coogar:

that's the reason for the irrational behaviour....



their son's house......



they are africans.....they expect their son to take care of them! who knows how many of their properties they sold to train their son? i don't really see any big deal in parents expecting their son to take care of them - yes, the guy lost his job along the line and the parents should be considerate - but the point still stands!

But what if we don't mind taking care of the mother but the shit comes from the younger ones who are old enough to be married but are not working and they feel their brother owes them, despite fending for them till he got married? They spread lies among themselves and to their mother too

coogar:

promixity to the family means shyte.....if she likes, let her stay in planet pluto....you cannot separate an igbo woman from her son! they share a common bond....this an excerpt from an article i read some years back concerning the igbo culture

Let us start from the moment a woman gets married. Have you listened to our fathers pray during traditional marriages? All you hear is, “you shall have Okereke and Okarafor…Iseeee”. This is the number one proof that the girl child is seen as nothing in the Igbo culture. The woman gets into her husband’s house only to start praying for a male child due to the pressure she gets, even from her own mother. Your in-laws agree that you are well settled in your husband’s house only when you have a male child.

in short, read the whole article and educate yourself on how it works in eastern nigeria.....
http://www.nigeriafilms.com/news/13124/20/the-igbo-woman-and-her-plight.html

one year is enough to get these in-laws jittery and a woman is not considered a wife until she bears a male child in the east!

Dis has nothing to do with d topic. Pls dnt jump into conclutn

bamboke:

Even if they are stinking rich, i wont lick their feet and everyone would respect each other. Is it fair that you come to your elder brother's house and you dont greet his wife when she greets you or act ill? I think respect is reciprocal and if we lived far, they wouldnt behave that way. Do I have to go to their home each day in the name of family? Or how many times a week am I expected to pay homage? Please advise!

seems u are bent ön doin it ur way.well my advice is dat u folo ur heart.wish u a marriage devoid of adversity.gudluck

Nonnytex:
Dis has nothing to do with d topic. Pls dnt jump into conclutn

shut your damn mouth, you inscrutable nuisance! speak to me only when you are spoken to!

bamboke:
But what if we don't mind taking care of the mother but the shit comes from the younger ones who are old enough to be married but are not working and they feel their brother owes them, despite fending for them till he got married? They spread lies among themselves and to their mother too

well - this is africa - you should have factored all these before uttering the words "i do"!
its a culture clash - igbo boys usually have a chip on their shoulders and as far as your brother in law is concerned, he feels he can do whatever he likes in his brother's house...........he would another 6 yrs to understand the house belongs to you as well....the easiest way to gain their respect is to fill everywhere up with children - you would be surprised how things would change for the better.....

@cooger..... I don't know about all these theories of yours about children o( I hope I don't get shi$ for this ) but don't you think it happens in all cultures and not just only Igbo ?

jidegirl12: @cooger..... I don't know about all these theories of yours about children o( I hope I don't get shi$ for this ) but don't you think it happens in all cultures and not just only Igbo ?

it's more pronounced in igbo states! a woman could be sent out of her husband's house not because she's barren - but because she has no male child! at least the other tribes give up as soon as the woman puts to bed - in the east, having a child does not pacify the inlaws, the child has to be male!

coogar:

it's more pronounced in igbo states! a woman could be sent out of her husband's house not because she's barren - but because she has no male child! at least the other tribes give up as soon as the woman puts to bed - in the east, having a child does not pacify the inlaws, the child has to be male!

lol You watch too many NollyWood movies.

afam4eva:
lol You watch too many NollyWood movies.

of course, patience ozokwor is my role model!

Its really surprising Ђ☺w this is becoming!She just asked for advice not quarrels or arguement.Think this is simple whatever been the case the major issue is you are staying too close to your inlaws.Even with brother that can still cause issues.That's the major issue and if that is handled think all these would reduce considerably.S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ please look into that and for now you got to be real tolerant.Its your home here!

Na wa o

thaira:
Don't be deceived @ op. You will take shyte, in the bucketloads. It will be dished out even If you have ten sons. Even If you marry from your own tribe. What's more important is that you learn to deal with them as they are. Even your best friends give you shyte not to mention in-laws. I believe its the most complicated relationship ever. Enjoy the good times and be steadfast when the bad times come because they will still give way to good times. Son or no son. All the best.

