Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? - Family (2) - Nairaland
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| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by Nobody: 4:23pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
abombom: Hello Nairalanders,YEAH THIS WAS THE SAME SITUATION WITH ME AND MY DAD. HE RAISED US WITH FEAR. NO LOVE. TILL TODAY WE HAVE NO RELATIONSHIP. SOMETIMES I DONT CALL IN YEARS. BIGGEST MISTAKE YOU CAN EVER MAKE IS RAISE YOUR KIDS WITH FEAR. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A RELATIONSHIP IN THE FUTURE. YOU END UP BECOMING AN EMOTIONAL MIDGET WHEN RAISED WITH FEAR. WHICH HAS ITS OWN ADVANTAGES BECAUSE THIS IS A COLD WORLD LOLZ 2 Likes |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by UyiIredia(m): 4:24pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
Some parents are free with their kids and still have their respect while some parents are overly strict and therefore make their kids afraid of them. |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by safarigirl(f): 4:25pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
Some parents instill a sense of fear and not respect in their kids. Note, there's a thin line between fear and respect. Fear is when your kid shudders at the thought of a punishment he WILL face in your hands, respect is when he acknowledges that. I'm for instance, against kids calling their parents Sir or Ma, except this is the army, and you're a drill sergeant, there is no purpose for such. Me and my dad are like 5 and 6, we talk, act and think alike, he corrects me when need be with a stern warning, but we do joke around a lot. Nobody says you should spare the rod, but handle it with care. |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by Dudubery: 4:38pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
Kobojunkie: Lmaooooooo   |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by Nobody: 4:40pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
It all depends on your upbringing... Personally, I'm not very free with my pops - and it has to do with the subconscious fear I have for him... We've tried almost everything but it's just something/scar I might never rid myself of... Growing up, I was like the "black sheep" in my family and it was a "one-week one-trouble" a la I-used-to-get-in-trouble-at-home-every-week - and with strict African parents; you know that means getting your ar.se beat like a thief every week...That contributed to it and it might be like that forever.. Love and admire my pops to death, but I'm not just free with him.. |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by nyema91: 4:46pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
it is so unfortunate dat children ar afraid of relatin to there parents,dis actually happens because d parent established fear ad tension in there children,which is not good for growin children,parents u do this for ur interest y nt sympatise wit ur childrens point OF view,i tink most parents who do dis wil end up regretin it in d future,because someday u wil need your children to talk to them,to relate to them,bt it may b too late,dis was sometin u should hav startd wen dey were younger,the children wil keep hidin things from you which should hav been discuse with them,you give them advice were nessersary to avoide mistake in life,Personaly,am not close to my dad,am not free with him,he established fear ad tension,i grew up wit it,my mum is very close to me,she is very free with me,i love her so much,she is my best friend,now dad want me to b open to him,he want me to relate to him as much as i do to mum,is too late,i find it difficult to b open to him ad he complains alot,wat has he gain doin it,parents dat is nt d way to train a child.That is nt respect,most parents think is d best way to mak dere children respect them,respect is different from fear,your children may not genieuly respect you,bt may pretend to, due to fear,LET YOUR CHILDREN RESPECT YOU IN YOUR PRESENT AND YOUR ABSENT,LET THEM NOT FEAR YOU 4 Likes |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by greatgod2012(f): 4:49pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
ferhyntorlah: thanks, my sister. |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by Cchi24(m): 5:10pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
sum parents are lyk a team of dracula and sindel(princess kitana's mom) nd y'all knw hw it feels lyk |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by LadyGeorge(f): 5:11pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
i was not close to my parents when I was young. i cos they were very strict, My Parents were never friendly with us at all. Even now people don't know that they have a female child cos i keep 2 myself and hardly stay around them. |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by decrox199(m): 5:14pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
