Hi.. Im married to a man last yr who is only son to his parents. When we got engaged things were moving smoothly. He was seeming like trustworthy, caring and lovable. He was saying like he was brought in a strict manner. His mom doesnt allow him to talk to girls even as a friend. But later on when I found that he chats with even unknown girls in fb like come to room/shal I come der (at night)/ want to spend some time with u etc.,Every word he used were like he texted me earlier I was totally depressed and informed everybody to stop d marriage. But he said like I dint do it my friends were chatting I was just telling them to type like that just for fun and he asked me sorry for it. I said ok n proceeded with marriage. But both the parents were upset with this incident. I dint mind it because I had no other way. After few days I found that he doesnt even care abt me. I told him that lets stop d marriage. Our characters will not match. Even for that he said sorry and asked me to trust him. After marriage I have seen him talking to his mom like a lover/baby and I can not express the slang he uses. As it looks odd, I told him to talk normally but he doesnt. He avoided talking infront of me. Many incidents proved that most of d time he thinks abt his mom and wanted to speak to her. I couldnt understand wat goes on between dem. It upsets me a lot.
For stupid things and all he lies to me. Also watever he says privately to me gets twisted and changed automatically infront of others. I am seeing this almost in every occation. If I say/prove something is wrong abt him/his parents behaviour he acts like 's u r right.I am sorry'. Then it continues. Whenever he lies it gets twisted like I am saying it. But I dint. I feel like throwing something on him and say god is seeing u lier. Just to make his mom happy he talks abt me and my family in an indecent manner infront of me. I hav seen guys who protects their wifes as like its their duty. But here just to make his mom happy he insults me. I said as I cant live with this lier and an uncaring husband and left d house. I loved him a lot. He behaves like just for having a kid he lives wit me. I feel like I am cheated and lost my life. I believe truth makes a person a human. I couldnt bare d bad words he thrown abt me n my family. I feel suicide may comfort me. I am totally confused. Please advice how to recover myself.

manju.enchant:
Hi.. Im married to a man last yr who is only son to his parents. When we got engaged things were moving smoothly. He was seeming like trustworthy, caring and lovable. He was saying like he was brought in a strict manner. His mom doesnt allow him to talk to girls even as a friend. But later on when I found that he chats with even unknown girls in fb like come to room/shal I come der (at night)/ want to spend some time with u etc.,Every word he used were like he texted me earlier I was totally depressed and informed everybody to stop d marriage. But he said like I dint do it my friends were chatting I was just telling them to type like that just for fun and he asked me sorry for it. I said ok n proceeded with marriage. But both the parents were upset with this incident. I dint mind it because I had no other way. After few days I found that he doesnt even care abt me. I told him that lets stop d marriage. Our characters will not match. Even for that he said sorry and asked me to trust him. After marriage I have seen him talking to his mom like a lover/baby and I can not express the slang he uses. As it looks odd, I told him to talk normally but he doesnt. He avoided talking infront of me. Many incidents proved that most of d time he thinks abt his mom and wanted to speak to her. I couldnt understand wat goes on between dem. It upsets me a lot.
For stupid things and all he lies to me. Also watever he says privately to me gets twisted and changed automatically infront of others. I am seeing this almost in every occation. If I say/prove something is wrong abt him/his parents behaviour he acts like 's u r right.I am sorry'. Then it continues. Whenever he lies it gets twisted like I am saying it. But I dint. I feel like throwing something on him and say god is seeing u lier. Just to make his mom happy he talks abt me and my family in an indecent manner infront of me. I hav seen guys who protects their wifes as like its their duty. But here just to make his mom happy he insults me. I said as I cant live with this lier and an uncaring husband and left d house. I loved him a lot. He behaves like just for having a kid he lives wit me. I feel like I am cheated and lost my life. I believe truth makes a person a human. I couldnt bare d bad words he thrown abt me n my family. I feel suicide may comfort me. I am totally confused. Please advice how to recover myself.

