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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / akpors is realy funny (check) (31190 Views)
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akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 12:23pm On Nov 02, 2012 |
Follow dis trend and laf at all akpors joke (1)Akpors goes into a chemist, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon. He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist's assistant."Coul d you taste this please?" says Akpors. Chemist Assistant takes the teaspoon, put it in his mouth swills the liquid and swallow it.. "Does it taste sweet?" says Akpors "No, not at all" says Chemist Assistant. "Good" says Akpors....."the doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar"The Chemist Assistant fainted. 2 Likes |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 12:28pm On Nov 02, 2012 |
(2)Akpors was doing his maths homework & saying: 2+5, the son of a bitch is 7 3+6, the son of a bitch is 9. .. His Mom : What are you doing? Akpors : I'm doing maths homework Mom : this is how your teacher taught you ? Akpors : Yes Infuriated, Mom asked the teacher the next day - 'What are you teaching my son in maths ?' Teacher : Right now, we are learning addition. Mom : you teaching them to say 2+2, the Son of a bitch is 4 ? Teacher after laughing : What I taught them was, 2+2, The Sum of Which is 4 ! 1 Like |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 12:32pm On Nov 02, 2012 |
(3)AKPORS THE PRESENTER PRESENTER AKPORS:Wats ur contribution? CALLER:There is dis lady i wanted in my life shortly after my NYSC,Bt all my efforts proved abortive, She wouldn't pick ma calls, she would laff at me while passin by for reasons best known to her, 5 months later, i was able 2 get an apartment, get a new car courtesy of a contract job i secured with a major oil company. Now most of d missed calls i have are hers, barrage of sms and all dat, i am confused on wot 2 do, Plz advice me. PRESENTER AKPORS: Listen up give her a call letting her knw u'll be at her house in 2hrs, Wen its tym call her up and delay for anoda 2hrs,Take a cool Shower, wear a nice outfit and attention catching perfume, When its tym drive 2 her house, Walk 2 her door and knock,once she opens, with d sexiest smile u've got, look stylishly into her eyes, draw her slowly to urself, take ur mouth close to her ear and whisper ''THUNDER FIRE U' 11 Likes |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 12:35pm On Nov 02, 2012 |
(4)Girl: If we get married, stop smoking. Akpors: Ok! Girl: Drinking too. Akpors: Ok! Girl: N going to the night club too. Akpors:- Yes. Girl:-You stop watchin soccer matches with yo boyz Akpors: Okay! Girl:- What else can u leave?? Akpors:- The idea of marrying You 3 Likes |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 12:37pm On Nov 02, 2012 |
(5)Akprs was making love to a village girl whe she realized he was not using a condom. She asked him, "U 're not using a condom"? Akpors answered, "Yes". She said, "Hope u don't have HIV / AIDS . Akpors, "NO". Girl: "Thanx God, i don't want to get that thing again" #akpors fainted# |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 12:46pm On Nov 02, 2012 |
(6)Akpors last week moved with his wife to Victoria Island, Lagos. A thief came to his house one night and threatened to inject him with blood containing the HIV virus if he didn't drop all the money he collected from the bank the day before. Akpors: Are you going to leave me with the money if I allow you to inject me with the HIVvirus? The Thief: I will not collect the money and I will leave you. On hearing this, he told the thief to give him 2 minutes and he went to the toilet. When he came back from the toilet, he asked the thief to inject him with the HIV virus. The frustrated thief injected him with the HIV virus and left immediately. Immediately the thief left, the wife became hysterical The Wife: What the hell did you just do? Akpors: Don't mind the silly thief, he doesn't know that I put on a condom the other time Iwent to the toilet 2 Likes |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 12:50pm On Nov 02, 2012 |
