| . by Nobody: 10:26am On Feb 22, 2018 |
. |
| Re: . by Iseoluwani: 10:36am On Feb 22, 2018 |
I don't know why I refuse to believe this story.
Sounds fakish
So u don't have parents, elders and religious leaders to advise you. Except this site full of poo and immature minds.
Don't worry they will move your God -forsaken story to FP after ALL that's what u want 3 Likes |
| Re: . by timwudz(m): 10:39am On Feb 22, 2018 |
O deep.. it's easy for a woman to get over a guy that cheats but very very hard for a man to get over a Lady, his wife that cheats on him... the banging and the moans will hurt him... he'll start imagining all the styles, how u were begging for more from him.. even compare his dick size to his.. maybe he never got the courage to ask u but I'm sure he'd love to ask if he can
Ma'am, tell it to Jesus, he will help u.. don't tell no Pastor, they probably going to make it worse.. matters like this are directed towards God..
goodluck 6 Likes |
| Re: . by Nobody: 11:56am On Feb 22, 2018 |
African Men never forgives infidelity and thats how we are wired.
You lost the only leverage you had when you went ahead to sleep with another man. What if you has gotten pregnant by another man would you have given your husband a bastard or gone ahead to marry the other man ?
Lastly, your husband may have decided to start another family else where . He doesnt have to make it obvious to you. The man wants a child from his own loins and you can't fault him on that.
He slept with your maid although he informed you while you also slept with another man.
The marriage is messed up big time.
I pray for the grace of God to help you guys sail through. This is a terrible place to be that I will never wish even my worst enemy. 5 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: . by greatcrown: 12:42pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
If I am to go about my idea of marriage then I do not see marriage here but business relationship.
The man is a smart guy!
He used you and still using you to upgrade his financial status which was his reason for coming into the marriage in the first place.
He doesn't want you to go now because of the financial benefit he will lose on you deciding to leave.
Madam, you claim you love him but can you say the same of him?
A man who will beg you in order for him to sleep with your maid because of delay in conception without caring about your emotion is that one husband?
A foolish woman (guess this will wake u up) who will accept any condition just because she believe she is created to please the useless idiot called husband in the pretense of protecting her home or supporting her husband.
My dear woman, if you don't value your life, then continue to stay in the marriage because the guy is good in bed. The only hing I see you love here is the man bedmatics.
It's just a matter of time, he will get everything in place to kill you.
I hope before that time comes you will realise that your "mumu" don do. 44 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: . by Karleb(m): 1:59pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
This is nollywood.  4 Likes |
| Re: . by MrBottle: 2:24pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
You don't love yourself ma'am. 6 Likes |
| Re: . by Oyindidi(f): 3:29pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Lol, no woman will give her maid to her husband. Fake story 4 Likes |
| Re: . by kweenkong(f): 4:12pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
greatcrown:
If I am to go about my idea of marriage then I do not see marriage here but business relationship.
The man is a smart guy!
He used you and still using you to upgrade his financial status which was his reason for coming into the marriage in the first place.
He doesn't want you to go now because of the financial benefit he will lose on you deciding to leave.
Madam, you claim you love him but can you say the same of him?
A man who will beg you in order for him to sleep with your maid because of delay in conception without caring about your emotion is that one husband?
A foolish woman (guess this will wake u up) who will accept any condition just because she believe she is created to please the useless idiot called husband in the pretense of protecting her home or supporting her husband.
My dear woman, if you don't value your life, then continue to stay in the marriage because the guy is good in bed. The only hing I see you love here is the man bedmatics.
It's just a matter of time, he will get everything in place to kill you.
I hope before that time comes you will realise that your "mumu" don do. God will bless you, let her be there forming me and my husband. That man will hash out his plans soon. Madam how did your husband suggest that you go to a hotel, then he and the maid can do all sorts in your house. i would be more comfortable if he got a random lady preggies not coming to me with such ludicrous suggestion , you self come gree. Na wa o 6 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: . by Nobody: 7:10pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Hmmm |
| Re: . by Lollipop247(f): 8:19pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Hmmm. One of the many issues of life & marriages.  . May the lord fix what has been broken.  |
| Re: . by homerac7: 8:34pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
sadsad:
I hope this is the right section for this.
If not, MODs can help place it in the right section.
Mature advice needed!!!!
Married for 10 years now, have an adopted daughter due to fertility issues.
