My marriage to my hubby is a year now. I am yoruba while he is ibo. He lost his job while we were preparing for our wedding and we are trying to put together a business. We live near his family and had to feed them most times which was not easy. My dad died and we were not put to shame on needs.

His family always behave that he owes them for their upkeep and they all do nothing. They didn't come for my dad's burial and will still come to feed at my house with tipped up noses.

Recently, his brother who has no regard for me came and I didn't bother with him as he doesn't greet him. His family stopped coming to our home and his mum too.

Do I have to be concerned about this? They want me to be visiting their home but I don't like that even if we live near. Advise me as I don't know if this is peculiar to being married to people from other tribes who their families won't give them space?

Looool. Interesting . You are a Yoruba girl, am sure you know how to visit when the need arises. Don't hold grudges and don't fight them. Go over to their house and don't try to take a man from his family. The day he misbehaves who do you call. . Your guy has to give his family the boundaries not you. You can also start cooking portions enough for you, hubby and kids. . I think you are complaining because you are the one doing the spending. Your BIL has a family and still comes to eat in your house? Why are you living so close to in-laws? Maybe you should try relocating if hubby can't say no.

bamboke: My marriage to my hubby is a year now. I am yoruba while he is ibo. He lost his job while we were preparing for our wedding and we are trying to put together a business. We live near his family and had to feed them most times which was not easy. My dad died and we were not put to shame on needs. His family always behave that he owes them for their upkeep and they all do nothing. They didn't come for my dad's burial and will still come to feed at my house with tipped up noses. Recently, his brother who has no regard for me came and I didn't bother with him as he doesn't greet him. His family stopped coming to our home and his mum too. Do I have to be concerned about this? They want me to be visiting their home but I don't like that even if we live near. Advise me as I don't know if this is peculiar to being married to people from other tribes who their families won't give them space?

you would never be regarded until you bear him a child.....a male child!
don't even bother wasting all your efforts trying to please them for now.....concentrate on your civic duties in the bedroom and get a bouncy baby boy! the igbo tradition is deep, you should have read "things fall apart" like 59 times before marrying an igbo man to understand their culture........

good luck!

coogar:

you would never be regarded until you bear him a child.....a male child!
don't even bother wasting all your efforts trying to please them for now.....concentrate on your civic duties in the bedroom and get a bouncy baby boy! the igbo tradition is deep, you should have read "things fall apart" like 59 times before marrying an igbo man to understand their culture........

good luck!

She has just being married for a year and you think this is the issue?
Really?
.
Op,you know what they say about familiarity...huh?
I think the real problem is your proximity to the family house.
Why not move away?
...and then it seems you been giving your inlaws the stink eye when they come around.You probably haven't been making them feel comfortable around you so they did the best thing by staying away..
You are probably also letting the fact that most financial responsibilities rest on you get in the way of things..
You shouldn't totally stay away from your in-laws neither should you get too close too
Be wise!!

I dont understand what tribe has to do with your in ln- laws attitude, In-Laws can act up even if you are from the same village, so remove tribe from your issue so you can have a clear solution.
Be respectful but draw up boundaries, dont do more than you can, do what is decent and you are comfortable with, dont start what you cant finsih, dont start with eye service and back down when you enter te house

slimyem: She has just being married for a year and you think this is the issue?
Really?
.
Op,you know what they say about familiarity...huh?
I think the real problem is your proximity to the family house. Why not move away?

promixity to the family means shyte.....if she likes, let her stay in planet pluto....you cannot separate an igbo woman from her son! they share a common bond....this an excerpt from an article i read some years back concerning the igbo culture

Let us start from the moment a woman gets married. Have you listened to our fathers pray during traditional marriages? All you hear is, “you shall have Okereke and Okarafor…Iseeee”. This is the number one proof that the girl child is seen as nothing in the Igbo culture. The woman gets into her husband’s house only to start praying for a male child due to the pressure she gets, even from her own mother. Your in-laws agree that you are well settled in your husband’s house only when you have a male child.

in short, read the whole article and educate yourself on how it works in eastern nigeria.....
http://www.nigeriafilms.com/news/13124/20/the-igbo-woman-and-her-plight.html

one year is enough to get these in-laws jittery and a woman is not considered a wife until she bears a male child in the east!

