@ nikkykay: thats exactly wht i am talking abt, he has nt set his eyes on her since she was born and doesnt show interest, how do i get myself to get them hav a relationship. how i wish its so easy.

nikkykay: Hw about in a situation whereby d father has never bn dre right from whn d baby was in d womb & his family cares less? Is it still wise 2go & search 4him. Or hw do u explain ds 2d child wn she grows up askin 4her dad?

Have your parents ever met with his parents? Did you guys inform them that you had the baby? Your parents, you and baby should pay the parents a visit. Hey, its also their grandchild. Go and see the reaction. At least you all know now and then that the child exists. Your parents should also go and discuss what will be in the best interest of you and your child. And what responsibility its father is expected to take care of. If they ask for a DNA test, take it. The boy has to know he cant just disappear from responsibility. Nigerian's think if they ignore things it will go away. This is a child, its not going anywhere.

thank you all for your contributions on my post but i hv actually decided to let nature take its course and for God to take control. when the time comes he will guide my path.

lynnj: thank you all for your contributions on my post but i hv actually decided to let nature take its course and for God to take control. when the time comes he will guide my path.

Better, wish you luck. And please forgive him. You dont have to tell him just forgive him in your heart and move on. Trust me, that is not for him at all, but for you. You will see that you are happier, healthier and can move on to healthier and better relationships. Hes not worth having such control over you, that you are bitter all the time. At a point in time you will just see him and laugh at yourself for even making his matter dictate your life this much.

@baby 123: i forgave him long time ago but wouldnt want him to cross my path again. yes it is as bad as that. thanks anyways.

@all single parent: pls we are the only ones that know what we are passing tro and would also be in a position to help one another, can we form strong friendship amongst us.

let us be friends real life, those of us that have good jobs, we help out, schedule vacations and visitations, learn one or two things from each other. communicate and share each other problem.

am in, if you re interested, kindly check my profile and email me so that we can exchange phone nos and start from there. lv you all.

damiso:

In this case the woman has tried her best so i agree that there is no point trying to force it.On the other hand some women intentionally use the child as a pawn in mind games and sometimes esp with girls,they poison their minds against men.THAT is what is unhealthy.

It takes alot of time though(lets be realistic)for one not be bitter towards the person who causes you so much hurt and pain esp for one coming out of an abusive relationship.How many of us who broke up with an ordinary boyfriend cos of cheating actually want to be his friend? Its just that a child is a sort of connection for life if not some characters are best left in the past.

you are always on point

baby_123:

I clearly stated that if the father wants the child, he should be allowed to play his role. The fact remains that a lot of women hold their children back to get back at the father. Because the father hurt the mother is not an excuse to punish the child as well. If the father says he doesnt want a relationship with the child, then fine. Hold unto your child. But intentionally holding children from their fathers will backfire. Even when they are older, the ones rejected by their father still go and look for their fathers. Not knowing who your father is, is like not having an identity. How can you answer the name of a person you do not know and that person is alive? It is better if the father were dead, than be alive and the kid does not know anything. In a developed country, whether the father wants the child or not, he will still have to contribute to the child's life whether he likes it or not. Mothers also abandon their children. The feeling of abandonment i dont think can be equated to an orphaned child. Especially for girl children, its not a good thing at all. Honestly.

Yes some women use the child for emotional blackmail because of their own issues but this does not mean all men tried to be good fathers

lynnj: am in, if you re interested, kindly check my profile and email me so that we can exchange phone nos and start from there. lv you all.

Please still be careful on NL
Also take baby's advice and beg an elder in your family to notify your ex family
after that leave it to God

More please

We have talked about importance of companionship

My question is how do you cope with work, business and taking care of a child since you are the only one

@baby_123
Un4tun8ly, he has no single parents! His eldest sister stopped pickin my called wn my pregnancy was 4mths dat was after he travelled! We weren't married so it ddnt involve both families coming 2gether! Plan was 2do introduction wn I got pregnant but we culdnt due 2d fact dat he got visa unxpectedly & needed 2resume 4work!
He stopped picking my calls b4 I put 2bed & blocked me frm his fb page!
Be4 dat I asked 4d name of baby, he gave me none so I decided 2gve her name all by myself
Wn I put 2bed & my mum called him cos he stopped pickin my #, he told my mum dat he wuld in4m his pple 2cme 4naming but none of his family showed up! Only my family was present! He has never sent 1cent 2me since he left!
D last time my sis called him in USS, he told her he wuld call her back but all he did was changed his #!
So imagine wot I went & am going thru!
In his case wot do I tell my child? Wot kinda my will I tell her he was?!
I hav his pix, conversation on bb, y msgr & emails dat I hav save 4her 2c dat we were so involved in. Deep rship!

