A friend of mine have been married for a year with a child and is really sad in the marriage due to her husbands behaviour. Her complains is that he doesn't touche her as if she has leprosy, nags and always threatening her. Though he has never gone physical with her but she's scared at what he may do. She has tried so many times to speak to him about what is his problem but he just ignores her rather keeping late nights or sleeps outsides without knowing his whereabouts. Its confirmed he's cheating on her but she seems helpless. They got into an argument so hot he told her 2 go back to her parents before he kills her and threatened divorce, when a family meeting was held to help them resolve the problem he acted as if nothing happened that he was only joking.

please what do u think of the situation? Will appreciate your candid advice.

NB She's a young and beautiful lady. Both of them are working.

Always a friend

maybe your friend is atrocious in bed - she should go and read some books on kama sutra!

You mean the husband didnt say one single offence your friend commited for his attittude?

^^ What attitude of his? The cheating? The threats of violence?

@Poster, your friend is already in a marriage, and I doubt that anything she does will cause the man to STOP cheating on her. No manner of acrobatics in bed(I mean not everyone is built to be an acrobat in bed and it is a stipulation for marriage) will stop him from cheating. Assuming that it will, is akin to believing that the reason a serial killer kills is because he was provoked by his victims. That mentality is only exhibited by f00ls.

Your friend should try to be the best of who she is. He married her AS-IS. So, she should not go thinking that she should change who she is for him or for anyone. She needs to make some good decisions for her own welfare and life at this point. Will she stay with a man cheating on her and her 1-year old in the marriage? That is up to your friend.

^^ Are you saying you're not an arobat?

You led me on for soo long

There must be serious underlying issues that you as the friend are not privy to...
All of the man's actions didn't start suddenly....and won't end suddenly until those issues are brought to surface and addressed.

dayokanu: ^^ Are you saying you're not an arobat?

You led me on for soo long

Dude, I have talked to people who have s_e_x only once a month, and they are doing fine and many of them seem to be doing fine with it. Sex in marriage is just a benefit and not PRIME . . marriage is not built on it or around it so continually thinking that the reason a man cheats is cause he is not getting enough at home is suggesting that the reason a child steals is cause he is not getting his needs met at home. That is just bull. Women are not robots that they should all become acrobats in bed. . . same goes for men. Even nymphos get cheated on. Heck, sex workers get cheated on. This brain-dead logic that the reason a man cheats is cause he does not get it at home is stu_pid and what you would expect from someone who likes to think excuses = facts.

Kobojunkie:
@Poster, your friend is already in a marriage, and I doubt that anything she does will cause the man to STOP cheating on her. No matter of acrobats in bed(I mean not everyone is built to be an acrobat in bed and it is a stipulation for marriage) will stop him from cheating. Assuming that it will is akin to believing that the reason a serial killer kills is because he was provoked by his victims. That mentality is only exhibited by f00ls.

you must be rëtarded giving this kind of advice - are you married at all? not satisfying a man is analogous to a serial killer and his victims? if you have a child and you don't care for him, how soon before he goes out there to start begging for food or even steal!!! you cannot ignore the effects of good great sex in marriage! the lack of sex is actually a precursor to sëxual/domestic abuse! if you cannot be an acrobat in bed in this day and age where today's women are celebrating sëxual liberation then don't even bother with marriage. any man that puts up with such crap either fell off a fäggot tree or a serial cheat!

some men get it like food - morning afternoon and night and still cheat so cut the bull.

cotton101: some men get it like food - morning afternoon and night and still cheat so cut the bull.

Exactly! The choice to cheat or remain faithful is one that presents itself to every single adult in a relationship every second of the day. That some morons choose to cheat and then come back with lame-brained excuses of how they did it because they were not getting enough at home is not only immature but signs that the individual does not understand what it means to be in a relationship.

Honestly when I read stories like this I cannot help but pity the other partner. It must be heart-wrenching to realize one is married to a dunce.

cotton101: some men get it like food - morning afternoon and night and still cheat so cut the bull.

quality vs quantity.
the frequency is irrelevant if the quality is wack! when would naija women get it that 2 slices of bread and scrambled eggs do more good to the body than eating 5 bowls of fufu and pomo every hour of the day? a quality sex session in a month is better than 60 wham bams per week!

you often wonder why the oga in the house abandons his sophisticated looking madame and he's humping ekaette or the hairdresser some streets away - it's because ekaette can "work it" whilst the madam is a lazy swine in bed!!!!

Her husband has fallen out of love and respect for her.

She can patch it and hope things get better.

