I met my girlfriend July last year, initially I wasn't really into her but decided to date her after I found out that my ex wasn't really ready to settle down with me. To cut a long story short, this girl has proven (within this short period) that she really got character and wifely material. I must state that she is equally crazy about me, though I am cautious about falling for any girl again.
The problem is that, her background is a bit sketchy. I have met her mum, who is married to another man and with kids, but my girl claims that her dad is late and she was trained by her maternal grand mum. I have a feeling that dad, just like some men, rejected the pregnancy which resulted in her birth.

I have not told anyone in my family about this girl, but I can't hide her forever. Moreover she has sterling qualities. My fear is that my family will object to me marrying a lady with such sketchy background.

Please matured advice. And sorry for the long essay.

Her background doesn't matter,what matters is her character.since u score her to be 100 percent,present her to ur family,and marry her,maybe her dad is truly dead,Goodluck

BukkyDan: Her background doesn't matter,what matters is her character.since u score her to be 100 percent,present her to ur family,and marry her,maybe her dad is truly dead,Goodluck

[color=soyouquotedme]intelligent response.

@Op, you aren't getting married to her background, focus on what really matters, don't base your decision on superficial things.

There is wisdom in BukkyDan's post. [/color]

You don't even know the circumstance behind her birth and you are already jumping the gun. If how she grew up matters to you a lot,then find out and stop acting on what u feel...if you are ready to commit,get married to her.

eagle,eye:
I met my girlfriend July last year, initially[b] I wasn't really into her[/b] but decided to date her after I found out that my ex wasn't really ready to settle down with me. To cut a long story short, this girl has proven (within this short period) that she really got character and wifely material. I must state that she is equally crazy about me, though I am cautious about falling for any girl again.
The problem is that, her background is a bit sketchy. I have met her mum, who is married to another man and with kids, but my girl claims that her dad is late and she was trained by her maternal grand mum. I have a feeling that dad, just like some men, rejected the pregnancy which resulted in her birth.

I have not told anyone in my family about this girl, but I can't hide her forever. Moreover she has sterling qualities. My fear is that my family will object to me marrying a lady with such sketchy background.

Please matured advice. And sorry for the long essay.

Based on the bolded, I don't believe you love this woman. She just happens to be the good woman with you at a time you feel you should be getting married. To me that is a bigger problem than what your parents will think because if you are deeply in love with her and she has all the qualities you want in a wife, you would be able to fight for her at your family level. How can you be sure that if you marry her, you will develop the feelings for her that you don't have now? What if it never happens, will you be happy in that marriage forever? I think you need to answer this to yourself sincerely.

So, you could work on finding love with this woman and fight for her; or you can tell your parents about her now and if they refuse her, you can free the woman to find someone capable of loving her. Good luck with your decision making process.

When you have grown up to be an independent man or BOY. . .gimme a holla!
You are a high risk for 'emotional instability'.
Men like you have to grow up for another 10 years. . .till your 'dem-say, dem-nor-say' mentality clear from ya eyes and nostrils.

Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!
When I read something like this. . . I really appreciate the kind of husband I have!
Family ko. . . Pastor ni!

Callotti: When you have grown up to be an independent man or BOY. . .gimme a holla!
You are a high risk for 'emotional instability'.
Men like you have to grow up for another 10 years. . .till your 'dem-say, dem-nor-say' mentality clear from ya eyes and nostrils.

Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!
When I read something like this. . . I really appreciate the kind of husband I have!
Family ko. . . Pastor ni!

Madam, I expected nothing less from you. I hope you are not really like this in person, because I pity those who have to deal with you on a daily basis.

eagle,eye:


Madam, I expected nothing less from you. I hope you are not really like this in person, because I pity those who have to deal with you on a daily basis.

Na you dey fian wife o!
My bride price is intact! Someone has been 'dealing' with me for years sir!
Goodluck sha!
*Thread unfollowed*

ileobatojo:

Based on the bolded, I don't believe you love this woman. She just happens to be the good woman with you at a time you feel you should be getting married. To me that is a bigger problem than what your parents will think because if you are deeply in love with her and she has all the qualities you want in a wife, you would be able to fight for her at your family level. How can you be sure that if you marry her, you will develop the feelings for her that you don't have now? What if it never happens, will you be happy in that marriage forever? I think you need to answer this to yourself sincerely.

So, you could work on finding love with this woman and fight for her; or you can tell your parents about her now and if they refuse her, you can free the woman to find someone capable of loving her. Good luck with your decision making process.

