Part 1- THE NARCISSIST.
Good day Nairalanders, I decided to start a series to help others in relationships to recognize red flags and seek help where necessary and also avoid placing themselves in such situations.

This series will be like an expose especially on some B personality types like narcissists, borderlines, sociopaths and psychopaths. The continuity of this series will be based on your feedback, so please share and comment, you may be helping someone.

Who is a narcissist? He/she is someone who has an excessive in or admiration of themselves simple. While everyone has some narcissistic Traits so that we have good self-esteem. It becomes pathological when you have narcissist qualities to high degrees and at the expense of others. These are the narcissists I am referring to. We’ll call tem Narcs for short.

Narcs are usually selfish, entitled (believe they are the best thing since sliced bread), grandiose (believe that they are bigger and greater than they are or someone they aren’t), arrogant, manipulative, shallow/superficial and most importantly lack empathy (do not consider other people's feelings). They constantly seek validation and have a need for continuous admiration by all to boost their self-esteem and ego because they can’t draw such from themselves. Any person, thing or environment that provides this ego boost in any form to the narcissist is termed “narcissist supply”. Status symbols like sports cars, wealth, beauty; a yes man or sidekick or arm candy, a beautiful lady in the midst of less pretty ones so that she stands out more and so on are prime examples of narc supply

Narcissism is a spectrum, but we will broadly classify them into two but keep in mind that they overlap. The overt narcissists and the covert narcissists. Overt narcissists are easier to spot. They are usually extroverts. Most CEOs and a certain president who called our country a shithole are prime examples. We all know that arrogant person who doesn’t care for other people’s feelings, or that high and mighty boss who doesn’t care or give you leave because your mother is ill. Or that bf/gf who always want to be the center of attraction, it has to be about them. When in a relationship with such a person they do anything to make themselves look good even belittling you and chipping away your self-esteem so that you want to be like them, it can go on for so long you don’t know what is real anymore. ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS ANYONE!
Covert narcissists are harder to spot, they have narcissist traits but hide it. They are experts of victim mentality, blame shifting, sabotaging and passive aggression. When in a relationship with such a person, you will always feel bad and not know why, everything seems perfect on the outside but something nags you and you can’t pinpoint the problem. If you feel such you might be in a relationship with a covert narc. They will make you feel bad on your birthday, or show fake concern if you are overweight. Some spiritual leaders, marriage counselors and therapists are prime examples, when you got to them they throw it back at you and tell you the problem is your fault. A covert narc may apologize for wrong doing, and promise to change but will go back to old habits soon after.

Narcs are not capable of sustaining deep intimate relationships where give and take is involved. They take and take until the giver is half of themselves. The relationship becomes 11/2 = 1/2 instead of 1=1 and sadly Nigerian upbringing is producing a lot of male covert narcissists.

So the question is should one stay or leave a relationship with a narc? That is entirely up to the person. Narcissists cannot be completely changed because it is a personality disorder. But something can be done which we will address in part 2.

Hmmmm... crazy.

A friend of mine recently left a narcissistic girlfriend. She was doing practically everything list in the"overt narcissist". She was never wrong and she was making him lose so much of himself. Thank God he saw through her and left when he did.

No one should stay with a narcissist and lose their self esteem and worth. Run!

I almost started a relationship with a covert narcissist.We remained very close friends but something's still wrong.She's never wrong and can counter-blame for Africa.Overly defensive and very selfish too.I've decided to end the useless friend ndship.Make everybody dey go iiiin own.

Your submission is almost perfectly in order. However, you lump narcissistic, egoistic, conceited and egotistic traits together. There are thin lines/differences among them. One thing possessors of the traits have in common is penchant for subjugation (they're of the manipulative ethical leaning). They personify subjugation. Someone of the manipulative ethical leaning can possess either a calm or boisterous personality - the calm ones are more dangerous.

For example:

- Contrary to this erroneous assertion about narcissists "They take and take until the giver is half of themselves." Everything is transaction-business-like to narcissists and they don't pretend about it - they're not altruistic givers and faithful lovers, but they expect altruism and faithfulness. Selfishness and sanctimony - to them they're good moral personification, instead of personification of hypocrisy they're - are their major hallmark.

Only egotists "take and take until the giver is half of themselves.". . . finished. Self-centeredness and contentiousness are their major hallmark.

In this same setting, egoists are the Greek gift givers, they give in the guise of kindness but with an intention to perpetually possess/own the beneficiary, unlike narcissists that don't pretend about their intention of giving, they do pretend about their own intention - sycophancy is their major hallmark. And conceited people, unlike narcissists that believe they are good moral personification, are after domineering/owning others intellectually - to a conceited person, s/he has monopoly of knowledge.

A developed/extreme egoist is an automatic psychopath. While a developed/extreme egotist is an automatic sociopath.

Altruistic and conscientious people are gold - people of the diplomatic ethical leaning.

But for one thing, I'd point to you two popular Nairalanders on the romance and family sections that are narcissists.

Once you recognise red flags you leave.
It's not a question.
No one should stay in an abusive relationship and a relationship with a narcissist IS an abusive relationship.
They just take and take and take, break you into tiny little bits until there is nothing left of you.
The worst is if you regain your power and leave the relationship with the narcissist when he/she is not yet done draining you.


They will do their utmost best to ensure you go through hell on earth.
-They love to do little things to set you off,
(They either do it privately or if publicly they do it passive aggressively,) so you can blow up and look crazy and they can point and tell people, "see, we told you she was crazy," while they look like the innocent victim that you're harassing (the narcissist is a fool, and the people who believe his lies are fools. You shouldn't care about this) you can ignore the narcissist lies.
- trying their best to spoil your name to people. Making you look like a devil. (Speak your truth if you wish. Then Move on)
-stalking you. Following you about, keeping tabs on you.


