If you attend a church in Nigeria the population of eligible single females to eligible single males is about 3:1. It’s obvious the eligible men won’t go round the eligible females. So what will happen to the aspirations of single ladies who can't get husbands but wish to experience the pain of pregnancy, and the joy or motherhood by having a baby that looks like them someday? They may resort to sharing men with married women as mistresses, or worse still breakup homes hoping men will divorce their wives and marry them. Even ladies who don’t want to marry but need to service their libidos as human beings will resort to promiscuity, lovepeddling, one-night-stands, which we know are unhealthy.

I want to ask the following questions:

1.Should Nigerian states have laws to protect single parents, and girls who have babies out of wedluck, such that such kids must have right of inheritance to their ‘father’s wealth/property same as the man’s other kids from a marriage to encourage women who wish and choose to be single parents?

2. Should Nigerian men who get unmarried girls pregnant be forced to provide them support/ maintenance through the pregnancy period, and financial support (including housing) for the baby to discourage the high level or illegal abortions in Nigeria?

3. Where a wife does not violently object (like in most Muslim households, and among traditionalist men, or even Christians who may see nothing wrong with it), should a man marry a second or third wife as long as those wives are legal? This can be achieved by allowing customary courts or traditional rulers issue marriage certificates if a man can present proof of dowry payment and the lady’s parental consent, so that those who can’t wed in churches because of doctrines of monogamy can still legally marry women they love than cheat and keep them as mistresses.

The alternatives are wrecked homes, divorces, cheating spouses, STDs, heartbreaks, promiscuity (as it’s now in Nigeria), young girls aborting babies so they can impress churches and society, desperation to get married and fit at all cost, etc.

Please don't come up with the usual fable religious rhetoric without feasible practical solutions to life’s problems that has ruined Africa. It's like criticizing science, where it doesn’t favor what you believe in, yet use cell phones, cars, TVs, etc (products of same science research). Same as Boko Haram that doesn’t want western education but use cars, guns, and phones (all products of western education). Absolute prejudice and mediocrity!

If an unmarried lady wants a baby, and can’t find a husband; she’s approaching menopause and desperate, what practical solutions does she have?

Sometimes women should lower their expectations and go with what's available instead of chasing what their fantasy wants.

There are many men who will gladly marry, but unfortunately, most of the women looking, wont consider these men for one reason or the other, ranging from height to financial status, to looks.

Not saying its not ok to search for your dream man, but if time is going, sometimes you just have to be pragmatic in your approach to life.

If westerners, oyibos, AAs etc are gladly marrying these same men, then women who are looking, should consider doing the same. Search outside your comfort zone ( within reason of course- not saying you should date an armed robber).

Just my two cents.

IF U ARE MARRIED THANK GOD, IF U ARE NOT MARRIED AT AGE OF 48YRS THANK GOD ALL SO. IF U UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS ALL ABOUT HOLYNESS, IF U HAVE A CHILD WHY U ARE NOT MARRIED IS A SIN. IF U LIVE GOOD LIFE NOTHING GOOD U NEED IN LIFE GOD WILL NOT GIVE TO YOU.IF U LIVE GOOD LIFE AND U ASK GOD SOMETHING AND U DID NOT GET KEEP PRAYING.

She can now. Not everyone is meant to get married. If you can't respect the institution, stay away or wait till you can.

bigheart2013:
If an unmarried lady wants a baby, and can’t find a husband; she’s approaching menopause and desperate, what practical solutions does she have?

don't get left behind...
if an unmarried woman wants her baby then there are spërm banks everywhere - get inseminated and live your life to the fullest. you even get to choose how you want your baby to look(designer baby). the higher you pay the better the quality of your offspring.

coogar:

don't get left behind...
if an unmarried woman wants her baby then there are spërm banks everywhere - get inseminated and live your life to the fullest. you even get to choose how you want your baby to look(designer baby). the higher you pay the better the quality of your offspring.

We know... OP is talking bout support for these women. A kind of law that obligates paternal fathers to care for these children and be involved .

Right Bigheart?

MY BROTHER DONT MAKE OTHER PEOPLE SIN BECOS OF UR WORKDS. DONT MAKE PEOPLE SIN BECOS OF THERE PROBLEM SO THAT GOD WILL NOT BE ANGRY WITH U .

MY BROTHER DONT MAKE OTHER PEOPLE SIN BECOS OF UR WORLDS. DONT MAKE PEOPLE SIN BECOS OF THERE PROBLEM SO THAT GOD WILL NOT BE ANGRY WITH U .

jidegirl12:

We know... OP is talking bout support for these women. A kind of law that obligates paternal fathers to care for these children and be involved .