You have some point. But I guess my giving up on falling in love has to do with experience. If I end up marrying her, I know I will stand by her and carry out my responsibility diligently. Love is an action word, and am going to do all it takes to provide and care for the woman I marry.
But doing all those things now (or showing those emotions now) maybe a bit difficult, cos of experiences I have had.

Callotti:

Na you dey fian wife o!
My bride price is intact! Someone has been 'dealing' with me for years sir!
Goodluck sha!
*Thread unfollowed*

Thank you for *Unfollowing*.

@ op, let me ask you few questions, why did you think her pregnancy was rejected by her dad, did she tell you that, if yes, did you ask b4 telling you? That thought is a terrible thought, u really need to erase such thought and ask questions instead of speculating, if need be.
Now to d post, if you really love her and her character, propose to her and if your parents raise any eyebrow, try to respectfully educate them on why you think that is irrelevant. You are a man, you should know what you want, if she is d type you want as a wife, i dont think d sketchy background, as you called it, should separate you.
May God help you to make d right decision.

greatgod2012: @ op, let me ask you few questions, why did you think her pregnancy was rejected by her dad, did she tell you that, if yes, did you ask b4 telling you? That thought is a terrible thought, u really need to erase such thought and ask questions instead of speculating, if need be.
May God help you to make d right decision.

Why I thought so, is because when I told her that I will be some background check on her & the family she came from (as it is the norm) she became visibly agitated. I then asked her to tell me if there is any secret she thinks I may dig up if I go probing or if I later married her. She then gave me the story about her dad dying and her mum & her mum's family not wanting anything anything to do with the man's family. She bears her mum's family name.
After that I insisted on going further with the search, she said no problem but if I hear things that may change my mind it is not her fault.
Now everyone has a past, but I hope to find out from my partner rather than other people. Other than this, she is okay, character wise (I understand beauty doesn't count). She is pretty in her own right.

She is right. How can your family not know about a woman you plan to marry and truly love. Firstly it seems you don"t trust her and "her background" or whatever excuse you think of. If you are not proud of her and have to find excuses and even need to ask strangers than you definately are not ready for marriage. Do yourself and that gal a favour and let her go.

eagle,eye:


Madam, I expected nothing less from you. I hope you are not really like this in person, because I pity those who have to deal with you on a daily basis.

From your comments,you sure won't rest and will always have questions so i'll say go find out whatever you want to.It helps that this lady has given you the go-ahead and has also prepared you for whatever you might find.
All in all,do not throw a good woman away because of some background that wasn't any fault of hers.
Goodluck!

black_panther25: She is right. How can your family not know about a woman you plan to marry and truly love. Firstly it seems you don"t trust her and "her background" or whatever excuse you think of. If you are not proud of her and have to find excuses and even need to ask strangers than you definately are not ready for marriage. Do yourself and that gal a favour and let her go.

There is what you call a bcakground check, when you want to get married. My family doesn't know about her, because I don't want family interference untill am ready to propose.

slimyem: From your comments,you sure won't rest and will always have questions so i'll say go find out whatever you want to.It helps that this lady has given you the go-ahead and has also prepared you for whatever you might find.
All in all,do not throw a good woman away because of some background that wasn't any fault of hers.
Goodluck!

Thanks. Am just seeking for advice here, and will definitely allow God to guide me in this decision. The thing is, am yet to get answers or sign from my prayers.

eagle,eye:


Why I thought so, is because when I told her that I will be some background check on her & the family she came from (as it is the norm) she became visibly agitated. I then asked her to tell me if there is any secret she thinks I may dig up if I go probing or if I later married her. She then gave me the story about her dad dying and her mum & her mum's family not wanting anything anything to do with the man's family. She bears her mum's family name.
After that I insisted on going further with the search, she said no problem but if I hear things that may change my mind it is not her fault.
Now everyone has a past, but I hope to find out from my partner rather than other people. Other than this, she is okay, character wise (I understand beauty doesn't count). She is pretty in her own right.

OP you have issues sit down and read what you wrote over and over again.so if her background is what you state she was an unwanted pregnancy that makes her unsuitable?? WOuld a girl with married parents who is spoilt and sle*ps around be a better candidate for you? This is not even a question, the stay banning my comments and allow threads like this survive. Smh so many people think marriage is a wlk in the park.

LadyTC:

This is not even a question, the stay banning my comments and allow threads like this survive. Smh so many people think marriage is a wlk in the park.

No be quarrel nah...

eagle,eye:


No be quarrel nah...

No be quarrel ohh but I vex how u come dey ask this kian question nah. Abeg in this case I think her background situation is irrelevant if u talk say she dey cheat or she abuse your mama and papa e.t.c. Abeg the girl be like say him be correct babe so move forward simples!