A lot of people make the mistake of assuming they're in relationships, even though there's no mutual agreement between the two people. This mistake seems to occur mostly with some women, who feel they're owed a bond, most especially after a sexual encounter with a man/guy.

Men and women alike (even those currently in relationships), was there a verbal commitment between you and your current boyfriend/girlfriend?

And what do you feel about this rejoinder? Is it skewed reasoning to assume to be in a relationship with someone without their commitment?

I had a talk with a girlfriend today, and she made it a purpose to tell me that it is old-fashioned to expect a verbal or written finalization before you know you're in a relationship with your partner. She claims, and I quote, "as long as you feel a special bond between yourself and her, or if you have slept with her, shared some intimacy with her, either through kissing or etc, " then you owe her your loyalty.

Next, she says, if he cheats on her, she has the right to slap him.

kobe:

A lot of people make the mistake of assuming they're in relationships, even though there's no mutual agreement between the two people. This mistake seems to occur mostly with some women, who feel they're owed a bond, most especially after a sexual encounter with a man/guy.

Men and women alike (even those currently in relationships), was there a verbal commitment between you and your current boyfriend/girlfriend?

And what do you feel about this rejoinder? Is it skewed reasoning to assume to be in a relationship with someone without their commitment?

I had a talk with a girlfriend today, and she made it a purpose to tell me that it is old-fashioned to expect a verbal or written finalization before you know you're in a relationship with your partner. She claims, and I quote, "as long as you feel a special bond between yourself and her, or if you have slept with her, shared some intimacy with her, either through kissing or etc, " then you owe her your loyalty.

Next, she says, if he cheats on her, she has the right to slap him.

I am not quite sure what you are asking us here.  But I will be as brief as possible since this is not going to be a year of long talks.

Verbal agreement between lovers, friends, spouses or family members are just that. They do not reflect any level of committment.  Committment shows in our actions and how you relate to others.  To make myself clear, there are countless vows said at the altars all over the world with written certificates etched in stone and framed for eternity to bear witness of such unions and most of them are never honoured.

So what is the significance of chanting a verbal agreement? Especially where written agreements like marriage and so on are rarely honoured as proofs of committments?  Is it then easier establish a "bond" with a verbal agreement?

Males and females look at the formation of a relationship differently.  Guys are more prone to have flings than females.  Usually ones a female sleeps with a male for more than a week, it means she is in a relationship.  A guy can sleep with a lady for 2 years and still tell the whole world that they are "just friends".

We are Africans as most of us would like to be called.  What does your culture say about sexual relationships between men and women?  Are they meant to be casual?  Does your culture affirm relationships between men and women with a "blood oath" or "verbal committments"? 

Different cultures have different interpretations to these matters.

As for the slapping thing.  I really do not understand how that came about in this topic. I am sure there are other ways to show displeasure at others than "slapping".

The slapping issue came about, because supposedly a girl has the right to slap a guy (she said), if he failts to honor her feelings, by for example, cheating on her with another woman.

I ask, how can it be considered cheating, if he doesn't feel that he is with her.

Is it not better to be certain, than to be uncertain? At least in this scenario I would prefer the former over the latter.
While I do agree with you logically speaking, that our commitment shows in our actions and values, why should he feel committed to a woman he slept with ? His intimacy with her might have very little bearing on her value to him.

At least with a verbal agreement, you will know that you have done wrong, when you trespass with another woman, defile your matrimonial bed, cheat on your spouse, and what have you. Without a verbal commitment to another woman, it becomes a clouded scenario, because you have little feeling about doing right or wrong.

Note that, a verbal agreement does not entirely mean you will not do wrong to that woman. It does however let you know what you've gotten yourself into (for the most part).

No one has any right to slap the other for any reason.

Once again, verbal agreements have very little significance in any relationship.  Most people do not honour a written contract as in marriage, so do not expect them to honour a verbal agreement.

Committments show in your thoughts, words and deeds not just in a verbal agreement.

Yes, it is advangtageous in any relationship for people to think alike and agree on the same things.  But from our collective experiences, we know that that is far from the reality of things.

People lie just to get what they want or to make the other feel good only for short term gains.  Most people say what they do not mean just out of "passion".  You just have to work at any relationship if both parties want the same things.

YOU CAN NEVER BE CERTAIN OF ANYTHING NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT IS CHANTED TO YOU!

Most relationships fail because people are mostly deceptive. Most of the time people say what they do not mean and then again, their feelings are constantly changing---can't blame them for that. It is only human.

almondjoy:

No one has any right to slap the other for any reason.

Once again, verbal agreements have very little significance in any relationship. Most people do not honour a written contract as in marriage, so do not expect them to honour a verbal agreement.

does not the verbal agreement let you know you're with them?

YOU CAN NEVER BE CERTAIN OF ANYTHING NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT IS CHANTED TO YOU!

this is a stretch. you can be certain you have a boyfriend/girlfriend can you not? you can't be certain of their faithfulness to your relationship, that's where trust comes into lace.


I'm in agreement with the things you've said here. Given you're in a relationship already, a verbal agreement will only go so far, or only have so much of an impact.

The real question here is, are you in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with somebody, just by sharing some moments of intimacy with them, sleeping with them, kissing them, etc. Or, is a verbal commitment that lets you know you're with them needed first.
I feel that many girls assume this to be the case, and a lot of guys tend to disagree with that notion.