But you leave anyway.
Leave any relationship with a narcissist.

funmisticqueen:
A narcissist will make it hard for you to leave them

But you have to. Cut them out of your life completely, block everywhere. Call, social media, block and block.
- Pretend they don't exist if you run into them and move away from them immediately.
These are the ones I know.

LordKO:
Your submission is almost perfectly in order. However, you lump narcissistic, egoistic, conceited and egotistic traits together. There are thin lines/differences among them. One thing possessors of the traits have in common is penchant for subjugation (they're of the manipulative ethical leaning). They personify subjugation. Someone of the manipulative ethical leaning can possess either a calm or boisterous personality - the calm ones are more dangerous.

For example:

- Contrary to this erroneous assertion about narcissists "They take and take until the giver is half of themselves." Everything is transaction-business-like to narcissists and they don't pretend about it - they're givers, but not altruistic givers. Selfishness and sanctimony - to them they're good moral personification, instead of personification of hypocrisy they're - are their major hallmark.

Only egotists "take and take until the giver is half of themselves.". . . finished. Self-centeredness and contentiousness are their major hallmark.

In this same setting, egoists are the Greek gift givers, they give in the guise of kindness but with an intention to perpetually possess/own the beneficiary, unlike narcissists that don't pretend about their intention of giving, they do pretend about their own intention - sycophancy is their major hallmark. And conceited people, unlike narcissists that believe they are good moral personification, are after domineering/owning others intellectually - to a conceited person, s/he has monopoly of knowledge.

A developed/extreme egoist is an automatic psychopath. While a developed/extreme egotist is an automatic sociopath.

Altruistic and conscientious people are gold - people of the diplomatic ethical leaning.

But for one thing, I'd point to you two popular Nairalanders on the romance and family sections that are narcissists.

Interesting surmise

.

Daeylar:
Once you recognise red flags you leave.
It's not a question.
No one should stay in an abusive relationship and a relationship with a narcissist IS an abusive relationship.
They just take and take and take, break you into tiny little bits until there is nothing left of you.

A narcissist will make it hard for you to leave them

ImaIma1:
Hmmmm... crazy.

A friend of mine recently left a narcissistic girlfriend. She was doing practically everything list in the"overt narcissist". She was never wrong and she was making him lose so much of himself. Thank God he saw through her and left when he did.

No one should stay with a narcissist and lose their self esteem and worth. Run!

Wow. This life ehn. Some people are not so fortunate and end up marrying such and having kids with them.

funmisticqueen:
A narcissist will make it hard for you to leave them

I know, I spoke about it in your thread on FP. Let me answer you there.

AlfaAce:
I almost started a relationship with a covert narcissist.We remained very close friends but something's still wrong.She's never wrong and can counter-blame for Africa.Overly defensive and very selfish too.I've decided to end the useless friend ndship.Make everybody dey go iiiin own.

You are also lucky imagine yourself feeling you are in the wrong for life

LordKO:
Your submission is almost perfectly in order. However, you lump narcissistic, egoistic, conceited and egotistic traits together. There are thin lines/differences among them. One thing possessors of the traits have in common is penchant for subjugation (they're of the manipulative ethical leaning). They personify subjugation. Someone of the manipulative ethical leaning can possess either a calm or boisterous personality - the calm ones are more dangerous.

For example:

- Contrary to this erroneous assertion about narcissists "They take and take until the giver is half of themselves." Everything is transaction-business-like to narcissists and they don't pretend about it - they're givers, but not altruistic givers. Selfishness and sanctimony - to them they're good moral personification, instead of personification of hypocrisy they're - are their major hallmark.

Only egotists "take and take until the giver is half of themselves.". . . finished. Self-centeredness and contentiousness are their major hallmark.

In this same setting, egoists are the Greek gift givers, they give in the guise of kindness but with an intention to perpetually possess/own the beneficiary, unlike narcissists that don't pretend about their intention of giving, they do pretend about their own intention - sycophancy is their major hallmark. And conceited people, unlike narcissists that believe they are good moral personification, are after domineering/owning others intellectually - to a conceited person, s/he has monopoly of knowledge.

A developed/extreme egoist is an automatic psychopath. While a developed/extreme egotist is an automatic sociopath.

Altruistic and conscientious people are gold - people of the diplomatic ethical leaning.

But for one thing, I'd point to you two popular Nairalanders on the romance and family sections that are narcissists.

But us no buts

Name, name, name

bukatyne:


But us no buts

Name, name, name

Lol. Me no de ready for wahala.

LordKO:


Lol. Me no de ready for wahala.

Oya whisper.

I like eke well well.

@ OP: we are waiting for part 2

LordKO:



A developed/extreme egoist is an automatic psychopath. While a developed/extreme egotist is an automatic sociopath.

I had to read this three times to be sure and I did figure it

A female narcissist is the type men want to just smash & run away from, a male narcissist is the type women are intensely attracted to and want to be with.

Men are better at spotting narcissistic women, but take it up as challenge to conquer and be rid of them.
Women on the other hand also know how to spot narcissistic men, but unlike men who just want a piece, women are genuinely endeared to men of this spectrum and will fall in love quickly, all the while hoping that the man would someday love them more than he loves himself.

And after typing all that post in the OP, that girl is still going to fall in love with one. FACT

funmisticqueen:
You are also lucky imagine yourself feeling you are in the wrong for life

My dear,I cannot cope with it.The feeling can kill.Whenever I meet narcissists, I do not walk away from them,I disappear!

funmisticqueen:
A narcissist will make it hard for you to leave them

hi plz I Pm you.
Please reply me there's something urgent I will like to discuss with you about. Please. Thanks