So many issues to address. Here, please give me a minute, i'll be back.

I'm back. Had to make my bed.
Okay, i'm sorry you are having such unhappiness in your marriage, a young marriage so.
I will avoid saying 'serves you right' because all the signs were staring you in the face but your love blinded you.
You know the one that threw me off? The impression you have about the relationship he has with his mom. That is shocking. Stop feeding that thought.
You mentioned suicide as comfort, that is outrageous. Why do you even nurture such idea? Because a man who isn't worth you is fooling around? So when you die, do you think he will as much as take a break and mourn you or even shed a tear? He won't. For him, life becomes more beautiful

Thanks for your comments. I couldnt tolerate hearing to lies every day and it makes me very very upset. I can try stop feeding that thought as u said but I dont know how to recover myself. Before marriage I was very happy I do have lots of friends and al are caring abt me. Even he knows abt it. But he never cares. He acts well! Thats very frustrating.

Looks like you did not look well before committing yourself to someone that lies like that. If I were in your shoes i would have found out all his lies during courtship and known to avoid such a person that lies like that. Whatever you do , don't commit suicide. People have problems in marriages and try hard to seek solution to it.You can organise to go marriage counselling with him, that way counsellors can help work on his bad habit of telling lies.

What you said about him and his mom sounds strange, are you sure that is his mum with the way you said that he lies? You need to be very careful with him. He seems to be making your head hazy with lies, you need to also tell him that you cannot take being dissed in front of people, to quit playing with you and that if he seriously wants to be married that he should be real with you please.

@op looks like you got into a situation that brings much unhappiness. The time you took to write this post you should have invested it into talking to this man again. If you dont have children with him I would hold off until the relationship stabilizes or you go your own way. No relationship is worth dieing over for this to work you both need to work on it collaboratively, that is teh only way. He needs to change his ways and come back to teh true realities of why he married you assuming he did it under good intentions.

You mentioned you feel suicidal and marriage should not make you feel this way. Inasmuch no marriage is perfect and each relationship has its own set of issues but if you are the only unhappy one and your husband behaves like everything is kosher than that's unfair. Is their a third party that is unbias that can mediate and counsel the two of you. If their is then you should make an effort to get them involved. If all else fails and you need to walk awaya at least you have done it knowing you tried your best and did everything possible to salvage the union. GL OP but the work starts with you and not on NL.

Maybe u shd try to give them a space anytym he nd his mama r 2geda, at least wen u dnt hear their insults u won't feel disturbed and seriously u need to pray to secure ur home nd marriage.

Did u have a proper courtship before your marriage or u just went into it to be married.
Anyway you need to find a way to sit with your husband and have a heart to heart discussion with him about your marriage.If possible both of you should go for counselling.
It seems you married a mama's boy and that means u will have to endure a lot to make your marriage work.
Whatever you do,totally erase the thoughts of suicide.Give your marriage your best shot and if it doesn't work,U can start a new life on your own.
Lastly be prayerful.Prayer changes things.

The problem is that when ladies in relationships notice that is not working as they wish simply becos they gain somethings from it they feel they can change it after they after marriage.
Suicide is not your solution right now rather more problems.
You are already in it, always please your husband no matter what he says or do especially in the presence of those he talks bad abt you to, even if hurts. Do those things that thrill him while you were dating even if it is against your wish. Soon he will change.
Remember, that divorce is not an option as no man wants a second wife so u must make your marriage work. All the best

remecy: The problem is that when ladies in relationships notice that is not working as they wish simply becos they gain somethings from it they feel they can change it after they after marriage.
Suicide is not your solution right now rather more problems.
You are already in it, always please your husband no matter what he says or do especially in the presence of those he talks bad abt you to, even if hurts.Do those things that thrill him while you were dating even if it is against your wish. Soon he will change.
Remember, that divorce is not an option as no man wants a second wife so u must make your marriage work. All the best

