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Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) - Family - Nairaland

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Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by oyarose(f): 3:16pm On Sep 02, 2012
Hey folks, please i need all of your HONEST advice and opinion.Also do attack this matter as its someone dear to you like a sibling or somefin. My childhood friend, a very good singer who's an aspiring artist met this guy in their church in UK. The guy in question is their pianist and she is a member of the choir. Soon after, the guy started asking her hand in marriage and my friend was adamant but after like three months, she gave her consent as she discovered later that the guy was an ordained pastor from Nigeria, an d also the fact that the pastor of their church in UK and almost all the church deacon persuaded her and spoke well of the guy. they got married 2010 and she had a baby 2011. problem started the moment she changed her surname on Facebook a year later and a lady started threatening her that she was going to be killed for marrying her husband. She showed the message 2 her husband who asked her 2 ignore such random message only for him 2 later delete it from my friends msg box. To cut the long story short, investigation revealed the guy married a lady traditionally while in England, but left the lady since her visas were severally denied, and then proposed to my friend.But the lady in question, he has never met. My friend has been thinking of leaving this relationship built on lies only for the guy to do the unimaginable. He gave my friend the beating of her life even together with the little baby so that the baby fell from her hands while the hubby was pounding her.she said since three days ago that it happened, the guy has not even bothered to apologise. Now, my friend said she does not want to call the cop on him, rather, she is thinking if she should leave or still give him more time to see if he will change. More over she is confused about the fact that he had a first marriage and doesn't knw if its right 4 her to be in it with her hubby. Thanks guys!!! Waiting 4 y'all. cheers
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by oyarose(f): 3:19pm On Sep 02, 2012
Mod pls move it 2 FP. i need aggressive response on this matter ooo, thanks grin
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by Kobojunkie: 3:32pm On Sep 02, 2012
a) Your friend needs to call the cops. If the man does not apologize and goes off to find himself a third wife, and then does the same to the new wife, the blood of that person will be on your friend's head for life. Reporting him at least gives the next person a chance to find a record out there on this man so she can make a more informed decision. Women need to look out for other women.

b) Your friend needs to call the cops of him, whether she still desires for him to come back or not. The reason we call on the cops is so there is at least a record of what went wrong for the good of the victims and the one who victimized the other. If he at least has that record to remind him for the rest of his life of where he went wrong, he can maybe grow up and into a better husband, and a better father to their children. If he however chooses not to learn from this but instead BLAMES HER, then she can be rest assured that, for much of his life, he will be handicapped by this consequence of what he has done.

c) Your friend needs to move out of that house to save her baby at least. If she does not care for her own life, that is one thing but sitting back to wait for the man to murder the child is wickedness.

d) Your friend needs to make sure all those who encouraged her to marry this man get a private email of what happened to her. She needs to send them all a picture of the scars and wounds, so that these people will take time to vet persons they plan to give their support to.


It is no longer acceptable for a woman to play the VICTIM. If she does not step up to do the right thing, she will only be a coward to all women and her children.

4 Likes

Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by taryour(f): 3:55pm On Sep 02, 2012
If your friend spends another night in that man house then she is a big fool. She has made a big mistake and the earlier she realises it,the better for her and her child.is it until that man kills her and flushes the baby down the toilet befor she leaves Change my foot, the only change she will get is yet another beating and abandon her for another wife just as she abandoned his previous wife for her. Ordained pastor my foot.......
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by oyarose(f): 4:09pm On Sep 02, 2012
@kobo, and taryour, well done guys,I decided to post this so she see or hear from different angle. Keep it coming guys, more pls cos she's reading all the comment herself with me here. tnx
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by violent(m): 5:01pm On Sep 02, 2012
It may be the case that your friend secretly enjoys being deceived and beaten black and blue? undecided

Arseho[i]l[/i]es who beat their partners will always do it again...and again! Putting lipstick on a pig will not stop it from being a pig.

Women who let themselves be treated like they are a piece of trash don't deserve much of my sympathy. Her parents raised her well, and she let some filthy animal treat her like his play thing? What a shame!...If i were your friend's dad, i'd curse her for even contemplating giving him another chance. Does she not have any bit of self respect for herself?