Everything was going on well until I needed to get a maid to assist with house chores temporarily due to my change of work schedules which warranted longer tedious hours outside the home. Moreover I needed someone to help look after my child when she returns from nursery class when I'm not around during the day.
In March 2016, I got a maid but my husband called me aside one day & said he observed how I shield the maid from getting close to him in the house & that he as the man of the house is not 'free' in his own house. He went further to say, my actions prove I'm suspecting he will want to have something to do with the maid.
For the 1st time in my marriage of 8 years then, my husband & I had a very heated argument that he threatened me by saying if I decide to send her away, I must also leave.
I replied him that if I should leave, I will go with at least half of what I brought into this marriage, not all o! So that people won't say I'm a bad person, so I'll go with at least half.
I had met him earning 6k monthly in 2002 & I introduced my business idea to him which we now run jointly as a family business. By the Grace of God, we earn comfortably that he has now become the bread winner in his own family. His Siblings look up to him constantly for financial help.
My inheritances gotten on two occasions from my late grandparents & parents, were used to buy & build our first property in the outskirts of Lagos. I went further to sell my first car to Roof the building because I realised he is not a futuristic person & he is not financially empowered enough to get a property so I felt since we are husband & wife, why not I assist financially to ensure his head is lifted up continually. Between last year December & today, I gave him another 7 figures to purchase a building in his hometown so that we can have a place to retire to. Then the first building in Lagos will be put up for rent.
When he realised I was serious with my counter-threat on the maid issue, he relaxed & travelled the next day to see his Mom.
While in his hometown, he called me & said his Mom's Pastor gave his Mom a revelation that I (her Son's wife) should stop all medical interventions for now & wait for God's time to give us one biological child.
I foolishly (well, submissively) accepted. Only for him to come back from the trip & cajoled me to accept him to have s.x with the maid so that she can give us a biological child.
Readers, my life started falling into pieces from that day.
After some weeks, he begged me to go lodge in a hotel to spend the night there so that he can have his way with the maid in our home. Ha!!!! I refused but he blackmailed me by saying, I do know he has been treated & certified medically OK so I am the one with the issue that has caused delays for years. Also, the revelation that I should stop all medical interventions ( we've done sooooo many medical interventions in these years of waiting, all to no avail).
I accepted to go to the hotel, which he paid for. This happened on 3 different occasions within the space of 1 month plus.
A day to the day I'll go to the hotel to stay, I'll be sooo moody & irritated that he will say (why am I blocking his chances of having his biological child after I've wasted many years of his life childless. Our adopted child is from is his late relative, so he still needs his own direct blood.
I would go for business meetings & sometimes take bike (okada) to journey Long distances so as to meet up to close deals, only for me to come back into the house to meet him & the maid alone in the house while my daughter will be playing with her mates in the neighbor's apartment.
He would return home before noon & they'll spend the day together. I forgot something at home one day & decided to go back to pick it up, by the time I left the house & them inside, I was devastated that day, I was depressed, I became almost insane & emotionally imbalanced. I didn't know I was talking to myself on my way out on the road, a neighbour tapped my shoulder from behind & I was jolted back to realise I was on the road trekking a wrong direction to my office.
After about 5 months, I started chatting daily with someone I met via social media, we started out as having same investment orientation, from there we became close on phone via WhatsApp, we would discuss family issues, marital issues, financial issues & all sorts. I realised he was someone I could talk to easily & pour out my heart to. I was also his phone companion. We didn't meet physically until 4 months after. We met & had s.x in 2017 after so much togetherness on phone.
I felt guilty because I never had s.x with any other man aside my husband for over 9 years +. My husband had been suspecting me & confronted me with proofs of my infidelity. He reported me to my Aunt. I told my Aunt (in his presence) what I went thru in his hands during the maid issues, she blamed both of us & kinda settled the issues.
The maid got pregnant & it had a complication because according to the doctor, she took some substances to abort the pregnancy. I had mixed feelings when she lost the pregnancy. Sad, that I had lost the opportunity to finally make my husband a father. She left after the evacuation & never returned.
My husband became sober & scared all thru the pregnancy complication issues because he was worried she could die & the law will be after him. I had to help him make sure she was well taken care of in a good clinic & prayed & fasted for everything to end well.
