I have this friend that wanted to get married to a girl he was dating last year but along the line,they had inreconcilable issues. Even though I never met the girl,from our chats I knew she was nice and I really felt bad when it didn't work out for them.. This year around January,my friend told me he had found another girl he wants to get married to and he knows it's sudden but,the girl is really sweet and she is a good girl..
His family were kinda surprised and somehow angry at the sudden marriage and advised him to date the girl a little longer to know who she really was but,he said his mind was made up so,they all supported him. They got married in June and now,he is full of regrets cuz the girl,is making his life miserable..
First,he íڪ complaining that things aren't working ‎​foя him as they use to and the girl nags him to death.. She picks up quarel at the slightest provocation,locks him outside his own home,insults him,she is rude,grabs his phone whenever he is making calls and shouts at whoever he was talking to. She even broke his BB jes because the guy was pinging. I know my friend has his own faults but,the girl is driving him crazy to the point that,he is contemplating a divorce. I am a girl, but I'll never pretend to be nice or to be who I'm not just to cage a man. It really beats me why some ladies do that.

Why? why ?why? You hardly 'read' marriage issues these days without a sentence on divorce..

lord, what is happening?!

acidosis™:
Why? why ?why? You hardly 'read' marriage issues these days without a sentence on divorce..

lord, what is happening?!

It is really disheartening..

@OP
it is very normal for people to put their best asset forward and to keep their worst part hidden. the sad thing here is that some men/women will believe that what they see is actually what they will get when the honeymoon period is over (or after a few kids). everyone has positive and negative points about them, EVERYONE. so when you meet someone, it is normal to first see their positive side, and sadly some people are very good at keeping their negative points well hidden, in order to get what they are after. these people clearly have NO RESPECT for marriage and do so out of desperation, peer pressure etc

so it is not really pretence but more like a protective mechanism.....unless of course you want to tell us that YOU show your bad side on the first dates?

beqs101: I have this friend that wanted to get married to a girl he was dating last year but along the line,they had inreconcilable issues. Even though I never met the girl,from our chats I knew she was nice and I really felt bad when it didn't work out for them.. This year around January,my friend told me he had found another girl he wants to get married to and he knows it's sudden but,the girl is really sweet and she is a good girl..
His family were kinda surprised and somehow angry at the sudden marriage and advised him to date the girl a little longer to know who she really was but,he said his mind was made up so,they all supported him. They got married in June and now,he is full of regrets cuz the girl,is making his life miserable..
First,he íڪ complaining that things aren't working ‎​foя him as they use to and the girl nags him to death.. She picks up quarel at the slightest provocation,locks him outside his own home,insults him,she is rude,grabs his phone whenever he is making calls and shouts at whoever he was talking to. She even broke his BB jes because the guy was pinging. I know my friend has his own faults but,the girl is driving him crazy to the point that,he is contemplating a divorce. I am a girl, but I'll never pretend to be nice or to be who I'm not just to cage a man. It really beats me why some ladies do that.

All I can say is that marriage and dating are two diffrent things entirely. You are NOT a part of their marriage so you can't tell for sure who is at fault teally (of course you'll side with your friend). I'm sure when you hear the girl's side of the story, you'll understand better!

These are a few possibilities of the causes of their problems . .

1. Like you said, the girl is 'nice'. Could be that your friend unconciouslly tried to take advantage of her 'niceness' and the poor girl is just fighting back. 'Pinging' is NOT a crime. But flirting with a girl, pinging while the wife is trying to say something important, pinging when he should be helping out with stuff . . . can be really annoying!

2. Could be that they are yet to understand each other fully and learn how to deal with issues. These things takes time and willingness on both their sides. Considering divorce is a waste of time. He'll end up having the same issues with any woman he marries.

3. Did your friend cheat on her? Ever?

acidosis™:
Why? why ?why? You hardly 'read' marriage issues these days without a sentence on divorce..

lord, what is happening?!

Maybe it's cos only people with problems bother to discuss it.

If you have a fairly decent marriage, what's there to complain about

Ujujoan:

All I can say is that marriage and dating are two diffrent things entirely. You are NOT a part of their marriage so you can't tell for sure who is at fault teally (of course you'll side with your friend). I'm sure when you hear the girl's side of the story, you'll understand better!

These are a few possibilities of the causes of their problems . .

