this is not directly a personal situation, but this is somewhat a typical observation I've witnessed from the NIgerian community.

Are Nigerians marrying for the wrong reasons?

Ileke-IdI:
this is not directly a personal situation, but this is somewhat a typical observation I've witnessed from the NIgerian community.

Are Nigerians marrying for the wrong reasons?

Not all, but a lot of them are marrying for the wrong reasons. The reason why I'm not such a fan of marriage is because of the Nigerian marriages I've seen.
Nigerians see divorce as such a terrible thing, they'll rather stay in an unhappy, and miserable marriage. Giving silly excuses like it's because of my children. The same children that watch mummy and daddy fight everyday.....

Nigerians have turned marriage to a necessity. The Mrs degree is the highest achievement any girl can have to them. Women marry men they don't consider as friends b4 marriage, as long as they can go to that wedding, burial, or naming ceremony with a man beside me....
A man/woman deciding not to marry is like an abomination to Nigerians, some silly ones will even try to prove marriage is a commandment biblically...My shock when I read Paul's teachings.
A woman that is above 30 and not married is seen as a 'plague', a way ward woman who must hv wasted her youthful years sleeping around (Proof: Prev threads on NL will show u dis insane mentality)
Due to the above, Women in their late 20s run to one pastor or another...any church that will hook her up with a man. Standards drop, and d decision to spend d rest of ur life with someone is made in a haste. We all know how a rushed marriage turns out....

*I might hv generalized*

Perfect reply and exactly what has been on my mind.

I've been trying to rationalize what the institution of marriage means to Nigerians.

Who should we blame for enforcing the "Mrs Diploma" if not for our mothers and the older communities?

Most of the Nigerian marriages I've witnessed or hear about are either Go-by-the-day or practically non-existence. Why stay in a marriage with so much tension, so little communication and lack of responibility from one party? I just don't get it. Is it because Nigerian women fear dying alone, fear castigation, or do think they don't deserve/ can't get better?

I know that Catholic Nigerians esp would rather let death rather than divorce part their marriage.

My dear, I've spent holidays in homes where d husband and wife are like roommates. No sign of intimacy whatsoever. Even some roommates 'sef' hv better relationships

"lack of responsibility from one party" - that one na another story on it's own.

I don't want to turn this thread to a debate about feminism......Some Naija marriage get as E be sha

Shollypopz:
Not all, but a lot of them are marrying for the wrong reasons. The reason why I'm not such a fan of marriage is because of the Nigerian marriages I've seen.
Nigerians see divorce as such a terrible thing, they'll rather stay in an unhappy, and miserable marriage. Giving silly excuses like it's because of my children. The same children that watch mummy and daddy fight everyday.....

Nigerians have turned marriage to a necessity. The Mrs degree is the highest achievement any girl can have to them. Women marry men they don't consider as friends b4 marriage, as long as they can go to that wedding, burial, or naming ceremony with a man beside me....
A man/woman deciding not to marry is like an abomination to Nigerians, some silly ones will even try to prove marriage is a commandment biblically...My shock when I read Paul's teachings.
A woman that is above 30 and not married is seen as a 'plague', a way ward woman who must hv wasted her youthful years sleeping around (Proof: Prev threads on NL will show u dis insane mentality)
Due to the above, Women in their late 20s run to one pastor or another...any church that will hook her up with a man. Standards drop, and d decision to spend d rest of ur life with someone is made in a haste. We all know how a rushed marriage turns out....