I got another maid because my clients were giving me more contracts to work on & this time, this new maid herself decided to leave on the grounds that my husband threatened to kill her if she doesn't have s x with him. She had to call the agent that brought her to come take her away, next day. My husband denied all allegations even till today.
I decided, no more maids.
Just two days ago, I refused him s.x because he accused me of still cheating. He says anytime he sees me 'holding my phone', he will have a recall of my infidelity episode & he'll get terribly infuriated. He will say I have gone to do it with someone else so I don't want him. He has beaten me on several occasions & I have told him that I have severed the relationship & communication between I and the guy. I have also proven this to him but he wouldn't understand. I get his point but his insecurity feelings is toooo much. He would threaten me & beat me. In 2017, I had to write to Ministry of Women Affairs in Alausa but I told them not to take action yet because he later apologized. I gave him a copy of the letter I wrote to Alausa. The ministry called to check up on me & u assured them all us well now. Ever since I dropped the letter, he never beats me again but he would threaten me emotionally & psychologically.
When he realised I was going to leave the marriage, he begged & begged me. Saying I should know that he can never carry out his threat, that we've been together since 2001 as friends before marriage so I should be able to tell what he's capable of.
He also indirectly said if I leave, the business will crumble but at that point, I didn't care anymore about the family business that gives us 7 figures + monthly. He knows that the business is my idea. I learnt it for 7 years before we started. Till date, I bring in the biggest chunk of the income because he handles some clients while I handle some. My clients are the biggest. I believe this is his greatest fear.
Yesterday night, he made me listen to Lionel Richie (I'll rather spend bad times with you, than spend good times with someone else).
If I leave this marriage, I don't see myself getting married again. Highest, I do surrogacy or adoption to have a child. I loved this man with my whole existence before the cookie started to crumble. I won't allow any man make me his ATM.
Right now, I'm in a mess & I need words from matured married Nairalanders.
Thank you in advance I think this story is FAKE! Just perhaps it's real, then I'll say you're a very foolish woman. What kind of woman agrees her husband to sleep with the housemaid on her own matrimonial bed? You no get 1 kobo respect for yourself. For some reasons, your eyes no still clear say the only reason why the guy is still with you is because you be him meal ticket? Reverse the table and imagine what he would have done. Let me tell you how this will end: he's gonna get a crooked lawyer and steal those two houses from you, then get good portion of your money, and kick you out. He will now marry fresh babe to bear him children he's always wanted. .....or, you'll sleep one day and "pass away" in your sleep. Either way, you will end up losing out. You no get husband, na dependant you dey live with. Once he can snatch some lifeline sum and assets from you, he's done with your sorry arse. All the Luther Vandross wey him dey play for you na formatting and packaging. Your ears na how many? ....You better cut him off quickly and move on with your life. ...like do it NOW!  9 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: . by greatgod2012(f): 8:36pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
So,,a wife can accept that her husband sleeps with her maid while she deliberately lodged in a hotel in order not to intrude or disturb the bedmatic matches  Honestly, I find it difficult believing this story but if it's true, then, Mrs woman, let me ask you, are you a good woman or a foolish woman 12 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: . by TheeDetective: 9:53pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Fake story  You could do better so that the story can win an award for the most rubbish fake story ever told on NL. Absolute nansense 3 Likes |
| Re: . by Ishilove: 9:59pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Oyindidi:
Lol, no woman will give her maid to her husband. Fake story Sarah did  3 Likes |
| Re: . by bukatyne(f): 10:03pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Oyindidi:
Lol, no woman will give her maid to her husband. Fake story Sarah did it, Rachel did it. I know they are stories in the Bible however, I know there is nothing new under the sun. I remember a relative who used to cook for her husband & his mistress after he banged her on their matrimonial bed. Modified: I just remembered someone who used to cook for her husband when he came back from sexcapades looking for a child. He brought some of them home and ironically, he was the one with issues. The woman later had a kid. 4 Likes |
| Re: . by bukatyne(f): 10:07pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
The husband will have a child with or without the OP.