3 Likes

Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by maigida231(m): 5:20pm On Sep 02, 2012
hmmm so sad for ur friend n her baby,serious am gatna insisted ur friend move out of d house for d mean time,also report d man to their church since d were responsible for d marriage,and report to her dear parents to take action without police involved,I know she wanna put her family in unity n b d best wife&mother but seriously nid to moveout because if she don't her husband wouldn't realised his mistakes n will continue to practice all d move in d movie called fists of d dragon on her n their baby.
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by obowunmi(m): 6:58pm On Sep 02, 2012
Where is Jenny and Debrief ?
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by 2mch(m): 7:10pm On Sep 02, 2012
Ok first, I will like to say, because a person is a pastor doesn't make the person human. I know people who are being battered daily and married to pastors. This is why when people put all their life decisions on a pastors hands I just SMH. Now unto the real issue. The guy is not legally married to the other lady. He just needs to break the engagement. They are only engaged. Even Nigerian court system does not recognize traditional rites as marriage. We only try to interprete it that way for our selfish needs. She could have confided in the senior pastors who may have helped or intervened. As for the beating, that is taking things too far. However I don't know the true story. I know women who raised the first finger to slap the husband and got thoroughly beaten, but interprete that as being abused at no fault of theirs. If you are being sincere, then this is my take on the issue. I also think this story has been posted before, but with a new twist. undecided
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by Nobody: 7:20pm On Sep 02, 2012
Obowunmi, You won't find "debrief" here oh. Debrief have taya, besides when Debrief saw "pastor' the topic lost its appeal for me, when it comes to "pastor" our brains and rationality is gone.
I no get advice or energy
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by Johndoe100(m): 9:40pm On Sep 02, 2012
debrief08: Obowunmi, You won't find "debrief" here oh. Debrief have taya, besides when Debrief saw "pastor' the topic lost its appeal for me, when it comes to "pastor" our brains and rationality is gone. I no get advice or energy


I see the loonies like debrief08 have been let out again. You don't want to sell "self respect" and the other degenerate BS you spout to God's people?

@OP
I am just intrigued by your post. From your post it is obvious that your friend has given her life to Christ. If so what is she doing with an unbelieving biatch like you? I know they are taught not to be yoked with unbelieving people like you. Advise her to divorce her husband, that is what you are there for. Evil spirits must do what their master commands. If of course you were a practicing Christian, there would be no need for this thread and you would have used the bible to advise her, instead of asking damaged people like debrief08.

1 Like

Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by EfemenaXY: 9:52pm On Sep 02, 2012
oyarose: Hey folks, please i need all of your HONEST advice and opinion.Also do attack this matter as its someone dear to you like a sibling or somefin. My childhood friend, a very good singer who's an aspiring artist met this guy in their church in UK. The guy in question is their pianist and she is a member of the choir. Soon after, the guy started asking her hand in marriage and my friend was adamant but after like three months, she gave her consent as she discovered later that the guy was an ordained pastor from Nigeria, an d also the fact that the pastor of their church in UK and almost all the church deacon persuaded her and spoke well of the guy. they got married 2010 and she had a baby 2011. problem started the moment she changed her surname on Facebook a year later and a lady started threatening her that she was going to be killed for marrying her husband. She showed the message 2 her husband who asked her 2 ignore such random message only for him 2 later delete it from my friends msg box. To cut the long story short, investigation revealed the guy married a lady traditionally while in England, but left the lady since her visas were severally denied, and then proposed to my friend.But the lady in question, he has never met. My friend has been thinking of leaving this relationship built on lies only for the guy to do the unimaginable. He gave my friend the beating of her life even together with the little baby so that the baby fell from her hands while the hubby was pounding her.she said since three days ago that it happened, the guy has not even bothered to apologise. Now, my friend said she does not want to call the cop on him, rather, she is thinking if she should leave or still give him more time to see if he will change. More over she is confused about the fact that he had a first marriage and doesn't knw if its right 4 her to be in it with her hubby. Thanks guys!!! Waiting 4 y'all. cheers

It's as simple as A, B, C.

She needs to report the matter to the police, then go get herself checked at the hospital in case of internal injuries / bleeding.

And finally, she needs to walk out of that home fast. She should count herself lucky to be alive to tell her tale. There might not be a "next time" for her if she remains.
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by Nobody: 11:26pm On Sep 02, 2012
- so this lady decided to marry this guy SIMPLY because he was an ordained pastor?
- so this lady didnt think that the death threat was the right time to bounce?!
- so this lady hasnt reported the matter to the metropolitan police yet?!

there is nothing much that can be said or done to help this lady.....STOOPIDITY is embedded into her DNA!!!!!
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by debosky(m): 12:30am On Sep 03, 2012
So her parents didn't do any 'iwadi'/research about the guy before they married?

This is why I don't support this church business influencing a decision to marry or not to marry - the church won't be there to receive the hot slaps when things go sour!