(7) Whoeva answer my nxt questn right can go home.. Akpos throws his bag outside.. Teacher : Who threw d bag? Akpors: Me, can I go home? - ( Teacher: Pig = Piglet, Eagle = Eaglet Akpors please give us another example. Akpors: SING = Singlet" - (9)Father: I heard you fell in love? Akpors: Yes papa!, I dug a big hole , named d hole love, climbed papa emeka's roof, and fell in it 6 Likes |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 8:47pm On Nov 04, 2012 |
(10)Akpos died and went 2 heaven where he met Angel Micheal Akpos::: So finally I mak heaven afta all d rubbish wey I do 4 life Tank God 4 God o Angel Micheal::: Oya cum enta ya room Akpos::: Bros Micheal wetin dey sup 4 downstairs cos d noise na DIE Angel Micheal:: Na hellfire b dat Akpos:: I fit go peep? Angel Micheal:: No wahala but we go lock gate by 5pm so if u nor quick cum back u go jus stay hellfire ""Akpos goes 2 peep and der he sees all d celebrities dat ever lived on earth clubin and avin alot of fun. Akpos comes bac by 4pm and Angel Micheal speaks::: 9ce 2 see u bac early my son you r truly a son of God O Akpos:: I come pack my load before Una Lock Heaven.. Angel Michael : Y ? . . . Akpors: i wan go groove 4 hell 2 Likes |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:43am On Nov 09, 2012 |
(11)Akpors and johnny went for an interview for employment. johnny was the first to enter the interviewing office.. (the manager asking johnny questions). Manager: who was the first millitary head of state in Nigeria.. Johnny: General Aguyi Ironsi.. Manager: when was the North and southern protectorate in Nigeria Almagamated. . Johnny: 1914.. Manager. Dat is gud of you.. Question no 3, is it true that the cure for hiv/ aids is discovered.. Johnny: eehm.. yes but not scientifically proven... Manager: good way of answering questions, pls can you wait for us outside and we will attend to you later... (when johnny went outside akpors asked him).. Akpors: johnny, what are the questions and please tell me the answers??.. (as johnny was about to tell akpors the questions and answer, the manager shouted from inside `NEXT'.. Akpors then said to Johnny).. Akpors. Ok tell me only the answers.. Johnny: answer to number 1 is: General Aguyi Ironsi, number 2 is=1914, number 3 is=yes but not scientifically proven (mumu Akpors got to d interview, after exchanging greetings, d manager told him to sit down) manager. Please sir, What is ur name? Akpors : General Aguyi Ironsi (manager became confused) Manager. Please what year where you born? Akpors: 1914 Manager: (angrily, he shouted at Akpors)!! are u mad?!!! Akpors: Yes, but not scientifically proven. 3 Likes |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 8:03am On Nov 09, 2012 |
(12)Akpors enters a church n finds the priest."How may I help you son?" asks the priest. "Am looking for my wife, she said she would be here but as I can see she's not around. Now that am here, I would like to confess". They go to the confession area,"forgive me father for I have sinned." "What are your sins my son?" The man replies, "The other day, I went looking for my wife at her home but she was not there. I found her sister alone, I slept with the sister." Oh, that is sin, but at least you came to confess". "Then another day I went looking for her at her aunt's place but she was not there, I found her cousin alone, I slept with the cousin". "You know that is wrong my son". "Then the other day I went looking for her at her working place. She was not there, I found her colleague alone,.." The priest interrupts, "Let me guess, you slept with her colleague?" "Yes father". There was silence after that. Father?" Father?" Still silent. Akpors peeps through and finds out that the priest is no longer there . He looks for him and finds him hiding."Why aree you hiding father?" The priest replies, "I've just realized I'm the only one here and you came looking for your wife" 5 Likes |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by chakula: 3:19pm On Nov 09, 2012 |
Never Scan through your posts but I feel you as nobody want to reply your post! Try harder and convince dudes next time by pasting interesting joke on board. |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by liljboy(m): 10:04pm On Nov 09, 2012 |
It was God damn fummy joor.... Cant stop laughing "SINGLET" |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 5:14am On Nov 10, 2012 |
