Hi nairalanders, I was talking with a friend who works with an international NGO while her husband works in a new generation bank. She told me the husband is nice and caring but loves to spend all his money including hers when it comes in on whatever he so desires. They have got three kids in primary school so I don't see this as been nice at all because any thing can happen considering the uncertainty in their sectors. I told her to wait that I will come back with the best advice for her. She keeps talking to him but I think savings is just not in his blood. Do I tell her to hide some part of the money for rainy day or she should continue to declare her whole salary to him and have him bring up one need after the other. No insults please.

toofine765: No insults please.

I didn't plan to insult you before but I will do that now.












Just kidding.

Tell your friend to sit her husband dow and explain situations with him. Let him realize that sector he is in, is the "Time Bomb" in the entire various sector of the Economy. It can explode at just anytime and no one knows who will get hurt and injured.

If he doesn't still correct his frivolous spending then I suggest she starts making some ridiculous demands from him I.e, if he once used to drop N20,000 for the upkeep of the home, she should start making him drop N35,000 that way, he will be force to check his spending on irrevant things.

Also she should not reveal her salary to him and if she has done that previously, she should come up with a perfect lie that they have cut down her salary by 45% because the NGO wasn't getting donations and financing support like before.



I wonder why men can't just learn from other people's mistakes. Dem swear for some people?

at this point one may be tempted to say too late

In addition to the point raised above this may be linked to life style choices


- school kids attends
- area they live,rent and service charge paid
- number of vacations annually


This is an integrated decision she has to take
Their is secondary schl and college coming up so she has to be harsh now

The truth, my dear, is to start saving up for the future of ur kids and invest wisely.
My point is: as humans, until we are hit by a point of conviction, we will neva realise we need a turn around.
But the irony and the most worrisome aspect is: this will only happen when the wrong event teaches us. I only hope he doent realise when it's so late.
But pls, secure urs. I dnt pray u turn out the bread winner in the later years!!!
But, secure urs, and keep it secret. Thank u

Madam, save. It may end up being the only damage control arsenal you have. However, have that crucial talk with your hubby. Bankers are extravagant. It comes with the territory. I am a Banker myself and have seen how much extravagance my male colleagues display. Be wise.

She talks o but he has this mentality of tomorrow being better which is not realistic. If she begins savings and the man eventually knows about it he brings up a reason why they shd spend it and because she does not want to be termed a bad wife she surrenders. They stay in abuja and their kids go to fairly expensive schs but I don't think it's should be a justification why they should not have savings.

toofine765: She talks o but he has this mentality of tomorrow being better which is not realistic. If she begins savings and the man eventually knows about it he brings up a reason why they shd spend it and because she does not want to be termed a bad wife she surrenders. They stay in abuja and their kids go to fairly expensive schs but I don't think it's should be a justification why they should not have savings.

ish

What really does he spend the money aside the home front I mean school fees and home needs? If he's spending on things outside this then the woman needs to sit him down and have a heart to heart with him and if he's stil adamant then wisdom requires that she starts keeping money aside probably have a savings account.
However, if money is spent on maintaining a standard they have created for themselves then they need to cut cost. Remove their kids from the present school and put them in cheaper but quality school and the likes!

I am afraid IF he has been spoken to so many times about his spending habbits his wife might need to take drastic actions.Much as its not the ONLY factor in a relationship,finance is a very important one.Most times it takes the threat or potential loss of income for people to rethink what they ought to be spending on.

I used to be like that as well(still splurge once in a while as whats the point of life sef ojare ).My mum and hubby used to call me always buying.I could have the same shoe in red,blue,green and i even used to console myself that its on sale so i am getting a good deal.It took people around me losing their jobs to get it into my head that there is no such thing as job security.I also got a stern talking to from my husband as well him actually taking rein of my personal finances for a while.