*I might hv generalized*

u r totally right.marriage is something u have to thoroughly think about,some of my friends who got married dis yr n last,wen dey tel me what dey experience,i grow cold feet about marriage.infact like bimbo odukoya will say,ur purppose in life is not to get married and av kids,ur purpose is to fulfill ur destiny and b a success in ur field,however marriage is to help u actualise/ help in realising ur dreams and not destroying it.she furthers states,ladies get a life,ur reason 4 existence is nt to get a man or av a man,when u have a life,u live a life,when marriage is ur reason 4 living and u do everytin possible 2 b mrs,when d marriage crumbles,ur life crumbles because ur life is dependent on d man or marriage,i cant say enough of it but uve basically said majority of d elementary part.ladies dis days behave as if their life is tied to marriage and our culture worsens it because yorubas say no matter how successful and beautiful a woman is,without marriage she cannot b respected in d society.its beta 4 her to manage in d marriage than being songle,infact a woman who is managin n struggling to patch up her marriage is beta than a single woman.when anyone tels me all ur mates are married,when will u marry or is ur career ur marriage,i tell dem u dont expect everyones priority to b d same,some ladies feel marriage is d best thing dat can eva happen to dem while i feel marriage is anoda phase of a womans life and each stage is a process,if u av not gonethrough d self actualisation or self establishment phase n u go in2 marriage,u will only b livin 4 ur husband,u will neva av a life.@ least 4 d now,marriage is not my priority and notin can make me get carried away,nt even d funfare.wen mumsi starts wit her sermon when wil u bring a man,ill tel her do u want me to just drag any man on d street home.it is somtin i will think n meditate thoroughly because signing d remainin part of my life wit someone is not beans,d man dat must father my kids shudnt just b a control freak,i must see a husband and father potentials in him

I beg to disagree!
i wonder where u are or the part of the world that u reside to have acquired such a jaundiced view of marriage.
People marry for different reasons...cultural, religious, social (delineating between such can be different at times) and in fairness to Nigerians our societal values,albeit unreasonable at times, are more protective of the marriage institution.
Yes...people are sometimes pressured into making the decision by factors e.g. Parents, peers, age etc that does not mean they are a farce! Our forefathers had arranged marriages and it worked for them...as far as the societal context was concerned then.
On divorce...i dont feel people should be trapped in a marriage and give reasons such as the ones you gave but i feel we are being too 'western' in our approach to some situations. Every relationship is bound to have its conflicts and finding a reason to stay sometimes help people to work things out. i believe if divorce is not encouraged, people will be more careful in selecting their lifepartner and try harder when things are difficult rather than the 'trial-by-error' model that is now being adopted.
What u av heard on NL are the extremes...i believe marriage is a beautiful relationship when the right people, for the right reasons decides to spend the rest of their life together...or at least try.

Shollypopz: My dear, I've spent holidays in homes where d husband and wife are like roommates. No sign of intimacy whatsoever. Even some roommates 'sef' hv better relationships

"lack of responsibility from one party" - that one na another story on it's own.

I don't want to turn this thread to a debate about feminism......Some Naija marriage get as E be sha

. U are right. Some marriages discourages one from contemplating marriage.

sigmundfreud: I beg to disagree!
i wonder where u are or the part of the world that u reside to have acquired such a jaundiced view of marriage.
People marry for different reasons...cultural, religious, social (delineating between such can be different at times) and in fairness to Nigerians our societal values,albeit unreasonable at times, are more protective of the marriage institution.
Yes...people are sometimes pressured into making the decision by factors e.g. Parents, peers, age etc that does not mean they are a farce! Our forefathers had arranged marriages and it worked for them...as far as the societal context was concerned then.
On divorce...i dont feel people should be trapped in a marriage and give reasons such as the ones you gave but i feel we are being too 'western' in our approach to some situations. Every relationship is bound to have its conflicts and finding a reason to stay sometimes help people to work things out. i believe if divorce is not encouraged, people will be more careful in selecting their lifepartner and try harder when things are difficult rather than the 'trial-by-error' model that is now being adopted.
What u av heard on NL are the extremes...i believe marriage is a beautiful relationship when the right people, for the right reasons decides to spend the rest of their life together...or at least try.

That was in response to the first two posts.
To answer the question...yes. People do get married for the wrong reasons but its not peculiar to Nigeria. Marriages av been arranged to strengthen kingdoms and consolidate power long before now...and other reasons in our time, the silliest being because others are doing it!
Yes...society, especially but not peculiar to, ours attach a symbol to married women.
Staying single shd not be so bad...but its better if its by choice and not as a result of circumstances, that way one is better adjusted to it.

Ileke-IdI:
this is not directly a personal situation, but this is somewhat a typical observation I've witnessed from the NIgerian community.

