[Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner - Business - Nairaland
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| [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by Tobeh: 10:35pm On Feb 05, 2013 |
Thoughts? The Nigerian Business Partner So you had heard of the numerous horror stories but chose you to ignore it. You, a loyal and patriotic citizen of your beloved Country have chosen to bulldoze through all the bad “belle” stories to forge ahead with the business venture. You, a loyal and patriotic citizen has chosen to give your good brothers and sisters, fellow patriots of a great Country- the giant of Africa, the benefit of doubt. Or so you thought… After forcefully clamping down on your doubts, you forged ahead. It would be well. Your brothers and sisters cannot disappoint. Disappoint? Your Nigerian business partner echo with a look of distaste on his face as though the very word was distasteful to him. God forbid! You are convinced! How could someone who prophesies to have such a close relationship with God and whose every other word was praise or a prayer be duplicitous. Impossible! You surge ahead. It is time for the business brainstorming session. You are coming up with some good ideas, and your Nigerian business partner concurs with you or so you think. Things are going well. You’re thinking, “How could people have said all those mean things about Nigerians?” None of it is true. People are so mean! See what you could have missed out on. Your Nigerian partner’s thinking, “Ehen, so you think you would show me up “shebi”? Let me praise you to your face! We will see how you will achieve this now. Let’s see how this plan would come to fruition! Hissssss.” (wide smile on lips, eyes are slits). You get to the business appointment. After so many hits and misses because of the many activities of your Nigerian partner (how can one person be so busy?), you finally agree on a day for the appointment. The Heavens be praised! Progress is being made. You show up on the day and the time that you AND your Nigerian business partner set up only to hear, “Oh, you’re here! You didn’t even call to see if I would be here, “na wa o””, this after an appointment that you had already scheduled and reconfirmed the day before. Wonders! The business proposal stage Your Nigerian business partner hounded you and burned your phone line- communication was open, response was fast. You are highly impressed- things are looking great! Until you put down the capital and products for the business venture… after that,if you got a flash call, one-thousandth of a ring, you were grateful. At least it meant your Nigerian partner still acknowledged your call, right? They might have been out of call credit, right? Then you call right back immediately, only for the phone to ring…ring and ring. You’re in awe. What happened? Did the person drop the phone and run away? Still yet, your faith in your Nigerian partner will NOT be shaken. You forge on, after YOU are finally able to reassure your Nigerian partner that none of it was his fault. It was just situation; in fact, it could have been your fault for misunderstanding. On to making the business venture work.. You’re thinking, “How can I make this business work so we can both benefit from it?” Your Nigerian partner’s thinking, “How can I get this thing for free? How smart can I be?” The “awoof” mentality of getting something for nothing…or perhaps wanting to cheat you right out of your possession or property. Or is it the African time? Please save that for a different day- there are stories to tell. By now, your faith in your Nigerian partner has taken a hit, but you shake your head and pull your shoulders back and shoulder on bruised but persevering. It’s just one of those things. After a series of misfortunes none of which never seemed to be your Nigerian business partner’s fault, the business venture remains where it started, never having fully left the ground, you finally throw in the towel and admit it to yourself- it was a lost cause. Sadly, you realize the futility of doing business with the Nigerian Business partner. The Nigerian Business partner is a mirage. http://www.tobechistyle.com/2013/01/satire-futility-of-doing-business-with.html 3 Likes |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by naijacutee(f): 3:09pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
Great piece. But I will argue that there are at least an equal, if not greater number of positive experiences. |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by Kunlenoni: 3:42pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
