Please i have a sister whose issue has been bothering me and seems so frustrated. She was married for 10 yrs and the only product of that marriage died at one and since then no other issue , she then left the husband and rented an apartment but i thnk due to loneliness she cries everyday coz of no husband nor child. She's over 40 but fair with slim stature. She has a good job, i have tried my best by counseling her to live her life have faith and hope for the best but shes so desperate and sounds like she could injure herself. Pls i need your help in terms of advice OR a matred man that could marry her.

Thanx a lot i really appreciate your contribution. She left the man coz of the speculation that the man's first wife might be responsible coz they were never on good terms and she has been severally warned never to go back there. For her infertility, she's gone to hospitals and certified ok i adviced her to go for ivf bt she's not buoyant enough as she takes all responsibilities alone.

@OP
There are people who go to school for many yrs in order to help and care for people like your sister..... Get her some professional help, and don't try to sell her off, like some desperate goods, because I doubt marrying the first donkey that comes her way will solve the important issue here.

op,tell your sister to stop crying. one she should thank God, she is hale, hearty and fertile as her doctor has certified and check her. Then 2ndly, she should place her hopes on God. Meditate, sing praises, pray and always place a cheerful smile. Because God knows best.I have learnt through life, that every dissapointment is always a blessing and hope for a better tomrrow. I have an aunt who married at the age of 25yrs to a handsome youngman. They were both doing well, but during the 2nd year of her marriage , the husband died through a car accident when travelling for buisness. He left her with twins boys, both 1yr olds. She cried uncontrollably, it was a terrible period for her but with advice, consolations from family, she summoned up courage , went back to work and struggled to cater for her twins boys alone. The boys are now 20yrs olds , recently gained admission into d university, but b4 then she had bn trying to get married , but no one suited her taste. She placed her worries on the Lord, was and still looking good for many yrs. If u see her, u will think she has not given birth b4.
Then lo and behold, an uncle of ours called her on phone , that he has a bosom friend recently divorced who stays abroad and needs a caring wife, as from age 35yrs to 50yrs. And my aunt is just 45yrs old. He quickly matchmake them... They saw each other, fell inlove.. the man is 55yrs but if u see him, he looks 40yrs :Dand now she is married, shuttling from lagos to uk every 2months, due to work and her boys in school. She is so happy.
Pls your sister shouldnt loose hope, there is still a bright light at the end of the tunnel . Be prayerful, happy,and humble..it is well with her mind, amen.

Floxxi: Thanx a lot i really appreciate your contribution. She left the man coz of the speculation that the man's first wife might be responsible coz they were never on good terms and she has been severally warned never to go back there. For her infertility, she's gone to hospitals and certified ok i adviced her to go for ivf bt she's not buoyant enough as she takes all responsibilities alone.

This is how Nigerians allow stupid speculations to destroy their life. I'm 100% sure the man's first wife is not responsible becuase humans do not have that kind of power. You Nigerians just keep deceiving yourself with all these juju nonsense.

If she has been certified to be okay, then all she needs is a man. Just start talking to friends to see if they can hook her up with somebody..

@Poster, if after 40, she feels her life is more useless than the millions of women who are her age and never had husband or child, then your sister needs counseling.

Your sister is a prime example of why mothers needs to start doing a better job raising their daughters to be more prepared for life and what is out there than for marriage and living for marriage alone.

Genius100:

This is how Nigerians allow stupid speculations to destroy their life. I'm 100% sure the man's first wife is not responsible becuase humans do not have that kind of power. You Nigerians just keep deceiving yourself with all these juju nonsense.

If she has been certified to be okay, then all she needs is a man. Just start talking to friends to see if they can hook her up with somebody..

She needs counseling: this can come from a professional, a friend or acquaintance. She's single again (if she has divorced) and needs to find a new spouse- she may need help with that, maybe you should look for professional matchmakers. This should be after her state of mind has been stabilized. She needs to stop crying now, just lift her head-up and proceed wisely with her life.

Floxxi: Please i have a sister whose issue has been bothering me and seems so frustrated. She was married for 10 yrs and the only product of that marriage died at one and since then no other issue , she then left the husband and rented an apartment but i thnk due to loneliness she cries everyday coz of no husband nor child. She's over 40 but fair with slim stature. She has a good job, i have tried my best by counseling her to live her life have faith and hope for the best but shes so desperate and sounds like she could injure herself. Pls i need your help in terms of advice OR a matred man that could marry her.

So she wants to kill herself cos she's single

Ujujoan:
So she wants to kill herself cos she's single

being single @ 40 for an african woman is not child's play. she must have friends and junior ones who are happily married with kids! everyone keeps screaming counselling n blah blah as if that would automatically produce a partner for her......nonsense!

coogar:

being single @ 40 for an african woman is not child's play. she must have friends and junior ones who are happily married with kids! everyone keeps screaming counselling n blah blah as if that would automatically produce a partner for her......nonsense!