I know in Nigeria being prudent or thrifty is often seen as stingy but there really is no point keeping up with the joneses if you cant afford it.If you have to live paycheck to paycheck i.e. Literarily and believe me this is not limited to a particular pay grade you are actually living beyond your means.If you feel you need to maintain that lifestyle look for more sources of income.Your friend might need to start drumming up issues like possible job losses at her office.And even though it is preached for one to be open in marriage i think in this case its wisdom if she has some sort of rainy day fund he knows nothing about.

[color=#550000][/color][quote author=damiso]I am afraid IF he has been spoken to so many times about his spending habbits his wife might need to take drastic actions.Much as its not the ONLY factor in a relationship,finance is a very important one.Most times it takes the threat or potential loss of income for people to rethink what they ought to be spending on.

I used to be like that as well(still splurge once in a while as whats the point of life sef ojare ).My mum and hubby used to call me always buying.I could have the same shoe in red,blue,green and i even used to console myself that its on sale so i am getting a good deal.It took people around me losing their jobs to get it into my head that there is no such thing as job security.I also got a stern talking to from my husband as well him actually taking rein of my personal finances for a while.

I know in Nigeria being prudent or thrifty is often seen as stingy but there really is no point keeping up with the joneses if you cant afford it.If you have to live paycheck to paycheck i.e. Literarily and believe me this is not limited to a particular pay grade you are actually living beyond your means.If you feel you need to maintain that lifestyle look for more sources of income.Your friend might need to start drumming up issues like possible job losses at her office.And even though it is preached for one to be open in marriage i think in this case its wisdom if she has some sort of rainy day fund he knows nothing about.


Thank u so very much, will advice her to do just tat

damiso: I am afraid IF he has been spoken to so many times about his spending habbits his wife might need to take drastic actions.Much as its not the ONLY factor in a relationship,finance is a very important one.Most times it takes the threat or potential loss of income for people to rethink what they ought to be spending on.

I used to be like that as well(still splurge once in a while as whats the point of life sef ojare ).My mum and hubby used to call me always buying.I could have the same shoe in red,blue,green and i even used to console myself that its on sale so i am getting a good deal.It took people around me losing their jobs to get it into my head that there is no such thing as job security.I also got a stern talking to from my husband as well him actually taking rein of my personal finances for a while.

I know in Nigeria being prudent or thrifty is often seen as stingy but there really is no point keeping up with the joneses if you cant afford it.If you have to live paycheck to paycheck i.e. Literarily and believe me this is not limited to a particular pay grade you are actually living beyond your means.If you feel you need to maintain that lifestyle look for more sources of income.Your friend might need to start drumming up issues like possible job losses at her office.And even though it is preached for one to be open in marriage i think in this case its wisdom if she has some sort of rainy day fund he knows nothing about.

Love your post dear. You're so on point!

I believe that man in question deserves a couple of hard knocks! He's got three kids for goodness sake!

@poster, I'm sorry to say this but your friend's husband needs a good kick up the backside to sit up. He doesn't sound mature at all. Fact is, once you've got kids, their well being should be the top most priority for any responsible parent. As a banker, he of all people should understand the need to build up a savings pot for his kids and their future. He should be the one educating his wife on the need to have a pool of investments for their children.

She should by all means try and talk sense into him, but if that doesn't work, then she needs to do something drastic. She would need to start keeping aside her earnings for the children's future. Let hubby foot all the household bills and if he's still got spare cash to throw around, then so be it.

There is only so much you can say to a supposedly grown, adult male. A father for that matter.

she should keep gossiping about her personal affairs to whoever will listen, she'll learn soon enough.

@ op

mind your own business and get a life or dont you have one.

why tabling the matter on the internet, thats so classless.

Let your friend save her own earnings for d future and make d hubby to provide almost everything they need in d house, im sure after attending to all d needs in d house, he wont have much to waste.
The future is so uncertain and scary that one cannot afford not to have savings.
May God help us all.