@baby_123
Un4tun8ly, he has no single parents! His eldest sister stopped pickin my called wn my pregnancy was 4mths dat was after he travelled! We weren't married so it ddnt involve both families coming 2gether! Plan was 2do introduction wn I got pregnant but we culdnt due 2d fact dat he got visa unxpectedly & needed 2resume 4work!
He stopped picking my calls b4 I put 2bed & blocked me frm his fb page!
Be4 dat I asked 4d name of baby, he gave me none so I decided 2gve her name all by myself
Wn I put 2bed & my mum called him cos he stopped pickin my #, he told my mum dat he wuld in4m his pple 2cme 4naming but none of his family showed up! Only my family was present! He has never sent 1cent 2me since he left!
D last time my sis called him in USS, he told her he wuld call her back but all he did was changed his #!
So imagine wot I went & am going thru!
In his case wot do I tell my child? Wot kinda my will I tell her he was?!
I hav his pix, conversation on bb, y msgr & emails dat I hav save 4her 2c dat we were so involved in. Deep rship!

nikkykay: @baby_123
Un4tun8ly, he has no single parents! His eldest sister stopped pickin my called wn my pregnancy was 4mths dat was after he travelled! We weren't married so it ddnt involve both families coming 2gether! Plan was 2do introduction wn I got pregnant but we culdnt due 2d fact dat he got visa unxpectedly & needed 2resume 4work!
He stopped picking my calls b4 I put 2bed & blocked me frm his fb page!
Be4 dat I asked 4d name of baby, he gave me none so I decided 2gve her name all by myself
Wn I put 2bed & my mum called him cos he stopped pickin my #, he told my mum dat he wuld in4m his pple 2cme 4naming but none of his family showed up! Only my family was present! He has never sent 1cent 2me since he left!
D last time my sis called him in USS, he told her he wuld call her back but all he did was changed his #!
So imagine wot I went & am going thru!
In his case wot do I tell my child? Wot kinda my will I tell her he was?!
I hav his pix, conversation on bb, y msgr & emails dat I hav save 4her 2c dat we were so involved in. Deep rship!

Oh wow. Are you sure this person is not married abroad? Are you sure you were not conned by a married man?
Is the elder sister married? How will he just get a visa and get a job? I dont understand this story. Was he living abroad?
If he is in the US, am sure you can go to the embassy and table your case for them. See what they can do about it.

[quote author=biolabee]More please

We have talked about importance of companionship

My question is how do you cope with work, business and taking care of a child since you are the only one[/quote
@ all
Sorry double post!
@biola,
As 4ur Qs!I got home like past 8 tonite cos of traffic! I left office like 6pm! Was in traffic till like 8! Went 2creche 2pick her, got home, bathed 4her, rocked 2 sleep,packed her bag 4 2mrw,washed all our coolers 4 2day, cleaned d kitchen, had my own bath & finally on bed now! I wl sleep soon & must wake up by 430am 2prepare our breakfast & lunch by His grace & must leave home by 615am cos I wl hv 2drop her 1st be4 I go 2 Island!
This is hw we live from mon - fri! Saturday I do d house chores & rest! Sunday. We go 2church & start preparing 2d new wk again!
But I still thank God

baby_123:

Oh wow. Are you sure this person is not married abroad? Are you sure you were not conned by a married man?
Is the elder sister married? How will he just get a visa and get a job? I dont understand this story. Was he living abroad?
If he is in the US, am sure you can go to the embassy and table your case for them. See what they can do about it.

He applied a company in d US while in nigeria so d coy processed his visa! I culdnt go wit him cos he filled his status as single! I dnt need 2go 2mbassy 4 any reason!
Yes his sister is married wit kids! Am sure he has settled down maritally dre!

nikkykay: [/quote] My question is how do you cope with work, business and taking care of a child since you are the only one
@ all
Sorry double post!
@biola,
As 4ur Qs!I got home like past 8 tonite cos of traffic! I left office like 6pm! Was in traffic till like 8! Went 2creche 2pick her, got home, bathed 4her, rocked 2 sleep,packed her bag 4 2mrw,washed all our coolers 4 2day, cleaned d kitchen, had my own bath & finally on bed now! I wl sleep soon & must wake up by 430am 2prepare our breakfast & lunch by His grace & must leave home by 615am cos I wl hv 2drop her 1st be4 I go 2 Island!
This is hw we live from mon - fri! Saturday I do d house chores & rest! Sunday. We go 2church & start preparing 2d new wk again!
But I still thank God

Wow, you are a really strong lady. *phew*

lynnj: @ nikkykay: thats exactly wht i am talking abt, he has nt set his eyes on her since she was born and doesnt show interest, how do i get myself to get them hav a relationship. how i wish its so easy.