My fear is what he will do afterwards. 2 Likes |
| Re: . by Jayson1: 10:08pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Lemme use this opportunity to congratulate those of you who took time to read this Old testament, it's not easy. 2 Likes |
| Re: . by Oyindidi(f): 10:09pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Ishilove:
Sarah did In this crazy world we live in. I doubt can you do it? |
| Re: . by Ishilove: 10:12pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Oyindidi:
In this crazy world we live in. I doubt can you do it? Hell no! How can I? I don't believe it's a true story though. It's as fake as Cossy's new buttocks 1 Like |
| Re: . by Shukusheka(m): 10:12pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Ishilove:
Sarah did Dominus' wife Lucretia in Spartacus did too. |
| Re: . by Oyindidi(f): 10:16pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Ishilove:
Hell no! How can I?
I don't believe it's a true story though. It's as fake as Cossy's new buttocks Lol, I travelled to somewhere in Bayelsa with some of my friends. I discovered cheating is a normal thing and the women are okay with. Rich husband wey no dey enter house that one na husband? 2 Likes |
| Re: . by Oyindidi(f): 10:17pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Ishilove:
Hell no! How can I?
I don't believe it's a true story though. It's as fake as Cossy's new buttocks I can't imagine it not to talk of him telling me. |
| Re: . by Emmanystone: 10:27pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Ishilove:
Sarah did I have a friend whose mother was given to their father. They belonged to the woman until the woman died before they started seeing their biological mother as their mother. Her mother was having kids and giving to the woman. Her mother was called by her name straight, not mother until their step Mother died. So, yes. Many still do even today in Rivers State. Some first daughters don't marry, they belong to their families. They marry young girls (like men) and those girls are allowed to have kids for her. The kids bare her name. |
| Re: . by Ishilove: 11:18pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Shukusheka:
Dominus' wife Lucretia in Spartacus did too. Spartacus, I know, but Dominus and Lucretia, I know not 1 Like |
| Re: . by Ishilove: 11:19pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Emmanystone:
I have a friend whose mother was given to their father. They belonged to the woman until the woman died before they started seeing their biological mother as their mother.
Her mother was having kids and giving to the woman. Her mother was called by her name straight, not mother until their step Mother died.
So, yes. Many still do even today in Rivers State.
Some first daughters don't marry, they belong to their families. They marry young girls (like men) and those girls are allowed to have kids for her. The kids bare her name. Weird and terribly abnormal 1 Like |
| Re: . by Ishilove: 11:21pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Oyindidi:
Lol, I travelled to somewhere in Bayelsa with some of my friends. I discovered cheating is a normal thing and the women are okay with. Rich husband wey no dey enter house that one na husband? That happens when you want to be MRS by fire by force. You take every trash they throw at you 1 Like |
| Re: . by Shukusheka(m): 11:26pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Ishilove:
Spartacus, I know, but Dominus and Lucretia, I know not How will you know, when the only scenes that caught your attention in the movie are when the actors are frolicking This is Dominus and Lucretia BTW. 2 Likes 
|
| Re: . by Ishilove: 11:38pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
Shukusheka:
How will you know, when the only scenes that caught your attention in the movie are when the actors are frolicking
You are wrong, by the way. I have only watched 5 mins out of the entire series. The nudity and graphic violence I encountered in my brief attempt to entertain myself with it was just too much for my delicate constitution. 1 Like |
| Re: . by Iseoluwani: 11:44pm On Feb 22, 2018 |
|
| Re: . by nnamdiosu(m): 12:11am On Feb 23, 2018 |
sadsad:
I hope this is the right section for this.
If not, MODs can help place it in the right section.
Mature advice needed!!!!
Married for 10 years now, have an adopted daughter due to fertility issues.
Everything was going on well until I needed to get a maid to assist with house chores temporarily due to my change of work schedules which warranted longer tedious hours outside the home. Moreover I needed someone to help look after my child when she returns from nursery class when I'm not around during the day.
In March 2016, I got a maid but my husband called me aside one day & said he observed how I shield the maid from getting close to him in the house & that he as the man of the house is not 'free' in his own house. He went further to say, my actions prove I'm suspecting he will want to have something to do with the maid.
For the 1st time in my marriage of 8 years then, my husband & I had a very heated argument that he threatened me by saying if I decide to send her away, I must also leave.
I replied him that if I should leave, I will go with at least half of what I brought into this marriage, not all o! So that people won't say I'm a bad person, so I'll go with at least half.
I had met him earning 6k monthly in 2002 & I introduced my business idea to him which we now run jointly as a family business. By the Grace of God, we earn comfortably that he has now become the bread winner in his own family. His Siblings look up to him constantly for financial help.
