StateOfMind:

What kind of analogy is this?

Re-read what she typed and come up with something better.

I don't seem to understand some nairaland men..judging from most of the replies here, they all think a divorced woman is a bad woman who'll also be a bad company.. *phew* smh.

To clear all misconception, I do not think all divorced women are bad. There are a million and one reasons people get divorced. Sometimes its the woman's fault, some times the man and most times both.

I raised the analogy because of the bolded part below which seems to be an unnecessary generalization. There are indeed times when it is valid to be concerned about the kind of company ones spouse keeps. The human mind is a very malleable tool.
The first part of her post says it all - "It depends on d cause of d divorce" (and probably the kind of friendship they intend to keep, business relationship, acquaintance, close confidant e.t.c.) but the other portions of her post fall short. There is this saying that you can't give what you don't have.

greatgod2012: It depends on d cause of d divorce. Meanwhile, if u are fearing dt ur spouse may be corrupted by his/her divorced friend, then, ur problems are either one or more of d following:
1. U dont trust ur partner's discretion.
2. U are insecure concerning ur spouse.
3. U are sentimental.
4. U are afraid of what may not happen, because u are not even sure of either ur love 4 ur spouse and also ur spouse love 4 u.
5 u are selfish, u dont respect d right of ur spouse, d right of association.

greatgod2012:

i dont get ur analysis here, what is my problem with whom my hubby relates with as a friend,so far hes wise,nice, of good character and i know my hubby is wise and intelligent enough to know who to choose as friend, questioning his choice of friends means i dont trust his discretion, means im saying hes not intelligent enough to choose his friends wisely.
I prefer to have a divorced woman, but wise and God-fearing than a married but foolish and cunny and fetish as a friend.

One funny thing I've noticed about a lot of people is their polar impressions of people's character. The He/She is either a 'bad man/woman' or a good 'man/woman' mindset.

The human mind is a wonderful tool. Nobody's perfect and I guess part of what marriage wonderful is the ability to watch each other's back. I definitely will trust my wife but I won't assume she's perfect.

At the risk of sounding churchy, the good book consistently warns about the importance of right association, its not just empty warnings .One such says - 'Guide your heart with all diligence, for out of it flows the issues of life'.

Well, the word 'allow' might sound too strong a phrase, but I opine that not all relationships should be happily indulged despite the fact that you trust your partner and he/she is very intelligent. Funny things do happen and I know you're not a baby.

In this particular case, no need for long stories - It depends on the circumstance surrounding the divorce

my question to a man who tells me such would be
Do you choose my friends?
Am I a child or your partner?
Are you that insecure and am I that stupid?
Are divorced people devils?
Is divorce the worst that can happen to a human being?
Are you better in God's sight than the divorced?
If our marriage falls apart, will you get rid of all your married friends?

A friend offers than their status.

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What is with all these "will you allow your wife" thread flooding this section of the forum? Are women now slaves?

What arrant nonsense

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chaircover: LOL . . . when you lay there kpesuing and abandoned the section, why wont they stop "allowing" us to do anything

better get ready for the next one!! . . . .Will you allow your wife to have a nairaland account

Abeg if I come across that thread title, I would officially resign to the joy of my e-haterz.

Ahn ahn what kind of thread do these people open these days? are we now slaves that need "allowance". Since they are allowing, then they should allow us use their account numbers to purchase a RR Evoque or BMWX7, just saying .

Ivynwa: You guys that think like that are the reason many women stay with men abusing them until they die in the hands of such men.
They don't want to leave such marriages and come out in a society full of mentality of "she will corrupt my wife", "birds of the same feather flock together", "she is damaged goods" and have people treat them like v*mits. I mean people with all manner of myopic mgbeke mentalities. Disgusting mentalities I must say

Why is it that men in such circumstances don't get looked down upon like that so why look down on the woman? So a poor woman being maltreated and beaten up by a man, on deciding to get out of the situation in one piece gets more terrible treatment from others as well. Una d-o-o-o-h (How do Delta people say that again? ) Unu Emeka! Jisienu ike. Thank una. I am not really surprised to hear all these, I have always known that that is the perception our people have, the perception which contributed to the infinite number of divorce years back. It is only nowadays that women are getting bolder and leaving such situations without minding what others say. It is even nice that this thread is opened as it is an opportunity for people holding those disgusting mentalities about this topic to be told to let up on it.

4 b€tä 4 wör߀

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chaircover:

2016 model ooooo!!!!! . . . and the car must be able to reverse park itself in 5 seconds flat

Be ni. Mr CC must open that his wallet he used padlock and superglue to secure. By the time all of us: sisikill, Armyofone, Uju, Ify, Jenny, Ronkus, Efe, oam4J (with omotola's recent poster) ati be'be lo knock on your door step, he will know how serious you are. Your best bet is Oam4JENNY4LIFE, with that poster Oga CC will change his mind ASAP

Ignored this thread on purpose earlier today but i see that the prejudicial ones have made their presence known.....
Hehe...!!

