Okay. You are now married. Done the honeymoon on Elegushi Beach and you are set for the straight business of settling down proper. Your in-laws! Did your heart just skip a beat like a damaged vinyl record? Calm down. You are too young to have hypertension. Kool ya temper first with these lines from The Mother-In-Law Book by Rosaleen Dickson:

'Lucky the man whose wife and mother

Love him enough to be good to be each other

Happy the man whose mother and wife

Love him enough to live without strife.'

On a serious note, one major factor that will determine the success and longevityof your marriage is the way you relate with and handle your in-laws. Do it correctly, you have the most blissful of matrimonies and get it wrong, you will sign the divorce papers faster than the ring entered your finger!

We have criss-crossed the globe and today, we bring to you and your loving spouse, 12 solid ways on how to relate with your in-laws. Irrespective of your religion, tribe or background, these universal values always work. Ready? Let's roll!

1. Know Them: Yelz. The very first thing you need to do is to know your in-laws. It does not sound too nice of you as a bride not to know the full names of your mother-in-law or what your father-in-law does for a living. Like, seriously? Drill your spouse, know all about her people. This will assist you in relating better with each member. Once you know them, communicate and pick clues yourself. You cannot be aloof and say it is 'me and my husband'. Nibo?! If you agree to marry your spouse, it means you have a new family. Know them, love them and cherish them. That's numero uno.

2. Close? Yes, But Not Extremely Close: Your mother-in-law happens to be the very hospitable type, she cannot but pamper you every second of the day. Oh, lucky you! But there is something you must always know: excessive familiarity will always breed contempt. Be close to your in-laws but not too close for comfort. Give them breathing space even if they show you are the apple of their eyeballs (abi no be so dem dey talk am ni?). You have your family and they have theirs. Remember one of the 48 Laws of Power: create value by scarcity. Do not 'extra cool' your father-in-law at 2.30 am unless your wife is in labor -and he is a gynaecologist! Hope you gerrit?

3. Do NOT Reveal All: Your father-in-law has taken you like a son and one cool weekend, you guys got talking. It all started from politics and before you know it, you started narrating how badly your wife cooks or how good she is in bed (who on earth does that?). Even though your father-in-law knows that you are married to his daughter, do not irritate him with the details of how you give her koboko. It is a no-no! Gist generally, give advice when your suggestion is called for and as for what is between you and your wife -let it remain like that.

4. Never Insult: Remember they are his parents and no one will take it lying low if you abuse their parents. Yes, he loves you but he loves his parents too. Do not run your mouth (like water as Chidinma Kedike would say) about her sisters or brothers. According to the book, The Mother-In-Law Dance: Can Two Women Love the Same Man and Still Get Along? by Annie Chapman, one of the most constructive ways by which a mother can stay within her boundaries is by containing the mighty force of the tongue. And yes! Let me remind you, even when he complains about his parents or relatives, calm him down -or keep quiet. Do not join him in hurling careless words at your in-laws -it will only boomerang later.

5. Your Relationship First: In all that you do, never forget this: your relationship first! This is an instinct that should guide you in all you do. There are times you just have to sacrifice your ego (not your dignity, see below) just for things to work out.

6. Appreciate Their Good Points: It takes two to tango. If your in-laws are trying their best to satisfy you, do not take them for granted. Appreciate that basket of fruits your mother-in-law sends every week for your children and do not say it is just fifty naira orange. Your appreciation and gratitude can sound little but will surely go a long way.

7. Visit Them (With The Kids): Just imagine yourself being a grandparent on nice weekends, with excited kids running all over your courtyard telling you tell them story after story. Nice scene ba? Visit your in-laws once in a while, and carry the kids with you, if you've got any. Do not deny grannies the right of seeing their little ones (it can be quite painful). Would you want anyone to do that to you? Unless your mother-in-law is a dragon, the cute smiles of the kids will always work wonders.

8. Compete With No One: Know your position as the wife or husband. You can never be his/her mother, father, sister or brother -just as they too cannot replace you as the Love of his life. And if you have all his/her love, affection and attention, do you seriously have to compete with anyone? I guess you can answer that.

9. Never Take Things Personal: I know, I know. Some in-laws can be quite frustrating. Even upon all you do, they just don't see the good in all your efforts. For such people, never take anything personal. If there is anything you are displeased with, calmly discuss it with your spouse and let him know you are hurt. Again, discuss it with your spouse and not your girlfriends who will tell you to break 29 bottles of Gulder on your mother-in-law's head.

10. Do Not Denigrate Yourself: That you have to sacrifice some things as a wife or husband does not mean that you have to do away with your dignity. It is NOT your duty to be washing clothes for your in-laws or sweeping their homes every weekend. Of course, you can make delicacies for them but if you feel like you are being used as a slave, stop! By the way, where is your husband? He didn't marry a servant, right? Do not allow your dignity to be assaulted but be composed -and not fly into rage like LASTMA officials and danfo drivers. Lagos is working by the way.

11. Let The Two Families Flow! How is your sister relating with your husband's siblings? Are they on good terms or they have never even met face to face? It's another thing if there is a distance barrier but if they are all within the same vicinity, then let in-laws from both sides mix -it will only reduce your headache.

12. Love Your Spouse -Deeply! I guess this should have been first gan sef. Loving your partner sincerely and deeply is the very foundation of everything. It is the burning love and deep passion that for him that you transfer to his family. Always rekindle your love -and you see your relationship with your in-laws blossoming.