My inheritances gotten on two occasions from my late grandparents & parents, were used to buy & build our first property in the outskirts of Lagos. I went further to sell my first car to Roof the building because I realised he is not a futuristic person & he is not financially empowered enough to get a property so I felt since we are husband & wife, why not I assist financially to ensure his head is lifted up continually. Between last year December & today, I gave him another 7 figures to purchase a building in his hometown so that we can have a place to retire to. Then the first building in Lagos will be put up for rent.
When he realised I was serious with my counter-threat on the maid issue, he relaxed & travelled the next day to see his Mom.
While in his hometown, he called me & said his Mom's Pastor gave his Mom a revelation that I (her Son's wife) should stop all medical interventions for now & wait for God's time to give us one biological child.
I foolishly (well, submissively) accepted. Only for him to come back from the trip & cajoled me to accept him to have s.x with the maid so that she can give us a biological child.
Readers, my life started falling into pieces from that day.
After some weeks, he begged me to go lodge in a hotel to spend the night there so that he can have his way with the maid in our home. Ha!!!! I refused but he blackmailed me by saying, I do know he has been treated & certified medically OK so I am the one with the issue that has caused delays for years. Also, the revelation that I should stop all medical interventions ( we've done sooooo many medical interventions in these years of waiting, all to no avail).
I accepted to go to the hotel, which he paid for. This happened on 3 different occasions within the space of 1 month plus.
A day to the day I'll go to the hotel to stay, I'll be sooo moody & irritated that he will say (why am I blocking his chances of having his biological child after I've wasted many years of his life childless. Our adopted child is from is his late relative, so he still needs his own direct blood.
I would go for business meetings & sometimes take bike (okada) to journey Long distances so as to meet up to close deals, only for me to come back into the house to meet him & the maid alone in the house while my daughter will be playing with her mates in the neighbor's apartment.
He would return home before noon & they'll spend the day together. I forgot something at home one day & decided to go back to pick it up, by the time I left the house & them inside, I was devastated that day, I was depressed, I became almost insane & emotionally imbalanced. I didn't know I was talking to myself on my way out on the road, a neighbour tapped my shoulder from behind & I was jolted back to realise I was on the road trekking a wrong direction to my office.
After about 5 months, I started chatting daily with someone I met via social media, we started out as having same investment orientation, from there we became close on phone via WhatsApp, we would discuss family issues, marital issues, financial issues & all sorts. I realised he was someone I could talk to easily & pour out my heart to. I was also his phone companion. We didn't meet physically until 4 months after. We met & had s.x in 2017 after so much togetherness on phone.
I felt guilty because I never had s.x with any other man aside my husband for over 9 years +. My husband had been suspecting me & confronted me with proofs of my infidelity. He reported me to my Aunt. I told my Aunt (in his presence) what I went thru in his hands during the maid issues, she blamed both of us & kinda settled the issues.
The maid got pregnant & it had a complication because according to the doctor, she took some substances to abort the pregnancy. I had mixed feelings when she lost the pregnancy. Sad, that I had lost the opportunity to finally make my husband a father. She left after the evacuation & never returned.
My husband became sober & scared all thru the pregnancy complication issues because he was worried she could die & the law will be after him. I had to help him make sure she was well taken care of in a good clinic & prayed & fasted for everything to end well.
I got another maid because my clients were giving me more contracts to work on & this time, this new maid herself decided to leave on the grounds that my husband threatened to kill her if she doesn't have s x with him. She had to call the agent that brought her to come take her away, next day. My husband denied all allegations even till today.
I decided, no more maids.
Just two days ago, I refused him s.x because he accused me of still cheating. He says anytime he sees me 'holding my phone', he will have a recall of my infidelity episode & he'll get terribly infuriated. He will say I have gone to do it with someone else so I don't want him. He has beaten me on several occasions & I have told him that I have severed the relationship & communication between I and the guy. I have also proven this to him but he wouldn't understand. I get his point but his insecurity feelings is toooo much. He would threaten me & beat me. In 2017, I had to write to Ministry of Women Affairs in Alausa but I told them not to take action yet because he later apologized. I gave him a copy of the letter I wrote to Alausa. The ministry called to check up on me & u assured them all us well now. Ever since I dropped the letter, he never beats me again but he would threaten me emotionally & psychologically.
When he realised I was going to leave the marriage, he begged & begged me. Saying I should know that he can never carry out his threat, that we've been together since 2001 as friends before marriage so I should be able to tell what he's capable of.