chakula: Never Scan through your posts but I feel you as nobody want to reply your post! Try harder and convince dudes next time by pasting interesting joke on board.i knw it funy, and pple keep viewing and viewing not wantin 2 post no cos they dont like it but cos they 2 lazy. 3 Likes |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by aminho(m): 8:57am On Nov 10, 2012 |
hahaha uncle Akpors no dey carry last |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by mistaswag(m): 2:14pm On Nov 10, 2012 |
nice one! LWKM |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:23pm On Nov 10, 2012 |
(13)Akpors had a broda whom his mother usually refer to as a little angel. So one day,akpors came to where his mum was resting, He askd"mum,shebi little jonny z ur little angel",the mum replied him yes he is and akpors said, "i just threw him down from the balcony"And he did not fly. #mom fainted# Now the question is, who is at fault 4 Likes |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:26pm On Nov 10, 2012 |
(14)Three friends Akpors, Rukewe and Oghene decided to go for a picnic. Rukewe packs the picnic basket with drinks and sandwiches. Oghene carried the basket and they set out for the park 10km away. It takes them 2 hours to get there. When they arrived, Rukewe quickly spread the mat and set out the sandwiches. After checking around, Oghene found out that Rukewe did not pack the bottle opener. They then begged Akpos to make the 4 hour trip to go for the opener. He disagreed.''You 'll finish the sandwiches before I return,''Akpos protested. ''No we won't'', assured Rukewe. After some more cajoling from them, Akpos reluctantly sets out for the opener. After 5 hours, there was no sign of Akpors. They decided to wait for another 3 hours. Still no sign of Akpors. Oghene and Rukewe after waiting on Akpors for more than 8 hours were by now very hungry so they decided to take one sandwich each. As they were about to eat, Akpors pops out from behind a rock screaming:' I KNEW IT! I'M NOT GOING AGAIN''!!! 16 Likes |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by Anyi3(m): 12:33pm On Nov 11, 2012 |
MR XELA: (14)Three friends Akpors, Rukewe and Oghenethis one killed me. I really laughed out loud. 1 Like |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 3:04pm On Nov 11, 2012 |
(15)Akpos was tired of City Girls so went to his village in search of a decent girl to pick as a Wife. He got a real village Girl, paid her bride prize and brought her to the City. When he wanted to make Love to her, he found out that her pubic hair was too much and asked her to shave. The Girl said," Sir, I no fit shave oo! Nah this hair make all di boys wey dey village dey call me"NKECHI, AFRO #akpors fainted# 1 Like |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by safarigirl(f): 1:12am On Nov 12, 2012 |
Really cool jokes, was LMAOing, all through. Nice |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:16pm On Nov 14, 2012 |
(16)Hon Patrick Obahaigbon drives into a petrol station in his sleek, state of the art range rover sports: Patrick : Guy, give me full tank (in Benin Language.) Akpors : I only speak English,sir. Patrick : Ok brother, good morning. I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propellant of my motorized automobile. Therefore I cordially request you to transfer from your subterranean reservoir a sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim. Akpors collapsed and fainted!!! 1 Like |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:18pm On Nov 14, 2012 |
(17)Akpors: pls show me where Radio is in this BlackBerry. Musa : But BB doesn't have Radio. Akpors: Shut up, If u knw u dnt have any idea about it, jst tell me, cos my BB just displayed 'Battery too low for radio use' 1 Like |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:19pm On Nov 14, 2012 |
(18)Akpors took his new girlfriend home to meet his parents... His dad whispered to him, "Where the hell did you meet her? She's cross eyed, bald, bow legged and she's got no teeth" Akpors responds, "There 's no need to whisper, Dad! She's also deaf!" 1 Like |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:29pm On Nov 14, 2012 |