HMmmm Nawa for all these richpeople ooo. I went 2 see a frend frm a very rich family. D maid approached me& asked. MAID: What would u lyk to have,fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee? ME: Tea pls. MAID: Ceylon tea, Indian tea, herbal tea, kericho gold tea,bush tea or green tea? ME: Ceylon tea pls. MAID: how do u want it, black or white? ME: White. ... MAID: Milk or fresh cream? ME: With milk. MAID: Goat milk or cow milk? ME: Cow’s milk. MAID: Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow? ME: Uhm, lemme go with d freezeland cow. MAID: Would u lyk it with sweetner, sugar or honey? ME: Sugar. MAID: Bee sugar or cane sugar? ME: Cane sugar MAID: White, brown or yellow sugar? ME: Abeg, forget abt d tea, jst give me a glass of water... MAID: Mineral, tap or distilled water? ME: Mineral water. MAID: flavored or non flavored? ME: Infact get me an empty glass! MAID: Do u want a tumbler, wine glass, champagne flute or a beer mug? ME: Abeg, free me, i go swallow my spit..." 13 Likes |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by nonyofor(m): 3:45pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
Mtcheeew just passing wow third to comment dancing ikwokirikwo 1 Like |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by alaoeri: 3:47pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
Op abeg wetin be satire?  |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by SisiKill1: 3:49pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
Lmao!! So sad yet oh so true!!!! I don't think I'll ever understand the all or nothing mentality. Why must there be a loser in a transaction? Why can't we both profit from a business venture? This also applies to everyday buying and selling....you sell someone a fake product at an exorbitant price.....making the buyer lose twice just because you want to make a profit. Why??!!! Nigerians. ....for some unexplainable reason we have convinced ourselves that pulling the wool over someone else's eye = having good business sense. Sad!!! 4 Likes |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by lomzy1(m): 3:59pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
naijacutee: Great piece. But I will argue that there are at least an equal, if not greater number of positive experiences. I agree with u. But to some extent. Nigerians do not have good reputation when it comes to online business. That's why abt 80% (IMO) of foreigners you intend to do business with online wouldn't want to do business once they know you are a nigerian. Even when you are genuine. Its so annoying and painful.. Our image is dent abroad due to d fraudlent activities of few Nigerians and our leaders don't help matters.. Corruption, looting, mismanagement is all d foreigners hear and see on CNN, BBC etc. |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by Nobody: 4:06pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
Funny and not true except in illegal deals. Any genuine business will warrant drafting an MoU in the presence of respective attorneys even remotely. |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by naijacutee(f): 4:10pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
Sisi_Kill: Lmao!! This is so true, SisiKill! Win-Win isn't good enough for us. We thrive on the perception that the other party suffering a loss (of whatever kind) authenticates our 'win', even if in monetary value, it turns out lower than if we went for a win-win proposition in the first place. lomzy1: You are right. Our bad press doesn't do us any favours, but it seems that our perception to the outside world is the least of our prroblems. We just want quick returns today today, forget tomorrow, forget everything else, I've suffered enough etc etc |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by Nobody: 4:12pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
Poorly written essay with haphazard idea presentation within paragraphs. |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by vizboy(m): 4:15pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
if you dont want to do business with us you go. Let me tell you guys when it comes to online business the fillipinos are worst than nigerians am talking from experience after doing 1 or business with them |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by azzima(m): 5:06pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
blink182: Poorly written essay with haphazard idea presentation within paragraphs.sooo? Is that the only thing you got from the essay? Are we now in a classroom?.I am so sick of idiots like you trying to prove something Mr Professor. 1 Like |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by InvertedHammer: 5:54pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
OP..you are a freaking genius. A very good piece....Partnership in Nigeria is a murder waiting to happen adventure. |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by Nicklee(m): 6:26pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
blink182: Poorly written essay with haphazard idea presentation within paragraphs. Seriously? You need to go back to school. This piece will get published anywhere. Nigerians will always find a way to just say thrash. 1 Like |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by chucky234(m): 7:12pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
blink182: Poorly written essay with haphazard idea presentation within paragraphs.I.T.K go kill you,English teacher why didn't you post your correction to the said assay. Idio:t. 2 Likes |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by PapaBrowne(m): 7:26pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