1. Like you said, the girl is 'nice'. Could be that your friend unconciouslly tried to take advantage of her 'niceness' and the poor girl is just fighting back. 'Pinging' is NOT a crime. But flirting with a girl, pinging while the wife is trying to say something important, pinging when he should be helping out with stuff . . . can be really annoying!

2. Could be that they are yet to understand each other fully and learn how to deal with issues. These things takes time and willingness on both their sides. Considering divorce is a waste of time. He'll end up having the same issues with any woman he marries.

3. Did your friend cheat on her? Ever?

Yes like you said,I'm not in their marriage and won't know the full story but from what I've seen,the girl has the most issues. I said in the post that,I know my friend has his own issues but I'm sure,he didn't take his time to study the girl before marrying her and was blinded by her beauty and her pretense. I didn't say the girl was "nice" cuz from the first day i saw her,I knew her type but my friend was in love. What I said was that,the girl he was suppose to get married to b4 this girl,was "nice".

Ujujoan:

Maybe it's cos only people with problems bother to discuss it.

If you have a fairly decent marriage, what's there to complain about

is divorce the only option to marital problems?

beqs101:

Yes like you said,I'm not in their marriage and won't know the full story but from what I've seen,the girl has the most issues. I said in the post that,I know my friend has his own issues but I'm sure,he didn't take his time to study the girl before marrying her and was blinded by her beauty and her pretense. I didn't say the girl was "nice" cuz from the first day i saw her,I knew her type but my friend was in love. What I said was that,the girl he was suppose to get married to b4 this girl,was "nice".

You are still judging based on a one-sided view! There's no way you can know if 'the girl has the most issues' except you hear her own side of the story!

If you really want to help your friend, why don't you approch the wife. Tell her her hubby confided in you and you are worried about their marriage and your friend's happiness. Try and talk to her and see if she's habouring any grudges your 'friend' may not want to tell you about!

Belive me, a woman doesn't just lash out for nothing. Something MUST have triggered it!

acidosis™:

is divorce the only option to marital problems?

Of course NOT.

Divorce is only considered when every other options have been exhausted (except in cases when either of the two parties are physically abusive)!

Why is it that couples these days do not talk with each other but go gossiping around to friends and relatives who take sides and aggraviate the issues?
Madam friend I pity you if any of the things you wrote here you actually said out to your friend because when they settle your friend will never be allowed to speak with you again.
If I were you, my concern will be how to get the couple to calm down and work out their issues and not taking sides saying even though your friend has his faults his wife is practically a devil.
So what is the point of your thread? To paint her as a devil who decieved your friend or to help them sort out their issues by asking for suggestions.
As Uju has said you don't know what happens between them, and you have admitted your friend has his faults, her methods I don't approve of as a wife but obviously you are biased and have already formed an oppinion and you are merely looking for people to help you curse her. I won't.
Be a good mediator or mind your own business. The day this couple find peace you are out of their lives believe me.

@OP
Okay let's cut to the chase ; do you want your friend to leave his wife and marry you?

Hehehehehehe, Jenny, I love you, short and sweet. Don't mind her, I don't get the purpose of this thread, if she was really a friend her concern would be how to help them work out their issues and not look for wh to help her abuse her friends wife

jennykadry: @OP
Okay let's cut to the chase ; do you want your friend to leave his wife and marry you?

LMAO

The thought crossed my mind too oh. She's just too into the guy's business. Friend or no friend . . .

jennykadry: @OP
Okay let's cut to the chase ; do you want your friend to leave his wife and marry you?

Madam thanks very much for your comment but plz,don't say things you dnt know about. I've been his friend b4 he got married so your cutting to the chase makes no sense.

@those thinking i made the post to seek for advice on how my friend's marriage will work,u're all wrong cuz,i never mentioned advice in my post and also,it's not in my character to meddle in marital problems.. The guy in question is my fiance's brother and we are close hence,I called him my friend.. I just wanted to know why we ladies can cover all our flaws during courtship only to bring them out when we say I do. I'm not taking sides with the guy but only saying,based on how bitter he has been since he got married and also thinking of divorcing her when their marriage isn't even up to six months. The thought of wanting him to marry me doesn't make any sense at all..

