He has answered your questions.

Chynx: Sadly, yes!...misunderstanding is a function of a married life. Getting to manage your differences is what makes ur marriage a successful one.

Yes... Without one, it aint normal!

It doesn't have to be filled with quarrels and misunderstandings. No one says you will always agree, but when you dissent, you don't have to create dissension, quarrels or fights.

Do it, God's way ... It'll definitely be quarrel-free.

inwangobio, sorry to bump into ur thread.pls dis is oviasouth from the trying to conceive thread. ve not seen ur post there for smtime dats y am sending it here, hoping u will get to c it. pls i want to make contact with you. ve tried sending u a private message but i dont knw wats happening. can u pls advise me with ur phone no. or email addy? thanks alot.

inwangobio: Fight is a capital NO - NO, but misunderstanding -yea. It is a must but you must make sure it doesn't degenerate into something you can't handle. I can remember when we got married newly,i made a promise not to have any misunderstanding with my wife and for 8 good months we didnt 'have'. I almost ruined my marriage then, thank God today we are a nice couple because the misunderstandings came to make us better people to the glory of God. I don't live in that fantasy of 'no quarell or misunderstanding in marriage'.

hmmmmmmmm am learning ooo intresting tread

debrief08: Healthy disagreements is good oh. Healthy in the sense that there is no naame calling no screaming and attracting the neighbors, No tantrums, digging up passt hurts, using sensitive details your partner tells you in confidence to score cheap points.
Hubby and I disagree a lot, he thinks I am too uptight (so not true), I think he is too careless. When e first married he was still acting like a bachelor, he will just pick his keys and head out even though he never stayed out long he wouldn't see the need to tell me "babe, I am going to the barbers"
He was so used to being on his own he didn't understand why someone else must know where he is. And then I wouldn't saay anything, I will be upset and keep it in, but my mood will change, he will be asking for hours "babe what is wrong"? And I wwill say nothing yet keep a long face, he hated tht but I didn't know, I was groomed to tolerate what I didn't like and keep quiet, coming from my first marriage I learnt not to question or query my husbands movement.
It took us a while and me collaspsing into tears before we were both able to understand what was wrong and how to fix it. Now we quarrel over howw he scatters his clothes, TV remote, money spending habits, I buy shoes and sneak them in with the old ones he goes andremoves the new ones and lines them up without saying a word, me too I pretend I didn't see them. He is too blunt, says things and offends people I am left begging and apologising and also explaining to him how his "truth" is not diplomatic, he never seems to get thaat.
Key is communication, open and decent. I am still a little shy and maybe docile, I find it hard sometimes especiaally on serious issues to challenge him so I send a text or message, it saves us from shouting and aarguing. Before he will travel, land and just go about his buisness, in his calculations when he is done and resting he will call me, meanwhile I want him to call as soon as he lands so I wouldn't be worried about safey, he will assume that I will get information if anything goes wrong and if nothing is wrong then I should know he is fine.
See simple issues but they were big points of malice and quarrels, Thankfully, we are growing wiser and better.

Recently an old friend (male) came to meet me and after a few minutes he opened up, he and his wife had hhurt each other so much with bad words, accusations, counter acccusations, suspicion, insults, using words to hurt each other, she had told him she had an abortion before they married and he had used it to insult her.
She had accused him of sleeping with a colleague and he was not instead of denying it and clearing her doubts he told her "I am and so what"? She then told him he was impotent and not the father of their kids, after spending so much on DNA they found out that the kids were his, and she said boldly that she did that to hurt him.
Again he had a bout of ulcer as he was spending days without really eaating, especially when they quarrel, one night he had dinner and felt stomach ache very bad one, as he was being rushed to the hospital he was telling the doctors and neiighbors who had helped thaat if he died his wife poisoned him, haba, they found out it wasn't poison but ulcer, aafter that the wife moved out and haas refused to come home.
What is the point of my story? Clear communication lines, one must not always be the begging party, remove pride and ego especially men. Don't look to hurt each other with painful words, don't use eaach others secrets to score cheap points.

Now he is miserable, she is miserable, just because of mere words used wrongly.

Disagreements should be healthy. Women; No award for who keeps most malice, Men; no award for having the biggest ego and waiting for her to go on her knees, you will get your ego and have a bad unhappy home

I like your very thoughtful write up. I do wonder about some of the issues you had with your husband, though. Did you not have the issues while dating, and how long did you date?