Lol, Let's not chop the Poster, The only thing I have against the post is "will you allow", Lol. Insecure Men.
Anyway at the topic, the truth is that most women with or without their husbands approval most women avoid their "friends" when they get divorced. From my experience its usually fair weather friends and people you were only friends with as a result of being married.
1. They think you might "snatch" their husbands.
2. You guys may have been having pity parties together and now you have been bold enough to get out of a bad situation, they are still stuck so now there is nothing to discuss with you.
3. They feel they are better than you, as you can't "keep a man"
4. As Madam CC said some divorced people tend to put you in the middle, coming to bad mouth their spouses to friends.
5. Financial and business considerations: Like in my case my ex didn't like my own friends so I had to make "friends" with his friends wives and business partners wives, when we divorced they couldn't keep being friends with me because he will cut off anyone talking to me.

At the end of the day, you have to do what is best for you, no be friendship you go chop and no be friendship go bury you if you die in a bad situation, the only thing they can do is talk and shed few fake tears. Decide what is best for you and surround yourself with real value people, also try not to be bitter.

Why not? Are they not human beings?

Bludeville: I laugh in Swahili....you guys need a total overhauling of your mentality. 'allow' your wife...what exactly can you do to stop it?? Mitchew.

Murder her divorced friend

Actually, that would depend on the situation surrounding the divorce.

StateOfMind:

What kind of analogy is this?

Re-read what she typed and come up with something better.

I don't seem to understand some nairaland men..judging from most of the replies here, they all think a divorced woman is a bad woman who'll also be a bad company.. *phew* smh.

not all definitely.....but 90% of those i know.....#straight face....n not 2 4get,we av divorced men too

greatgod2012:

i dont get ur analysis here, what is my problem with whom my hubby relates with as a friend,so far hes wise,nice, of good character and i know my hubby is wise and intelligent enough to know who to choose as friend, questioning his choice of friends means i dont trust his discretion, means im saying hes not intelligent enough to choose his friends wisely.
I prefer to have a divorced woman, but wise and God-fearing than a married but foolish and cunny and fetish as a friend.

thats y dz phrase is so populer "i trusted him, how could he do this to me" dz trust tin z so overated....e.g my wife cant b fwiend with a wayward person,like a pasn divorced due 2 adultry n oda disrespectfull stuffs........... Period

all des men an nairaland forming dieties, u just make me laff... Well no need to talk much sha.. Na for house we go knw who be who..

Ivynwa: You guys that think like that are the reason many women stay with men abusing them until they die in the hands of such men.
They don't want to leave such marriages and come out in a society full of mentality of "she will corrupt my wife", "birds of the same feather flock together", "she is damaged goods" and have people treat them like v*mits. I mean people with all manner of myopic mgbeke mentalities. Disgusting mentalities I must say

Why is it that men in such circumstances don't get looked down upon like that so why look down on the woman? So a poor woman being maltreated and beaten up by a man, on deciding to get out of the situation in one piece gets more terrible treatment from others as well. Una d-o-o-o-h (How do Delta people say that again? ) Unu Emeka! Jisienu ike. Thank una. I am not really surprised to hear all these, I have always known that that is the perception our people have, the perception which contributed to the minute(almost inexistence) number of divorce years back. It is only nowadays that women are getting bolder and leaving such situations without minding what others say. It is even nice that this thread is opened as it is an opportunity for people holding those disgusting mentalities about this topic to be told to let up on it.

Madam english! WhAt did She do to deserve The beating? Bunch of Stupid 'fish brainish' hyprocrites!!! Divorce is smelling All over ur post........*covers nose*SMH!!!

What a thread!

This shouldn't even be a topic for discussion.

Having a divorced friend isn't the crime of the century for Pete's sake.

Uchwilliam: why not?am fucking one ryt now.

For me, this is the best response.
Your wife's divorced friend could be of immense benefit to you, why interrupt such a frienship? Some men are just too myopic! Smh

expensive007: 4 b€tä 4 wör߀

https://www.nairaland.com/701925/horror-nigerian-man-stabs-wife/5#8630312

https://www.nairaland.com/854900/husband-killed-wife-banker-over#10044743

Sweetheart these women are not alive today, thanks to perceptions and views like yours. I believe that people should work on their marital problems when such arise but when their life is in danger inside the marriage, they should work at staying alive first. You have to be alive to have a marriage in the first place.

Yeecar:
Madam english! WhAt did She do to deserve The beating?------- Divorce is smelling All over ur post........*covers nose*SMH!!!