Ujujoan:

LMAO

The thought crossed my mind too oh. She's just too into the guy's business. Friend or no friend . . .

debrief08: Hehehehehehe, Jenny, I love you, short and sweet. Don't mind her, I don't get the purpose of this thread, if she was really a friend her concern would be how to help them work out their issues and not look for wh to help her abuse her friends wife

Don't mind the silly girl. The wife smashed his phone because he was pinging and the dullard has already concluded that she is a devil without asking herself, who was the man pinging? Why is she not trying to restore peace to this marriage if truly she is a friend? Jealousy will not kill some women,instead of her to say she has got her eyes on him she is here acting like the old cargo she is.

Mschewwwww

beqs101:

Madam thanks very much for your comment but plz,don't say things you dnt know about. I've been his friend b4 he got married so your cutting to the chase makes no sense.

If you had a man of your own, you will not have the time to come here and talk about someone else's marriage. Do you know how many potential suitors you missed while you were typing your message on this thread?instead of you to be out there looking for a man to ask you "nne wetin you carry? Can I know you better?" you are here looking to destroy someone's marriage.

Mind your business and go look for your own man. How many women in serious relationships have time to come on here and start a sill thread like this?


Oh out of the blues she now has a fiancé? Nairaland una no go kill me abeg

Ehnnn, so it is not nice to be judged based on things people know nothing about yet you have judged and condemned your friends wife based on factors you too know nothing about. Heheheheee, You can give it but you no wan take am abi? God catch you.
Do you have a husband? How would you feel if your own husbands friend goes around bad mouthing you? A real friend will try to see that peace is restored in her friends home and not go taking sides and adding petrol.
If you don't want people to judge you based on half truths then don't judge others based on the same half facts
You can come and bad mouth freely about someone and criticise them yet you cannot handle it, Very hypocritical I must say

beqs101: @those thinking i made the post to seek for advice on how my friend's marriage will work,u're all wrong cuz,i never mentioned advice in my post and also,it's not in my character to meddle in marital problems.. The guy in question is my fiance's brother and we are close hence,I called him my friend.. I just wanted to know why we ladies can cover all our flaws during courtship only to bring them out when we say I do. I'm not taking sides with the guy but only saying,based on how bitter he has been since he got married and also thinking of divorcing her when their marriage isn't even up to six months. The thought of wanting him to marry me doesn't make any sense at all..

Okay . . . we hear you!

It still doesn't make sense that you are using this case as an example for the scenario you are trying to condemn. For all you know, the guy could deserve whatever the lady is dishing out to him. And you are here 'crucifying' her . . . .

If they are so close to you then what you should be doing is trying to help. Not looking for who to blame!

beqs101:

Madam thanks very much for your comment but plz,don't say things you dnt know about. I've been his friend b4 he got married so your cutting to the chase makes no sense.

Easy sweerie! Even before I read Jk's post, it crossed my mind you may be hurting and would wish it were you rather than her. Believe me, it crossed my mind.
Ok o. Lets go. Why are you so sure it isnt your friend who pretended all thru the courtship? Why are you heaping the blame only on the chic? Do you have anything against her?
@Uju asked you to go have a tete-a-tete with the chic, but me I am advising you talk to your friend. Tell him I said the success of his marriage lies in his hands. Also tell him I said if he knew all those sweet things he saw in his wife before, he should start seeing them again. If his sight is failing him, let him get some eye glasses!
Wtf! A marriage less than 6mths and we are already converging to take sides. Chukwu aju!

jennykadry:



Don't mind the silly girl. The wife smashed his phone because he was pinging and the dullard has already concluded that she is a devil without asking herself, who was the man pinging? Why is she not trying to restore peace to this marriage if truly she is a friend? Jealousy will not kill some women,instead of her to say she has got her eyes on him she is here acting like the old cargo she is.

Mschewwwww

Jenny or whatever u call urself,I'll not tolerate any insults from you. I didn't make this post to be insulted but i won't stoop so low in insulting u back. Plz if u feel my post doesn't make any sense to u,kindly get your sorry ass out. Just so u know,I'm not as old and frustrated as you are. Go get laid cuz I'm sure that will calm u down.

debrief08: Ehnnn, so it is not nice to be judged based on things people know nothing about yet you have judged and condemned your friends wife based on factors you too know nothing about. Heheheheee, You can give it but you no wan take am abi? God catch you.
Do you have a husband? How would you feel if your own husbands friend goes around bad mouthing you? A real friend will try to see that peace is restored in her friends home and not go taking sides and adding petrol.
If you don't want people to judge you based on half truths then don't judge others based on the same half facts
You can come and bad mouth freely about someone and criticise them yet you cannot handle it, Very hypocritical I must say

Men these day are terrible. How can a man be nagging to outsiders about his own wife Tufiakwa!

beqs101:

Jenny or whatever u call urself,I'll not tolerate any insults from you. I didn't make this post to be insulted but i won't stoop so low in insulting u back. Plz if u feel my post doesn't make any sense to u,kindly get your sorry ass out. Just so u know,I'm not as old and frustrated as you are. Go get laid cuz I'm sure that will calm u down.