I am planning to marry soon...I and my fiancee have dated for 3 years and I think me we pretty much have worked out a routine about how we behave and expectations as per keeping the other person updated on what you are up to. Also in terms of chores around the house and money. Anytime either of us deviates from the norm, the other partner serves a playful warning. It's working in the relationship...I believe it would work in the marriage too.

We disagree all the time, but there is no name-calling or denigration.

To the OPs question: There must be misunderstanding. haba. Have you ever agreed 100 percent with everything that even your parents have done? There has to be love to resolve misunderstandings, though. When you love nad respect someone, it is easier to shift ground on issues, or pardon and forgive where neccessary.

it makes u knw each other better.

This is discouraging.

slysinzu: Dis marriage of a tin self.must we marry?

I wonder

...as with every other human relationships.

[i][/i][quote author=hot n cold]I will probably be getting married in 4-5 years time,but what always bug my mind each time I give it a thought is:

1)Why should a couple who after 2-3 years of marriage,suddenly decides to call in a third party(I hate this part so much)?

2)Didn't they know each other well enough during dating/courting before heading to the alter?

3)Is it not possible to have a near perfect marriage?





4)What usually brings about this unnecessary fights/quarrels?Money?In Laws?

Married people,these and many more thoughts are what, sometimes discourage in me planning to go into that institution called Marriage!

Please your thoughts will be highly appreciated![/quote


1)Introducing a third party shows some level of immaturity among a couple.The third party settling your dispute could barely settle theirs.I have been married for almost 4yrs and at a pretty young age,but the issue of a third party has never been considered.We both know when to say "am sorry"for peace to reign.


2)You can't really know anyone well enough,until you share a roof with them.

3)It is very possible because am in an almost perfect marriage.What makes it so,is the fact that we have 100per communication and 0per secrecy.We hide nothing from each other,thus we had to eliminate any person in our FB/BBM/Phonebook that may pose as a trigger to any form of suspicion.We virtually operate a "NO contact with male fiends/female friends" policy.We work as a team and each others feeling is always in consideration.This can only work for a couple who is committed to building a perfect home or atleast,a near perfect home.

4)A lot of things can bring issues in marriage,ranging from peeing on the toilet seat to annoying in laws.Money will never be an issue if you marry an understanding person.Once you share with your spouse when the going was good,I don't see why they ll be a pain when you are broke.Every marriage must have a boundary.The intrusion of in laws must be put to check,because they can be an immense pressure on marriage.Couples should Learn to communicate each others feelings without being apprehensive.They should always present a united front before there kids.The couples should take turns in venting,not venting at the same time which might result in a fight.There must be a misunderstanding,but the ability to resolve it within 24hrs is what makes you perfect.Third party should only be involved in a life or death situation.


Dating do not determine the success of a marriage cos I dated my hubby for barely four months.We try to preserve our youth by indulging in stuffs that we did while single.We dress,watch weight and look good to impress ourselves.we do not follow any outdated marriage rule nor care about people's perception of marriage.We send the kids to granny every once in a while So we could have time to really prance around and relish our youth.Marriage is the greatest gift God gave to mankind,that is,If two hearts can only learn to beat as one.Marriage goodoooooo!!!!!!!

I forget to mention that we ping instead of yelling at each other.Each person stays in a different part of the house and ping out the aggression.At the end of the day,the pings might eventually take a romantic turn or i might just walk up to my hubby laughing,Case closed.We communicate verbally when the initial tension of an issue is gone,thus,making it a" get to know you better"session once again.People should stick to what works for them though.

I forgot to mention that we ping instead of yelling at each other.Each person stays in a different part of the house and ping out the aggression.At the end of the day,the pings might eventually take a romantic turn or i might just walk up to my hubby laughing,Case closed.We communicate verbally when the initial tension of an issue is gone,thus,making it a" get to know you better"session once again.People should stick to what works for them though.

I forgot to mention that we ping instead of yelling at each other.Each person stays in a different part of the house and ping out the aggression.At the end of the day,the pings might eventually take a romantic turn or i might just walk up to my hubby laughing,Case closed.We communicate verbally when the initial tension of an issue is gone,thus,making it a" get to know you better"session once again.People should stick to what works for them though.

@Debrief,you are on point.

