Jokesmania - Jokes Etc - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Jokesmania (20575 Views)
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (Reply) (Go Down)
| Jokesmania by Nobody: 12:26pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
Hello Fiffles, did u miss out on my New Year Message then HERE it is -- Would do More for You all!  Its Yet another Year On NL and you know how much i'd love to bring those Smiles On ya face -- For this Reason, am invading the whole Premise to get Y'all on the Floor Laffing and am doin it the Guapo's way -- American and Nigerian Jokes, Lets See how this Goes  N/B : If You in anyway Detest the Jokes On this thread Or the Poster himself, Pls Feel free to go Mix an Alomo bitters with Iodine, its a Blood tonic Mixture that serves Lotta Good -- If I dont take Care Of u who Will?  |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 12:29pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case. “Look,” said one to the other, “let’s be honest with each other.” “Okay, you first,” replied the other. That was the end of the discussion.  |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 12:29pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
  2 Likes |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 12:33pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
MOGUL.O: Heard about your Release from ATM this morning -- Would Visit home this Evening  |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 12:35pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
Once a priest and a lawyer died at the exact same time, and they got switched. The priest went down, and the lawyer went up. When they got unswitched, the met on the elevator. "Oh!" said the priest, "Did you meet god and the virgin Mary" he asked the lawyer. "Yep!" he replied, "but just call her Mary now!"  |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 12:39pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
In a plane that's about to crash, there are three passengers: the wisest man on earth, a student, and a politician. When they find out that the plane is about to go down and there is only one parachute between the three of them they debate about who would sacrifice his life for the country and who will jump to safety. The politician says he's responsible for running the country, so of course, he should be the one to jump. The wise man says he's got to serve mankind, so he should be the one who jumps. The student says he is the future, and he should be the recipient of the parachute. As the kid speaks, the wise man grabs the bag and leaps wildly out of the plane. The politician is astounded, but the student remains calm. "Why are you so calm? We're both about to die!" exclaims the politician. The student replies, "Well wisdom just leapt out with my school bag, so the future can hang on to politics and feel safe." 1 Like |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 12:44pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
This Happens To be One Of ma Best Jokes! Their was a circle of boys around what seemed to be a puppy so a priest who was walking past said to the boys in the group "what are you doing with that dog?" A small boy stood up and said this dog is a stray and everybody wants him.So we decided whoever can tell the biggest lie can keep the puppie.The priest was so mad he gave a 20 minute sermon on how lying is not good and you shouldn't lie. He ended his sermon with "When I was a boy I never told a lie." There was a moment of silence ,and then one of the boys said "give him the dog." 6 Likes |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 12:49pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the small animals. The big animals were crushing small animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals. At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss. The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?" "I did," said the centipede. "Who stopped the rhino?" "Uh, that was me too," said the centipede. "And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?" "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede. "So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach. "Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped." 1 Like
|
| Re: Jokesmania by babarazy: 12:52pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
El Guapo, i use to like u but why u com dey fall my hand naw?  |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 12:53pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
One day Adam & Eve were making love in the Garden of Eden. After they were finished, Adam was relaxing when God came into the garden. He sat beside Adam & they talked for awhile. Adam said, "You know, God, Eve & I just finished making love, and I want to tell you how great it is! I think sex is the best thing you've given us!" God replies, "That's wonderful Adam. I'm glad you like it so much. By the way, where is Eve?" "Oh, she went down to the river to wash up," said Adam God says, "Oh shit! Now all the fish are going to smell like that!" N/B : The Use of God in the Joke could Only be linked to Fiction -- No Blasphemy Intended |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 12:54pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
babarazy: El Guapo, i use to like u but why u com dey fall my hand naw? Am Sowie I no See ya Flashing Yesterday, i go try Send a Call me Sms Later In the Day How far na? |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 12:56pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
Another Of ma Best Jokes! A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, “I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it.” A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, “Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!” The young man waited a moment and replied, “You know dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.” His father replied, “Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!” 1 Like |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 1:00pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