U dnt hv 2go & look 4him!
It wl b ur child's decision! My girl doesn't really like it wn men carry her & if she does allow it, she will not be friendly as in talk or smile 2dat man!
I dnt understd y but I guess its because she doesn't see or spend time wit dm like she does with me!
Just move on wit life pls! 4get abt him 4now &face ur child!

baby_123:

Oh wow. Are you sure this person is not married abroad? Are you sure you were not conned by a married man?
Is the elder sister married? How will he just get a visa and get a job? I dont understand this story. Was he living abroad?
If he is in the US, am sure you can go to the embassy and table your case for them. See what they can do about it.

Definitely sounds like a married man.I think your people need to meet his people has baby suggested.The child is an evidence that the relationship existed and even if they dont request it,i think you should request for a DNA test.Just to prove to them that your child truly is their son's.Posterity will then bear you witness that you did your bit.

nikkykay:
He applied a company in d US while in nigeria so d coy processed his visa! I culdnt go wit him cos he filled his status as single! I dnt need 2go 2mbassy 4 any reason!
Yes his sister is married wit kids! Am sure he has settled down maritally dre!

What type of company is this? Do they still have a branch in Nigeria?

Are you really sure this person is telling you the truth? If it is not an oil company, then the story is a little funny.

I think this guy is married.

You will have to be sneaky about this, but somehow get on his facebook anonymously. You know what he likes. Flirt, and let him add you.

You need to know the truth. That family is hiding something.

Find out who his sisters husband is, and have your parents visit him. Maybe in his office.

biolabee:

you are always on point



Yes some women use the child for emotional blackmail because of their
own issues but this does not mean all men tried to be good fathers



Please still be careful on NL
Also take baby's advice and beg an elder in your family to notify your
ex family
after that leave it to God

His family is aware, ofcourse the brideprice was returned so that one is not an issue. i actually have left everything in God's hand.

baby_123: My question is how do you cope with work, business and taking care of a child since you are the only one
@ all
Sorry double post!
@biola,
As 4ur Qs!I got home like past 8 tonite cos of traffic! I left office like 6pm! Was in traffic till like 8! Went 2creche 2pick her, got home, bathed 4her, rocked 2 sleep,packed her bag 4 2mrw,washed all our coolers 4 2day, cleaned d kitchen, had my own bath & finally on bed now! I wl sleep soon & must wake up by 430am 2prepare our breakfast & lunch by His grace & must leave home by 615am cos I wl hv 2drop her 1st be4 I go 2 Island!
This is hw we live from mon - fri! Saturday I do d house chores & rest! Sunday. We go 2church & start preparing 2d new wk again!
But I still thank God

Wow, you are a really strong lady. *phew*

If I don't who will?!

baby_123:

What type of company is this? Do they still have a branch in Nigeria?

Are you really sure this person is telling you the truth? If it is not an oil company, then the story is a little funny.

I think this guy is married.

You will have to be sneaky about this, but somehow get on his facebook anonymously. You know what he likes. Flirt, and let him add you.

You need to know the truth. That family is hiding something.

Find out who his sisters husband is, and have your parents visit him. Maybe in his office.

I too think his story is a bit iffy.Some people sha,very dodgy.

Nikkykay well done ojere.E-hugs .Your labour of love shall not be in vain.

damiso:

Definitely sounds like a married man.I think your people need to meet his people has baby suggested.The child is an evidence that the relationship existed and even if they dont request it,i think you should request for a DNA test.Just to prove to them that your child truly is their son's.Posterity will then bear you witness that you did your bit.

Sounds like a married man conned her. He didnt think it would all go this far. That is probably why the sister is also running. How would she face his wife? The story of him getting a job and visa just like that is a bit fishy. OP probably fell for his lies. If it is the US, go to the embassy and see what they can do about it. They may be able to help and give you information that will help you figure this all out. Who knows if they may even be able to make him pay something to take care of the child sef. . Tell them you are looking for a missing person. Your child's father.

baby_123:

Sounds like a married man conned her. He didnt think it would all go this far. That is probably why the sister is also running. How would she face his wife? The story of him getting a job and visa just like that is a bit fishy. OP probably fell for his lies.