InvertedHammer: But people are making these partnerships everyday and have excellent stories to tell. If you are on a plane coming back to Nigeria, you see hordes of foreigners streaming into the country and the numbers keep increasing. Way back around 2005, it was only Chinese, Indians and Arabs you see on the plane. But now the mix is varied and spreads all the way from Australia to Turkey, Japan to Germany. These people(Foreigners) make successful partnerships in Nigeria so a Diaspora Nigeria has no excuse for not choosing the right partners. In any country you go, no matter the systems in place, due diligence is required before you enter any partnership. Sweet words are not an indication of capacity. Tangible experience and adequate market info in the given field as well as credible and verifiable structures are a requisite before entering any partnership. From the above story or satire,which ever is ideal, it is obvious the writer was a victim of sweet words. No hard questions before the partnership appeared in the write up. Writer would have fallen victim of the same thing in any country from Mexico to New Zealand, Singapore to Qatar!! Emotional intelligence as well as Intuition are two of the most important characteristics of success! Get these two and you'll always do busniess with the right Nigerians. 4 Likes |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by naijacutee(f): 8:56pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
PapaBrowne: Sweet words are not an indication of capacity. [/color][/b] This is gospel!! Can I add to that, and say the title "Pastor" is not an indicator of capacity either. In my opinion, it is good for people to get scammed sometimes (provided the price isn't to high), as however much they were scammed of, it is a small price to pay for an education from Mr. experience. An education which would have been otherwise impossible to get. |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by Boss13: 9:02pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
This is a stupid post. Those in support do not have business and know much about the Nigerian business environment. The poster should go to CAC and get his data right. |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by Pacemaker: 9:26pm On Feb 09, 2013 |
Very truthful and interesting article. They all tend to use same pattern. I am scared of the ones that uses "God Bless" in every conversation the most. Before doing business with a Nigerian in Nigeria I would advise you see them in person first, if possible request to see their international passport and make a photocopy of it, also take a front view picture of them to protect your investment. If they happen to dupe you, all you have to do is publish their obituary on a popular newspaper just to humiliate them......lol It may be funny but this works. |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by Tobeh: 3:29pm On Feb 10, 2013 |
alaoeri: Op abeg wetin be satire?Satire is, "the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc." Source: Dictionary.com |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by zsch: 10:03pm On Feb 10, 2013 |
Pacemaker: ..... If they happen to dupe you, all you have to do is publish their obituary on a popular newspaper just to humiliate them......lol Funny. There is truth in this article though it generalised Nigerians as being fraudulent. There are always bad eggs wherever you go, it can't be helped. I once partnered with a very good buddy to execute a deal which wouldn't have gone through without my input. We decided on the percentage and I Set to work. It was a "success" and then I got a call from him that I was going to have to make do with less than the agreed percentage. No sensible reason was giving. Less than 24hours and there was a glitch with the client. I was the first person the friend called to help smooth over the issue and calm the client. I still don't know how I was able to be calm and resolve the glitch. The experience made me wiser and less trusting. If its business, its business. If you are serious you should keep sentiments aside in choosing a partner. Presently working on something with another buddy, it better work or there will be blood ( ˘˘̯) |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by Pacemaker: 12:45am On Feb 11, 2013 |
zsch:I am not saying there are no good Nigerians with positive intention, its just that the ratio gap between good and evil is very wide. I will never form partnership with my fellow country men, they are very desperate and impatient. Trust can not be bought but earned. |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by nitusa: 12:55am On Feb 11, 2013 |