Right Bigheart?

support?
these women don't need support - they are finacially buoyant enough to support the child. inheritance is out of it from the spërm donor. why would a child raised outside wedlock get the same privileges as the legitimate child?

western civilisation caused this scarcity of men. some 30-50 yrs ago, most men were polygamists. all those single women languishing away in churches waiting for a dream husband would be 4th/5th wives of some rich men. it's different in the 21st century as the modern christian and the 21st century have criminalised polygamy.

coogar:

support?
these women don't need support - they are finacially buoyant enough to support the child. inheritance is out of it from the spërm donor. why would a child raised outside wedlock get the same privileges as the legitimate child?

Lol cooger you don start again .... How many over 30 single 'financially buoyant' women to do have in Nigeria alone?

jidegirl12:

Lol cooger you don start again .... How many over 30 single 'financially buoyant' women to do have in Nigeria alone?

if they are not financially buoyant - why make children? you mean the poster is looking for ways to support unmarried women who want children? this is indirect pröstitution!

YES THAT IS IT MY BROS.

coogar:

if they are not financially buoyant - why make children? you mean the [b]poster is looking for ways to support unmarried women who want children? [/b]this is indirect pröstitution!

Yup! You just got it!

jidegirl12:
Yup! You just got it!

o..........k, shyte just got real!

If an unmarried woman want her own child,she should simply find a suitable male,copulate and go her way.
The man doesn't necessarily have to be aware he's planted a seed..
..of course i'd expect an unmarried woman who wants this kind of arrangement be able to care for herself and baby without any support/ties from/to the biological father.
I don't advocate the $perm bank idea for purely sentimental reasons..

Slimyem... and how is ^^^ feasible without the man involved in kid's life?...school fees, play dates with dad and likes..

Also note that we are talking about Nigeria here...

I'm in-between on this topic tho

jidegirl12:

We know... OP is talking bout support for these women. A kind of law that obligates paternal fathers to care for these children and be involved .

Right Bigheart?

Yes @jidegirl12. you got it right. men who get them pregnant should be made to support them. That way they don't have to risk illegal abortions bc they are worried about their future. We have that system in most civilized societies.

The discussion is a bit too advanced (if not complicated) for some minds if the only bases they have to justify life issues is religion and morals. It's like same-se.x marriage debate in Europe and USA. People who interpret a marriage based on having se,x have problems with it because they have problems with people of same gender having se,x with one another. But those who interpret marriage based on 'love' btw two people don't see anything wrong with a woman falling in love with a fellow woman and choosing to live with her for life ( a bit complicated).

ihedioramma: MY BROTHER DONT MAKE OTHER PEOPLE SIN BECOS OF UR WORLDS. DONT MAKE PEOPLE SIN BECOS OF THERE PROBLEM SO THAT GOD WILL NOT BE ANGRY WITH U .

I applaud your approach and solutions to life problems. Please keep it up! I also want to tell you that if you buy bread from a man and he uses the money u paid him to pay Ashawo (prostitute)..you indirectly paid for the Ashawo and made him to sin. God will be terribly angry with you. So stop buying bread from men. Same thing if you save your money in a bank that gives loans to breweries. You are the one funding the production & distribution of Alcohol in Nigeria. You need to stop saving money in a bank now; put it under your pillow. otherwise God will judge you.

Yes@ Bigheart ... It's a big and complicated discussion but don't you think this interference( LAW) esp with married men will totally disrupt and jeopardize the institution of Marriage?....

I partially understand a married man who chose to have an affair with a 16 year old for a decade Must be responsible for her illegitimate kid ( as per cooger) .....but what's the point staying married to that man when he's gonna be involved in other kids life instead of spending his time with his legitimate children ?

I just can't imagine myself sharing in that aspect.

jidegirl12: Slimyem... and how is ^^^ feasible without the man involved in kid's life?...school fees, play dates with dad and likes..

Also note that we are talking about Nigeria here...

I'm in-between on this topic tho

I'd think this must be a well thought out choice made by a grown capable woman so school fees,welfare of the child and likes should be out of the question.
Does the man have to be involved in the kids life?
Aren't there fathers who are just figure-heads even though they are very around?
Wouldn't that be the whole point of the decision?