*passes in disconcern* nat even in 5yrs time

Can't find my post,did it dissappear?hmmmmmm,nawaoooh.

;DHave seen it!!

NO.

debrief08: Healthy disagreements is good oh. Healthy in the sense that there is no naame calling no screaming and attracting the neighbors, No tantrums, digging up passt hurts, using sensitive details your partner tells you in confidence to score cheap points.
Hubby and I disagree a lot, he thinks I am too uptight (so not true), I think he is too careless. When e first married he was still acting like a bachelor, he will just pick his keys and head out even though he never stayed out long he wouldn't see the need to tell me "babe, I am going to the barbers"
He was so used to being on his own he didn't understand why someone else must know where he is. And then I wouldn't saay anything, I will be upset and keep it in, but my mood will change, he will be asking for hours "babe what is wrong"? And I wwill say nothing yet keep a long face, he hated tht but I didn't know, I was groomed to tolerate what I didn't like and keep quiet, coming from my first marriage I learnt not to question or query my husbands movement.
It took us a while and me collaspsing into tears before we were both able to understand what was wrong and how to fix it. Now we quarrel over howw he scatters his clothes, TV remote, money spending habits, I buy shoes and sneak them in with the old ones he goes andremoves the new ones and lines them up without saying a word, me too I pretend I didn't see them. He is too blunt, says things and offends people I am left begging and apologising and also explaining to him how his "truth" is not diplomatic, he never seems to get thaat.
Key is communication, open and decent. I am still a little shy and maybe docile, I find it hard sometimes especiaally on serious issues to challenge him so I send a text or message, it saves us from shouting and aarguing. Before he will travel, land and just go about his buisness, in his calculations when he is done and resting he will call me, meanwhile I want him to call as soon as he lands so I wouldn't be worried about safey, he will assume that I will get information if anything goes wrong and if nothing is wrong then I should know he is fine.
See simple issues but they were big points of malice and quarrels, Thankfully, we are growing wiser and better.

Recently an old friend (male) came to meet me and after a few minutes he opened up, he and his wife had hhurt each other so much with bad words, accusations, counter acccusations, suspicion, insults, using words to hurt each other, she had told him she had an abortion before they married and he had used it to insult her.
She had accused him of sleeping with a colleague and he was not instead of denying it and clearing her doubts he told her "I am and so what"? She then told him he was impotent and not the father of their kids, after spending so much on DNA they found out that the kids were his, and she said boldly that she did that to hurt him.
Again he had a bout of ulcer as he was spending days without really eaating, especially when they quarrel, one night he had dinner and felt stomach ache very bad one, as he was being rushed to the hospital he was telling the doctors and neiighbors who had helped thaat if he died his wife poisoned him, haba, they found out it wasn't poison but ulcer, aafter that the wife moved out and haas refused to come home.
What is the point of my story? Clear communication lines, one must not always be the begging party, remove pride and ego especially men. Don't look to hurt each other with painful words, don't use eaach others secrets to score cheap points.

Now he is miserable, she is miserable, just because of mere words used wrongly.

Disagreements should be healthy. Women; No award for who keeps most malice, Men; no award for having the biggest ego and waiting for her to go on her knees, you will get your ego and have a bad unhappy home

Madam Debrief I swear I think I and your husband are twins.

My God! You just described me.

There is an adage that goes thus,"If two friends enter a room for a talk and come out smiling,they haven't told each other the truth".The fact is that misunderstanding in marriage is inevitable.One should be wary of a relationship/marriage that a misunderstanding/argument doesn't ensue cause it means one party is not being true(probably pretending).No one person is perfect but the success of a marriage depends on how a/the misunderstanding is handled.was it resolved?does it degenerate into something worse?..maturity,understanding and love all play important roles in this case.That's why marriage is meant for matured individuals.

Y wont there be a misunderstandin I dey craze!

dere is a saying dt wen 2 pple of d same family always come out smiling evrytime, dey re nt been truthful or telling demsef facts abt life 2 each other.d same applies in marriage, disagreement or watever u may cal it must come but aw u manage it is wat matters because both re 2 diff person entirely. I wil suggest geting books on temperament like my favourite"why u act d way u do" by ****** dis wil help u in knwing partner very well.... Cheer frds

Y dem dey hide some posts pls

Yes.


As far as I know.

The spending so much on dna is a nice joke though.

Lord have mercy.