Tnkz 4ds post@op...i happen τ̅☺ fall into ds category and It pains me each time i tink about It..m 22,a finalist in d university,up till nw,i cnt confront My dad τ̅☺ tell him some of My needs let alone joke wit him.very much close τ̅☺ My mum and she helps conveys My request τ̅☺ him.Though he normally acceeds τ̅☺ al,but he hs instill dat fear in us right fm our younger days.He @times intentionally go fearfull just for us not τ̅☺ ask him anythn..Av never seen his teeth unless he's wit his frnds crackn jokes together..ds is a feeling dat mks me cry most times#sobs |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by demelza: 5:24pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
Its only recently I have been moving close to my dad. When I was much younger the very sight of him terrified me. Dad was really very strict. There were sometimes I prayed he just left us and never came back, thank God he never answered my prayer. Looking back I know he did those things out of love but I wished I had the relationship my sister presently has with him. She can walk up to my dad and say anything on her mind, she even asks him to buy her sanitary pad sumfin I would never do in a million years. Dad encourages me now to talk to him about anything, sometimes I do and sometimes I dont because subconsciously, the fear is still there. But still that fear doesnt take away anything because I love him to bits and pieces. |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by Nobody: 5:44pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
tpia1: what kind of play are parents supposed to be playing with a 20 year old? Parents who are not afraid to show emotion around their children, regardless of their ages. Parents who are willing to share quality time with their children, knowing we all have but a short time to live. Parents who value their grown-up children, and are their friends, as well as parents. Parents who encourage their children to be able to discuss anything with them, regardless of what trouble they may be in. Those are the kind of parents that will play with their twenty-year-olds. tpia1: all parents do not have to be the same. No one said all parents have to be the same, so I can't see why you're so defensive. This is a Discussion Board, and this topic isn't about what's right or wrong. It's about differing views, what's so difficult to comprehend here? 1 Like |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by Wsdm: 5:45pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
I was brought up under the conditions the op mentioned but now that i am a father, i am over free with my children and never postpone correcting them when they do any wrong. So for this, except something else happen in future,they are closer to me than their mother. |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by Nobody: 6:04pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
This how my parents trained me when I was younger.. My dad wud shout and scold me for using my mum's lipstick den later sing me 'my dear lollypop, u make my heart go giddyUp' after buying me Original Buttermint. My mum on d other hand, wud buy me books of fairyTales n Nursery ryhmes, singalong videos and wud slap me for collecting sweet from a friend at school. Now, I dey fear ask person for anytng, I see it as a duty to readUp and get knowledge in wetin no-even conern me, and I dey Vex anytym I see buttermint of today. Does my Super Story make sense? |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by gbokukueba(m): 6:50pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
When you grow up in a military barracks and have a father that the only way he shows love is by beating you at every slight mistake Also hiding behind the biblical verse that 'its the child you love that you chastise'  . I suffered serious emotional and physical abuse as a child and till today he still uses threatening word despite the fact that am married and over 30  . Despite all this he still wants to have a relationship and accuses my mum of 'turning' his children against him.I am raising a child now and i make sure i show her love and chastise her when need be but NEVER with fear. |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by pinky21(f): 7:18pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
Some parents re jst too strict. My mum is an example. Dis days I noticed she wants to b free by asking abt my relationship but am jst too scared to tell her anytin. Can stil rememba her words den(if u get pregnant to my house I will beat u til u miscarriage)hahahahaha |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by zikclassiq(m): 7:20pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
Its african tinz...naija mentality..too much bulala 4rm parents.. |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by EBERENASAM(m): 7:25pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
because d hav some spirit dat wil mislead them. And d spirit knws dat parents are hinderance |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by zikclassiq(m): 7:26pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
I met a girl dat i am dying for at a wedding 2day. She was wit her mother, i was wit my dad. Wen it cam wen we wil greet, me n her jus shook hands awkwardly as if we jus met. I bin dy fear wetin popman n go talk n didnt want her mum 2 knw watsup. I jus SPEECHLESS! atleast i didnt gv anytin away. Hmm no blame o. Na fear catch me. |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by Candybob(m): 7:46pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