Oh really, she should take shyte, like really? When has getting married to a man from another tribe meant bondage, i mean would you give her that kind of advice if she were your sister? OP's decision is her's to take, but i think respect is reciprocal-the fact that she must respect her inlaws doesn't mean she must act dumb.

Too much 'Nollywood movies' affect some people's mentality. I wonder what's so special about having a male child that won't give the same vibe as having a female, as if females don't make it or become influential in today's world. *SMH*
:@

Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by afam4eva(m): 9:27am
So, what has your In-Laws tribe got to do with the problem you're having with them? I guess once someone marries from his tribe there can never be any problem.

YOU ARE ONE HUNDRED PERCENT RIGHT.

Am much as sometimes we don't want to attach tribal differences to our marital issues, it still tends to play some factors in some marital issues. Am not saying here that marriage to the same tribe is problem proof aswell, just that one gets judge by others at times based on their tribe and this affects the growth of some inter tribal marriages. Am also a yoruba lady and my partner is ibo, though my partner and his sibling know little of Nigeria or even speak the dialect, the fact that he is originally from the east is creating problems in our home presently.
Recently she visited us and from the moment his mum discovered I am yoruba, she always complain about one thing or the other about yoruba people even to the other "foreign wife" in the family. She doesnt even want to call our daughter by her English or Yoruba name which I and my partner named her. She insist our daughter be called by her Ibo name. I almost ask her what issues she has with Yoruba people even though she spent all her life in the village.
While she stayed with us,I took good care of her, took her shopping with my own earned money, made her hair for her, and my partner who doesn't really bother much with her at times had to appreciate me which she also did once in a while. We gradually developed a good relationship since we were the only real Nigeria people in the family as I grew up in Nigeria. When my partner decide she should go back, I was not too happy as she was for the sudden return to Nigeria and I tried seeing if we could extend her visa.
I am just soo shock with her recent attitude when she was leaving and I and my partner talked about her going to see my people for family introductions she started making up some stories about igbo traditions versus yoruba traditions which never existed during her visit when she was enjoying my hospitality. We were a happy home before she came and we were planning to visit Nigeria for our traditional marriage since we met abroad. Now she has gone back, she caused problems in our home and she put our future plans together on shelf. She made up stories and presently, I and my partner are still not on good terms. What kind of a mum will derive joy from wrecking her son's home?
I am soo disappointed with her that after I empathized with her as a mother when she told me how her children rarely visit her in Nigeria, and I made up my mind to convince her children to visit her in Nigeria more often, my partner rarely calls her when she is in Nigeria and I was planning to constantly keep in touch with her but with what she just did, she just lost her support from me.

If I had been an igbo lady with the worst attitude would she have wrecked my home before going back after enjoying her stay? my guess is NO.

coogar:

it's more pronounced in igbo states! a woman could be sent out of her husband's house not because she's barren - but because she has no male child! at least the other tribes give up as soon as the woman puts to bed - in the east, having a child does not pacify the inlaws, the child has to be male!

Y do I get the feeling u are just trying to be tribalistic about this. Can I ask which tribe u are from

