Happy new year everybadyyy. I opened a thread on abuse last year and had to ask to mods to lock the thread no thanks to the railuway crew.

This is for those that suffered and are still suffering abuse.

How did you get out of it?

How do you plan to get out of it?

Did/do you think you could/cannot make it in life without the other person?

What was the last straw that broke the camels back?

What made you put on your bathroom slippers and say, enough is enough, I don't have to put up with this?

FOR THE ABUSED, NON ABUSED, PLEASE DEFINE IN YOUR OWN WORDS(WITHOUT LOOKING AT A DICTIONARY) WHAT YOU THINK ABUSE IS ALL ABOUT. When do we draw the line between abuse and mere couples quarrel? I read a thread last year on the romance section that made me realize that some people don't even know what abuse really is. One of the abused actually thought it was normal boyfriend/girlfriend quarrel..... she thought his behaviour was normal because he loves her death hence the jealousy. It got me thinking, how do we tell them what abuse is and what a normal and healthy argument/fight is. This is where I would expect the men to come in and contribute and let us know what they consider to be a normal argument/fight.

Cotton, debrief, CC, EFE, ile, baby osisi, david, coogar, debosky, Sagamilo, Dayokanu, ify, Busy body e.t.c your contributions will be highly appreciated.

Chie so my contribution no join abi?
I no blame you, you don turn superstar na . .

A marital or relationship abuse occurs when one of d couple is intentionally doing what he/she cannot or would not accept in a relationship to the other partner.




Oya! I don open d floor.............lets learn!

Uju and greatGod una contributions are needed

Ujujoan: Chie so my contribution no join abi?
I no blame you, you don turn superstar na . .

you know, she cant mention everybody's name now.........oya, no vex!

i dont have enough courage to speak truthfully.

mysticgal: i dont have enough courage to speak truthfully.

Please. No one knows you here, whatever you have to say might help someone you don't know. It's an online forum and you don't have use names. I would like you to share what you have

GreatGod is right there.

People recognise and react to physical abuse than they do to the mental/psychological one. A person may even be abused mentally without knowing it. When one partner puts the other down, makes them feel worthless, makes them feel their opinion doesn't count, insults them at the slightest provocation etc.
Like I told a relative who complained of physical abuse recently, if he hits you, hit him back. Even if you know you can't overpower him, let him know you won't fold your arms while he turns you to a punching bag. If the abuser is sensible enough, and hopefully, he'll realise that you too can get violent and he'll stop. If he doesn't stop, leave him.

How can an adult with common sense watch herself been abused. What kind of lowest of the low self-esteem is that? Those that continually abuse their partners most often know that they have a certain hold on the partner and he/she can't or won't leave easily.

@Op,
You're not in a positon to open a thread and ask people to share their experiences, when you've got absolutely nothing to offer in return.
For one, you're not a therapist or a doctor. Before you can ask anyone to share their horrible experiences of abuse with you, you must have at least had an inkling or experienced what real abuse is.
If not, you just want to read other people's stories and remind yourself how lucky you are.

cantell: @Op,
You're not in a positon to open a thread and ask people to share their experiences, when you've got absolutely nothing to offer in return.
For one, you're not a therapist or a doctor. Before you can ask anyone to share their horrible experiences of abuse with you, you must have at least had an inkling or experienced what real abuse is.
If not, you just want to read other people's stories and remind yourself how lucky you are.

Okay

@Zayhal

Self esteem has always been an issue here. Didn't I tell a story last year of a patient who was studying nursing but stopped because her self esteem was dealt with brutally. As we speak, she is in Sydney now studying nursing and at the top of her game

cantell: @Op,
You're not in a positon to open a thread and ask people to share their experiences, when you've got absolutely nothing to offer in return.
For one, you're not a therapist or a doctor. Before you can ask anyone to share their horrible experiences of abuse with you, you must have at least had an inkling or experienced what real abuse is.
If not, you just want to read other people's stories and remind yourself how lucky you are.

Contribute your quota OR get lost . . . Personally I prefer the later!

To me abuse is doing what could physically,emotionally or psycologically scar/hurt the other party.And no gender has monopoly of this.

The reason that alot of the times its the physical abuse that is often flagged up is cos its visible.Psycological or emotional abuse is often as harmful but also comes with grey areas.and might not be visible.