Not to be presumptous,i think his wife is probably in the US and just filed for him.which is why his visa just came through.As you said sister must be in a dilemma.But that one is their own business,a child is involved so they better face up to that fact

baby_123:

What type of company is this? Do they still have a branch in Nigeria?

Are you really sure this person is telling you the truth? If it is not an oil company, then the story is a little funny.

I think this guy is married.

You will have to be sneaky about this, but somehow get on his facebook anonymously. You know what he likes. Flirt, and let him add you.

You need to know the truth. That family is hiding something.

I hv vowed never 2bother mysef abt him again! I hv bn in peace all ds while!
Pls wots d point of disturbing a sleeping dog!
Find out who his sisters husband is, and have your parents visit him. Maybe in his office.

I have made up my mind not 2knw anythg abt him again!
Wots d point of disturbing a sleeping dog! His family is aware dat I got pregnant 4him! My family knw abt d issue so wots d point of looking 4his Pple? I hv seen ds profile on fb cos I was able 2use anoda account 2add him as a friend but he has accepted d request 4 almost year now so I hav bn abe 2copy his pix & save dm 4her baby 2see dat he's really living a good life incase he wants 2come back 2tell her stories later!
My sista I took a wrong step frm d start & hav asked God 4 forgiveness!
I hoping 4d best now 4me & my child

damiso:

Not to be presumptous,i think his wife is probably in the US and just filed for him.which is why his visa just came through.As you said sister must be in a dilemma.But that one is their own business,a child is involved so they better face up to that fact

I think so too. Life is not so milk and honey abroad that a company will hire you from Nigeria to do a job where they have 10000 americans that can do it even better. The guy is lying. His wife is in America. Eyah and yea, his visa probably just came through. Nikky, go to the embassy and see what they can do. Trust me, they will fish him out and send a letter to his wife if he has any. If the sister's husband is a respectable person, and your parents visit him i assure you, you will find out the truth. Wow, some women are wicked o.

nikkykay:
I have made up my mind not 2knw anythg abt him again!
Wots d point of disturbing a sleeping dog! His family is aware dat I got pregnant 4him! My family knw abt d issue so wots d point of looking 4his Pple? I hv seen ds profile on fb cos I was able 2use anoda account 2add him as a friend but he has accepted d request 4 almost year now so I hav bn abe 2copy his pix & save dm 4her baby 2see dat he's really living a good life incase he wants 2come back 2tell her stories later!
My sista I took a wrong step frm d start & hav asked God 4 forgiveness!
I hoping 4d best now 4me & my child

Well its your choice sha. But no one should be allowed to abandon their responsibility like that. He moved to the wrong country with that kind of mindset. He will be very easy to track and made to pay something towards his child's welfare. What a dumb guy. mtscheew!

dear nikkykay

thanks for this however i have another comment

Dont you think you are doing too much considering your baby is at the creche till late evening
Can you make arrangement for some form of help (a sibling/cousin and maybe a househelp - YES!) that can help with some of these tasks

I believe a child should be well rested before evening
If you dont want them to be involved with the child, they can help with house work (even dicing hot dogs and green pepper for stir fries no be easy work)
Women una dey try

What do u think

You know my opinion already on the scum


For her to dig up and trace this man may dregde up forgotten pains
If she is comfortable enough, God wll guide her
It is well with you Amazons

I never tot that I will be a single mom! My hubby stays in n out of country n I stay in their family house wit my daughter, she got another woman preggy n she bore him two boys, he changed n started maltreating I and my daughter to the extent tht he asked de sisters to threw us out. I didn't hve anything cos he also told dem not to allow. Me to take anything cos he claimed I came to his house with nothing! This is somebody I married for two years . Today am happy where God has placed us n my daughter is growin to a. Fine young lady! Am not dating anyone now! I just wanna take care of my child n be happy! In those two years he hit me five good times! Am happy now tht out of tht marriage! So happy am free!

baby_123:

LMAO. SMH. Hell no. When you already have BABE. Na my friend you wan use toss P

single parenting can be very a sad situation especially when you are the child

Chioma Ndubueze: I never tot that I will be a single mom! My hubby stays in n out of country n I stay in their family house wit my daughter, she got another woman preggy n she bore him two boys, he changed n started maltreating I and my daughter to the extent tht he asked de sisters to threw us out. I didn't hve anything cos he also told dem not to allow. Me to take anything cos he claimed I came to his house with nothing! This is somebody I married for two years . Today am happy where God has placed us n my daughter is growin to a. Fine young lady! Am not dating anyone now! I just wanna take care of my child n be happy! In those two years he hit me five good times! Am happy now tht out of tht marriage! So happy am free!

be strong God sees your tears

very sad stories here