linclon: Am much as sometimes we don't want to attach tribal differences to our marital issues, it still tends to play some factors in some marital issues. Am not saying here that marriage to the same tribe is problem proof aswell, just that one gets judge by others at times based on their tribe and this affects the growth of some inter tribal marriages. Am also a yoruba lady and my partner is ibo, though my partner and his sibling know little of Nigeria or even speak the dialect, the fact that he is originally from the east is creating problems in our home presently.
Recently she visited us and from the moment his mum discovered I am yoruba, she always complain about one thing or the other about yoruba people even to the other "foreign wife" in the family. She doesnt even want to call our daughter by her English or Yoruba name which I and my partner named her. She insist our daughter be called by her Ibo name. I almost ask her what issues she has with Yoruba people even though she spent all her life in the village.
While she stayed with us,I took good care of her, took her shopping with my own earned money, made her hair for her, and my partner who doesn't really bother much with her at times had to appreciate me which she also did once in a while. We gradually developed a good relationship since we were the only real Nigeria people in the family as I grew up in Nigeria. When my partner decide she should go back, I was not too happy as she was for the sudden return to Nigeria and I tried seeing if we could extend her visa.
I am just soo shock with her recent attitude when she was leaving and I and my partner talked about her going to see my people for family introductions she started making up some stories about igbo traditions versus yoruba traditions which never existed during her visit when she was enjoying my hospitality. We were a happy home before she came and we were planning to visit Nigeria for our traditional marriage since we met abroad. Now she has gone back, she caused problems in our home and she put our future plans together on shelf. She made up stories and presently, I and my partner are still not on good terms. What kind of a mum will derive joy from wrecking her son's home?
I am soo disappointed with her that after I empathized with her as a mother when she told me how her children rarely visit her in Nigeria, and I made up my mind to convince her children to visit her in Nigeria more often, my partner rarely calls her when she is in Nigeria and I was planning to constantly keep in touch with her but with what she just did, she just lost her support from me.

If I had been an igbo lady with the worst attitude would she have wrecked my home before going back after enjoying her stay? my guess is NO.

Yes it is true marrying from another tribe has its own issues..but let me tell u my mom nd dad are from the same LG in the east nd my father's mother didn't like my mom one bit until recently.now my parents hve been married 4 33yrs. Now give me one reason y ur case and their case is diff.

linclon: Am much as sometimes we don't want to attach tribal differences to our marital issues, it still tends to play some factors in some marital issues. Am not saying here that marriage to the same tribe is problem proof aswell, just that one gets judge by others at times based on their tribe and this affects the growth of some inter tribal marriages. Am also a yoruba lady and my partner is ibo, though my partner and his sibling know little of Nigeria or even speak the dialect, the fact that he is originally from the east is creating problems in our home presently.
Recently she visited us and from the moment his mum discovered I am yoruba, she always complain about one thing or the other about yoruba people even to the other "foreign wife" in the family. She doesnt even want to call our daughter by her English or Yoruba name which I and my partner named her. She insist our daughter be called by her Ibo name. I almost ask her what issues she has with Yoruba people even though she spent all her life in the village.
While she stayed with us,I took good care of her, took her shopping with my own earned money, made her hair for her, and my partner who doesn't really bother much with her at times had to appreciate me which she also did once in a while. We gradually developed a good relationship since we were the only real Nigeria people in the family as I grew up in Nigeria. When my partner decide she should go back, I was not too happy as she was for the sudden return to Nigeria and I tried seeing if we could extend her visa.
I am just soo shock with her recent attitude when she was leaving and I and my partner talked about her going to see my people for family introductions she started making up some stories about igbo traditions versus yoruba traditions which never existed during her visit when she was enjoying my hospitality. We were a happy home before she came and we were planning to visit Nigeria for our traditional marriage since we met abroad. Now she has gone back, she caused problems in our home and she put our future plans together on shelf. She made up stories and presently, I and my partner are still not on good terms. What kind of a mum will derive joy from wrecking her son's home?
I am soo disappointed with her that after I empathized with her as a mother when she told me how her children rarely visit her in Nigeria, and I made up my mind to convince her children to visit her in Nigeria more often, my partner rarely calls her when she is in Nigeria and I was planning to constantly keep in touch with her but with what she just did, she just lost her support from me.

If I had been an igbo lady with the worst attitude would she have wrecked my home before going back after enjoying her stay? my guess is NO.

First, I'll have to say that your mother-in-law was right when she insisted that her grand child be called by her Igbo name. Its a common culture among grand mothers in Igbo land, to name the female child of their children. My sister's first name, Nneka, was given to her by my father's mother. It is an Igbo name, not even English. Middle names are usually native names and because of this, my sister has all Igbo names. My brother also got named by our grand mother. He has all Igbo names too. I'm the first son myself and took after my dad's names. So if she insists that her grand daughter be called Uju, Amaka etc, so be it. That way she won't feel threatened in any way of losing her grand children to foreign cultures. Also, she'll feel connected to her grand child. Igbo people living in the US, and maybe other Nigerians, are generally against their children marrying from outside the tribe, especially the white folks. Because, as it has been observed, once the half-caste children are born and grown, they'll always want to identify themselves as americans/interracial and not africans or Nigerians. To them, africa is where their father came from not where they themselves come from.