He also indirectly said if I leave, the business will crumble but at that point, I didn't care anymore about the family business that gives us 7 figures + monthly. He knows that the business is my idea. I learnt it for 7 years before we started. Till date, I bring in the biggest chunk of the income because he handles some clients while I handle some. My clients are the biggest. I believe this is his greatest fear.
Yesterday night, he made me listen to Lionel Richie (I'll rather spend bad times with you, than spend good times with someone else).
If I leave this marriage, I don't see myself getting married again. Highest, I do surrogacy or adoption to have a child. I loved this man with my whole existence before the cookie started to crumble. I won't allow any man make me his ATM.
Right now, I'm in a mess & I need words from matured married Nairalanders.
Thank you in advance Hello ma. Its OK...everything is gonna be fine. Truth is...the solution or advise to be given concerning this issue are too much. They can't be said at once because from my experience, there are a lot of things to be said that I'm sure u didn't say (becos of time). I'll break down my advice from my small bank of experience... 1. Funny as it may sounds...your husband still loves you. 2. You still love him and want to do every and anything to rectify the issue. And that's courageous of you. 3. You were 100% percent as wrong as your husband was concerning the maid issue, that was the opening of this issues. You should never have consented to the issue with the maid. Unknown to you...you encourage and supporter his adultery. 4. Despite all...I detect a very caring, devote and nice mother in you.....(note I said mother not wife. Cos if toy are patient, you will bear your own child by Gods grace). You have a good heart. But you allowed him to play on your submissiveness. 5. Despite all...God can still repair your marriage. Its going to be difficult. But its possible if both of you are ready. But even if you are ready alone sef, it can be repaired (but it will be more harder) 6. Something is definitely wrong somewhere. There are still many questions I'll like to ask...to fully understand this Would you like to anonymously chat with me? But if you don't want to...its still fine. You and your husband will need to go for counselling. From someone you both respect and look up too. Maybe a father figure......or pastor. Etc Don't despair. Its going to be all right OK? Many had worse than this and it came out well. Yours can too. 1 Like |
| Re: . by charlie87010: 12:29am On Feb 23, 2018 |
Madam, it's very obvious he wants you arround because of the money. You need to be careful should you decide to stay. if you watch cannel 171 on DSTV you will understand me. sadsad:
I hope this is the right section for this.
If not, MODs can help place it in the right section.
Mature advice needed!!!!
Married for 10 years now, have an adopted daughter due to fertility issues.
Everything was going on well until I needed to get a maid to assist with house chores temporarily due to my change of work schedules which warranted longer tedious hours outside the home. Moreover I needed someone to help look after my child when she returns from nursery class when I'm not around during the day.
In March 2016, I got a maid but my husband called me aside one day & said he observed how I shield the maid from getting close to him in the house & that he as the man of the house is not 'free' in his own house. He went further to say, my actions prove I'm suspecting he will want to have something to do with the maid.
For the 1st time in my marriage of 8 years then, my husband & I had a very heated argument that he threatened me by saying if I decide to send her away, I must also leave.
I replied him that if I should leave, I will go with at least half of what I brought into this marriage, not all o! So that people won't say I'm a bad person, so I'll go with at least half.
I had met him earning 6k monthly in 2002 & I introduced my business idea to him which we now run jointly as a family business. By the Grace of God, we earn comfortably that he has now become the bread winner in his own family. His Siblings look up to him constantly for financial help.
My inheritances gotten on two occasions from my late grandparents & parents, were used to buy & build our first property in the outskirts of Lagos. I went further to sell my first car to Roof the building because I realised he is not a futuristic person & he is not financially empowered enough to get a property so I felt since we are husband & wife, why not I assist financially to ensure his head is lifted up continually. Between last year December & today, I gave him another 7 figures to purchase a building in his hometown so that we can have a place to retire to. Then the first building in Lagos will be put up for rent.
When he realised I was serious with my counter-threat on the maid issue, he relaxed & travelled the next day to see his Mom.
While in his hometown, he called me & said his Mom's Pastor gave his Mom a revelation that I (her Son's wife) should stop all medical interventions for now & wait for God's time to give us one biological child.
I foolishly (well, submissively) accepted. Only for him to come back from the trip & cajoled me to accept him to have s.x with the maid so that she can give us a biological child.