^^As much as you are trying to make this seem like a tribe/culture thing,i still can't see it as the issue.
There's no point making speculations about things that are not.
Except the op comes around to say something surrounding her not having a child yet/the in-laws getting concerned,the information in her post is not enough for you to stamp that as the problem.
Or is her childlessness why they come to eat in her house?
Is it why they expect their son to be responsible for their needs?
Is that why they stopped coming to her house altogether?
Haba!!

slimyem: ^^As much as you are trying to make this seem like a tribe/culture thing,i still can't see it as the issue.
There's no point making speculations about things that are not.
Except the op comes around to say something surrounding her not having a child yet/the in-laws getting concerned,the information in her post is not enough for you to stamp that as the problem.

that's the reason for the irrational behaviour....

Or is her childlessness why they come to eat in her house?

their son's house......

Is it why they expect their son to be responsible for their needs? Is that why they stopped coming to her house altogether?
Haba!!

they are africans.....they expect their son to take care of them! who knows how many of their properties they sold to train their son? i don't really see any big deal in parents expecting their son to take care of them - yes, the guy lost his job along the line and the parents should be considerate - but the point still stands!

U are married 2 d familly not ur husband visit them don't look there behaviour just do ur own path be a gudgirl God bless u

Nothing to do with him being Igbo.If you doubt this divorce him and marry an Ijaw man ,by the time you finally get to Yoruba you will be in a better position to compare in-laws from across the country and write a book which I expect to be a hit

My dear, the only thing that could make his family behave like the is if they never wanted him to marry you in the first place. All you have to do is make sure you respect the older ones regardless, and it's now up to your hubby to defend you.

So, what has your In-Laws tribe got to do with the problem you're having with them? I guess once someone marries from his tribe there can never be any problem.

debrief08: I dont understand what tribe has to do with your in ln- laws attitude, In-Laws can act up even if you are from the same village, so remove tribe from your issue so you can have a clear solution.
Be respectful but draw up boundaries, dont do more than you can, do what is decent and you are comfortable with, dont start what you cant finsih, dont start with eye service and back down when you enter te house

Best comment so far.

@ op, Same tribe or not, in-law issues will almost certainly come up. Distance is essential, so maybe you should relocate, and be nice to your in-laws no matter, but don't take no shyte. Pray too.

bamboke: My marriage to my hubby is a year now. I am yoruba while he is ibo. He lost his job while we were preparing for our wedding and we are trying to put together a business. We live near his family and had to feed them most times which was not easy. My dad died and we were not put to shame on needs.

His family always behave that he owes them for their upkeep and they all do nothing. They didn't come for my dad's burial and will still come to feed at my house with tipped up noses.

Recently, his brother who has no regard for me came and I didn't bother with him as he doesn't greet him. His family stopped coming to our home and his mum too.

Do I have to be concerned about this? They want me to be visiting their home but I don't like that even if we live near. Advise me as I don't know if this is peculiar to being married to people from other tribes who their families won't give them space?

This your story is a fiction and not based on a true life event.....since its fiction,tribe has nothin to do with how ur in-laws behave...watevva is obtainable in yoruba is also in igbo n in hausa but might b in different angle

Let's be honest with ourselves ...issues with inlaws hve little or nothing to do with Tribes...ppl talking about her giving birth to a male child,seem to be born in the 60s.

Then there is the issue with living. Very close to ur inlaws..what do u expect. Familiarity
The further u are from them the better

But OP..ur issues with them have nothing to do with ur tribe,if not u would have faced a whole lot of negativity from them b4 u even married ur husband.
Think about it

It's not a tribe thing, you just have difficult inlaws.
You will only find peace if you guys can relocate, at least that will reduce the number of people that have access to your home.

No contact, no conflict.

@OP
Your issues have nothing to do with tribe but more to do with living in close proximity to your family after marriage. The best cure is to move far away from them as soon as you can afford it.

Anyone talking about Igbo tradition and male child shit is an idiot and possibly a stark illiterate. Generalization is totally wrong.

Not every Igbo guy cares about having female children in the first place.

My village friend/brother Kenneth has been married since 7 years and does not have any child at all, his wife is from Urobo. The wife has been to India 2 times for fibroid operations yet no issue. This December they are planning/considering adoption. THEY ARE LIVING HAPPY WITH OR WITHOUT CHILDREN, AND THEIR BOTH FAMILIES UNDERSTANDS THE SITUATION. An average illiterate will assume once you marry an Igbo guy if you dont give him children within 1 year you will be sacked. Pls stop the stupid generalizations.

