Akinagirl: I need advice too my son is almost 2 and I feel I can't take him anywhere. We go to the store immediately he starts climbing out the cart. Then later on he starts screaming and crying and kicking his shoes off. I forget like 10 things I need. He just will NOT cooperate. I want to nip this behavior in the bud. Also if you discipline the boy he gets violent. I live my boy but he's a handful.

smartmom: Ok I hear all these tactics but this wouldnt work for me in naija o! Infact an older woman actually 'suggested' to me to smack him shut so he will behave but all I have read in the books points else where.

Funny enough my older kids were not like this as toddlers. Matter of fact my eldest thinks I have lost my steam and that I am spoiling him.

smartmom: Ok I hear all these tactics but this wouldnt work for me in naija o! Infact an older woman actually 'suggested' to me to smack him shut so he will behave but all I have read in the books points else where.

Funny enough my older kids were not like this as toddlers. Matter of fact my eldest thinks I have lost my steam and that I am spoiling him.

ileobatojo:

The key for you would be prevention then. Just avoid doing what triggers the tantrums till he is old enough to understand or shop while he sleeps or something. Otherwise you will have to cut your shopping trips short and take him home immediately he starts and apply a time out. The response should be immediate though. No coddling and cajoling or else he will continue to do it. Personally I would smack my kid if he does that repeatedly when we are outside. If he can understand that a tantrum should be thrown when he wants something, he can understand that a smack will be given when he throws the tantrum. A hard smack to the back of his hand should swiftly do the trick. Follow with brief explanation of what he should do instead. Yes a smack may be a shortcut but I need to be able to shop in peace.

nat138: I am not a mother but one thing I know is that never think your children are too young to communicate with them especially for the two year old, he understands a lot more than you think. When you are taking a kid out especially shopping, you have to strike a deal with them at home and agree on what you will get them at the shop. You will be surprised that this will work perfectly.

a little scenario

Mum: Ben, you and mummy are going to the shop
Wait for a response
Then go on to ask him/her what they will like (something very affordable, could be a chocolate etc) when you get to the shop,
And make it clear to him/her that since that is what they want when you get to the shop, you will only get what you had agreed at home for them and you tell them gently why they need to be on their best behaviour while out.

And once they have been on their best behaviour, make them feel extra special when you get home. plenty hugs and kisses for good behaviour. it may seem like nothing but you will be surprised how much they appreciate that show of love. Don't shout on them while out, I know this is hard but try your best. Nobody wants to be shouted on in public even kids.

How do I know all these, I have baby sat kids and have watched my younger ones grow.

Hope these help.

smartmom: Has any parent been through the embarrassment of handling a howling thrashing kid demanding for some something you definitely are not prepared to purchase in a shopping mall and everyone looking gives you this dirty look? How does one safely (because I feel murderous at such times) handle such a child? I wouldnt even dream of such as a kid and am wondering how I was raised and what am doing wrong too?

candy:
Do not discipline physically eg by smacking your child, it just doesn't work with tantrums, especially in public

kulyie: Most of the times,my neighbour left her kids with me when she was goin to work some years ago and when i go to the shopping mall,i take them along and they point at choclates,buiscuits and sweets to buy for them,they were 4 and 3 years old and i told them i didnt have the money and the 4 year old boy removed his canvass and threw it on me and said he will not leave the mall unless i pay for the choclates,of course i didnt waste any time snatching the choclates from him returning it and giving him hard beating with my palms.i have noticed that if you keep buying everything you want for kids,they always assume that yelling,shouting,crying and throwing tantrums will do the trick,however if i have the money i buy and if i dont,then i dont,i tell them that its not everything the eyes see that must be bought even if you have the money.if you as a parent dont curb this wild attitude from them,if you dont give them money to buy it,its either they will steal or beg strangers to buy it for them and if you dont eliminate it and such attitude grows with them,when they are in their early teens,if she is a female,she may start invoving herself in promiscous behaviour to buy things you refused to buy for her.all this over indulgence of kids are part of the reasons we have insolent,indulgent and wild adolescent and teens out there