Are Nigerians marrying for the wrong reasons?

It was love,in d days of our fathers bt now its wealth.In ds our generation,u find only few couples majorly very poor,living happy,d rest av wealth n fame bt are living like strangers on a contract basis. If i meet a rich guy in d US 2ru d internet n my family acepts him even b4 seeing him,n in d nxt 3weeks we get married,wat do u xpect to happen in dt home? On d other hand,parents choosing spouses for thier children,its wrong.most guys even encourage it bt in d end they regret it by livin an unhappy life full of cheats.

sigmundfreud: I beg to disagree!
i wonder where u are or the part of the world that u reside to have acquired such a jaundiced view of marriage.
People marry for different reasons...cultural, religious, social (delineating between such can be different at times) and in fairness to Nigerians our societal values,albeit unreasonable at times, are more protective of the marriage institution.
Yes...people are sometimes pressured into making the decision by factors e.g. Parents, peers, age etc that does not mean they are a farce! Our forefathers had arranged marriages and it worked for them...as far as the societal context was concerned then.
On divorce...i dont feel people should be trapped in a marriage and give reasons such as the ones you gave but i feel we are being too 'western' in our approach to some situations. Every relationship is bound to have its conflicts and finding a reason to stay sometimes help people to work things out. i believe if divorce is not encouraged, people will be more careful in selecting their lifepartner and try harder when things are difficult rather than the 'trial-by-error' model that is now being adopted.
What u av heard on NL are the extremes...i believe marriage is a beautiful relationship when the right people, for the right reasons decides to spend the rest of their life together...or at least try.

Where is d values n ethics u speak of? Look @ our society today n tell me if der's notin wrong. Look,if u are sincere to urself u will agree wit ds guy dt marriage is becomin a curse. Like u said pple marry for different reasons,bt in ds case were majority are getin married for d odd reason,wat do we do? Pretend n lie dt we stil av societal values...lets face d truth inorder for us to conquer. Even in d church today,pple married based on wealth,fame,n family invention.how den can we have a happy home wit all dse? Av visited several marriages, dt av so madly discorage me abt getting married bt i wud rather learn from their mistakes. Lets stop hiding our shame behind ethics n values!

kulyie: u r totally right.marriage is something u have to thoroughly think about,some of my friends who got married dis yr n last,wen dey tel me what dey experience,i grow cold feet about marriage.infact like bimbo odukoya will say,ur purppose in life is not to get married and av kids,ur purpose is to fulfill ur destiny and b a success in ur field,however marriage is to help u actualise/ help in realising ur dreams and not destroying it.she furthers states,ladies get a life,ur reason 4 existence is nt to get a man or av a man,when u have a life,u live a life,when marriage is ur reason 4 living and u do everytin possible 2 b mrs,when d marriage crumbles,ur life crumbles because ur life is dependent on d man or marriage,i cant say enough of it but uve basically said majority of d elementary part.ladies dis days behave as if their life is tied to marriage and our culture worsens it because yorubas say no matter how successful and beautiful a woman is,without marriage she cannot b respected in d society.its beta 4 her to manage in d marriage than being songle,infact a woman who is managin n struggling to patch up her marriage is beta than a single woman.when anyone tels me all ur mates are married,when will u marry or is ur career ur marriage,i tell dem u dont expect everyones priority to b d same,some ladies feel marriage is d best thing dat can eva happen to dem while i feel marriage is anoda phase of a womans life and each stage is a process,if u av not gonethrough d self actualisation or self establishment phase n u go in2 marriage,u will only b livin 4 ur husband,u will neva av a life.@ least 4 d now,marriage is not my priority and notin can make me get carried away,nt even d funfare.wen mumsi starts wit her sermon when wil u bring a man,ill tel her do u want me to just drag any man on d street home.it is somtin i will think n meditate thoroughly because signing d remainin part of my life wit someone is not beans,d man dat must father my kids shudnt just b a control freak,i must see a husband and father potentials in him

If there is one thing u've said here that I want people to take note of, is women finding who they are first before completing another man. A lot of Naija girls run around having little or no sense of self accomplishment, self discovery or their purpose to their society and d world @ large.