Was the beating a first time occurrence/out of the blue or what circumstances surrounded the incident?

Either way, if she's still contemplating reporting to the cops or not, she should leave the home and stay away to gather her thoughts out of harm's way.
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by Nobody: 12:32am On Sep 03, 2012
so the baby fell from her hands during the beating - i'm not even saying anything cos if anything had happened to that baby the mother will explain to the doctors in A&E why the baby has swelling of the brain.

A man beats you to the point ur baby fell out of ur hands and u didnt call the police and ur still there waking up every day with a potential wife and child killer.

No I have nothing to say here

6 Likes

Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by toyemz(f): 2:36am On Sep 03, 2012
Hmmm
this story sounds very similar to an incident that happened in a church in UK
if this is the same couple then a lot of things have been left out
following closely to see if this is the same one
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by Kobojunkie: 2:43am On Sep 03, 2012
toyemz: Hmmm
this story sounds very similar to an incident that happened in a church in UK
if this is the same couple then a lot of things have been left out
following closely to see if this is the same one

what happened in the version you know of?
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by toyemz(f): 2:45am On Sep 03, 2012
^^^
just like i said i will be following very closely
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by Kobojunkie: 2:46am On Sep 03, 2012
ok . . so you will be following along so you can fill in the gap later on with the version your probably heard from other third parties?? undecided undecided undecided undecided undecided Is that your plan?

1 Like

Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by Nobody: 3:40am On Sep 03, 2012
the op never told us what led to the beating........ she married him after 3 months of dating??

Serves ur friend rit, it's high time Nigerians stop d whole pastor told me to marry him mentality.....RUBBISH!

He beat her, didn't apologise, lied about prev marriage?? I pity d innocent child dat was born into dis crappy home sad
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by Ivynwa(f): 3:52am On Sep 03, 2012
If her husband married somebody traditionally (has never set eyes on the person) it means that the marriage has not been consummated. If he did not wed the person in church or court, I don't think that he committed Bigamy or am I wrong?? He couldn't bring over the person to the UK because the person was denied visa severally, shouldn't he have travelled down to Naija to bring over the person? There's no need crying over spilt milk, he must have a reason for not making great effort to bring over that person but that is not a discussion for here and now. He should have annulled the traditional marriage (by taking back the bride price as they do in my culture) before marrying his present wife. It is very very unfair the way he treated the first lady he married traditionally, he should go clear up that issue because that is somebody's sister. The traditional marriage will prevent her from marrying another person so let him explain to her why he did what he did and free the lady instead of keeping the wife in the dark and having her threatened by the lady.

I think that it is better they stick together and solve that big issue instead of quarrelling and beating themselves out of the frustration of it all. The man has committed heinous offence in hiding the truth from her, there is no doubt about that. I am looking at ways to make things better but if he is in the habit of beating her though, she should let him know that she is no punching back and should not keep her back for him to keep punching. Does the man even enjoy hurting women or what? He is playing with the lives of women and when found out beat his wife to a point that a child fell from her hand. Is he a crook? Woman pls find out why he hid the truth and whether there are other hidden truths and seek a solution if there is one but if there isn't and you can't trust him and you have to be suffering beatings too----Please don't endanger your precious life.

Our young girls need to start having naivety shaken off them as it makes young women make mistakes. Why do the head of some girls swell when it is mentioned that their suitor is a pastor? WTFr*ak! Okay see the behaviour the almighty pastor is meting out to women in the name of marriage. What fr*aking pastor? Me, I want no Pastor husband lai lai, I mean how fr*aky can a pastor get? Is he going to be quoting passages and verses for me when we want to get our fr*aky on? grin tongue lipsrsealed shocked cool
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by proudlyafrican(m): 4:41am On Sep 03, 2012
The irony of it is that Women who are abused don`t speak out but those who are been treated good,go about ranting of been abused at any disagreement in the family.It is unacceptable,wicked,evil and sinful for a man to beat his wife and at that point the only advise is for the woman to report the abuse to the appropriate quarter,where the man refuses to heed to good advice,then she has to leave the home to save her life. @OP the husband is a first time offender and so i will advice that the woman should confide in someone the husbands respects so much to speak with the husband,calling the cops on him may likely send him to jail which will also affect their child and relationship. He should be given a soft landing as a first time offender.

1 Like

Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by 9lifes(m): 6:57am On Sep 03, 2012
Pastors are the worst sets of people after politicians..sorry to offend pastor worshipers and those that go to church,no offense.