I believe this isn't the route op want this topic to take..
Lets stop veering off..

slimyem: I'd think this must be a well thought out choice made by a grown capable woman so school fees,welfare of the child and likes should be out of the question.
Does the man have to be involved in the kids life?
Aren't there fathers who are just figure-heads even though they are very around?
Wouldn't that be the whole point of the decision?

I believe this isn't the route op want this topic to take..
Lets stop veering off..

Bigheart.... Please clarify ^^^.... Maybe I'm changing the purpose of this Topic like @slimyem said

jidegirl12:

Bigheart.... Please clarify ^^^.... Maybe I'm changing the purpose of this Topic like @slimyem said

Here are the questions again:

1.Should Nigerian states have laws to protect single parents, and girls who have babies out of wedluck, such that such kids must have right of inheritance to their ‘father’s wealth/property same as the man’s other kids from a marriage to encourage women who wish and choose to be single parents?

2. Should Nigerian men who get unmarried girls pregnant be forced to provide them support/ maintenance through the pregnancy period, and financial support (including housing) for the baby to discourage the high level or illegal abortions in Nigeria?

3. Where a wife does not violently object (like in most Muslim households, and among traditionalist men, or even Christians who may see nothing wrong with it), should a man marry a second or third wife as long as those wives are legal? This can be achieved by allowing customary courts or traditional rulers issue marriage certificates if a man can present proof of dowry payment and the lady’s parental consent, so that those who can’t wed in churches because of doctrines of monogamy can still legally marry women they love than cheat and keep them as mistresses.

MY BROTHER DONT MAKE PLAY OF MY POST BECOS U DONT NO WERE IT IS COMING FROM. BEER IS GOOD BOUT 2MUCH OF IT IS SIN.

So women need 'husbands' to have children?
THANK MY AGNOSTIC GAAAAAD FOR GAY PARENTS.
Most widows are berra off than MOST married women in Africa I swear!!!!
It takes a real man to be both a HUSBAND and a FATHER.
A concept virtually lost on MOST African men.

I pity the BLACK race.

Husband or spAm-DoNoT?
Nigerian women too like to deceive themselves!
Kai!!!!

The op intentions is to speak for/on behalf of single mothers,girls who get impregnated and abandoned,unmarried but desperate ladies who can't find suitors because of the 3:1ratio of men to women...and also make men responsible for those women through enacted laws whether or not they like it.
Then he also wants polygamy to be legalised.
Am i right @bigheart2013?

I think these issues/topics are too many to be discussed in one thread[i][/i]

bigheart2013:
Here are the questions again:
1.Should Nigerian states have laws to protect single parents, and girls who have babies out of wedluck, such that such kids must have right of inheritance to their ‘father’s wealth/property same as the man’s other kids from a marriage to encourage women who wish and choose to be single parents?

no - the law cannot be enforced....
women should learn to guide their treasures and in the most desperate situation, they should cultivate the condom habit!

2. Should Nigerian men who get unmarried girls pregnant be forced to provide them support/ maintenance through the pregnancy period, and financial support (including housing) for the baby to discourage the high level or illegal abortions in Nigeria?

not applicable as well as there are 40 million unemployed youths in the country. you cannot force an unemployed man to pay or support a pregnant woman. once again, the orientation should rather focus on the morality. prevention is better than cure!

3. Where a wife does not violently object (like in most Muslim households, and among traditionalist men, or even Christians who may see nothing wrong with it), should a man marry a second or third wife as long as those wives are legal? This can be achieved by allowing customary courts or traditional rulers issue marriage certificates if a man can present proof of dowry payment and the lady’s parental consent, so that those who can’t wed in churches because of doctrines of monogamy can still legally marry women they love than cheat and keep them as mistresses.

polygamy is the only effective way of helping the leftovers but then it puts the pressure back on the first wives. a once happy home would become broken and this degenerates and the society would have to bear the brunt of the menace from broken homes. it's a lose-lose situation. things should be left the way they are unless the government can provide welfare for all and sundry like most advanced countries!

ON LIKE D BANK E.T.C U ARE SAYING, IF I BUY SOME THING FROM U I DID NOT ASK U TO USE IT FOR WOMAN OR WRONG SEX . I PAY U FOR WHAT U GAVE TO ME AND IF USE THE MONEY TO HAVE SEX WITH A LADY U ARE THE ONE THAT SIN , I DID NOT ASK U TO DO THAT. IN GOD'S WORLD'S DONT BRING IN LAW, IS STATAN DOING THAT IN U BECOS U LIVE UR SELF FOR HIM. BOUT TRY AND UNDERSTAND SOMETHING.

slimyem: The op intentions is to speak for/on behalf of single mothers,girls who get impregnated and abandoned,unmarried but desperate ladies who can't find suitors because of the 3:1ratio of men to women...and also make men responsible for those women through enacted laws whether or not they like it.
Then he also wants polygamy to be legalised.
Am i right @bigheart2013?