The man is mentally abusing that young woman. I hope that things won't be out of hand & too late when friends and family may finally realize that he wasn't joking after all. A woman in that kind of situation needs to react to the situation to show that she does not want to be treated like that or else she may be driven out of her mind.The woman in question already reacted by approaching their family which is good, she should check and see whether there are things she does that irritates the man and work on correcting such. We don't live in the home with them so we don't know the man's side of the story not that the treatment he metes out to his wife is justified.

All these stories of maltreatment and beatings, is it that these men that treat their wives like trash are taking out the frustrations they encounter in their daily living on their spouses or that that they are simply bad-hearted? They need to enact laws or something in Naija against wife battering, a dead wife got no help/consolation/safety when the husband (that killed her) languishes in prison after her death. They need to be saved while they are alive. The police are ever quick to dismiss such cases as domestic cases that should be resolved between man and wife but a wife beater that is aware that he can be charged for wife beating will be deterred from beating in the first place. I can't even begin to imagine how living will be for a young woman that multi tasks (running a home, working, minding children and husband) and being mentally/physically abused.

Being in such situation can raise bloodpressures... She has discussed with him, tried impressing him,even reported to family, all to no avail. I think she should ignore his actions completely but still do those things she has to do as a wife....but that statement about killing her whether he meant it or not shouldnt be ignored. She has to tell someone incase something happens....
Another thing is this, she needs God's intervention now more than before...she should go down on her knees and pray hard because some of these things aint ordinary.... Marriage aint a bed of roses... I aint married but I have seen different things in marriage.

Ur friend is stayin in a dead marriage because of phenese,later dey will say dey r there because of dia kids,she shud stay there na,maybe one day wen d husband beats her to coma or pours hot water on her,she will know dat her life is worth more than phenese,at least dis is not a new case of wife battery as its all over family section of nl,infact people av so made d family section gloomy dat if ure not careful u will think marriage is just a life time of horror.dis is a matter of comon sense so tell ur friend to use it,if she thinks dat her husbands phenese is more important dan seperation,then leave with it and stop complaining,haba!

Hmmmmm

So for how many months now, my fellow woman is nursing emotional abuse + supernatural konji
Chai!

Something is wrong. Either the man never loved her, was trapped into the marriage, find her unattractive anymore or there's another woman. If I were the woman, I'll sit my husband down and find out what the problem is. Knowing what's eating him up would be a pointer on the way to go.

chaircover: What came first? The pregnancy or the marriage? if it was the pregnancy, then maybe the man feels that he was trapped.

From what you describe here, it doesnt sound as if the man loves or respects his wife and you need to get to the bottom of it and find out why. A year marriage should still be in the honeymoon stage.

The marriage came before the pregnancy and he proposed so i don't see him being trapped.

coogar: maybe your friend is atrocious in bed - she should go and read some books on kama sutra!

She doesn't need to read kama sutra. She's young and sexually active, besides she's a health worker (nurse) whose has never had issues with sex in the past.

You or your friend should just use Nairaland search engine. There are 100s of adultery cases here already, same old advice, Hope it helps sha. Me sha I don taya to dey write the same thing over and over again. Just copy and apply as it fits

debrief08: You or your friend should just use Nairaland s ;Dearch engine. There are 100s of adultery cases here already, same old advice, Hope it helps sha. Me sha I don taya to dey write the same thing over and over again. Just copy and apply as it fits

lol
Really there is more to it than this side of ur friends story. Its either he has been exhibiting this traits and your friend ignored them believing marriage will change him or the man has been bewitched.for his infidelity,except the woman frustrated her hubby into cheating,he can't stop o but prayers can do wonders sha.

Na wah for wire road... the story goes on and on. Young married women being treated like 7th class citizens by their own husbands!
Your friend should use wisdom to handle her case.

montili:
She doesn't need to read kama sutra. She's young and sexually active, besides she's a health worker (nurse) whose has never had issues with sex in the past.

activity is not quality, mate! no sane man would ignore his wife, beats her without reason and treats her like shyte! there are some things your friend has not told you - dig deeper, seek the truth!

The man has made his stance on what the lady means to him. And she might have married him based on issues already listed here like pregnancy before marriage. But that is in the past. Let's look to the future because there's nothing she can do about the past but she can change her future. I hope you saying she talks to him is not by throwing tantrums. She should have a thorough discussion with the husband on what marriage is to him/them, since that aspect must have skipped their minds during courtship. And if he appears not to be co-operative, no need beating a dead horse, it's either she chooses to stay or to go.

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