Okay so they should allow her to kill herself since they can't provide a partner for her

yes, only the 40 year old single African women have juniors who are happily married with kids. God forbid you find 40 year olds from other races who are in similar situation. Because it happened to an African woman, we need to turn the world on it's side ooo.

Ujujoan:
Okay so they should allow her to kill herself since they can't provide a partner for her

where was it written that she's suicidal? stop exaggerating! her fears are genuine fears that should worry any sane woman, i repeat, any sane woman! we come from a society where people cast aspersions at one's marital status! @ 40 for a woman living in Nigeria and without a man and child? only a complete nutter would dismiss this woman's fears!!

^^ Please read the original post again. The op is 'afraid she could injure herself'!

Ujujoan: ^^ Please read the original post again. The op is 'afraid she could injure herself'!

that's the op's opinion - it's not a fact! my dear, an opinion is different from a fact! i am also "afraid" you might get beaten by the lynch mob of the aluu community this week.....

coogar:

that's the op's opinion - it's not a fact! my dear, an opinion is different from a fact! i am also "afraid" you might get beaten by the lynch mob of the aluu community this week.....

Your fears are completely baseless. Her's isn't!

Anyways, I'd think the woman would be more upset about the baby she lost and not theobviosuly irresponsible husband!

Ujujoan:
Your fears are completely baseless. Her's isn't!

hers is even more baseless than mine! yes, she's frustrated and sad about her situation but that does not mean she's suicidal!

Anyways, I'd think the woman would be more upset about the baby she lost and not theobviosuly irresponsible husband!

she's upset about the vacuum in her life! no child to call her own and no husband: it's a double tragedy! single mothers still take the consolation of having a child and making their child their companion. in this case, this woman has none of that and you herbs keep saying seek a counsellor - have you seen people who see shrinks? they get more frustrated and even sadder after their therapy!

coogar:

hers is even more baseless than mine! yes, she's frustrated and sad about her situation but that does not mean she's suicidal!



she's upset about the vacuum in her life! no child to call her own and no husband: it's a double tragedy! single mothers still take the consolation of having a child and making their child their companion. in this case, this woman has none of that and you herbs keep saying seek a counsellor - have you seen people who see shrinks? they get more frustrated and even sadder after their therapy!

You are calling it a 'double tragedy' and yet expect her NOT to be sucidal?

I think people like you are the cause of the problem we are experincing. Being single at 40 shouldn't be a problem if people like you don't keep harping on it.

Not everybody is meant to be married. I'd rather encourage her to get a job and keep herself busy. Socialize with family and friends. She musn't be married to be happy.

Ujujoan:
You are calling it a 'double tragedy' and yet expect her NOT to be sucidal?

you have a problem calling a spade what it is? ujujoan, you are a hypocrite!

I think people like you are the cause of the problem we are experincing. Being single at 40 shouldn't be a problem if people like you don't keep harping on it.

i am not harping about it! i am only telling you that she lives in a society who harps about it and this society considers her situation as a double tragedy!

Not everybody is meant to be married. I'd rather encourage her to get a job and keep herself busy. Socialize with family and friends. She musn't be married to be happy.

not everybody is meant to be married but that applies to the people who do not want to be married! the op's sister wants to be married - she wants to have a child with a husband! so you are mixing apples and oranges! there's a difference between women who do not want to be married and women who want to be married but cannot find a husband! there's joy in the former and lots of frustration in the latter!

coogar:

you have a problem calling a spade what it is? ujujoan, you are a hypocrite!



i am not harping about it! i am only telling you that she lives in a society who harps about it and this society considers her situation as a double tragedy!



not everybody is meant to be married but that applies to the people who do not want to be married! the op's sister wants to be married - she wants to have a child with a husband! so you are mixing apples and oranges! there's a difference between women who do not want to be married and women who want to be married but cannot find a husband! there's joy in the former and lots of frustration in the latter!

Now you are just smarting cos someone doesn't agree with you!

You just concluded she wants to be married when you don't even know her. Who's to say her frustration is not as a result of people like you mounting undue pressure on her

Thanks a lot for deeming it fit to contribute to somebody's life but give advice and not arguments

Ujujoan:

Now you are just smarting cos someone doesn't agree with you!

You just concluded she wants to be married when you don't even know her. Who's to say her frustration is not as a result of people like you mounting undue pressure on her

the op said she's so desperate - or did you miss that germ of information? ujujoan, why do you like arguing for the sake of it? instead of you to start making contacts with your uncles n friends in naija for matchmaking, you are busy acting like gani fawehinmi!

Plss let her adopt till God answers her.It will at least kip her busy n distracted 4 d gud Lord 2 work on her.Tanx

I would not put any child in that situation. She is depressed and miserable and you want to add a child to the equation? She mind pass some of that emotional frustration on to that child.