Growing up in a country like Nigeria as a girl, you hear statements like these thrown at you everyday. You better learn to cook, wash those plates well, u better get good grades [b]because [/b]no man wants this..... or you won't get any man to marry you if this......

It's like whatever you achieve or do as a woman is to get to that apical point of your life when you get married......How, I want to discipline some Naija parents that kill d minds of their young girls.
Some parents would even say; "Well u're a girl, if u fail career wise, just mary a rich man"....

Juzzybabe: Where is d values n ethics u speak of? Look @ our society today n tell me if der's notin wrong. Look,if u are sincere to urself u will agree wit ds guy dt marriage is becomin a curse. Like u said pple marry for different reasons,bt in ds case were majority are getin married for d odd reason,wat do we do? Pretend n lie dt we stil av societal values...lets face d truth inorder for us to conquer. Even in d church today,pple married based on wealth,fame,n family invention.how den can we have a happy home wit all dse? Av visited several marriages, dt av so madly discorage me abt getting married bt i wud rather learn from their mistakes. Lets stop hiding our shame behind ethics n values!

People av always married for different reasons...it dint start now and wont stop tomorrow! Forget churches, they are a reflection of ow bad things are.
Now the values...the fact that they are being eroded does not mean they are not relevant. We still value marriage, relationship, hardwork and yes responsibilies. The societal measure of progress in life, at least on this side of the world is...
Birth>School>Graduation>Job>Marriage>Procreation>Prosperity>Death!
Deviation from this norm is viewed as abnormal...
Now the order with which they are achieved might be different but deviation or inability to navigate a stage successfully is viewed as 'abnormal'.
There are lots of things going wrong with the world...marriage is just one of them!

Shollypopz:
Not all, but a lot of them are marrying for the wrong reasons. The reason why I'm not such a fan of marriage is because of the Nigerian marriages I've seen.
Nigerians see divorce as such a terrible thing, they'll rather stay in an unhappy, and miserable marriage. Giving silly excuses like it's because of my children. The same children that watch mummy and daddy fight everyday.....

Nigerians have turned marriage to a necessity. The Mrs degree is the highest achievement any girl can have to them. Women marry men they don't consider as friends b4 marriage, as long as they can go to that wedding, burial, or naming ceremony with a man beside me....
A man/woman deciding not to marry is like an abomination to Nigerians, some silly ones will even try to prove marriage is a commandment biblically...My shock when I read Paul's teachings.
A woman that is above 30 and not married is seen as a 'plague', a way ward woman who must hv wasted her youthful years sleeping around (Proof: Prev threads on NL will show u dis insane mentality)
Due to the above, Women in their late 20s run to one pastor or another...any church that will hook her up with a man. Standards drop, and d decision to spend d rest of ur life with someone is made in a haste. We all know how a rushed marriage turns out....

*I might hv generalized*

Since you know the right reasons for marriage what more are you afraid of?

Shollypopz:
Not all, but a lot of them are marrying for the wrong reasons. The reason why I'm not such a fan of marriage is because of the Nigerian marriages I've seen.
Nigerians see divorce as such a terrible thing, they'll rather stay in an unhappy, and miserable marriage. Giving silly excuses like it's because of my children. The same children that watch mummy and daddy fight everyday.....out....

A woman here in the US whose husband abandoned her and her kids back in Nigeria, was seen insulting another Nigerian woman whose husband divorced her. The abandoned wife had the ordacity to talk down to the divorced woman as if the woman was worse off than she was. Her husband does not even pay her child support or anything of the sort but she, in her mind, was convinced that she was better off than the woman who was divorced and receiving support for the kids. This is how brain damaged some women are.

Lord_Reed:

Since you know the right reasons for marriage what more are you afraid of?

Knowing @ times is not enough, My knowledge cannot produce a good marriage without the grace of God.(My religious belief, if u're not a Christian discard)

My knowledge might not be able to find the right guy for me.......