That said the mind part of abuse is subjective.
To person A her hubby using an aggressive or raised voice to express displeasure might be termed as abuse by person B but to person A him not talking to her for a week might be more emotional torture or abuse which person B is ok with.

cantell: @Op,
You're not in a positon to open a thread and ask people to share their experiences, when you've got absolutely nothing to offer in return.
For one, you're not a therapist or a doctor. Before you can ask anyone to share their horrible experiences of abuse with you, you must have at least had an inkling or experienced what real abuse is.
If not, you just want to read other people's stories and remind yourself how lucky you are.

@ Cantell. I think you're missing the point here. Anyone who post here know that this is not a shrink forum and by the way Jenny stated in her post that some people are even in an abusive realtionship wihout knowing it
I am assuming thread like this will be educative for all to recognise the early symptoms of abuse (physical, emotional/psychological) and how to deal with it. If you are a therapist then please share some tips on these symptoms.

@ post Abuse could occur in different fora e.g. abuse between married couples, romantic relationship, ordinary friendship, family; parents to child or vice versa, amongst siblings, work place and even in some religious organization.

Thanks JK.

jennykadry: @Zayhal

Self esteem has always been an issue here. Didn't I tell a story last year of a patient who was studying nursing but stopped because her self esteem was dealt with brutally. As we speak, she is in Sydney now studying nursing and at the top of her game

Oh ok, so this is your own story.

Are you another moniker for osisi? Just asking. You sound very similar.

2mch:

Oh ok, so this is your own story.

Are you another moniker for osisi? Just asking. You sound very similar.

Okay

jennykadry: Happy new year everybadyyy. I opened a thread on abuse last year and had to ask to mods to lock the thread no thanks to the railuway crew.

This is for those that suffered and are still suffering abuse.

How did you get out of it?

How do you plan to get out of it?

Did/do you think you could/cannot make it in life without the other person?

What was the last straw that broke the camels back?

What made you put on your bathroom slippers and say, enough is enough, I don't have to put up with this?

FOR THE ABUSED, NON ABUSED, PLEASE DEFINE IN YOUR OWN WORDS(WITHOUT LOOKING AT A DICTIONARY) WHAT YOU THINK ABUSE IS ALL ABOUT. When do we draw the line between abuse and mere couples quarrel? I read a thread last year on the romance section that made me realize that some people don't even know what abuse really is. One of the abused actually thought it was normal boyfriend/girlfriend quarrel..... she thought his behaviour was normal because he loves her death hence the jealousy. It got me thinking, how do we tell them what abuse is and what a normal and healthy argument/fight is. This is where I would expect the men to come in and contribute and let us know what they consider to be a normal argument/fight.

*Grabs popcorn and coke, reading replies

Ujujoan:

Contribute your quota OR get lost . . . Personally I prefer the later!

The Op wrote Ok to my post - She either choose to ignore me or she knew there was an element of truth in what i wrote(I'm thinking both) but like the silly woman you are, you had to display ur foolishness like always.
Others who quoted me had the decency to try and explain, but i guess you can't change who you are.

cantell: @Op,
You're not in a positon to open a thread and ask people to share their experiences, when you've got absolutely nothing to offer in return.
For one, you're not a therapist or a doctor. Before you can ask anyone to share their horrible experiences of abuse with you, you must have at least had an inkling or experienced what real abuse is.
If not, you just want to read other people's stories and remind yourself how lucky you are.

Cantell, sometimes the healing process starts with victims accepting what's happened / is happening to them.

Infact, I think that's the very first step, towards the healing process / finding a cure - admittance. But how exactly do victims of abuse admit that they are actually being abused? Simple, by talking about it.

I get what you're trying to say about getting the input of professionals who are well versed on issues surrounding abuse. But in the absence of such people, are you suggesting that the victims should keep quiet and keep it all bottled up?

I think not. Keeping quiet about such a serious issue is akin to denial.

jennykadry: Cotton, debrief, CC, EFE, ile, baby osisi, david, coogar, debosky, Sagamilo, Dayokanu, ify, Busy body e.t.c your contributions will be highly appreciated.

