This is funny, so funny and funny enough, those words are correct english, only that they are not simple english.
May God help him, because it seems dt even d whites may not be able or like to speak complex english like this.

All dis english is in d state of anomy and dey re regretably lugubrious besides, it is a piteable disma pisma. Lol. Odikaniegwu oo.

Thumb raised

I think Honourable Patrick is a bombastic speaker.I said this because of his BOMBAST,GOBBLEDEGOOK.he likes being eulogised especially to exhilarate wherever he is.I am not lackadaisical,but, honourable is mannered.Regarding the rules of grammar,I think it is conspicous.It is from conditional statement:e.g if I were u;if I had had the soap,i would have washed the clothed.
Don't be cantankerous,flabbergasted,belligernt,concontafabulant,kasterimicity,monkerostocity,filibustreous,cukistreijufiligant,cikloderestouy.His class would av been deserted because he lacks pedagogic method.

ORDINARY ENGLISH SPEAKER TO WIFE: Honey, have the kids been fed?
SIR PAT: Hello significant other, have the offsprings been furnished with edible nutrients?

Lexo22: Nice concept but I still wish to correct the grammatical error in the title "If partrick were to be an English teach and not was". The last time I made this correction the modulator called me arrogant guy. I still blame the modulator who allowed this wonderful article to cross the front page without correcting the error . No offence!

Singular pronouns carry singular verbs. Were is d past participle of d verb. 'to be' conjugated in its plural form.

Patrick (singular noun), replace Patrick wit a pronoun and u get. 'He'. Now fixing d pronoun in that sentence u get 'if he was to be an English teacher' and not 'if he were to be'
Bt then again the introduction of d clause 'if' could just b an exception . . This I don't kn. Na d smal one wen I kn I narrate so. #POKO#

mpmp:

Dear Foxy_Rebirth,

It is not good to tell lies.

I hope you know we all have google.com in front of us.

Rather than tell us a bull- story about:
1) you reading an exciting novel,
2) whatever you wanted to occur to you that occurred to you - in your dreams,

you could have just told us the truth: that you stumbled upon a website similar to the below, you did a copy paste and wanted to share with us whatever you read:
http://www.english-zone.com/language/sayings.html
http://www.philbrodieband.com/jokes_proverb-archive.htm
http://www.astro.caltech.edu/~aam/fun/GRE_anyone

By even coming here to say "I was able to come up with these ones and funny enough" is the definition of plagiarism. If you become a person of authority in Nigeria tomorrow, you would forge documents, cheat, and claim to be someone else. This is why anytime I hear that Nigerian youths are the hope of tomorrow, I silently reply "na lie" - coz the average youth out there is as bad as those on the leadership seats. No wonder "Nigeria is a great nation" is just a figure of speech.

Me too tire when I see say OP dey attribute these sentences to emanate from im imagination. I don see all of them in the same sequence over two yrs ago. Such attitude dey nefarious oh...

jamace:

Are you sure of that correction?

See below:

Singular present tense: (If Patrick is to be a teacher....) = singular past tense: (If Patrick was to be a teacher....)

Plural present tense: (If they are to be teachers ...) = Plural past tense: (If they were to be teachers)

I feel the OP is right. Otherwise convince/confuse me.

i learnt that while referring to something that could have been but actually isn't, you use "were". So i guess he is right in this case. But him still get him own errors sha.

I APPLUAD THE OP - LOL

When u said is an old joke why didn't u post this all d while? Shut up ur dirty mouth

[/i][i]

Jybz: Its bcuz of dis English Benin-Ore Road was never Repaired.....
Cuz. D Reps didn't undastand all wat he was sayn...

Jybz: Its bcuz of dis English Benin-Ore Road was never Repaired.....
Cuz. D Reps didn't undastand all wat he was sayn...

Jybz: Its bcuz of dis English Benin-Ore Road was never Repaired.....
Cuz. D Reps didn't undastand all wat he was sayn...

U too funny haba.U dont know se dat road posses,since obasanjo regime in 1999 consruction everytime,yet d road never dey ok

Pecca:

Yeah! He is correct. WERE is used when an imaginary event or rather an action that could have been but could not!

U think so? How about this: 'We were on our way when Pecca posted this comment' is this an imaginary statement?

Please next time don't invoke the redherring by wrongnesslessly, sheepishnesslessly and ignorantnesslessly trans-migrating our people's minds

Foxy_Rebirth: I was going through the dictionary to check meaning of words while reading an exciting novel, it later occurred to me, if it is to be Honourable Patrick Obahiagbon that is to teach us simple proverbs and their meaning in school, how is it going to sound like, going by the way he murders vocabulary...