Readers, my life started falling into pieces from that day.
After some weeks, he begged me to go lodge in a hotel to spend the night there so that he can have his way with the maid in our home. Ha!!!! I refused but he blackmailed me by saying, I do know he has been treated & certified medically OK so I am the one with the issue that has caused delays for years. Also, the revelation that I should stop all medical interventions ( we've done sooooo many medical interventions in these years of waiting, all to no avail).
I accepted to go to the hotel, which he paid for. This happened on 3 different occasions within the space of 1 month plus.
A day to the day I'll go to the hotel to stay, I'll be sooo moody & irritated that he will say (why am I blocking his chances of having his biological child after I've wasted many years of his life childless. Our adopted child is from is his late relative, so he still needs his own direct blood.
I would go for business meetings & sometimes take bike (okada) to journey Long distances so as to meet up to close deals, only for me to come back into the house to meet him & the maid alone in the house while my daughter will be playing with her mates in the neighbor's apartment.
He would return home before noon & they'll spend the day together. I forgot something at home one day & decided to go back to pick it up, by the time I left the house & them inside, I was devastated that day, I was depressed, I became almost insane & emotionally imbalanced. I didn't know I was talking to myself on my way out on the road, a neighbour tapped my shoulder from behind & I was jolted back to realise I was on the road trekking a wrong direction to my office.
After about 5 months, I started chatting daily with someone I met via social media, we started out as having same investment orientation, from there we became close on phone via WhatsApp, we would discuss family issues, marital issues, financial issues & all sorts. I realised he was someone I could talk to easily & pour out my heart to. I was also his phone companion. We didn't meet physically until 4 months after. We met & had s.x in 2017 after so much togetherness on phone.
I felt guilty because I never had s.x with any other man aside my husband for over 9 years +. My husband had been suspecting me & confronted me with proofs of my infidelity. He reported me to my Aunt. I told my Aunt (in his presence) what I went thru in his hands during the maid issues, she blamed both of us & kinda settled the issues.
The maid got pregnant & it had a complication because according to the doctor, she took some substances to abort the pregnancy. I had mixed feelings when she lost the pregnancy. Sad, that I had lost the opportunity to finally make my husband a father. She left after the evacuation & never returned.
My husband became sober & scared all thru the pregnancy complication issues because he was worried she could die & the law will be after him. I had to help him make sure she was well taken care of in a good clinic & prayed & fasted for everything to end well.
I got another maid because my clients were giving me more contracts to work on & this time, this new maid herself decided to leave on the grounds that my husband threatened to kill her if she doesn't have s x with him. She had to call the agent that brought her to come take her away, next day. My husband denied all allegations even till today.
I decided, no more maids.
Just two days ago, I refused him s.x because he accused me of still cheating. He says anytime he sees me 'holding my phone', he will have a recall of my infidelity episode & he'll get terribly infuriated. He will say I have gone to do it with someone else so I don't want him. He has beaten me on several occasions & I have told him that I have severed the relationship & communication between I and the guy. I have also proven this to him but he wouldn't understand. I get his point but his insecurity feelings is toooo much. He would threaten me & beat me. In 2017, I had to write to Ministry of Women Affairs in Alausa but I told them not to take action yet because he later apologized. I gave him a copy of the letter I wrote to Alausa. The ministry called to check up on me & u assured them all us well now. Ever since I dropped the letter, he never beats me again but he would threaten me emotionally & psychologically.
When he realised I was going to leave the marriage, he begged & begged me. Saying I should know that he can never carry out his threat, that we've been together since 2001 as friends before marriage so I should be able to tell what he's capable of.
He also indirectly said if I leave, the business will crumble but at that point, I didn't care anymore about the family business that gives us 7 figures + monthly. He knows that the business is my idea. I learnt it for 7 years before we started. Till date, I bring in the biggest chunk of the income because he handles some clients while I handle some. My clients are the biggest. I believe this is his greatest fear.
Yesterday night, he made me listen to Lionel Richie (I'll rather spend bad times with you, than spend good times with someone else).
If I leave this marriage, I don't see myself getting married again. Highest, I do surrogacy or adoption to have a child. I loved this man with my whole existence before the cookie started to crumble. I won't allow any man make me his ATM.
Right now, I'm in a mess & I need words from matured married Nairalanders.
Thank you in advance 3 Likes |
