Acquilla:
NB- I am fairly popular here and my fiancee in question knows my original moniker. so i am not new so sorry if it is a crime to create another moniker.so sorry
People, I need your sincere advice. Here is my story. There is this lady I have been dating for the past two years. We have been together through thick and thin and being honest, she is a wife material. Even some of my family member’s siblings to be precise can attest to her virtues. All the while, I have admired her qualities and in fairness to God, she has what it takes to be a good wife and till now, I am yet to cheat on her because I don’t cheat. After few months of normal early cravings of a new relationship, things started declining from my own end. I realized she is not romantic. This she blamed on the type of home she came from. I tried my best to teach her but maybe I’m not a good teacher. I am this kind of guy whose romantic part get driven by my girl. In this case my girl is not romantic and it had adverse effect on me too.
I have told her couple of times that I am yet to experience that intense feeling of love one has for her boo. That intense cravings, outpour of excruciating feelings and emotional attachments that makes you so eager to ask if she’s gonna marry you…..I was quick to identify this some months after we started dating and while doing some self evaluation, I realized one of the reasons apart from the fact that I found her not romantic why I am not too attached is the fact that she seemed not too beautiful for my taste. I am this kind of guy that likes beautiful women; she isn’t ugly though I will classify her as average in all (55%) by my own standards. The funniest thing is my friends say she’s beautiful but I have never seen her in that light. There was a time she complained lightly that I have never called her pretty.
Late last year, I got a visa out of Nigeria and my parents started talking to me about marriage .My mum likes her a lot but my father is just indifferent about her. Well probably because my father and I kind of share the same taste in terms of pretty women (my mum is beautiful). Now I have to decide as soon as possible and I am really scared because my decision will either make or mar my home. I want to get married to someone I really love to the bones yet I don’t want to hurt her. Not someone who I will have to think twice if anyone asks if I really love her. It’s not as if I don’t love her at all but maybe not strong enough to talk about marriage. I am yet to feel so deeply in love with her after two years. I have had two ladies before her and I know how we were all over each other. In her case, I even don’t regularly tell her I love her yet I used to be very very romantic in my past relationships.
I do not have any other lady catching my attention I have just been indifferent. As a matter of fact, when I wanted to leave Nigeria, my parents wanted a formal introduction but I wasn’t sure if I want her for a life partner after two years and I don’t wanna hurt her because she will be broken psychologically. On the other hand, I get scared of losing her because women with such a good character like her are very rare to come by these days. Nevertheless, I am certain that if I meet someone with same character as her today and let’s say 75% rating, I may be carried away so easily without looking back. I don’t want to marry a woman I will likely cheat on after marriage.
One last complicacy is the fact that she is from a broken home. Her mum got married to several men at the early stage of her life and had children with them (I am not judging). I had to lie to my parents that her parents had divorced several years ago. Even at that they immediately started questioning me about her sisters: if her sisters are still in marriage and if they are doing fine. This alone haunts me sometimes because I don’t tell lies.
Now, I am at a cross road. Sometimes I tell myself that with time I will learn to love her as my wife and in the same vein I tell myself if after over two years, the love had dwindled from my own end to this extent what will happen in marriage? Can I learn to love her truly overtime? Should I let her go? Please help me!!!!!

Acquilla:
NB- I am fairly popular here and my fiancee in question knows my original moniker. so i am not new so sorry if it is a crime to create another moniker.so sorry

People, I need your sincere advice. Here is my story. There is this lady I have been dating for the past two years. We have been together through thick and thin and being honest, she is a wife material. Even some of my family member’s siblings to be precise can attest to her virtues. All the while, I have admired her qualities and in fairness to God, she has what it takes to be a good wife and till now, I am yet to cheat on her because I don’t cheat. After few months of normal early cravings of a new relationship, things started declining from my own end. I realized she is not romantic. This she blamed on the type of home she came from. I tried my best to teach her but maybe I’m not a good teacher. I am this kind of guy whose romantic part get driven by my girl. In this case my girl is not romantic and it had adverse effect on me too.

I have told her couple of times that I am yet to experience that intense feeling of love one has for her boo. That intense cravings, outpour of excruciating feelings and emotional attachments that makes you so eager to ask if she’s gonna marry you…..I was quick to identify this some months after we started dating and while doing some self evaluation, I realized one of the reasons apart from the fact that I found her not romantic why I am not too attached is the fact that she seemed not too beautiful for my taste. I am this kind of guy that likes beautiful women; she isn’t ugly though I will classify her as average in all (55%) by my own standards. The funniest thing is my friends say she’s beautiful but I have never seen her in that light. There was a time she complained lightly that I have never called her pretty.

Late last year, I got a visa out of Nigeria and my parents started talking to me about marriage .My mum likes her a lot but my father is just indifferent about her. Well probably because my father and I kind of share the same taste in terms of pretty women (my mum is beautiful). Now I have to decide as soon as possible and I am really scared because my decision will either make or mar my home. I want to get married to someone I really love to the bones yet I don’t want to hurt her. Not someone who I will have to think twice if anyone asks if I really love her. It’s not as if I don’t love her at all but maybe not strong enough to talk about marriage. I am yet to feel so deeply in love with her after two years. I have had two ladies before her and I know how we were all over each other. In her case, I even don’t regularly tell her I love her yet I used to be very very romantic in my past relationships.