me nko? Is my views or contributions not highly appreciated? Anyway i have observed that women who suffer from inferiority complex,low self esteem and were witnesses of abuse are more often than not easy preys of all forms of abuse you can ever think of on the face of this earth.men know who to abuse and who not to mess with. Apparently and unfortunatly many ladies dont even know when they are abused because they grew up in a family were the father always physically abuses the mother in the presence of the kids and when the children asks why daddy always beats you everytime,you will hear,its because he loves me that is why he is beating me.the girl child in this kind of unfortunate family grows up with the mentality that if the man loves you he will beat you.infact i was shocked to my bones when a victim of domestic abuse was quoting the scripture to defend her husbands animalistic behaviour by saying a father disciplines the person he loves.discipline in her own context was for her husban using belt to beat her,tearing her clothes and giving her several blows.can this happen to an exposed an educated lady that comes from a reasonable family were the father is a father in all ramifications of the word and not an animal? No.why because she has grown up to experience what love is so she knows the difference between love and violence,love and abuse

jennykadry: Cotton, debrief, CC, EFE, ile, baby osisi, david, coogar, debosky, Sagamilo, Dayokanu, ify, Busy body e.t.c your contributions will be highly appreciated.

me nko? Is my views or contributions not highly appreciated? Anyway i have observed that women who suffer from inferiority complex,low self esteem and were witnesses of abuse are more often than not easy preys of all forms of abuse you can ever think of on the face of this earth.men know who to abuse and who not to mess with. Apparently and unfortunatly many ladies dont even know when they are abused because they grew up in a family were the father always physically abuses the mother in the presence of the kids and when the children asks why daddy always beats you everytime,you will hear,its because he loves me that is why he is beating me.the girl child in this kind of unfortunate family grows up with the mentality that if the man loves you he will beat you.infact i was shocked to my bones when a victim of domestic abuse was quoting the scripture to defend her husbands animalistic behaviour by saying a father disciplines the person he loves.discipline in her own context was for her husban using belt to beat her,tearing her clothes and giving her several blows.can this happen to an exposed an educated lady that comes from a reasonable family were the father is a father in all ramifications of the word and not an animal? No.why because she has grown up to experience what love is so she knows the difference between love and violence,love and abuse

^^^So is it safe to say that childhood, environment, parents and religion are all contributing factors to abuse? I think people misquote what they read as per the bible.

So abuse plenty lik dis..d only 1 wey me sabi na rape..nd i dnt tink anybody wld lik 2 share dat here....

the thread is a very educative one ,like a poster said most pple who stay in abusive relationships were either abused as a child or saw there mothers (or fathers ) been abused. women in general and mothers need to constantly reassure the daughters of there worth and not take an abuse lying down. growing up i witnessed my father hit my mother once she had a big black eye from it ( i was already 19 ) . while my father was sleeping that day my mother walked into his room and warned him that if he ever raised his hand on her again she was going to cut him with a cutlass . now i might not necessarily agree with my mums reaction but my father never hit her again.most pple are so battered that the lose the will to live and talking about it helps.i see a lot of ladies in abusive rship and i wander .
another form of abuse is in the workplace especially one man business in nigeria , dont know if anybody has experienced that.

It does seem there is the presence of a strain or mindset, here, which profits and is well adjusted to mischief or the fanning of warped linchpins. I understand people can be broken, damaged or permanently bitter; it however runs against healthy community to have an agenda portrayed under the premise or launchpad that suggests reconstruction or rehabilitation, when such is not the driven construct. Anyone experienced in any therapeutic exercise, understands that securing the case history of a patient can make or mar diagnosis and treatment. Certainly, not with this endeavor, and on a faceless forum, where conclusions are reached from one party, with hardly any forensics-or balance, and the tendency for factoids to be deployed and polished, to entrench the stereotypes people have of the other- gender, race etc.,

My fear has much to do with the very impressionable, who would swallow the bait, and engage in navel-gazing, distrust, garbled suggestions, habits and ultimately, some deviant character, that could undo/reverse gains previously made and enlarge the burgeoning community of the broken.

Anyways, I guess its Friday- and the weekend, the theater of the absurd couldn’t have found a better time and place for public roistering.

2mch:
Oh ok, so this is your own story.
Are you another moniker for osisi? Just asking. You sound very similar.

She is babyosisi

jennykadry:

Okay

jennykadry:

Okay

Tee hee hee

fellis:
She is babyosisi

Okay.

Sisi_Kill:



Tee hee hee

On a normal day , I have no qualms ignoring people. first I was busybody, then I became Callotti, now I am osisi. I must be suffering from multiple personality disorder which led me to yaba left in the first place.

Sisi, oya your contribution on this thread.

ileobatojo: Thanks JK.

No worries mate. Oya contribute

jennykadry:

No worries mate. Oya contribute

I dey come. @ work.