(19)Akpors walked into class with a black eye. Teacher: what's wrong? Akpors: my house is very small. Me, my mum and my dad sleep on the same bed. Every night, my dad asks,"Akpors are u sleeping?" Then i say No and he slaps my face and gives me a black eye. Teacher: tonight when ur dad asks again, keep dead quiet and dont answer. The following morning, Akpors comes back with a severe black eye again. Teacher: My goodness! Why the black eye again? Akpors: dad asked me again,Akpors are u sleeping?& i shut up and kept dead still. Then my dad and my mum started moving, u know,at the same time mum was breathing erratically, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a hyena on the bed. Then my dad asked my mum, "are u coming?" Mum said, "yes, i'm coming, r u coming too?" Dad answered, "yes." They dont usually go anywhere without me so i said, "wait for me, I'm also coming!" 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:03am On Nov 16, 2012 |
(20)Akpors wanted to get rid of his nagging and over demanding girlfriend. He tried all attempts which did not work out. One day, an idea flashed into his head. He logged in to facebook, browse d into people's profile and suceeded in downloading 4 beautiful girls pictures. He printed it out and wrote R.I.P with a red ink on each of the pictures. He hid them in a magazine and kept it on top of his television. On saturday morning, his girlfriend was cleaning the house and saw the pictures on the magazine. She walked up to him. Girlfriend: Darling! Akpors: Sweetie, what is it? Girlfriend: I saw this pictures on a magazine at the top of the television, who are these girls? Akpors: Oh! Forget about them, it's not important. Girlfriend: It's important to me, i need to know please. Akpors: Ok, this one is Onome, i met her at a friend'swedding . We dated and wanted to get married but 2 months before the wedding, she got involved in a car accident and died. This one is Ngozi, we met at Mr Biggs restaurant in Ughelli, we dated for a while. One day she was goingto Lagos and her car catched fire, she got burnt beyond recognition. This one is Amanda, she was my neighbour's daughter who came back from London where she was schooling on a visit. We met and spent a night together. She was involved in Dana Air Plane Crash while returning to London. Her body was not found. This one, oh Eloho, her name is Eloho, we went to visit my Pastor, on our way back, a truck ran over our Keke Napep, she died instantly, the driver and i survived. It was after her that i met you. Girlfriend: Met who? No be me and you o! I am no longer interested in this relationship, bye bye. (She quickly picked up her bag and took to her heels) 4 Likes |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by Nobody: 7:01pm On Nov 16, 2012 |
Nice jokes peeps! Akpors my main man! |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:30pm On Nov 20, 2012 |
(21)Akpors got 2 school on monday morning and d Teacher Asked: why did u come late 2 school? Akpors: "one man lost #1,000 Note at d bus stop. Teacher: oooooooh dat's Gud of u, were u helping him 2 luk 4 d money? Akpors: nooooo!!! I DEY CRAZE Na me stand on top of d money.......... Since.......... .!!! 2 Likes |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:34pm On Nov 20, 2012 |
(22)CONVERSATION BETWEEN A GIRL AND THE FATHER. Ekaitte: daddy, u remember telin me dat, when a man get ontop of me, he is digracing my family? FATHER: yeah, gud girl, u remember tinz...so continue Ekaitte: Last nyt when i went 2 Akpors h0use. He tried getting ontop of me while on d bed, bt i refused Father: That's my girl. I knw u will neva disappoint me, so wat happened next? Ekaitte: I got ontop of him instead, and i disgraced his family Father: OMG... (father collapses) 1 Like |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:41pm On Nov 20, 2012 |
(23)AN ANGRY WIFE (EKAETTE) 2 HER HUSBAND (AKPORS) ON PHONE. Ekaette: Where the hell are you? ... Akpors: Honey, u remember dat gold shop where u saw the diamond necklace & totally fell in luv wit it? Ekaette (relaxed): Yes, my king Akpors: Remember I had no cash 2 buy it 4 udat day & I said I will buy it 4 u one day? Ekaette (totally relaxed with a smile & a blush): Yes I remember my love! Akpors: Good, I am in a beer palour next to that shop! Ekaette: thunder fire u, mad man. 1 Like |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 9:17pm On Nov 28, 2012 |