You obviously lifted this from somewhere OP! Take a good look at this paragraph I quoted? Who writes like that?

"If it is to be Hon..." Really?

Abeg, let's stop promoting mediocrity! What's worth doing should be worth doing well!

Btw, plagiarism is an offence, just so you know!

Er, @OP, AY the comedian has used some of these lines for his Pastor Chris Okotie jokes. You guys must have been reading the same novel and using the same dictionary, right?

Just saying o!

Well done, but guy this joke na old one, no claim say na you just form am, plagiarism is a serious crime

jamace:

Are you sure of that correction?

See below:

Singular present tense: (If Patrick is to be a teacher....) = singular past tense: (If Patrick was to be a teacher....)

Plural present tense: (If they are to be teachers ...) = Plural past tense: (If they were to be teachers)

I feel the OP is right. Otherwise convince/confuse me.

the guy is right for d correction. To buttress his point, a good example is : 'If i were you'

I can't imagine Hon. Patrick engaging in an argument with Dame Patience...Heads will roll cos it'll spark up an explosion.

seadoftj: the guy is right for d correction. To buttress his point, a good example is : 'If i were you'

http://mleddy..com/2007/03/if-i-were-if-i-was.html

ashmanpolo:

U think so? How about this: 'We were on our way when Pecca posted this comment' is this an imaginary statement?

Please next time don't invoke the redherring by wrongnesslessly, sheepishnesslessly and ignorantnesslessly trans-migrating our people's minds

wrong

Perfect Man, You know him better than said.

Redmosquito: I want to drink garri
I desiderate to gormandize cassava contriturate
**********
Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.
Laff wan kill me die

Redmosquito, are u a humanbeing

“This was the gobbledegook of the kpotokios in the crass and macadam
vituperation of our grey matter from the terminus a quo to the terminus
ad quem of their colonial peregrination and Idare say that
FIFTY TWO YEARS after our flag and
territorial shambolic autarky, our
modus vivendi both at the
leadership and followership sub-
stratum still exudes and sustains that kpotokian diatribe.
This is indeed the sphinxian
conundrum of a Nation at FIFTY
TWO.” – Hon Patrick Obahiagbon.

ohisola:

Singular pronouns carry singular verbs. Were is d past participle of d verb. 'to be' conjugated in its plural form.

Patrick (singular noun), replace Patrick wit a pronoun and u get. 'He'. Now fixing d pronoun in that sentence u get 'if he was to be an English teacher' and not 'if he were to be'
Bt then again the introduction of d clause 'if' could just b an exception . . This I don't kn. Na d smal one wen I kn I narrate so. #POKO#

With all this ur long story, you are still wrong. Correct word is "were".

fellis: This is an old joke, OP only replaced the name of the speaker in the original joke with Patrick's name.

Bad belle, bad hater, enemy of progress.

Jybz: Its bcuz of dis English Benin-Ore Road was never Repaired.....
Cuz. D Reps didn't undastand all wat he was sayn...

No be lie o.,

Like him or hate him, Hon. Pat, is an erudite guru in English Language, but I wonder if he speaks his native dialect with same passion nd skill he sings with the white man's English, nevertheless with Hon. Pat nd his grammatical skills, I ve no doubt in my mind that even the Queen of England will ve no choice but to employ tens of interpreters with a sound current dictionary by their side if they re to comprehend what the Hon. Is saying.

Desric: Like him or hate him, Hon. Pat, is an erudite guru in English Language, but I wonder if he speaks his native dialect with same passion nd skill he sings with the white man's English, nevertheless with Hon. Pat nd his grammatical skills, I ve no doubt in my mind that even the Queen of England will ve no choice but to employ tens of interpreters with a sound current dictionary by their side if they re to comprehend what the Hon. Is saying.

His dialect does not have a dictionary.

@Poster,please translate 'I love you'

E remain small make garri commot from ma nose...this man no go kill person

How are we sure that you aren't Patrick Obahiagbon?

English teacher? Osanobua! He will have to start taking them from Kindergaten!

Here are some of his famous speeches,

Let it be noted that at the risk of sounding platitudinously humdrum,we have asseverated for the upteenth time, that the convocation of a sovereign national conference for purposes of interrogating the odoriferous vaudeville of our national jeremiad, remains the only potent and efficaciously utilitarian paspartou out of our cascading national sirocco but alas,disdain complacency to say the least and at best Olympian pococuranteism and the tedium of prescriptive poco a poco is what we have been greeted with by intellectual philistines,high priests of a prebendal state and their opprobrious agents...LOOK AM NOW?If this is indeed true,many more may follow and this deposits me in a state of heebie jeebies.

Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon On Ogoniland Independence Declaration