Thanks for your time and do not fight ya in-laws.

Iyaniwura.
Get more here: http://iyaniwura.com/530/

I am NOT innarestid in relating with them o!
I have enough DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMA in my own family to bother with others!
Make dem stay far far I beg!
If I quench. . .no burial!
CREMATION ONLY!

Gambrosia wan kill me with laff! Lmao@If I quench....no burial, cremation only

Gambrosia: I am NOT innarestid in relating with them o!
I have enough DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMA in my own family to bother with others!
Make dem stay far far I beg!
If I quench. . .no burial!
CREMATION ONLY!

Lovely name Ìyániwúrà

Ìyániwúrà123: Gambrosia wan kill me with laff! Lmao@If I quench....no burial, cremation only

Gbe be!

Make dem nor come abeg! Even my ashes will not be happy! I don't dislike them. BUT I AM NOT INTERESTED IN FORSTERING SUCH FAMILIARITIES. I have enough issues with my own family. . .that I am still trying to GERRRRRRRRRRRIDOFF!

Thank you

acidosis™:
Lovely name Ìyániwúrà

you're welcome

@op, i really love your post, its insightful....i went over d post over and over and over and nothing to say than........a good job there.

Sometimes, i wonder why DIL and MIL do not really go well and i found out that, probably, d DIL prepared for war b4 even marrying d hubby, if a woman take time to study (know) d MIL well and do not get too close, there may not be any reason for rivalry between d 2 of them.
I recommend this thread for d singles, who hope to tie d knot someday, for healthy and peaceful inlaw relationship.
May God help us all.

*Battling with heavy eyes*

Hmmm

Treat them like they are your own family

You've got to live with the fact that you're always an outsider and you've got to treat them as your own family that made you . Not easy, but is a worthwhile journey

Relate with them very well ;DRelate with them very well

Well said

Loaded,tanx!

good write up

Will Dbanj listen to all this Bullshyt??.. No

Will Harry Akande Son wait and read all discombobulated verses?.. NO

Will Osaze do all this nonentities ... No

The truth Of the matter is... If you stand well like zuma rock..

Your inlaw wont even bother about you but if you are broke as zimbabwe monkey

thats when you see them pop nosing .. so i don't buy all this crap.

@OP, pls I fink ets Tym U face Reality of Naija Traditons... U wil go and read oyibo books, copy et and Come and Paste here for Us and we wil read et wil b sweetin us..... U made ur Point and ets Tru buh dt Doz nt Work here in Naija whr Juju, Jealousy etc Rules among families... Every person shld figure his/her way to handle thr IN laws Shikena!

One of the few lists I have seen on NL that actually make sense. Good job

na wa o. Dis ur story long like season film- if to say e reach 13 sum piple 4 never read am finish




but eni way u try sha

@op is right.It works,I applied those principles ± prayers and my relationship with my In-laws has been wonderful.Even before I got married I always prayed to God to give me peace in my home and He did it for me,I dreaded the thought of having troublesome in-laws.They call me to know how I am(even those abroad).We settle misunderstandings peacefully,they apologise when they err...

seedord247: Will Dbanj listen to all this Bullshyt??.. No

Will Harry Akande Son wait and read all discombobulated verses?.. NO

Will Osaze do all this nonentities ... No

The truth Of the matter is... If you stand well like zuma rock..

Your inlaw wont even bother about you but if you are broke as zimbabwe monkey

thats when you see them pop nosing .. so i don't buy all this crap.

are u as rich as the guys u just listed? I doubt. The fact is an average guys does not have the kind of money that wins hearts effortlessly, so, shut up and try to get someting useful that applies to you from the write-up.

Whether na Oyinbo copy and paste or na made in Naija by Iyaniwura gangan(critics beware) .......

This is really Insightful and I hope it calm many nerves and Lifes!!!!

daryoor:
are u as rich as the guys u just listed? I doubt. The fact is an average guys does not have the kind of money that wins hearts effortlessly, so, shut up and try to get someting useful that applies to you from the write-up.

1cillion ogantable likes!!!

daryoor:
are u as rich as the guys u just listed? I doubt. The fact is an average guys does not have the kind of money that wins hearts effortlessly, so, shut up and try to get someting useful that applies to you from the write-up.

Another fool using me to get a like... You're one of those chumps whose inlaw use garri and beans to dominate..

Idiota.

Nice piece @op
Bottom line is depending on d inlaws, some are best kept at arms length coz if u get close dats trouble. But then, for u to decide which approach is best, you must av taken some time to study & know them. U don't just assume coz they are ur inlaws not families, they should be kept at bay...some family members can be quite injurious to one's marriage than inlaws sef!

Wow! Really nice. I learnt a thing or 2. D point 'never insult' is so true, I was datin a guy sometym and was teln him how my dad had spoilt my younger brother only for him 2 insult my dad. Even tho I didn't really take it personal then, it got me very angry after and I hate d guy for it.

seedord247:

Another fool using me to get a like... You're one of those chumps whose inlaw use garri and beans to dominate..

Idiota.

Seed planter abi watin u call yourself, u no get shishi u wan con dey behave like davido.

That's funny but very true, I've read the book before, very nice book, but you funny o....lol!

economia: IF YOU ARE READING BOOKS ON IN-LAWSHIP IN THE BLACK WORLD, DONT FORGET TO READ PREPARE FOR WAR, BY REBECCA BROWN