I see you don't take criticism well . . . . Good!

Maybe you'll now understand how your friend's wife feels!

beqs101:

Jenny or whatever u call urself,I'll not tolerate any insults from you. I didn't make this post to be insulted but i won't stoop so low in insulting u back. Plz if u feel my post doesn't make any sense to u,kindly get your sorry ass out. Just so u know,I'm not as old and frustrated as you are. Go get laid cuz I'm sure that will calm u down.

My post must have hurt you so badly. Could I be right? Do you really want this man? Just take my advise and stop whinging

Odunnu:
Easy sweerie! Even before I read Jk's post, it crossed my mind you may be hurting and would wish it were you rather than her. Believe me, it crossed my mind.
Ok o. Lets go. Why are you so sure it isnt your friend who pretended all thru the courtship? Why are you heaping the blame only on the chic? Do you have anything against her?
@Uju asked you to go have a tete-a-tete with the chic, but me I am advising you talk to your friend. Tell him I said the success of his marriage lies in his hands. Also tell him I said if he knew all those sweet things he saw in his wife before, he should start seeing them again. If his sight is failing him, let him get some eye glasses!
Wtf! A marriage less than 6mths and we are already converging to take sides. Chukwu aju!

It's really sad. At just six months a man is already crying to his 'friends' and talking about divorce. God save us from 'almost-men'!

Free this lady abeg!

Stop acting like Jesus christ.. we all are guilty.. we all gossip and even most times, we seek help on behalf of friends and relatives..

BTW, the OP only asked a question with a clear reference so we all can understand..

acidosis™:
Free this lady abeg!

Stop acting like Jesus christ.. we all are guilty.. we all gossip and even most times, we seek for help on behalf of friends and relatives..

BTW, the OP only asked a question with a clear reference so we all can understand..

Nope . . . she was outrightly condemning the woman!

Besides, this scenario is a very bad example for what she's trying to say. She said she didn't even like the lady from day one so it could be that the lady NEVER pretended to be what she's not. If the man made a mistake as a result of his own lust, why should the lady be blamed

acidosis™:
Free this lady abeg!

Stop acting like Jesus christ.. we all are guilty.. we all gossip and even most times, we seek help on behalf of friends and relatives..

BTW, the OP only asked a question with a clear reference so we all can understand..

Tell them oo to stop acting like saints.. Every once in a while,friends,relatives confide in us and i don't see what's so wrong in wanting to get people's opinions. I didn't and I repeat I didn't ask for ADVICE rather,just a thought about how we ladies can pretend. I'm not taking sides with any of them and don't have the intentions of talking to them either cuz,their familes are involved in it already. I just was wondering how people change. I'm sure most of them crucifying me here treat their husbands like trash and they've also adviced their brothers,uncles or even wished secretly for them to leave their gfs or wives hence,the serious tongue lashing.

Yes Acidosis, friends confide in us everytime, but the difference and what we are all saying is when friends confide in us we don't take sides and start badmouthing the other party, we advice on how to make it work? If I were to open this thread it would be to seek ways my friend could make his marriage work or if unrepairable how he can walk away with the least complications, I will not open a thread solely to badmouth my friends wife or husband without even knowing what is actually wrong.
The so called friend even admitted that the man has faults yet expects us to come and abuse her friends wife because she doesn't like her

beqs101:

Tell them oo to stop acting like saints.. Every once in a while,friends,relatives confide in us and i don't see what's so wrong in wanting to get people's opinions. I didn't and I repeat I didn't ask for ADVICE rather,just a thought about how we ladies can pretend. I'm not taking sides with any of them and don't have the intentions of talking to them either cuz,their familes are involved in it already. I just was wondering how people change. I'm sure most of them crucifying me here treat their husbands like trash and they've also adviced their brothers,uncles or even wished secretly for them to leave their gfs or wives hence,the serious tongue lashing.

[size=20pt]SHUT UP WITCH [/size]

Marriage is hard enough without such frenenemies, with friends like this the man will never seek to make his marraige work