If she is already in it, does she have to tolerate being abused with words in front of others? She sure has to react to it in such a way that the man stops doing that. Folding her hands and pleasing him nicy nicy even when she is being talked down will not make him change soon dearie.

remecy:
You are already in it, always please your husband no matter what he says or do especially in the presence of those he talks bad abt you to, even if hurts. Do those things that thrill him while you were dating even if it is against your wish. Soon he will change.
Remember, that divorce is not an option as no man wants a second wife so u must make your marriage work. All the best

Wow!!!!!! She is a human being and deserves to be treated as such. Its this man's verbal abuse that breaks her down day in and day out and you are asking her to tolerate it thats unfair. Things have to change in her marriage for the sake of her mental sanity.

Firstly, i want to talk about d suicidal aspect........if you commit suicide, its an opportunity for him to easily get rid of you and continue with his lifesytle. So, face it, fight it by sitting him down and let him realise that, that lifesytle of his is not d best, let him realise that you deserve to be respected, let him realise that whatever he sow, he would reap in due season and if he seems not to change, totally ignore him, make yourself happy, choose your own friends who will add value to your life,all this without him, as time goes on, he may change, and pple will know that he's d real liar and not you, u just be nice to pple around you to prove your innocence.
"igbeyin lo ma ye lku ada"
every marriage has its ups and downs, communication is an essential part of it, so, communicate well with him.
May God help us all.

Manju.enchant, I'm just going ahead with the assumption that you come from a country where arranged marriages are the order of day and your case wasn't different, hence no courtship or likes. As it is common in these kind of marriages, you guys interacted after your engagement and he put up a loving caring facade, all in a bid to impress his would be. And then you found out that he lied. You made a fuss, wanted to put an end to the impending marriage.Your parents obviously would've supported you. But as the marriage dates were made public (I'm sure invitation had also started), your would-be apologized and begged you to reconsider, we do not know if this begging has to do with the troubles they went through to organize a lavish engagement only to call off the wedding @ last minute or the love he had developed for you. You gave in to his requests. Now, barely a year later, you want to walkout on him/ kill yourself and feel like you've been taken for a ride.

Let's start with his relationship with his mom. I do agree we've heard about incestuous relationships of this sort. But in your case I'd give the guy a benefit of doubt owing to the fact that he is an only child. Maybe he was pampered way too much and he is just returning the love n care. I personally know some men who playfully call their moms by their first name. Regarding your relationship with your MIL, I guess it was already strained when you bared her son's lies. In a way, you were sort of pointing fingers @ her upbringing. She would've already formed a negative opinion about you and would've been pissed off with your family for supporting you. Also some MILs tend to get insecure when they try to see a competitor in their DIL. I think your MIL is just proving and reiterating the fact that she had and still has control over her son by insulting you and your family in front of him and getting him to agree with her. She is just basking in the knowledge that her son has not turned into a hen-pecked husband and that he still puts his parents first when it comes to relationships. The guy on the other hand, I feel, doesn't want to appear as an ingrate and a woman wrapper all of a sudden when a woman came into his life and hence playing along. You could either try to get along with MIL and try to reassure her that you are not a threat and you are not here to take away their only son OR you could walk out as you had decided earlier if you do not have the patience or time to give your marriage another chance. I personally don't think that a woman can go ahead and love a man deeply just because she's married to that man. The fact that you love(d) him a lot shows that he had done things to evoke your feelings. Be sensible and mature in what ever decision you take. Good luck.

Thanks much for all your words. For past 3 days we dint have any comminication at all. I have tried my best to convey my points to his mom 3 or 4 times earlier. But she dint even allow me to speak! His son too. Even I have not spoken anything abt their indifferent conversations (btn mom n son). I am just trying to make myself happier with my lovable family and supportive friends. I have decided to leave space for him to realize the importance of our relationship. If he is matured enough to understand this, let him take a positive step else go to hell. Once again I thank you all for making me realize there are people (so many) who spends time just to help others!