bigfrancis21:
By striking a deal with children they grow up † always be dependent on that 'goody goody' they will get in return Fø̲̣̣я̅ supposedly 'good behaviour'...in other words if there's no promise of a goody goody they WILL NOT co-operate. It isn't training at all since the training ι̥s̶̲̥̅̊ not part of them but something they do Fø̲̣̣я̅ something in return.
The best way † curb a child who starts † exhibit stubbornness tendencies from infancy ι̥s̶̲̥̅̊ outright spanking from the beginning. Believe ♍ƺ, it works magic! My neighbour's 2-yr old son used † be very stubborn, unruly, always wanting this ø̲̣̣я̅ that, and always crying!. His grandma(in her 50s) being the disciplinarian she was never tolerated such from him. By the time she was done spanking the boy, he totally changed. Now the boy has surprising good behaviour. Tell him † do something and he does it, unlike before.
My late mother never believed in pampering kids at all. If you misbehave she'll spank you outright. By the time you get spanked the third time, nobody will tell you † co-operate. The good behaviour will automatically stay with you. She's no longer alive but the training she gave ♍ƺ still remains strong in ♍ƺ. At least, I didn't get used † 'goody goody' † maintain good behaviour.

xt: This shouldn't be a big issue at all. The problem with parents, most especially moms is double standard. You wanna pamper ur child and u want the child to be disciplined at the same time. Well, its possible but parents don't know how to do it in most cases. The main thing is to have basic control over ur child. Ur child must respect ur instructions, Period. Once u focus on training ur child to learn that ur instruction is final, then all other things will be easy for u to handle.

If u are the type that can not afford not to give ur kid whatever he or she wants, believe me, u are not helping urself and the kid at all. Kids must understand that u can not always get what u want. Let them cry if they want, just be consistent, a kid of 2 would get used to it in just a matter of weeks and ur kid would never cry over bullshit anymore. But if u cant break that jinx, well u have to deal with the consequences.

...And remember, it is easier to treat such when they are still babies, because the older they get, the more difficult it becomes.

enaye1:

Its true that the older a parent gets the less the starch in child discipline so I can empathize with your older kid.

On how to handle a tantrum, I recently browsed this parenting site and it has excellent solutions:
http://www.nigerianparentsforum.com/index.php/topic,155.0.html on
Nigerian Parents Forum » Child psychology and welfare » Boosting your child’s self-esteem » TEMPER THAT TANTRUM

All the best!

bigfrancis21:
By striking a deal with children they grow up † always be dependent on that 'goody goody' they will get in return Fø̲̣̣я̅ supposedly 'good behaviour'...in other words if there's no promise of a goody goody they WILL NOT co-operate. It isn't training at all since the training ι̥s̶̲̥̅̊ not part of them but something they do Fø̲̣̣я̅ something in return.
The best way † curb a child who starts † exhibit stubbornness tendencies from infancy ι̥s̶̲̥̅̊ outright spanking from the beginning. Believe ♍ƺ, it works magic! My neighbour's 2-yr old son used † be very stubborn, unruly, always wanting this ø̲̣̣я̅ that, and always crying!. His grandma(in her 50s) being the disciplinarian she was never tolerated such from him. By the time she was done spanking the boy, he totally changed. Now the boy has surprising good behaviour. Tell him † do something and he does it, unlike before.
My late mother never believed in pampering kids at all. If you misbehave she'll spank you outright. By the time you get spanked the third time, nobody will tell you † co-operate. The good behaviour will automatically stay with you. She's no longer alive but the training she gave ♍ƺ still remains strong in ♍ƺ. At least, I didn't get used † 'goody goody' † maintain good behaviour.

xt: This shouldn't be a big issue at all. The problem with parents, most especially moms is double standard. You wanna pamper ur child and u want the child to be disciplined at the same time. Well, its possible but parents don't know how to do it in most cases. The main thing is to have basic control over ur child. Ur child must respect ur instructions, Period. Once u focus on training ur child to learn that ur instruction is final, then all other things will be easy for u to handle.

If u are the type that can not afford not to give ur kid whatever he or she wants, believe me, u are not helping urself and the kid at all. Kids must understand that u can not always get what u want. Let them cry if they want, just be consistent, a kid of 2 would get used to it in just a matter of weeks and ur kid would never cry over bullshit anymore. But if u cant break that jinx, well u have to deal with the consequences.

...And remember, it is easier to treat such when they are still babies, because the older they get, the more difficult it becomes.

seasoned_mom:

I totally agree with you . Know what? kids are very smart, they respond in like manner to the kind of treatment they receive. When they see a firm hold, they fall in line. Start early even when they are been breast fed and they will behave.

@poster, no mind those stuck up adults who pretend that they have never handled such esp. in public. stick to your guns and dont cave in to pressure jare!