You made me laugh, yeah Babe cover your nose real good cause your post have us all perceiving "a woman beater" who beats down women that "deserves" some beating in his book. They have beaten the metal gong in the thread and everybody has come out to exhibit their mentality.
My friend "a divorced woman is still a human being that should be treated with love and respect (like every other woman) and not disdain and mockery like some of you think"----and that's the message I am wishing that people that think like that take home from this thread. Thanks.

As long as you marry a wise woman, with good judgment then you don't have to "allow" or "not allow" anything. But if you know you married someone that is gullible and too trusting, then yes, if you are uncomfortable for reasonable reasons you both can talk about it. Trust me, women know their friends very well, and a wise one will walk away from a dangerous friend. I have friends across the board of relationships, and won't hesitate to drop the one that wants to actively be involved in my relationship, give me obviously bad advice or wants to get too close to my man. He has his friends, and I have mine. Let's keep it that way.

Ndipe: In the olden days, divorced women were shunned socially in the society for fear that they would either corrupt a married woman or break down her marital home.

Even today, there are some men who express discomfort at the mere fact that their wives are on friendly terms with a friend of theirs who is divorced. Part of thier discomfort is the fact that they might try to break up their marital home.

Even women at times might shunned their divorced friend out of fear they might be out to pursue their husband or wreck their marriage out of jealousy.

What do you think? Your wife's friend just got a divorce and would you issue an ultimatum to her to stop hanging out with her friend or simply avert your eyes the other way?

Is a divorcee a leper or something?? Are you so ignorant that you think and believe divorce is some contagious disease? What? Like people who are not divorce suddenly want it because, and only because they have friends who are divorced, and probably in your eyes, "living up the life"??

What next? Ask if your kids should even be allowed to hang out with orphans, or kids raised in single parent homes? *** ugh!

The kin questions people dey ask here gives me the willies . . .

ade2008: i will not bec .birds of the same feather flocks together. bad manner corrupt good manner. being friend to a divorcee may end up soiling my relationship with my wife.the best advice she can only give my wife is how to divorce me.

See how dumb you are? What if she left her husband because he was a wife beater? Or molesting their children. It is assh0les like you that make women staying in marriage and die there all in the name of bearing MRS. Change you line to thinking, it is just bush.

baby_123: As long as you marry a wise woman, with good judgment then you don't have to "allow" or "not allow" anything. But if you know you married someone that is gullible and too trusting, then yes, if you are uncomfortable for reasonable reasons you both can talk about it. Trust me, women know their friends very well, and a wise one will walk away from a dangerous friend. I have friends across the board of relationships, and won't hesitate to drop the one that wants to actively be involved in my relationship, give me obviously bad advice or wants to get too close to my man. He has his friends, and I have mine. Let's keep it that way.

You are a wise woman !

just had to check my calender to ensure we are in 2012

madam CC and Jenny - stay there u two are busy talking and waiting thats how u will sit down dey look and my two year old will buy X6

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Kobojunkie:

Is a divorcee a leper or something?? Are you so ignorant that you think and believe divorce is some contagious disease? What? Like people who are not divorce suddenly want it because, and only because they have friends who are divorced, and probably in your eyes, "living up the life"??

What next? Ask if your kids should even be allowed to hang out with orphans, or kids raised in single parent homes? *** ugh!

The kin questions people dey ask here gives me the willies . . .

They arent lepers, but truth be told, divorcees, (women especially) were avoided back in the olden days for fear they would break up another person's marriage. Some people still hold onto that attitude in today's world.

Ndipe:

They arent lepers, but truth be told, divorcees, (women especially) were avoided back in the olden days for fear they would break up another person's marriage. Some people still hold onto that attitude in today's world.

We need to use our heads here . . . divorcees were avoid back in the old world yet, divorce continued to GROW in society to the point that it is more than 50% of society today, no matter were you go. Even in remote Afghanistian, divorce has been common since the same olden days you refer to. What does that tell you?

Avoiding divorced people is no solution. If anything, it has helped NOT SOLVE THE PROBLEM for centuries and continuing that old practice will help no one.

I am reminded of back in the days, while growing up in Nigeria, parents would advice their kids not to play with the other kids from divorced homes. Twas really sad and kids would not hide this at all.

Kobojunkie:

We need to use our heads here . . . divorcees were avoid back in the old world yet, divorce continued to GROW in society to the point that it is more than 50% of society today, no matter were you go. Even in remote Afghanistian, divorce has been common since the same olden days you refer to. What does that tell you?

Avoiding divorced people is no solution. If anything, it has helped NOT SOLVE THE PROBLEM for centuries and continuing that old practice will help no one.

I am reminded of back in the days, while growing up in Nigeria, parents would advice their kids not to play with the other kids from divorced homes. Twas really sad and kids would not hide this at all.

I have never heard of any parent telling their child not to play with another kid from a divorced family. It's absurd. My discourse resonates more with people because I'd like to think that some people even on this board are aware of the discomfort people, particularly spouses, might experience if one of them is friends with a divorcee.