If you pride yourself in been a disciplinarian and your philosophy as a parent is 'spare the rod and spoil the child', you are walking on a deadly road! Especially FATHERS, check out all the stories above, it is always easy to forget the animosity with the mothers because of earlier memories of love and intimacy built up during infancy, all those cuddling, rocking, soothing and breast-feeding makes the child identify the mom with loving qualities, even when she scolds he checks himself, maybe he has done wrong. But unfortunately for the Dads, you dont have this 'soft-landing' that will help absorb all the negative emotions that trying to instill discipline on the child brings, so he sees you as the wicked man who just like making him miserable, if you like preach the whole bible, it wont change that thought! So please stop with 'The disciplinarian thing' and start been 'the loving Father'. |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by Iolo(m): 7:50pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
This guy could begin to treat his wife the same way master-slave way his parents treated him and we'll begin to wonder why? |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by lilmaydee(m): 7:53pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
I had the same xperience when I was younger. My dad criticized me a lot and my mom was no xception. Now, I can't even relate with anybody cos of fear of criticism and rejection. Very soon I will be done with my studies I don't want to go back living with them. Even though my parents have been looking for avenues to make it up to me. It's just too late. The emotional wound is just too deep. 1 Like |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by Nobody: 8:30pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
Hey folks. I have the same problem.My dad is a very kind and generous man but he critizes and insults a lot. He behaves like a perfectionist and find faults in every little tin I do. I stay alone but visit dem weekends so as to mak dem feel loved. But end up being critized..infact iv bin heavily critizied dis evening. I'm d only son. He gave me a nice car, paid the initial part of my rent and gave me a quality education but......The terror as a kid was frightening..Till today he complains dat I dnt really call him wen am @ wrk lik how I call mum... It aint my fault..I can never raise my kids with terror jeez!! |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by setubar(m): 8:49pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
;Dit z tru wit most of d youth,many youth r afraid of dia parent mostly those frm ajekpako homes |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by abombom(m): 9:41pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
packman: [size=20pt]big lie @ op it depends on your family I am 100% free with my Parent....i think u should read the topic again. Op never said he wasnt free |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by striker07(m): 9:59pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
I am free with my parents,and that has not made me not to respect them. |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by Ivalyn(f): 10:36pm On Dec 08, 2012 |
Im a 100% free with mah dad...But definitely naht mah mum nd dahz cus she'z just 2 strict |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by Tingles(m): 1:31am On Dec 09, 2012 |
I don't have a relationship with him, he killed my self esteem, thrashed me for no reasons...I was sure he hated me and I hated him too, I contemplated suicide and later started plotting how to poison him. I am glad I didn't kill him or myself, I turned out better than I would have been if he wasn't a "domestic terrorist". He violently taught me to be brave, hardworking, quiet, indifferent and independent, I am happy he is now a victim of my extreme independence. Parenting should be a compulsory course in the university. |
| Re: Why Are Some Youths/Teens So Afraid Of Their Parents And Not Free With Them? by tpia1: 3:06am On Dec 09, 2012 |
Siena: so a 20 year isnt supposed to have their own social circle, but should be waiting for the parent to play with them and start whining if they dont. at that age, i wasnt interested in playing with my parents- i wasnt even playing at all, not sure why a young adult would be reliant on kiddie games for social stimulation to begin with, instead of dating/making friends and discovering the world like his or her agemates, but maybe i'm missing something. . . . . No one said all parents have to be the same, so I can't see why you're so defensive. This is a Discussion Board, and this topic isn't about what's right or wrong. It's about differing views, what's so difficult to comprehend here? what exactly do you find offensive and infringing on your own right to free speech [same as everybody else's], in my post? All parents do not have to be the same, end of. a parent playing with their kid/s till age 35 doesnt mean the one who instilled stricter values in their own children, is any less loving. key word here is moderation- too much of any extreme is bad. |
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