Like you said, if you were Igbo, she may not have gone to this extent. True as it may seem because she'll be at least sure that the Igbo mother of her grandkids will ensure that the children be raised with strong connection to their roots, since her son himself is not sound in the Igbo culture. And you're not giving her that impression when she walks into your home and hears her grand child being called 'Bunmi'. And she'll then think that when the other kids arrive, it will 'Seun', 'Tayo' all through in the house. Sure you can have a pet yoruba name by which you chose to call your child but her native Igbo name needs to come first. That's the message your mother-in-law is trying to get across to you.


In Igboland, its naturally expected of a woman that once she marries, she unites and becomes one with her husband's family.

I must really commend your nice attitude towards her. Keep it up.

bigfrancis21:

First, I'll have to say that your mother-in-law was right when she insisted that her grand child be called by her Igbo name. Its a common culture among grand mothers in Igbo land, to name the female child of their children. My sister's first name, Nneka, was given to her by my father's mother. It is an Igbo name, not even English. Middle names are usually native names and because of this, my sister has all Igbo names. My brother also got named by our grand mother. He has all Igbo names too. I'm the first son myself and took after my dad's names. So if she insists that her grand daughter be called Uju, Amaka etc, so be it. That way she won't feel threatened in any way of losing her grand children to foreign cultures. Also, she'll feel connected to her grand child. Igbo people living in the US, and maybe other Nigerians, are generally against their children marrying from outside the tribe, especially the white folks. Because, as it has been observed, once the half-caste children are born and grown, they'll always want to identify themselves as americans/interracial and not africans or Nigerians. To them, africa is where their father came from not where they themselves come from.

Like you said, if you were Igbo, she may not have gone to this extent. True as it may seem because she'll be at least sure that the Igbo mother of her grandkids will ensure that the children be raised with strong connection to their roots, since her son himself is not sound in the Igbo culture. And you're not giving her that impression when she walks into your home and hears her grand child being called 'Bunmi'. And she'll then think that when the other kids arrive, it will 'Seun', 'Tayo' all through in the house. Sure you can have a pet yoruba name by which you chose to call your child but her native Igbo name needs to come first. That's the message your mother-in-law is trying to get across to you.


In Igboland, its naturally expected of a woman that once she marries, she unites and becomes one with her husband's family.

I must really commend your nice attitude towards her. Keep it up.

This still brings up the point she was making about inter-tribal marriages having their own dose of problems. That's why all parties should work together to make it work and i think she(linclon) has not done her part. It's not just enough to be all nice. I understand her MIL's fears. She should have even been at the forefront of making sure her kid gets an Igbo name. That way her MIL won't see her as domineering but instead she chose to give her child a name from her tribe and ignored the fact that her husband is Igbo and it should reflect somehow in the kid. If she was the man, it would have been a different issue but she's the woman in the house and should be directed. When marrying someone, be sure that you're also marrying the person's family. That her husband doesn't care about the name she gives their child doesn't mean his family won't.

PLS HELP OUT...HOW DO I GET My IGBO MOTHER IN LAW TO BE TO ACCEPT ME...i'm in love with an ibo lady.she loves me back.she even let other suitor go away jst because of me..her mum loves me too but she claim because of distance(cos im a yoruba person), she's nt goin to support the union of the two of us.the lady is witout father..wat can i do?

deanantony: PLS HELP OUT...HOW DO I GET IGBO MY MOTHER IN LAW TO BE ACCEPT ME...i'm in love with an ibo lady.she loves me back.she even let other suitor go away jst because of me..her mum loves me too but she claim because of distance(cos im a yoruba person), she's nt goin to support the union of the two of us.the lady is witout father..wat can i do?

very simple - plant a seed in her uterus then disappear for a while. within 3-4 weeks, the mother-in-law would change her owerri accent to yoruba.

Apparently some people are still drinking the nollywood kool aid.