No matter how they screw up they'll still reverence them.Wife beating is common among pastors,its a normal thing. Pastor recommendation my head.Na so one illiterate called a pastor came asking for my sister's hand in marriage,i told my parents that if it happens i will shoot them.I called the id_iot of a pastor and warned him not to even say hi to my sister or else he will receive the beating of his cursed life,and i will beat him in the anointing..god spoke to me that your sister is my wife..nonsense,i was mad..men i rained insult on him,nonsense.Girl wey just enter uni...

Tell you friend to leave,she is building on the wrong foundation.But why do women endure abusive husbands like this,why is this becoming the norm?

Debrief,CC and Jenny,you people must not stop talking oooh,its sad.

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Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by Luxythere: 7:40am On Sep 03, 2012
9lifes: Pastors are the worst sets of people after politicians..sorry to offend pastor worshipers and those that go to church,no offense.

No matter how they screw up they'll still reverence them.Wife beating is common among pastors,its a normal thing. Pastor recommendation my head.Na so one illiterate called a pastor came asking for my sister's hand in marriage,i told my parents that if it happens i will shoot them.I called the id_iot of a pastor and warned him not to even say hi to my sister or else he will receive the beating of his cursed life,and i will beat him in the anointing..god spoke to me that your sister is my wife..nonsense,i was mad..men i rained insult on him,nonsense.Girl wey just enter uni...

Tell you friend to leave,she is building on the wrong foundation.But why do women endure abusive husbands like this,why is this becoming the norm?

Debrief,CC and Jenny,you people must not stop talking oooh,its sad.

Too funny !


Obviously the beating was not bad enough..... ( but was the 9 months not hard enough too or the labour no pain am)
Madam remain there. ( sarcasm!!!)
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by Nobody: 7:44am On Sep 03, 2012

1 Like

Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by Nobody: 8:15am On Sep 03, 2012
What kind of change is she waiting for? A man decieved her into marriage and she want him to change and don't tell me the church Pastors influenced her decision, she should move out of his house.
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by danahart(f): 9:26am On Sep 03, 2012
Johndoe100:

@OP
I am just intrigued by your post. From your post it is obvious that your friend has given her life to Christ. If so what is she doing with an unbelieving biatch like you? I know they are taught not to be yoked with unbelieving people like you. Advise her to divorce her husband, that is what you are there for. Evil spirits must do what their master commands. If of course you were a practicing Christian, there would be no need for this thread and you would have used the bible to advise her, instead of asking damaged people like debrief08.
Nonsense upon Nonsense

1 Like

Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by ifyalways(f): 11:13am On Sep 03, 2012
What is your friends concern/problem now?
The beating or the other woman undecided

From your narration,it seems Shes just bothered about the other woman and not the battering.

Either ways,Goodluck to her!

1 Like

Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by debosky(m): 11:34am On Sep 03, 2012
chaircover:
Your friend lives in the UK not so; we all know that a SOS to 999 is a free call from any phone and so if she wanted to call the police she would have done so. If she had called from a land line and not even given the operator her address, the call will be traced and a police car will be outside her house in no less than 10 minutes. If she had pounded on the wall during the beating her neighbors no matter how racist they may be, would have called the police. So its safe to say that she herself did not want the police involved.

CC I have to object to this. Firstly, the woman involved may not have known all of these things (tracing of calls, etc) - many victims of abuse are too scared of their abusers to do anything about it. As for pounding on the wall, if you’re being beaten on the ground and trying to protect a child from harm, I doubt you’ll be pounding on any wall, not to mention grabbing a phone to dial 999.

Don’t be so sure she doesn’t want the police involved - the lady may be paralysed by fear. Besides, this is not just about what she ‘wants’ - what about the poor child that got battered in the process and may be injured? What about its own welfare?

That’s how Africans will keep things private till it becomes a news article about how so and so got beaten to death in their apartment.

Looking at all angles, there is a possibility that maybe this is a one off blip on his part

One off blip of beating your wife while carrying your child till the child falls to the ground? Is it when he kills someone that it will become an issue?

1 Like

Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by Nobody: 12:08pm On Sep 03, 2012
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by ifyalways(f): 12:29pm On Sep 03, 2012
Debosky,it's time to dash out that phone or lappy of yours. How did you get that quote mixed up cheesy
Re: Urgent Help For A Dear Friend! (WIFE BEATER!) by EfemenaXY: 1:02pm On Sep 03, 2012
CC abeg do away with the kid gloves. The woman in question here is not an slowpoke and should know right from wrong.

How much is enough? If she prefers to bring up her child from the grave, then so be it.

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