slysinzu: Dis marriage of a tin self.must we marry?

debrief08: Healthy disagreements is good oh. Healthy in the sense that there is no naame calling no screaming and attracting the neighbors, No tantrums, digging up passt hurts, using sensitive details your partner tells you in confidence to score cheap points.
Hubby and I disagree a lot, he thinks I am too uptight (so not true), I think he is too careless. When e first married he was still acting like a bachelor, he will just pick his keys and head out even though he never stayed out long he wouldn't see the need to tell me "babe, I am going to the barbers"
He was so used to being on his own he didn't understand why someone else must know where he is. And then I wouldn't saay anything, I will be upset and keep it in, but my mood will change, he will be asking for hours "babe what is wrong"? And I wwill say nothing yet keep a long face, he hated tht but I didn't know, I was groomed to tolerate what I didn't like and keep quiet, coming from my first marriage I learnt not to question or query my husbands movement.
It took us a while and me collaspsing into tears before we were both able to understand what was wrong and how to fix it. Now we quarrel over howw he scatters his clothes, TV remote, money spending habits, I buy shoes and sneak them in with the old ones he goes andremoves the new ones and lines them up without saying a word, me too I pretend I didn't see them. He is too blunt, says things and offends people I am left begging and apologising and also explaining to him how his "truth" is not diplomatic, he never seems to get thaat.
Key is communication, open and decent. I am still a little shy and maybe docile, I find it hard sometimes especiaally on serious issues to challenge him so I send a text or message, it saves us from shouting and aarguing. Before he will travel, land and just go about his buisness, in his calculations when he is done and resting he will call me, meanwhile I want him to call as soon as he lands so I wouldn't be worried about safey, he will assume that I will get information if anything goes wrong and if nothing is wrong then I should know he is fine.
See simple issues but they were big points of malice and quarrels, Thankfully, we are growing wiser and better.

Recently an old friend (male) came to meet me and after a few minutes he opened up, he and his wife had hhurt each other so much with bad words, accusations, counter acccusations, suspicion, insults, using words to hurt each other, she had told him she had an abortion before they married and he had used it to insult her.
She had accused him of sleeping with a colleague and he was not instead of denying it and clearing her doubts he told her "I am and so what"? She then told him he was impotent and not the father of their kids, after spending so much on DNA they found out that the kids were his, and she said boldly that she did that to hurt him.
Again he had a bout of ulcer as he was spending days without really eaating, especially when they quarrel, one night he had dinner and felt stomach ache very bad one, as he was being rushed to the hospital he was telling the doctors and neiighbors who had helped thaat if he died his wife poisoned him, haba, they found out it wasn't poison but ulcer, aafter that the wife moved out and haas refused to come home.
What is the point of my story? Clear communication lines, one must not always be the begging party, remove pride and ego especially men. Don't look to hurt each other with painful words, don't use eaach others secrets to score cheap points.

Now he is miserable, she is miserable, just because of mere words used wrongly.

Disagreements should be healthy. Women; No award for who keeps most malice, Men; no award for having the biggest ego and waiting for her to go on her knees, you will get your ego and have a bad unhappy home

slimchi2k2: @hot n cold
bro that thing tire meoooo too,by GOD grace i will finish my prj next year and will lik to marry next year,but i'm still thinkin about that kind stuf
my bro and sis u people should help me in prayin atleast to marry sombody that we always put smile on my face i will do too

hot n cold: I will probably be getting married in 4-5 years time,but what always bug my mind each time I give it a thought is:

1)Why should a couple who after 2-3 years of marriage,suddenly decides to call in a third party(I hate this part so much)?

2)Didn't they know each other well enough during dating/courting before heading to the alter?

3)Is it not possible to have a near perfect marriage?

4)What usually brings about this unnecessary fights/quarrels?Money?In Laws?

Married people,these and many more thoughts are what, sometimes discourage in me planning to go into that institution called Marriage!

Please your thoughts will be highly appreciated!

1)Why should a couple who after 2-3 years of marriage,suddenly decides to call in a third party(I hate this part so much)?

2)Didn't they know each other well enough during dating/courting before heading to the alter?

3)Is it not possible to have a near perfect marriage?

4)What usually brings about this unnecessary fights/quarrels?Money?In Laws?

hot n cold: I will probably be getting married in 4-5 years time,but what always bug my mind each time I give it a thought is:

1)Why should a couple who after 2-3 years of marriage,suddenly decides to call in a third party(I hate this part so much)?

2)Didn't they know each other well enough during dating/courting before heading to the alter?

3)Is it not possible to have a near perfect marriage?

4)What usually brings about this unnecessary fights/quarrels?Money?In Laws?

Married people,these and many more thoughts are what, sometimes discourage in me planning to go into that institution called Marriage!

Please your thoughts will be highly appreciated!

jhydebaba: The tongue and the mouth do fight.

The reason for most disagreement is as a result of two people from different background coming to stay together under a roof.

The most important thing is to reconcile after every disagreement/fight

slysinzu: Dis marriage of a tin self.must we marry?