Marriage is like a partnership, even if I can trust myself not to change, how am I sure my hubby won't go off the handle

Marriage requires a lot of vulnerability and I hv vulnerability issues

I just don't want my marriage to be like a lot of the Nigerian marriages I've seen

sigmundfreud: I beg to disagree!
i wonder where u are or the part of the world that u reside to have acquired such a jaundiced view of marriage.
People marry for different reasons...cultural, religious, social (delineating between such can be different at times) and in fairness to Nigerians our societal values,albeit unreasonable at times, are more protective of the marriage institution.

You bolster her point by the above statements.

sigmundfreud:
Yes...people are sometimes pressured into making the decision by factors e.g. Parents, peers, age etc that does not mean they are a farce! Our forefathers had arranged marriages and it worked for them...as far as the societal context was concerned then.

Um . .. How do you know it worked for them? What is your evidence for this? Cause the same practices are observed today, however it seems not to work at all( not in the North, East or South). Now that we have been able to keep some record, we have evidence to show that may of these arrangements do not work as initially assumed. Why do you think people would rather go against these old ways? One could argue that if it worked so well for them then it should work so well today but that ain't the case at all and so more and more people are opting instead to choose for themselves.

We need to stop selling this idea that the old ways worked just cause we assume they did back then. Many of us were not there and there were not a lot of records to show this. We do however have evidence that these old ways don't work today.

sigmundfreud:
On divorce...i dont feel people should be trapped in a marriage and give reasons such as the ones you gave but i feel we are being too 'western' in our approach to some situations. Every relationship is bound to have its conflicts and finding a reason to stay sometimes help people to work things out. i believe if divorce is not encouraged, people will be more careful in selecting their lifepartner and try harder when things are difficult rather than the 'trial-by-error' model that is now being adopted.

But again you fail to comprehend the message. Divorce is not encouraged in Africa. To this very day, it is consider a taboo in so many communities in Africa. Yet the number of abandoned marriages continues to rise almost as fast as divorce rates in the western world. You run into 10 women and you find that about half of them have been abandoned, with kids -- no child support or nothing. You talk to them and you get this idea that they feel divorce would be worse than what they are currently suffering.

What you have here on nairaland is nowhere close to how bad it is in reality. Even here in the US, there are Nigerian women stuck in terrible marriages but due to this old idea that suffering and smiling is it, they pretend they are better than their counterparts who have accepted that it is what it is and chosen to move on. It is time we get rid of this fantastical ideas of Africa and African values and realize that things are already bad . . . even worse than we fear.

sigmundfreud:
What u av heard on NL are the extremes...i believe marriage is a beautiful relationship when the right people, for the right reasons decides to spend the rest of their life together...or at least try.

lol . . . . I am anti-divorce myself and I live in the west and embrace western ideals as well. But I do submit that there are cases where divorce is the option. Marriage is great but at the end of the day, it takes two to make it work.

Are marriages in other parts of the world any better than Nigerian marriages?

The problems that plague marriages are universal even though they may be nuanced by culture. There is nothing peculiar about Nigerian marriages today as compared to American marriages. The fact is that the institution is being eroded globally.

Yes it is being eroded globally, and many in other parts of the world are doing things to tackle the problem(well what they know to). However, as is the usual in Nigeria, rather than accept their is a problem and tackle it, we see society still painting this picture that all is well . . .. when it is going to hell in a hand basket and fast too.

I am glad some(a handful) of churches(African) here are finally dealing with the reality. I mean years ago, you would never hear pastors talk of abuse in marriage or advice a woman not to accept it as her lot, but more and more pastors are beginning to realize that they play a role in the well being of the Nigeria society, well at least here in the US. And this new found acceptance that there is a problem and it is not going to go away unless we talk about it, and find ways to solve it, gives me hope.

some of these female youths are too jaded. . . . . .

smh.

where's the innocence?

no offence, but some of you have the canniness of a 90 year old woman..

and no thanks to the guys who are making you this way?