Emeka married from Abia state and has 3 children, all of them are girls. They are in their late 30's and agreed not to have any more children. But an average fool will assume every Igbo man wants a baby boy.

Truth is, before you marry any man, make sure he is somewhat educated and makes his own money. if you marry a village tout that still receive monthly allowance from his parents certainly his parents will always influence his decisions.

@coogar; This has nothing whatsoever to do with tribe. You seem to know little or nothing about ibos if I should go by your post. You claim the average ibo man has an everlasting bond with his mother wheras the average yoruba woman would always visit and spend a reasonable length of time with her son whenever his wife puts to bed yet the reverse is the case with ibos and other tribes in the southern region. Please get your facts right next time before putting such information in black and white. The OP didn't tell us that she was yet to conceive so you can't be sure if the issue between her and her inlaws bothers on child bearing talkless of the sex of the child/children. Please try not to be prejudiced in your judgement of ibo folks.

I suspect this is one of those banal topics laden with insidous motives to start another usual 'tribal warfare' on NL. Every tribe hav their traditional connections to everything, on this one, the behaviour of this in-law cannot be used to explain away the stand of an entire tribe that will be committing the 'fallacy of hasty generalization'. What the in-law did here is applicable to every other tribe. My Point!

Just be yourself around them and treat them the way u would treat ur own people. And let them know their boundary 4 ur own sanity. Don't try to please unnecessarily or else they will take advantage of u. Gud luck.

i know some inscrutable beings would come here and make false claims. why are some people ashamed of their own tradition? i even posted a link where an igbo woman agreed the importance of a male child in the igbo community!

@ agoha_viv,
don't be ashamed of your igbo culture......what i have stated here is clearly the truth.....this woman would not be regarded until she gives her inlaws a grandson! all those megedefegede about yoruba mothers spending eternity with their sons does not disprove the average igbo inlaws don't crave for male kids.....why are you folks such a hypocritical lots?

coogar: i know some inscrutable beings would come here and make false claims. why are some people ashamed of their own tradition? i even posted a link where an igbo woman agreed the importance of a male child in the igbo community!

@ agoha_viv,
don't be ashamed of your igbo culture......what i have stated here is clearly the truth.....this woman would not be regarded until she gives her inlaws a grandson! all those megedefegede about yoruba mothers spending eternity with their sons does not disprove the average igbo inlaws don't crave for male kids.....why are you folks such a hypocritical lots?

shut up what do you know. how man igbo families have male children to start with? ignorance will not kill all of you.nothing can brak or shake the igbo family , its for better or worse so carry your rubbish nollywood perception bad belle and go and think of how to fix yoruba marriages crashing everyday over silly things.

bashr8: shut up what do you know. how man igbo families have male children to start with? ignorance will not kill all of you.nothing can brak or shake the igbo family , its for better or worse so carry your rubbish nollywood perception bad belle and go and think of how to fix yoruba marriages crashing everyday over silly things.

you're a consummate rëtard!
i can dig up 5000 articles on this subject alone written by people who are more igbo than your pompous adulterated igbo genes you carry. of course, not all igbo families would have male children because that is science - the question is, do the women in such families command the respect of their in-laws? are they regarded as wives? why are you ashamed of your tradition, you putrescent swine? don't be embarrassed - this can only stop if its aired in the open and discussed, you hypocritical twit!

http://emmyboy.hubpages.com/hub/the-importance-of-a-male-child-in-africa

coogar: i know some inscrutable beings would come here and make false claims. why are some people ashamed of their own tradition? i even posted a link where an igbo woman agreed the importance of a male child in the igbo community!

@ agoha_viv,
don't be ashamed of your igbo culture......what i have stated here is clearly the truth.....this woman would not be regarded until she gives her inlaws a grandson! all those megedefegede about yoruba mothers spending eternity with their sons does not disprove the average igbo inlaws don't crave for male kids.....why are you folks such a hypocritical lots?

