i might have spent on a gift to go sort himself out . He was actually so so pleased. You know they believe its hard to chop woman money Different strokes

So overhyped. If i need it, i will get it or tell u to get it. Having to wait for a "special" day is silly in my opinion.

Would prefer gifts to come from a neutral person. But my husband won't listen and will expect me to give him gifts back.
My revenge is that i always buy socks and boxers for him no matter the occasion.
I hate surprise gifts as well. He has learnt that.

Personally, it's not really necessary and shouldn't be discouraged either. If the other half is one that appreciates gifts then please go ahead and shower her/him with all the good things money can buy.

I wouldn't love my other half less if she doesn't buy me a b'day/xmas/vals gift or whatever else y'all celebrate

@ambee222, i like ur hub.
I think a lot of couples pretend too much to one another. If i do not appreciate gifts bought from joint efforts, i should find a way of criticking it in a subtle harmless manner and hope she gets it.
I buy things for wifey but i dont tag dm "gifts".
I hv made my wife realise that if she spends d money on d kids, i appreaciate that more than wen its on me directly. I look at it as a "waste". Whatever she does for d children tickles my fancy and therefore makes me happier. The happiness is my "gift" and i love to be happy!

Yes. Very!!!!!

u should ask "Are the gifts in MY marriage useful"

What would marriage be without gifts ? I don't want to think about it.

@OP, I think you and your wife are yet to find out what the other person appreciate etal. Gifts don't have to be flowers, cards, its that little but special stuff that makes your better half go wow. I love amala a lot, sometimes I get back home to meet a set table with steaming hot amala, shaki, gear box etc per ordered and waiting for me,all his sins are forgiven. Lol other times its chocolates (bounty etc) under the pillow, ice creams delivered @ the office on a hot sunny noon, a simple but hand made "you are my sunshine" card. Those things spice up the marriage. I don't however subscribe to using credit card to buy gifts moreso when its the reciever that would pay for it at the end of the day.

Yes it is posible

You should talk to her so she can get you more useful gifts you can both enjoy like handcuffs, feathers, erotica, toys, couple cx games, etc.