Nigerians need a national orientation because after Gowon rule, we lost everything due to the oppressive government everybody went all out to get what they can get for themselves. From my perspective, I believe 70 percent of business deals in Nigeria involve some form of illegality. I have done business around the world, I never lost money, I have done business with any kind of race you can imagine, fair play. Just go to Ghana, they play by the rule. If I add up my loss in Nigeria, it will be over $1,000,000. I was reading a thread about investing in cashew nuts, just to complete the transaction and transport the nuts from Ilorin to Lagos will attract 10 different risk for a profit of 10 percent. I applaud you guys doing business in Nigeria. Please don't educate me about foreign people coming to Nigeria. Their transaction has been concluded and paid into their account in double portion. If it is not, trust me, they have been trained by Nigerians in illegality. Americans are the most eager to do business in Nigeria but institutionalized corruption will not let that happen. Try getting things done in any Federal Ministry, i bet you will wind up paying bribe in one form or the other. Why on earth will I want to go out there and import adulterated pills or food into Nigeria to harm my innocent country man just because I want to make money. I pity my Niger Deltans brothers and sisters. God gifted resource has been turned to a curse by some evil Niger Deltans, Nigerians and foreign invaders. Look, if I am to write a book about Nigeria, by now, I would have been writing my sixth book. Therefore, I rest my case. |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by Pacemaker: 11:16am On Feb 11, 2013 |
nitusa: Nigerians need a national orientation because after Gowon rule, we lost everything due to the oppressive government everybody went all out to get what they can get for themselves. From my perspective, I believe 70 percent of business deals in Nigeria involve some form of illegality. I have done business around the world, I never lost money, I have done business with any kind of race you can imagine, fair play. Just go to Ghana, they play by the rule.I happen to have old college friends that are from few African countries, and I wish to do some business research tour real soon in their countries. Sir, since you are widely traveled and acquired vast knowledge like most of us here, which African country would you recommend for business dealings? |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by nitusa: 1:46pm On Feb 11, 2013 |
Pacemaker: My advice is for you to to do business in countries where rules are adhered to. I will suggest Ghana (very close to Nigeria and there is sanity in getting business document), Ethiopia where getting business setup with the ministries take couple of days. South Sudan, new country lots of business opportunities and many more I can not mention now. Old college friends have like minds and can be truthful dealing with you. My last advice to you, where ever you go, don't ever try to get something your document does not allow you to get. Don't be too greedy. Partner with decent local people, be contented with your achievement after all its business its not do or die affair. Goodluck |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by PapaBrowne(m): 5:29pm On Feb 11, 2013 |
Pacemaker: Don't fail to include Nigeria in your tour. Nigeria is the biggest opportunity centre in Africa. Infact the various problems we have actually serve as horrendous opportunities. If you seek partnerships, then ensure that you get someone that is as capable as you are financially. Dont put money in anybody's hands except you have more than concrete reasons to. Also you can always set benchmarks before releasing monies. Do this and I release so and so. Over the course of your partnership, your partner would definitely expose hios deficiencies if there are any and at that point you can decide whether or not you would want to continue. Trust me there are more honest Nigerians than there are frauds! |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by Pacemaker: 11:32pm On Feb 11, 2013 |
PapaBrowne:Majority of people and I are having a hard time believing your last statement. Greed has consume that society and thats why you read or hear of terrible things done to innocent people. Nigeria is still an option but i would rather do business in a society that understand the rule of law. The guy that duped me years ago will pass for a pastor cos of his manipulative and sneaky ways. I learned through the hard way, I wont fall for that anymore. Thanks anyways |
| Re: [Satire] The Nigerian Business Partner by Pacemaker: 11:41pm On Feb 11, 2013 |
nitusa:Thanks for this information. I will never form partnership with a naija man but Ghanian or Tanzanian. We need to start telling ourselves the honest truth. The world didnt wake up all of a sudden and started hating anything Nigeria, we brought this to ourselves. Rwanda is one of the best countries to do biz in Africa and I have spent time with their citizens in the past, very honest and transparent people, something that is rare in our society. Meet Nigerians in social gathering abroad, have biz conversation with them and all you will hear is how they were duped by friends and relatives. There is no middle class in our society which is caused by greed and lack of patriotism. I will be home this year, I will carry out my own research and make a conclusion. |
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