Yesterday,what i saw on this forum about a butchered woman by the brothers of her husband shocked the hell out of me. After analyzing the details by those who knows the whole story,i saw a good wife tangled in her husbands poor relationship or disagreements with his family,.

when a man has a good relationship with his brothers his wife gets the message that "your family is important to me because you're important to me. I want to feel closer to them because I want to be closer to you." Wives love that and marriages get a longevity bump.

But when a man is at war with his brothers, the wife goes through a series of difficulties,It sounds more to her like her in-laws are a burden in her life. Perhaps you feel caught between trying to please them (or trying to avoid offending them) on the one hand, and just wanting to be yourself or wanting your own "space" on the other.
Women like to analyze, work on and improve relationships. They think of in-law ties the same way,
as a wife,how can you keep the balance with your inlaws and maintain peace in the family,as well as saving your own head. Ask yourself first,As a daughter-in-law, what's required of me? What are my obligations, whether I feel like it or not, in relating to my Husbands family"


The first principle that applies here is that, if you're a Christian, you owe your in-laws behavior that's consistently Christian in character—as you do anyone else. This doesn't ignore the reality that if your in-laws are "difficult" people, are controlling and manipulative, are emotionally or mentally dysfunctional, or don't share your faith, this may be a particularly hard challenge. The problem is that they're not just anyone. They're connected to your husband through blood, genetics, history, and complex psychological dynamics.

If you as a husband have disagreements with your brothers, your wife may feel caught in the middle between her inlaws and you. You, meanwhile, have obligations to in-laws in terms of respect.

If you feel your in-laws are intruding into your married life, the old saying, "Good fences make good neighbors," may apply. In concert with your mate, set reasonable boundaries; ask that he firmly and kindly insist that your in-laws respect these limits.

"Honoring" one's parents (Exodus 20:12) does require showing them patience, kindness, gentleness, and respect. This applies to in-laws, too. You may not even like them, but you need to choose to act in a loving manner toward them.

When you married, you also became part of another family with its own set of expectations and behaviour. You need to recognize and respect those—within limits.

Here are things that "honoring" your in-laws does not mean:

It doesn't require that you submerge all your own feelings, desires, preferences, and needs in the service of "doing things their way."
It doesn't mean you must permit them to disrespect, control, or manipulate you for their own selfish ends.

In-law conflicts grow more complicated when a wife seems to side with her husband against his brothers The brothers may try to gang up or outnumber the wife ,which can result to death.

If you've become engaged in a quiet (or not so quiet) war with your in-laws—and maybe also with your spouse—about these tangled issues, don't let it erode your marriage further. Do the healthy thing and seek out a Christian therapist. Cc.Obinoscopy, lalasticlala.Thank you all, happy sunday.

Sometimes inlaws proofs to be a pain in the ass,. But prayers conquers all.

Striking a balance is most difficult.

Easier said than done. N if d husby is @ loggerheads with his family cos of land etc, d wify shld stay clear. Only advise ur husby, never openly wage war with inlaws

HARDDON:
Striking a balance is most difficult.

Easier said than done. N if d husby is @ loggerheads with his family cos of land etc, d wify shld stay clear. Only advise ur husby, never openly wage war with inlaws

when this scenarios is the order, 80% of the time,the husband is to be blamed.The wife steers clear,you accuse her of not beign supportive,if she swallows hook,line and sinker,problems still.

HIbreed:
when this scenarios is the order, 80% of the time,the husband is to be blamed.

How is husby to be blamed for wanting a share of What is duelyhis? There is no way he can keep it secret from his wify if he is having issues.

HARDDON:


How is husby to be blamed for wanting a share of What is duelyhis? There is no way he can keep it secret from his wify if he is having issues.

the husband is the head of the family,when the husband tells her wife about a property case with his family.,its necessary not to lure her indirectly to develop hatred towards the family,.Advicing her to steer clear and not let the loggerhead be the centre of her attitudes towards them.But in most cases, husbands expects the wife to dance accordingly,.. Phrases like,"after what i told you,you still act warm towards them" might come up. The wife would then be locked in a tug of war She is never going to win,

Nothing ma sis

Wives goes through a lot in marriages,Going to "live" with a family you knew nothing about could be difficult,. Common sense and supplications to God is essential.

Ehen...in this kind of case, the wife will have to be very very very diplomatic, be a very very good 'snake'. Learn how not to be direct in any statement you're making i.e making statements that if your hubby wants to bring the angle of not supporting him or your in-laws wants to redirect the hatred towards you, you won't be found wanting, you'll be able to say you said this and this and your hubby will be convinced you are on his side, the same applies to your in-laws.

In summary, the wife would have to be like 'america', she will be solely diplomatic for her interest and what is that interest; amicable settlement of the conflict between her husband and her in-laws.

In my own opinion I think in this part of the world there is this strong family tie (xtended families) that at times does not really help matters. Secondly our 'not so good economy' where in most families there is always one particular person who virtually every other person in the family depend on.
Back to the question, what is xpected of a wife for a cordial relationship with her inlaws most times does not have a definite formula, yes good xter is key but we need God guidance when going into marriage cos a wife may be as good as the mother of Jesus but may enter into a family where there is nothing u would do as a wife that would be pleasing to ur inlaws, or very nice inlaws with a wife that have a negative mind set about anything called inlaw.
Let me derail a bit; 70-80% of our home videos always seem to portray inlaws as being bad xpecially uncles this to me has not really helped in this regard even though we can't rule out the fact that there are bad inlaws.
What I believe Is in everything we do there is always the need to consult God, we shouldn't go into marriages relying on our own wisdom.

Op, I agree with u, as a wife u need common sense when dealing with inlaws,wen I first got married to my husband, as d first born and son of d house, he set a very long boundary Btwn his new home and his family by giving dem d impression dat he's always on d move not at home,anytin anybody wants to discuss with me let dem call me on phone, at first I was not comfortable with d idea but I can't tackle his decision, so as a wife I tactically set boundary for my own extended family too,dat doesn't mean I shuld start raising shoulder to my inlaws I call dem and relate with dem well,i send gift anytime I ave

Respect