@ All...I will want you to seat back and read carefully, this is Africa (Nija) to be precise, here we have what we called culture which we are all ought to respect and adhere to, this culture is a norms of doing things in a particular place or territory a kind of guideline...etc...It is the level of civilization adopting from foreign land that is breaking our marriages here in Nigeria, marriage problems has been in America for years and its killing them up til date, that is why you see 70% of them are single parents...and i noticed that such is what we are emulating and even will soon become worst as far as Nija is concerned.....Getting married have a good purpose but ao many people know the real purpose of marriage? Millions of Nija men sees it as a way of becoming a superior over their woman, a thing of pride, a sign of richness, way of enslaving someone they can toy up and down ...etc while some women sees it as a way of escaping from shame, things of pride, way of rely on someone's pocket to finance all for them etc.....But the main purpose of marriage is for companionship...which mean someone that can be there for you at anytime, someone you can talk with, someone you can care for, someone you can love, someone you can listen to vis a vis but let check it all, ao many of our men are fulfilling all these? When you trust your partner and you offer your church mind, the next thing is to table the matter before families / friends to help checking if the point is right or not. One thing i notice in our ladies here in Nija is that they are not ready to find out whom this guy is, his car, fine apartment, good job has shown that he is an angel and they must go with him......Imagine a lady was asked what's your guy doing for living? she said he is into business of buying and selling.....buying what / selling what...she said hmmmmmn computers, motor parts, supplies of .......business sha....after wedding she discovered the guy is just a sales boy in Alaba Int'l serving his master .......while guys too d'ont make their proper search of whom the ladies is until after 2years of marriage becos....I wonder ao people spent months / years planning for wedding but never one day plan for marriage....It is those who fail to plan for marriage are falling victim of it......before u go deeply into the relationship why not dig deep in knowing more about him/her? why not show your real characters to enable your partner know if both of you can cope after marriage? why not let that girl know that you are not as rich as she thought? why not let the lady know that you can not take decision without consulting your mum first? why not let your partner know her weakness? and help work on it? why not tell her you dont like fatty / lepa ? why not that guy know that you don't like cooking or you dont even know ao to cook? why not let your man know that you dont love him but you are only desperate to and Mrs? why not let her know the kind of sickness in your family before saying I do? why not make your tradition known to him/her b4 entering into it?.....Another issue is of religion, are you of the same faith? is your partner interested in ur religion? what about the kind of friends you keep? are they helping you building your relationship? also we need to know that God instructed women to respect their husband which will encouraged men to love their wife....that verse in the bible spoke to women first and later address the men.....Respect first then see if he will love you.....but in a situation where you are not submissive there can never be love........try to disrespect your boss at work and see how drastical his likeness for you will reduce.....Also we need to know that men love women with decent dressing and want them to be their wife but those who dresses like LovePeddler, men only want to hang around them not to marry them.....Nija marriage are still working for those who sees the above as real and adhere to it.....its of great concern the way our ladies are being getting older in their father's house and those who are married are becoming single parents which is the major contributor to the corruption and increase rate of crime in the country......As you are praying pray for those who are victim and encourage those who are about to enter into marriage to take their time and plan for marriage not wedding......Glamour T Noni.

^^^ First and foremost, do away with that notion that we are copying from the west. What you see happening in Nigeria is Nigeria . . . nothing to do with the west but everything to do with the result of actions that your forefathers and fore-mothers took.

Culture has always been fluid - to assume that it is perfect is to admit ignorance. Much of what you have today that you tag culture is what existed when the world you live in concluded that women were not human beings. Time has changed and women have realized that they can read books, build a house, cut grass, farm the land, hunt, just like the men can. And so if Culture(which is man-instituted by the way) does not adapt to the new realities, how do you expect it to benefit current society? How does culture that regards women in much the same way slaves were in the old days benefit the society we live in?

Not all are a farce.

I dont think this is peculiar to Nigeria alone

Everywhere in the world from time immemorial ppl have always married for different reason and Love is usually one of the last things on the list.

Ppl marry for power, Money, recognition everything . In many cultures your family even choose your spouse for you based on the caste, social status, educational achievement and bank balance

The romantic idea that marriage is based on love alone is quite recent to the world. In those days Your parents choose who your spouse is and you probably dont even see him till like 3 days before the wedding.

