Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More - Jokes Etc - Nairaland
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| Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 5:23pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
. Small crowd 2. Exact estimate 3. Original copies 4. Pretty ugly 5. Fully empty 6. Act naturally 7. Only choice 8. Seriously funny 9. Clearly misunderstood 10. Found missin ADD URS 5 Likes |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 5:24pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
Teacher: All idiots stand up. Only Akpors stood up. Teacher: So u are an idiot? Akpors: No ma...I just can't bear u standing alone madam... 2 Likes |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 5:27pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
Prof was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually, prof sleeps throughout the class session. One day, the teacher called on prof while he was napping, "Tell me, who created the universe?" When prof didn't stammer, Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind him, took a pin and jabbed prof in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted the prof, and the teacher said, "Very good" and prof fell asleep again. A while later the teacher asked prof, "Who is our Lord and Saviour" But, prof didn't even stammer. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck Prof again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" Prof shouted and the teacher said, "very good," and fell asleep again. Then the teacher asked prof a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her 23rd child?" And again, Johnny jabbed prof with the pin. This time prof jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!" The Teacher fainted! 1 Like |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 5:31pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
An old woman boarded a bus 2 Lagos from Calabar, and told the driver; "driver, if u reach Benin stop me o! "The driver nodded and then she shouted again" my children, una don hear wetin I tell am? Everybody responded 'YES MA'. On the long journey 2 Lagos, everybody slept off but dis woman never blinked. They never knew dat she dosn't know Benin. After several hrs of driving and Lagos close-by, with Benin about 4hrs behind, the woman den asked; 'driver you never reach Benin ni?' 'Ooh!! the driver exclaimed. Mama Benin is like 4 hours behind us. The woman screamed and started crying "take me back to Benin abeg I no wan wahala o!!!" After all said and done, and considering the age of the woman, it was agreed that the driver should turn back 2 Benin. On gettn 2 Benin, the driver came down, opened the door and told the woman to drop as she ws already in Benin. The woman simply opened her hand bag, brought out a sachet of panadol, removed two tablets and swallowed with the bottled water she was holding. She then smiled and said; 'Na my daughter say if I reach Benin, make I take 2 tablets of panadol'. Oya! Make we go Lagos.......... 3 Likes |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 5:34pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
Wife: can u help me in d garden? Husband: wat do u think i am, a Gardner?? Wife: can u fix d door handle? Husband: wat do u think i am, a carpenter?? In the evening when d husband came from work he saw everything has been fixed. He asked who fixed this. Wife: our neighbour. But he gave me 2 options, either i give him burger or a kiss. Husband: I am sure u must have given him burger. Wife: what do u think i Am. M'Donalds?? 1 Like |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 5:37pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
Once A Rich and Poor man meet each other and they started talking. Rich man - Today, I have 14 cars, 18 bikes, 20 house and 25 farm house. What do you have poor fellow? Poor man - I have a son who's girlfriend is your daughter.she is your only doughter she is your next of kin and she is pregnant for my son and he is her next of kin. 2 Likes |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 5:49pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
A teacher was in the class teaching his students when he felt like drinking pailm wine. As he was going, he told the students to draw a goat eating leaves until he comes back, the student responded saying yes sir. As the teacher left for his palm wine, all other students were busy drawing but this guy didn't do the damn thing. So when the teacher drunkenly rushed in with his cane,he asked the students what he told them to do. He then faced the boy and said Teacher: Why are'nt you doing anything Student: Sir when the goat saw you with the cain it ran away. The teacher was pleased. Teacher: Then where are the leaves Student: Sir the goat ate everything before your arrival. And the Idioit was finally pleased with him Read more: http://www.theinfostrides.com/index.php?topic=88034.0#ixzz25i1jfDri |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by holyvirgin: 5:51pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
lol... |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by holyvirgin: 5:52pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
lol...@benin woman. Men that woman must b really old in her brains...na 2 slap sanity enter her head...lol |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 5:53pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