I think these issues/topics are too many to be discussed in one thread[i][/i]

So how was I veering off?

Is paying school fees , visitation and likes are not part of the enforced ( LAW) child support here that OP wants in Nigeria too?

coogar:

polygamy is the only effective way of helping the leftovers but then it puts the pressure back on the first wives. a once happy home would become broken and this degenerates and the society would have to bear the brunt of the menace from broken homes. it's a lose-lose situation. things should be left the way they are unless the government can provide welfare for all and sundry like most advanced countries!

Hmmm! You can imagine if Martin Luther king (Jr) didn't champion the non-violent fight for civil rights, blacks would not be voting in USA today, Obama would not have been elected President. It took more than 50yrs for some people to realize he was right, and they were wrong.

Sometimes I wonder why we have so many churches, mosques and religious people in Nigeria yet we have set world record on every immoral thing. The reason is bc we try to wish away our problems. After the genocide in Rwanda that nearly wiped their male population away, and left many young women as widows with no means to feed their kids, President Paul Kagame, on national TV begged men who can afford it, to take in the young widows as wives bc the govt couldn't afford to take care of them. Some men heeded that plea. Otherwise all those widows would have turned lovepeddlers and home wreckers. Any surprise that Rwanda is one of the fastest growing African economies (not because of that) but because they proffer feasible and practical solutions to their problems. If you are happily married, you may not appreciate what a 43yrs old women who can't find a husband but wants to be a mother is going through. Let's not pretend that some of them are mistresses to so many married men...that a wife doesn't see it doesn't mean it's not going on.

bigheart2013:
Hmmm! You can imagine if Martin Luther king (Jr) didn't champion the non-violent fight for civil rights, blacks would not be voting in USA today, Obama would not have been elected President. It took more than 50yrs for some people to realize he was right, and they were wrong.

that was in the dark age.......we are in the 21st century.
you cannot force polygamy on the menfolk because women can't find husbands.....

Sometimes I wonder why we have so many churches, mosques and religious people in Nigeria yet we have set world record on every immoral thing. The reason is bc we try to wish away our problems. After the genocide in Rwanda that nearly wiped their male population away, and left many young women as widows with no means to feed their kids, President Paul Kagame, on national TV begged men who can afford it, to take in the young widows as wives bc the govt couldn't afford to take care of them. Some men heeded that plea. Otherwise all those widows would have turned lovepeddlers and home wreckers. Any surprise that Rwanda is one of the fastest growing African economies (not because of that) but because they proffer feasible and practical solutions to their problems.

but there was no civil war that wiped half of the nigerian male population away. the women are simply punching above their weights with the kind of men they want. tall dark and handsome with loads of cash are what they are after. when a man less-favoured comes their way, they simply turn him down that he's not man enough! there are millions of single men in nigeria too who want to be married but the ladies are aiming higher because of the poverty in the land.

If you are happily married, you may not appreciate what a 43yrs old women who can't find a husband but wants to be a mother is going through. Let's not pretend that some of them are mistresses to so many married men...that a wife doesn't see it doesn't mean it's not going on.

she can find a husband - i don't buy such excuse that a woman cannot find a husband. the only problem is most nigerian single women want the men in the upper echelon. so you have 70-85% of the single nigerian women running after 2% of the nigerian men who meet their high standard and most men won't marry more than one - so why won't you see 45-yr old women wasting away?

jidegirl12:

So how was I veering off?

Is paying school fees , visitation and likes are not part of the enforced ( LAW) child support here that OP wants in Nigeria too?

...Now that you put it that way....i see.
But i was only speaking around just "unmarried ladies" not the whole body of issues/angles and i still think any unmarried lady who wants her own baby should find her own way without shackling any man with responsibilities as it is solely her choice/plan to start with.
..and wasn't this child support laws discussed recently?
Our systems are not programmed to work or accomodate those ideals yet so they are proponents dead on arrival.

There are single men out there who are searching, unfortunately there are also females ( using the term loosely) like slimyem who are required by their cult or is it genetics to run after things to destroy.


So, these types propagate the myth of "cant find a husband" therefore i must go haywire.