The question is; was is it really better then than it is now? IMO I think the women then just adapted to suffering in silence because the then society/culture expected them to bear all the abuses from men else they are labelled all sorts. Whereas today women will not take those shit from men, not when they know their rights and contribute as much as their men and some even more.

The challenge is marrying the good of the past with the modern realities. But most Naija men are not ready. They still want a partly slave-wife.

May be it will be better/worse for the future generation, this is the transiting generation.

Shollypopz:
Knowing @ times is not enough, My knowledge cannot produce a good marriage without the grace of God.(My religious belief, if u're not a Christian discard)

My knowledge might not be able to find the right guy for me.......

Marriage is like a partnership, even if I can trust myself not to change, how am I sure my hubby won't go off the handle

Marriage requires a lot of vulnerability and I hv vulnerability issues

I just don't want my marriage to be like a lot of the Nigerian marriages I've seen

I see. I believe you need to discard your fear since you believe in The Lord. You will not get what you want by holding on to your vulnerability issues. You need to trust that The Lord can give you the type of man who will not take advantage of you. You can never be sure of anything except that The Lord will lead you towards that which is good.

Shollypopz:

If there is one thing u've said here that I want people to take note of, is women finding who they are first before completing another man. A lot of Naija girls run around having little or no sense of self accomplishment, self discovery or their purpose to their society and d world @ large.

Growing up in a country like Nigeria as a girl, you hear statements like these thrown at you everyday. You better learn to cook, wash those plates well, u better get good grades [b]because [/b]no man wants this..... or you won't get any man to marry you if this......

It's like whatever you achieve or do as a woman is to get to that apical point of your life when you get married......How, I want to discipline some Naija parents that kill d minds of their young girls.
Some parents would even say; "Well u're a girl, if u fail career wise, just mary a rich man"....

dat is exactly my point.uve hit d nail on d head.theres nothing more to say.uve said everything there is to say.ladies need a lot of self worth and nollywood home videos are not helpin matters,infact i was havin a conversation with a colleague,we were jistin in d office afta watchin a movie and he said women can only find true joy wen dey live to please d man,in otherwords,d reason a woman lives is to please d man.i said,yes,dats true,albeit to d illiterate house wife wit no ambition,not to d educated and i ended d conversation,because it was so annoying

Shollypopz:

If there is one thing u've said here that I want people to take note of, is women finding who they are first before completing another man. A lot of Naija girls run around having little or no sense of self accomplishment, self discovery or their purpose to their society and d world @ large.

Growing up in a country like Nigeria as a girl, you hear statements like these thrown at you everyday. You better learn to cook, wash those plates well, u better get good grades [b]because [/b]no man wants this..... or you won't get any man to marry you if this......

It's like whatever you achieve or do as a woman is to get to that apical point of your life when you get married......How, I want to discipline some Naija parents that kill d minds of their young girls.
Some parents would even say; "Well u're a girl, if u fail career wise, just mary a rich man"....

dat is exactly my point.uve hit d nail on d head.theres nothing more to say.uve said everything there is to say.ladies need a lot of self worth and nollywood home videos are not helpin matters,infact i was havin a conversation with a colleague,we were jistin in d office afta watchin a movie and he said women can only find true joy wen dey live to please d man,in otherwords,d reason a woman lives is to please d man.i said,yes,dats true,albeit to d illiterate house wife wit no ambition,not to d educated and i ended d conversation,because it was so annoying

Why are western marriages such a farce, they take vows to stay together till death but they end the vow within a short period of time for selfish reasons?

Ileke-IdI:
Are Nigerians marrying for the wrong reasons?

What are the valid reasons why people anywhere should be getting married...?

kokoye:

What are the valid reasons why people anywhere should be getting married...?

Is there a book out there?

It's more efficient to rather talk about the "INVALID" reasons. I doubt Nigerians understand that marrying someone is different from keeping that person. What I noticed about Nigerian marriages is their lack of "trying" to keep what they won.

Nigerian wives/ husbands sabi deceive themselves, that all is well...But we all know the truth I pray not to fall in that trap of a loveless but enduring marriage,amen.