Three ministers were out on a lake fishing one fine afternoon. A Protestant minister, an Episcopalian priest and a Catholic priest. They were sitting out in the middle of the lake and the Protestant minister said he had to relieve himself, so he got out of the boat and walked across the water to shore, relieved himself behind a tree. Then walked back to the boat. The Episcopalian priest did the same thing. The Catholic priest thought to himself, if they can do it, so can I. So he stepped out of the boat and promptly sank to the bottom. The other two looked at each other and one said "Do you think we should have told him about the rocks just under the water?" Time-Out Peeps 1 Like
|
| Re: Jokesmania by MrTAnonymous(m): 4:11pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
I'm nt disappointed in u bt d jokes itself. 1 Like |
| Re: Jokesmania by MCDumexx: 5:02pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
Tnx 4ur effort |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 5:45pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
MC Dumexx: Tnx 4ur effort No Probz Bruv -- Got ya Back Mr.T Anonymous: Did u eva read the notice about those who dont like the Joke? |
| Re: Jokesmania by babarazy: 6:19pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
El Guapo:35km |
| Re: Jokesmania by MrTAnonymous(m): 6:23pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
[/color][color=#000000] El Guapo: El Guapo: Did u eva read the notice about those who dont like the Joke? [/color]El Guapo:hmmm*SPEECHLESS* |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 6:24pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
babarazy: 35km Lol -- Dont tell me U're rehearsing for ya Maths Exams? This is Unlike you na, what happened to Giraffing? |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 6:26pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
Mr.T Anonymous: |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 6:38pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell you are doing?" "Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help practicing my art!" "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy replied. "I work for the IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?" 2 Likes |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 6:39pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
A man goes to the doctors and says, "Doctor, I've got this problem, only you've got to promise not to laugh." The doctor replies, "Of course I won't laugh, that would be thoroughly unprofessional. In over 20 years of being a doctor I've never laughed at a patient." "OK then," says the man, and he drops his trousers. The doctor is greeted by the sight of the tiniest penis he has ever seen in his life. Unable to control himself, he falls about laughing on the floor. Ten minutes later he is able to struggle up to his feet and wipe the tears from his eyes. "I'm so sorry," he says to the patient, "I don't know what came over me, I won't let it happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?" The man looks up at the doctor sadly and says, "It's swollen." 2 Likes |
| Re: Jokesmania by MrTAnonymous(m): 6:45pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
El Guapo: A man goes to the doctors and says, "Doctor, I've got this problem, only you've got to promise not to laugh."yeah,i love dis,at least u tried for dis 1.*claps 4 him* 1 Like |
| Re: Jokesmania by bright007(f): 6:52pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
[size=50pt]where is d joke[/size] 1 Like |
| Re: Jokesmania by sKeetz(m): 8:20pm On Jan 10, 2013 |
WHERE THE MUMU JOKE COME GO HIDE ? |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 1:32pm On Jan 11, 2013 |
bright007: [size=50pt]where is d joke[/size] sKeetz: WHERE THE MUMU JOKE COME GO HIDE Ask Google |
| Re: Jokesmania by eddy1977(m): 7:59pm On Jan 11, 2013 |
Elgapo I think God didnt anoint you to tell jokes at all. Even pastor joel osteen (of whom you stole some of your jokes) can do better. I think it will do you good to review your new year resolution list and cross off " i will start funny threads on nairaland" Asta la vista 1 Like |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 2:24pm On Jan 12, 2013 |
Lets Do Some Nigerian Jokes |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 2:25pm On Jan 12, 2013 |
An naked lady ran into an Igbo man’s taxi. She told the driver where she was going. The lgbo man didn’t start the car but he was just staring at the girl over & over again. The lady saw him and said: what’s ur problem man?? Haven’t u seen a naked lady before Igbo man replied: l am not looking at ur unclothedness, I was just wondering where U kept the money u are going to pay me. 1 Like |
| Re: Jokesmania by sKeetz(m): 2:28pm On Jan 12, 2013 |
^^^^I dash you one laff |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 2:32pm On Jan 12, 2013 |
^^ There is one thing i have noticed. No matter how sophisticated and educated an Igbo man is, He will always be an Igbo man in every aspect, especially when it comes to money. There was a guy named chinedu who had lived most of his life abroad.He returned home and bought himself a jaguar. One day, he was driving along expressway when a trailer ran into him.He ran out and noticed that the back of his jaguar had been chopped off by the trailer. "What the f**k !!! angry" he exclaimed angrily. "look at my carrr!. what were u looking at huh" he directed towards the driver of the trailer who had dropped and was also walking towards him. "do u know how much this car cost huh?, i doubt it.'cause if u knew,u wouldn't have ran into me like that. do u," Chinedu went on and on and on raving about his car as the driver only stirred at him shocked. By the time the driver had finally said a word, he said "cant u see ur left hand have been cut off?" Chinedu turned his head slowly to look at his arm shocked. "JEEZ MY ROLEX!!!" 2 Likes |
| Re: Jokesmania by Nobody: 2:38pm On Jan 12, 2013 |
Peter : I want my money now!” Tom : I’ll kill myself so that I wont pay you *he pulls a gun and shoots himself dead* Peter : Hahaha..If you think you will get away with my money then you are wrong, I will follow you until you pay me *he takes the gun and shot himself dead as well* James : Was watching from a distance he laughed n said “these guys are funny, I want to watch this till the end”…. he takes the gun and kills himself! SO IF U WANT 2 KNOW WHAT HAPPENED NEXT, U KNOW WHAT 2 DO. . . 2 Likes |
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (Reply)
Two Things Involve In This Life / Interesting Nigerians Facebook Status Updates !!! / If Honourable Patrick Obahiagbon Was To Be An English Teacher
(Go Up)
| Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 60 |