(24)AKPORS AND OKON IN THE OFFICE Okon: Akpors, I have been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have exams next week. Akpors: oh! Okon: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell? Akpors: No Okon: He invented the telephone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this. The next day, the same discussion took place. Okon: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is? Akpors: No Okon: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this. The next day, once again. Okon: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is? Akpors: No Okon: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this. This time, Akpors got irritated and said: Do you know who Adewale Azeeze Saremekun is? Okon: No Akpors: He is your neighbour, screwing your wife since five months ago. If you stop taking night courses, you would know 3 Likes |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 9:24pm On Nov 28, 2012 |
(25)Akpors came home one night and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "my husband! I am a month overdue. Its like i'm pregnant, d doctor give me test today but until it dey sure, we no go tell anybody. "The next day Akpors' wife receives a telephone call from PHCN because dey had not paid their bill. Am I speaking to Mr Akpors? "Na im wife be this" she says PHCN guy:"u're a month overdue shey una know?" Hw u take knw? stammers Akpors wife. "Madam its in our files" says the PHCN guy. She shouts "how it take enter una file?" Phcn guy: Yes, We av a system of finding out who's overdue Akpos's wife: GOD, dis is too much which kain tin be dis? Phcn guy: Madam, I am sorry Iam following orders ,I have to inform u dat u are overdue Akpos's wife: no wahala Make I tell my husband wen he come back. dat night she tells Akpos "dem know say i dey overdue for phcn o!" The next day Akpors rushes to PHCN office. "Wetin dey happen? i hear say una get file say my wife dey overdue. It concern una"he says angrily. Just calm down, says the lady at the reception at PHCN, its nothing serious. All u have to do is pay us. Akpors: PAY una 4 wetin? If i no pay nko? Lady: Well in dat case sir, we have no option but to cut yours off. Akpos: if u cut am wetin my wife go do? Lady: I don't know, I guess she would have to use a candle!!! Akpors fainted!! 1 Like |
Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 9:30pm On Nov 28, 2012 |
(25)IS AKPORS WISER THAN THE DEVIL? Three Men, A Philosopher, A Mathematician And Akpors, Were Out Riding In The Car When It Crashed Into A Tree. Before Anyone Knows It, The Three Men Found Themselves Standing Before The Pearly Gates Of Heaven, Where St. Peter And The Devil Were Standing Nearby. “Gentlemen,” The Devil Started, “Due To The Fact That Heaven Is Now Overcrowded, Therefore St. Peter Has Agreed To Limit The Number Of People Entering Heaven. If AnyoneOf You Can Ask Me A Question Which I Don’t Know Or Cannot Answer, Then You’re Worthy Enough To GoTo Heaven; If Not, Then You’ll Come With Me To Hell.” The Philosopher Then Stepped Up, “OK, Give Me The Most comprehensive Report On Socrates’ Teachings.” With A Snap Of His Finger, A Stack Of Paper Appeared Next To The Devil. The Philosopher Read It And Concluded It Was Correct. “Then, Go To Hell!” With Another Snap Of His Finger, The Philosopher Disappeared. The Mathematician Then Asked, “Give Me The Most Complicated Formula You Can Ever Think Of!” With A Snap Of His Finger, Another Stack Of Paper Appeared Next To The Devil. The Mathematician Read It And Reluctantly Agreed It Was Correct. “Then, Go To Hell!” With Another Snap Of His Finger, The Mathematician Disappeared, Too. Akpors Then Stepped Forward And Said, “Bring Me A Chair!” The Devil Brought Forward A Chair. “Drill 7 Holes On The Seat”, Said The Idiot. The Devil Did Just That. Akpors Then Sat On The Chair And Let Out A Very Loud Fart. Standing Up, He Asked, “Which Hole Did My Fart Come Out From?” The Devil Inspected The Seat And Said, “The Third H0le From The Right.” “Wrong,” Said Akpors, “It’s From My Assh0le.” ....Akpors Went To Heaven. 1 Like |
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