I do not have any other lady catching my attention I have just been indifferent. As a matter of fact, when I wanted to leave Nigeria, my parents wanted a formal introduction but I wasn’t sure if I want her for a life partner after two years and I don’t wanna hurt her because she will be broken psychologically. On the other hand, I get scared of losing her because women with such a good character like her are very rare to come by these days. Nevertheless, I am certain that if I meet someone with same character as her today and let’s say 75% rating, I may be carried away so easily without looking back. I don’t want to marry a woman I will likely cheat on after marriage.

One last complicacy is the fact that she is from a broken home. Her mum got married to several men at the early stage of her life and had children with them (I am not judging). I had to lie to my parents that her parents had divorced several years ago. Even at that they immediately started questioning me about her sisters: if her sisters are still in marriage and if they are doing fine. This alone haunts me sometimes because I don’t tell lies.

Now, I am at a cross road. Sometimes I tell myself that with time I will learn to love her as my wife and in the same vein I tell myself if after over two years, the love had dwindled from my own end to this extent what will happen in marriage? Can I learn to love her truly overtime? Should I let her go? Please help me!!!!!

OREMUSSANCTUS:
And wen u leave dat woman, anoda man will marry her after u ve drain all d "oil" in her.
Chai
D woman I go marry, ma in-laws must play her tape for me from her birth to d day I marry her

EfemenaXY:


I, I, I...Me, me, me.

You sound downright selfish. You want to eat your cake and have it.

~ There is nothing wrong with your not wanting to marry her.

~ There is nothing wrong with your not feeling physically attracted to her.

~ There is nothing wrong with seeing her as nothing more than a friend to you.

However, it's extremely selfish of you to keep the poor lady on hold for two whole years, simply because you haven't got the guts as a man to come clean and tell her how you really feel, about the whole relationship.

Not only is it selfish, it's downright wicked for you to bring in her family background as a cause for concern now. You weren't too bothered about her mother being divorced / re-married several times over when you first got together with her. It wasn't a problem for you when you chose to eat her "apple".

Now all of a sudden you don get visa, wan ditch the babe, she's suddenly only rates 55% beautiful on your scale. What nonsense. Are you yourself that handsome? But you're still clinging on to her just in case something "better" turns up. Honestly, some women have really suffered.

Please free her and let her find someone more deserving of her love. She certainly doesn't deserve to be saddled with someone like you.

realdee44:
That she is from a broken home or her mum got married to several men doesn't mean she is the same. Secondly being beautiful is not what makes a happy home. So many men get married to bad women because they choose to go after beauty or her financial status.

How ever I will not advice you to marry a lady you to love very much. My advice is give yourself like 2 to 3 months with her & try to love her for her good character & her faithfulness maybe this will make you love her much more.

Acquilla:
I have never ate her apple. I have told her this before(the not feeling strong attachment part) and we thought it would get better over time.seriously I have been open and honest with her to a fault..........we still spend alot of time together on phone every single day ever since i left. Infact, i have been looking for a way to bring her to the states ever since i got here which we are currently processing. But not feeling that strong emotional attachment thing is really killing and scary. As a matter of fact i bought a ring before leaving Nigeria but i dont wanna deceive her by putting that ring on her finger.....

Acquilla:
I have never ate her apple. I have told her this before(the not feeling strong attachment part) and we thought it would get better over time.seriously I have been open and honest with her to a fault..........we still spend alot of time together on phone every single day ever since i left. Infact, i have been looking for a way to bring her to the states ever since i got here which we are currently processing. But not feeling that strong emotional attachment thing is really killing and scary. As a matter of fact i bought a ring before leaving Nigeria but i dont wanna deceive her by putting that ring on her finger.....

Acquilla:


Thank you so much..............my gratitude

EfemenaXY:


Then man up and tell her the truth. Just let her go so you both can move on with your lives.

It's better she cries now than cry in a marriage of bondage.

It's been said over and over in this section - Don't marry someone you aren't into, out of pity. Let her go.

Acquilla:


It is not just strong enough to do that kneeling down thing.......its not as if i dont love her at all........Thank you so much

Acquilla:
I have never ate her apple. I have told her this before(the not feeling strong attachment part) and we thought it would get better over time.seriously I have been open and honest with her to a fault..........we still spend alot of time together on phone every single day ever since i left. Infact, i have been looking for a way to bring her to the states ever since i got here which we are currently processing. But not feeling that strong emotional attachment thing is really killing and scary. As a matter of fact i bought a ring before leaving Nigeria but i dont wanna deceive her by putting that ring on her finger.....

pwerrymansion:
A

OREMUSSANCTUS:

"A" for d apple d OP mentioned

I ve not eaten her "apple"

pwerrymansion:
if I believe that then I can believe anything. After chopping the damn kitty 4 2 yrs, he suddenly realised that she isn't glamourous enough to be walked down the aisle. Nansis!

OREMUSSANCTUS:

Can u imagine
U chop d "apple" for 2 good years, u now leave d scrap for d future poor husband

*like I said before, ma wife video rite from her birth to d day I take her to altar, I must watch am

I don vex, na virgin or no woman

pwerrymansion:
lmao! You are not serious. Hope u are also a virgin? You can't ask for what you can't give!

OREMUSSANCTUS:

Imagine
U dhe ask old man like me if I be virgin
For our village, dem dhe forbid man to be virgin
Buh ma wife go be tear rubber, na me go unveil d hymen
I no wan hear story
Say one ungrateful man, do wetin I suppose do
How ya weekend ma lady?