A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."


With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."


And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."


He sat down.




The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile,



"For our closing song,










let us sing Hymn # 365:







"Shall We Gather at the River."





















the preacher had his period

SOME THINGS YOU JUST CAN’T EXPLAIN THEM


A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. Eazy came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?" The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."



"So what happened that's so horrible?" Eazy asked as he sat down next to the farmer.


"Well, the farmer said,"Today
I was sitting by my cow, milking her.

Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket." "Okay," said the man,



"but that's not so bad." "Some things you just can't explain,"



the farmer replied.





"So what happened then?" the man asked. The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left." "And then?" the man asked.




"Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."




The man laughed and said,"Again?" The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain."




"So, what did you do then?" the man asked. "I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."
"And then?"



"Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."




"Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head.


"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer said.



"So, what did you do?" the man asked.
"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in..









“Some things you just can't explain.”

see swag

A 9 yrs old boy was looking at his mum's National ID card. It's written on it ..........
Name: Muibat Oluwatoyin

Age: 35

Sex: F

He started laughing soo loud. His mum asked?

What is funny?


The boy replied, now i know why daddy divorced you.


Because you had F in s. ex.

Husband: can u be the moon of my life?




Wife: Awww Yes sweetheart..!
.

Husband: Great! then….












Stay 9,955,887.6 kms away from Me..!!

I was a Candidate at a JAMB Examination.

We were writing Use Of English. I shaded the ones I
knew and was waiting for manner to fall from Heaven when i saw a very beautiful girl sitting
beside me.


She was shading and was not looking up.

Through the help of my long neck, i peeped
and checked her work, she was in number 65, i
was still in number 21 and time was running.
I quickly thanked God and started shading along
with her. We got to number 98 together,
suddenly, she looked up, caught me and shouted
in a low tone;









What are it?


Why is you copying me?



Chameless copycatter.



I quickly cried out;





I am finished, who has eraser eeee!!!!!!!! .

(Akpors' father was going for a brain cancer operation)

AKPORS: papa don't die pls

FATHER: dnt worry akpors even if i
die, don't forget to protect the family, don't forget to protect ur sisters and our lands .

Most importantly -in case i die - i
have 10million naira in my
account ..and 7million under my bed.




My atm password is 5555.








AKPORS: (smiling) papa no problem.
















pls don't forget to die oh

nicely composed
very funny

Ruqaya: nicely composed
very funny

*yawn*

Kunbee: *yawn*

*releases a hot fart in his mouth*

You are a pig

Kunbee: I kumbee is a pig

no wonder

My friend stop that

Kunbee: My friend stop that

do unto others, wht u want to be done to you....

Timmy: I'm Hungary,

Mum: why don't you Czech the fridge.

Timmy: ok i'm Russian to the kitchen.

Mum: Hmmm.. may be you'll find some Turkey.

Timmy: Yeah but its all covered in Greece. yuck!

Mum: There is Norway you can eat that.

Timmy: I know, I guess i'll just have a can of Chile

Mum: Denmark your name on the can.

Timmy: Kenya do it for me?
Mum: Ok, I'm Ghana do it.

Timmy: Thanks, i'm so tired Iran for an hour today

Mum: it Tokyo long enough.









Timmy: yeah Israelly hard sometimes!





Season greetings to you all....one love

Wonderful collection...

Wonderful collection sir...

nice one boy

Xymc...:
Wonderful collection...

thank you my boss

jokingmary: nice one boy

i am humble sir

congratulations. .. . . . .

bin gbagbo: congratulations. .. . . . .

Very nice and that cat is so cute.

ARareGem: Very nice and that cat is so cute.

u ran away from me all this while ....hmmmm, shey na so love be?.......

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.


'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'

'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.

'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is."
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.

The bookkeeper signs back , "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens !"

The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?"







The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother"
Santa wrote back,

" SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
****************************************





What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress
***********************************

Husband asks:
"Do u know that the meaning of WIFE is:
W ithout
I nformation
F ighting
E very-time

Wife replies:
" No,......
It means:
W ith
I diot
F or
E ver !!!"
*****************************************



What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,... Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.
***********************************



A young boy asks his Dad :"What is the difference between confident and confidential?
Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my
son,







THAT is confidential.

Two friends talking:


- Sorry man, I slept with your wife




- It's ok, I sleep with her every night

A maths professor sent a sms to his wife..



Dear you are now 54 years old and unable to satisfy me.
Now I am with my 18 years old female student
So I will be late tonight..


Wife replied: dear you are also 54 years
and unable to satisfy me.
Now I am with our driver who is also 18 years..



As you are mathematicians you know very well
that 18 goes into 54 many times,
more than 54 goes into 18






















so don't come tonight..

Did y0u kn0w?

Everything in woman's upper body starts with
a "B"
[ blouse, bra, bikini, braid, boobs ]

and the lower body with a 'P'
[petticoat, pants, panties, pus*y]




No wonder MEN suffer High Blood Pressure
(BP).

Monkeys And Girls r same,

Because

They fight only for BANANA !


Boys And Rats are same,


They are Always Searching for new holes..