holyvirgin: lol...@benin woman. Men that woman must b really old in her brains...na 2 slap sanity enter her head...loli dey tell u, if na me be d driver, i go drop her, drive go |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 5:54pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
A Journalist to a Doctor of a Mental Hospital: "How do you determine whether to admit a patient or not?" Doctor: "Well, we first fill a Bathtub with water till the top. Then give a Teaspoon,a Glass & a Bucket to the patient & ask him / her to empty the Bathtub." Journalist: "Obviously a Normal Person would use a BUCKET because it's Bigger!" Doctor: "No you silly, a Normal Person would Pull the DRAIN PLUG! Admit this man in Ward No. 39  3 Likes |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 5:56pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. "If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. "If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. "If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. "That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!" 2 Likes |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 5:57pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
A stressed man was in his office thinking deeply,suddenly a man runs inside shouting 'Peter Peter your daughter Tonia just had an accident and died'. Shocked and confused,he jumps out of his office window! As soon as he does; oh! He remembers his office is on the 7th floor. As he is descending lower,he remembers he does not have a daughter called Tonia. Still descending, he remembers he is not even married, just 2 floors before he hits the ground, he remembers his name is not even Peter...... . . . MORAL LESSON ...Don't be too carried away by ur thoughts.. 1 Like |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 5:59pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
A man had beautiful daughters in his high fenced house.The man was a very strict and disciplined.There were this two boys who are into relationship with among two of the girls.One evening they were desperate to see their girls.Unfortunately,the man was siting outside and so penetration to see girls was difficult.They had a suggestion to climb the fence from behind.The first guy jumped and landed with a loud noise into the compound.The man heard the noise said" na who dey there?The guy replied by saying" miyahun"(like a cat).The man ignored.Suddenly,the second guy jumped and made equally a loud noise and the man shouted "Na who dey there?It`s Me the second cat -"Miyahun" 1 Like |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by toygod2: 6:19pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
In ur dirty mind, u ll think u are posting jokes abi? If u dont stop those ur old,stale joke ,if i catch ur blokos...chai :-XIn ur dirty mind, u ll think u are posting jokes abi? If u dont stop those ur old,stale joke ,if i catch ur blokos...chai |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 7:32pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
toygod2: In ur dirty mind, u ll think u are posting jokes abi?mtchewww, nt in d mood 4 ur kind nw, gudnyt |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by Nobody: 9:38pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
toygod2: In ur dirty mind, u ll think u are posting jokes abi?of al places na d blokos u dey eye... Ar u gay? 2 Likes |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by Tenderly1(f): 11:51pm On Sep 06, 2012 |
dopeJemi:buahahahahaha lwkmd4h |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by Nobody: 9:29am On Sep 07, 2012 |
Most of ur jokes are stale.  anyways its d first joke i liked, d contradictory stuff..dats real funny |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 10:42am On Sep 07, 2012 |
 Tenderly1: buahahahahaha lwkmd4h  |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 10:43am On Sep 07, 2012 |
booqee: Most of ur jokes are stale.i'm glad lets stop quarrelin plz |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by toygod2: 11:39am On Sep 07, 2012 |
@OP, stop yarning dust. duh! |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by larride(m): 12:39pm On Sep 07, 2012 |
*****yawns******** |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by Nobody: 2:52pm On Sep 07, 2012 |
dopeJemi: i'm gladwho dey follow u quarrel b4? no time abeg! |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by Nobody: 3:05pm On Sep 07, 2012 |
dopeJemi: Teacher: All idiots stand up.  dopemu u stole my joke.... u sabi steal |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 9:43pm On Sep 07, 2012 |
~vicky~: i didnt oh, i posted it b4 i came 2 ur thread oh |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 9:44pm On Sep 07, 2012 |
booqee: who dey follow u quarrel b4? no time abeg!na so, 1 love  |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 9:44pm On Sep 07, 2012 |
 larride: *****yawns******** |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by Nobody: 9:31am On Sep 08, 2012 |
dopeJemi:  but i posted it b4 u  |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 4:29pm On Sep 08, 2012 |
~vicky~:lemme just accept, cuz i lyk u if nt we 4 argue tire 2day |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by Nobody: 7:05pm On Sep 08, 2012 |
dopeJemi: lemme just accept, cuz i lyk u  u like argument? |
| Re: Ten Funniest Contradictory Phrases N More by dopeJemi: 7:30pm On Sep 08, 2012 |
~vicky~:uhmmm! its nt dat i lyk it oh , buh i do it alot |
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