Hello Nairalanders,

I found that some youths/teens are just too afraid of their parents. They act like principal and students.

I've got a pal, 20, in the uni who cant answer his parents' calls in front of his friends (cos of the latter interrogation from his dad on who had the voices he over heard during the call).

The same guy cant be outside his house when his parents are driving back home from work. He sneaks in in fear. His parents never play with him, they aren't free with him. For me @ 21, in the uni, i play chess, scrabbles, games, etc with my dad (during my teens and now during holidays). I even eat with him, we so free.

So I wanna know your take on this. As a parent, are you free with your teenage children? Were u free with your parents? As a youth, are you free with your parents or you act like principal and students in high school?

Is it a good thing to be so scared of them? Do u call it respect, Fear, or not good?. . . . . .

I call it african culture.

what kind of play are parents supposed to be playing with a 20 year old?


some of you type as if you lack basic cognition.

abombom: hello ΠairΔlanders!
I found dat some youths/teens are just too afraid of their parents. They act like principal and students.
Av gat a pal, 20, in the uni who cant answer his parents' calls in front of his friends (cos of the latter interrogation from his dad on whom had the voices he over heard during the call). The same guy cant be outside his house when his parents are driving back home from work. He sneaks in in fear. His parents never play with him, they aren't free with him. For me @ 21, in the uni, i play chess, scrables, games, etc. with ma dad (during ma teens and now during holidays). Even eat with him, we so free.
So i wanna knw ur take on this. As a parent, are u free with ur teenage children? Were u free with ur parents? As a youth, are you free with ur parents or you act like principal and students in high school? Is it a good thing to be so scared of them? Do u call it Γespect, Fear, nonsense?

Eeya! It's quite unfortunate that your friend doesn't have that kind of relationship with his folks.

You are to respect your parents no doubt. Fear is something else entirely. When a child lives the way u described, it means the parents have placed him on a pedastal - an expectation too high for him to meet, so he pretends. He will most likely fall soon cos he is acting what he is not.

Children should be free and be allowed to express that their youthful side. What your friend needs at that age is a guide to keep him on the good path till he can finally stand on his own.

For those of us in the north its quite different. . . .Children aren't usually closer to their fathers. . .Many are close to their mothers but not their fathers, the relationship that exist is mostly the master slave relationship. . .

I really try to understand the logic of African Parents? You build an atmosphere of fear and tension and miss out on the best years of your childs life.
My Daddy ( yes am over 30 almost 40 and still call my father Daddy) is the best ever. He always had time for us, We would go golfing, pkay board games, read papers, he would personally teach us to drive. Growing up was so much fun.
Boyfriends were always welcomed with open arms aand enveloped into the family so they was no need for sneaking out.
Anyway, we love him dearly, recently he fell ill, see how we were all falling over ourselves trying to pay for his treatment even though he refused to collect our money we were all so worried even the son in laws.
It is really sad when parentss insist on fear rather than love and respect

all parents do not have to be the same.

This isn't just a parent/child thingy. . .it cuts across every relationship in Nigeria. If someone isn't cowering in fear at the mere mention of your name, they don't respect you.

Someway, somehow we have convinced ourselves that TERROR = RESPECT.

Sad.

anyone who uses words like "nonsense" when referring to his or other parents, is bordering on mental illness and needs urgent help.

Sisi_Kill: This isn't just a parent/child thingy. . .it cuts across every relationship in Nigeria. If someone isn't cowering in fear at the mere mention of your name, they don't respect you.

Someway, somehow we have convinced ourselves that TERROR = RESPECT.

Sad.

true, but the western world still has a very thriving child services department in spite of having majority parents who are practically indistinguishable from their children thanks to all the "playing".

Sisi_Kill: This isn't just a parent/child thingy. . .it cuts across every relationship in Nigeria. If someone isn't cowering in fear at the mere mention of your name, they don't respect you.

Someway, somehow we have convinced ourselves that TERROR = RESPECT.

Sad.

It is what it is, thing is if you do not terrorise them, they take you for granted; at least that is what I observed, even in business dealings. When you are soft spoken and civil, they feel you are foolish, it is when you shout that they fall in line and behave.

When you are soft spoken and civil, they feel you are foolish

one of the most accurate statements ever made on nl.

Long One:

It is what it is, thing is if you do not terrorise them, they take you for granted; at least that is what I observed, even in business dealings. When you are soft spoken and civil, they feel you are foolish, it is when you shout that they fall in line and behave.

So, can we conclude that BokoHaram is on the right path then?

boko haram is a foreign transplant.

tpia1: anyone who uses words like "nonsense" when referring to his or other parents, is bordering on mental illness and needs urgent help.

nawao! E never reach fight na, make we leave am 4 quarrel level

@OP, I think you're bad company for your pal, from the way you sound. & you're likely to influence him wrongly. Leave him with his parent. You didn't mention that he asked your advice, you know.

However this is not a Nigerian thing, as some claim:The trad I know is one where once a teenager no one bring such restraints on you. Good parents only need to know what their kids are up to. This is still the way it is in "rural" areas

Mowire: @OP, I think you're bad company for your pal, from the way you sound. & you're likely to influence him wrongly. Leave him with his parent. You didn't mention that he asked your advice, you know.

