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Like an helpless goat in the wilderness, I paced…
Looking for nothing, and also expecting nothing
But brooding only on something-that which I have lost

Like a mouse in a rat’s dungeon my heart races
Beating wildly, smiling sadly, as I think upon the woman who no longer wants to be called my “baby”
Days rolled into nights, and nights into more days, yet my misery continued
The sun shone, rain fell, wind blew and mist flew…
Yet my heart gallops in exasperation
For emptiness consumes me and regrets befriended me
As those little devious moments of vanity
Were surely responsible for this near loss of sanity

Loving never feels much great until experienced
And with me, the ecstasy was all the more exponential
It took me several trials and countless gambles to stumble upon her
But when I did, she was worth the wait in gold
Ours was a story heading for glory
As love was birthed upon beholding her magnificence

I was struck: dumbstruck and lovestruck concurrently
The sun always rise in her eye
Her words were comfort, her hugs were reassurance
When she laughs I dream…
When she smiles I fantasize…

Her image travelled with me everywhere
My phone, laptop, ipad, even in the car
But to preserve her magic, I kept her alive where nothing would separate us
…my imagination

She was with me everywhere
She was the first I beheld when I wake
The last I see before I sleep
She occupied my dreams and dominated my thoughts
Her love was a prison-a prison of ecstasy
Her loving was an adventure-a trip into paradise and beyond…

She loved in ways Shakespeare never knew
She loved in a manner Solomon was ignorant of
She made little everyday happenings become extra ordinary special treat
With her, time flew on endless wings
I love her!
I loved her in ways adjectives couldn’t describe
She was as they say ‘…my everything!”
Then…
Tragically somehow, I found a way to destroy everything

I can’t say how it started
Even more bewilderingly, I can’t recollect when it did
Like a thief in the night the contemptible seed was sown
And like yam in Ondo soil, the seed mushroomed cancerously
It began with that girl at the mall…
Nails as sharp as thorns, eyes sparkling like a feline
I should have known nothing this glossy could be godly
But thinking back, my downfall must have began that day

Without thought I requested her number
Without hesitation she also offered her BB PIN
Calls graduated into chats, chats metamorphosed into voice notes and videos
Sure the love for my ‘Baby” never waned
But undoubtedly my commitment to her soon became diluted

Without a thought, I jumped into bed with the devil
But instead of stopping there I went romping
Where there were church members, I now see potential and willing sissies
Where there were competent colleagues, I now see sexy mates
I went out of my way to be scandalous
Prowling clubs, hounding bars and hunting parties all in a bid to womanize
The lie I told myself was I still loved my babe
The truth I failed to realize was…
‘Love without commitment and trust is lies!’

But just as nothing lasts forever
My deceptions became unveiled soon after
Suspicion was birthed, mistrust soon reigned
She questioned every move…
Checked my phones, querying my trips
But on that day when the heavens fell,
No one really was left in doubt
I had been a fool, but I never realize until mu cup became full

She made an unannounced visit
And caught me with an unholy receipt
My defense was haphazardly unprepared
And my appeal was rightfully unheeded

Her gait remained classy, her voiced unchangingly glassy
The slap on my cheek was a blinding thunder
Her orders-the unfortunate lady (with me) need not ponder
She never shed a tear; neither did she break a sweat
Her silence was deafening, my helplessness was cataclysmic
I shrunk like a rag and knelt like a slave
But before I could utter a word…
She said that 6word sentence that ended life as I knew it
“…and you destroyed everything-it’s over”
Intending to grab her leg she turned…
Racing after her without a robe, yet she looked not back
I cajoled, cried and called her names all to no avail
She refused my calls; neither did she entertain my visits nor gifts
My lust led me to this loss
And without her love in my heart, the emptiness took over

Now back to my wonderings…
Eyes heavy from drinking and spirit weary from torture and will dreary from dark thoughts
But as I perish in justifiable punishment,
Please call my love and say “just a moment”

Just a moment again to behold her and explain
Just a moment again to hold her and without restrain apologize
Just a moment again to ask for her forgiveness in all sincerity
Just a moment again, to see if her trust can be regained again
Just a moment again, to work this out, to set my life back on track
Tell my baby to give me just a moment again, to make us work

But even if she refuses my plea
Even If she rejects my call, and denounce my entreatment
Then all I’ll like her to know is that I apologize
For true contrition might not make everything right
But really, it’s all I got…
‘…can I say “am sorry?”

Basamta!
2012