I'm neither hypocritical nor ashamed of my origin rather you are someone who is hasty to jump into conclusions and generalisation. Did the OP ever talk about having or not having children talk less of not having a male child? Did she ever mention having her mother in law reside with her? Rather she complained about staying very close to her in-laws and interference from them and eventually, the in-laws avoiding her.
Any sensible nigerian on going through her post can clearly see that this is something obtainable all over this country and not limited to a particular tribe or region.

agoha_vivi: I'm neither hypocritical nor ashamed of my origin rather you are someone who is hasty to jump into conclusions and generalisation. Did the OP ever talk about having or not having children talk less of not having a male child? Did she ever mention having her mother in law reside with her? Rather she complained about staying very close to her in-laws and interference from them and eventually, the in-laws avoiding her.
Any sensible nigerian on going through her post can clearly see that this is something obtainable all over this country and not limited to a particular tribe or region.

but your eagle eye missed the part where she said the brother in law is disrespectful and the parents stopped coming to the house? if she has a male child, she would have mentioned it. i reply to posts based on the information i have - if she then comes back to add more, the fault lies with her for not providing enough information about herself! that being said, i won't be surprised the issue here is the common male child syndrome in eastern nigeria! only shameless hypocrites would deny this issue does not exist in the east!

The igbos luv their male children and feel incomplete without any. We knw how many igbo families give birth to 6 or more girls Jst because they need the elusive male child.
Nothing to be ashamed of here, it is the tradition. Even the elders always pray for male children during marriage ceremonies.
Anyway I don't think this is a male child issue. The inlaws dnt like d lady. Make child or not they will still despise her.

never_say_never:

Best comment so far.

@ op, Same tribe or not, in-law issues will almost certainly come up. Distance is essential, so maybe you should relocate, and be nice to your in-laws no matter, but don't take no shyte. Pray too.

Don't be deceived @ op. You will take shyte, in the bucketloads. It will be dished out even If you have ten sons. Even If you marry from your own tribe. What's more important is that you learn to deal with them as they are. Even your best friends give you shyte not to mention in-laws. I believe its the most complicated relationship ever. Enjoy the good times and be steadfast when the bad times come because they will still give way to good times. Son or no son. All the best.

bamboke: My marriage to my hubby is a year now. I am yoruba while he is ibo. He lost his job while we were preparing for our wedding and we are trying to put together a business. We live near his family and had to feed them most times which was not easy. My dad died and we were not put to shame on needs.

His family always behave that he owes them for their upkeep and they all do nothing. They didn't come for my dad's burial and will still come to feed at my house with tipped up noses.

Recently, his brother who has no regard for me came and I didn't bother with him as he doesn't greet him. His family stopped coming to our home and his mum too.

Do I have to be concerned about this? They want me to be visiting their home but I don't like that even if we live near. Advise me as I don't know if this is peculiar to being married to people from other tribes who their families won't give them space?

what kind of silly joke is this? If your in laws come around, you complain; if they eat in your house, you tell the whole nairaland that you're now the one feeding them. They stopped coming and you're here complaining.
What stopped you from visiting them since you want to tell us you're blameless. So sorry for you cos you're starting what you can't finish.

I seriously dnt see d role tribe plays here.why cant u visit ur hubby's family?i see u are trying to commonize them cus they arent doin so well.if they were very rich,wont u be going there 2 even help them in their domestic chores?the issue here is that you are trying 2 underate them n honey no one will take dat in this present generation.u dnt greet ur broda inlaw?try dat in urhobo culture and u knw wats up.plz madam put all their negative motives towards u aside and embrace them as a family.though i knw some inlaws are a tough bone to crack,bt u hav 2 play ur part fairly to fulfil all righteousness.

Thanks for all the post. but i didn't give them eye oo! Infact, i freely shared what I had, sent things over to them and gave but you know you can never satisfy anyone. WHen you dont have to give nko? Will anyone believe you or love you? I think its an attitude thing.

Akposkool: I seriously dnt see d role tribe plays here.why cant u visit ur hubby's family?i see u are trying to commonize them cus they arent doin so well.if they were very rich,wont u be going there 2 even help them in their domestic chores?the issue here is that you are trying 2 underate them n honey no one will take dat in this present generation.u dnt greet ur broda inlaw?try dat in urhobo culture and u knw wats up.plz madam put all their negative motives towards u aside and embrace them as a family.though i knw some inlaws are a tough bone to crack,bt u hav 2 play ur part fairly to fulfil all righteousness.

Even if they are stinking rich, i wont lick their feet and everyone would respect each other. Is it fair that you come to your elder brother's house and you dont greet his wife when she greets you or act ill? I think respect is reciprocal and if we lived far, they wouldnt behave that way. Do I have to go to their home each day in the name of family? Or how many times a week am I expected to pay homage? Please advise!