However this is not a Nigerian thing, as some claim:The trad I know is one where once a teenager no one bring such restraints on you. Good parents only need to know what their kids are up to. This is still the way it is in "rural" areas

lol...no op is not a bad pal. He knows about this thread. Op took his permission b4 doing this.

Op,not everyone is lucky to have parents open and free as yours so stop wondering what it is with your friends and his parents.
Their relationship has probably always been like that and always will be.
A lot of Nigerian parents are like that...instill fear in their children instead of nuturing them with the essence of values like "respect" which is what should obtain ordinarily..

abombom:
lol...no op is not a bad pal. He knows about this thread. Op took his permission b4 doing this.

OK youngman, so you want advice on how to get some freedom off your parent. I'll volunteer one, cos I understand your "pain":
Do this: Ask your parent permission to go see/play with your friends while they are @home. If they refuse then let your friends come over anytime except night or too early in the morning.
Keep showing a lot of respect & love they'll change.

Mowire:
OK youngman, so you want advice on how to get some freedom off your parent. I'll volunteer one, cos I understand your "pain":
Do this: Ask your parent permission to go see/play with your friends while they are @home. If they refuse then let your friends come over anytime except night or too early in the morning.
Keep showing a lot of respect & love they'll change.

am not the one in question here

tpia1:

one of the most accurate statements ever made on nl.

I’m flattered, thanks!

Kobojunkie:

So, can we conclude that BokoHaram is on the right path then?

Lol, haba, no o! Say no to boko-haramism

abombom:
lol...no op is not a bad pal. He knows about this thread. Op took his permission b4 doing this.

I hope the OP is not at the other end of the scale, the westernised type that will say ‘you are silly mommy’ or ‘shut up mommy’ all in the name of being ‘free’.

Welcome to naija

Its very unfortunate and sad that in dis age, some parents still instill fear and tension in their children, little wonder then why we have so many children hangimg up with bad companies, when their parents dont show them attention, why wouldnt they look for attention elsewhere. It pains me to d marrow when i see or hear about parents dealing with their children in master-slave way, its not a good way of bringing up children, when parents are closer and friendly with their children, it pays them off, because they will see d resultant behaviour in d children, it helps to build their confidence.
Infact, some parents need orientation, not every parent is qualified to be called parents. Its sad, and its effect is what we are seeing in our society.

Not readable.
Text messaging lingo!
*Thread unfollowed*

greatgod2012: Infact, some parents need orientation, not every parent is qualified to be called parents. Its sad, and its effect is what we are seeing in our society.

1,000,000,000 likes

Long One:

Lol, haba, no o! Say no to boko-haramism

No to bOko-haramism but yes to terrorism in the homes? Come on now!!! Either you are against terrorism completely or you are not. Which one?

Kobojunkie:

No to bOko-haramism but yes to terrorism in the homes? Come on now!!! Either you are against terrorism completely or you are not. Which one?

This is where we are at a variance; I wasn’t referring to familial relationships, but to ‘the others’ you mentioned, specifically business and services.

I do not believe people should be terrorised/suppressed, talk less of within a family; I wanted to point out that the entire system is wrong if you have to do so to get some basic services – as this is what seems to work. Else they don’t respond or they term you ‘mugu’, ‘mumu’, ‘jjc’, or ‘ajebutter’.
I do not live there, so you can imagine how it felt experiencing all that, worse still, having to behave ‘in Rome as the Romans do’.

I was not that close to my dad when I was young. We children thought he was very strict and we would disappear into our room once he is around. While in primary and secondary school, no friend was welcomed in our house and we were not allowed to go visiting either. But as we were getting older, he was becoming more relaxed and he welcomed only female friends for the girls and only male friends for the boys . By the time I was in tertiary institution, we were quite close and he was no longer a "no go area". At that point,I remember myself and my sister telling him about so many things he used to do that made us afraid, the times he beat us without listening to our explanations. We told him so many things we used to do behind his back and even the places we had gone to without his knowledge. His response was that he was trying to teach us the best way he could considering that our mum was late and he was trying to play the role of father and mother at the same time us.

One good thing he realized was that there is time for everything; he loosened up as we grew older. My dad that didn't tolerate my keeping friends when I was in secondary school later asked me in 300L that he noticed I don't go out visiting anytime I came home on vacation. I jokingly reminded him about his no keeping of friends rule but he responded that, that was then and that now he trusts my judgement about who to choose as friends.

My dad was initially like that because he felt that was the best approach and he was nursing a silent fear of not failing as a single dad. Looking back now, I understand what he was trying to do but then I felt he was mean. Well, of course I would have appreciated being close to him from the very beginning but what can I say, all is well that ends well.

Parents should be able to draw the line between fear and respect, between showing love and pampering, between maintaining discipline and sheer wickedness e.t.c

when pikin spoil, who them go find?

[size=20pt]big lie @ op it depends on your family I am 100% free with my Parent....
Dont know about you [/size]