Actually I did dear, I've always been a realist. Even as a child. Don't judge me til you know me, people who see me nvr believe I hv children as grown as I do or my age. So it has nothing to do with me being or lookin old, in fact. It has everything to do with me understanding my self, what I am capable of giving to my partner and what I expect in return.

Ujujoan:

Ohhhh now ur talking . . . .
You are right on one thing, you really are a realist!
A widowed mother at over 40 can only be a second wife in Nigeria.
I'm sure when you were in your early 20s and full of life, you didn't think "men were polygamous because they can procreate till death" . . . _{or some crap you wrote earlier!}

mzfelivisions: Actually I did dear, I've always been a realist. Even as a child. Don't judge me til you know me, people who see me nvr believe I hv children as grown as I do or my age. So it has nothing to do with me being or lookin old, in fact. It has everything to do with me understanding my self, what I am capable of giving to my partner and what I expect in return.

Actually, I kind of understand you . . . even more than you know!
I don't know if you were married for a long time before you lost him . . . but marriage is NOT all about being someone's 'mrs' and getting sexual satisfaction. I see marriage as an association whereby both parties live their lives for each other and for the children God has blessed them with. There's no room for a third party!
One should strive to keep her husband or his wife happy so they don't feel the need to look outside. It's one's responsibility as a married man/woman!
But you . . . you've given up on all that and even if you fail to admit it, your situation is the sole reason why. It's very normal for people to match their expectations with what they have to offer . .
I'm sure you have a daughter who you love so much and would protect with all you've got.
I don't think you'll be telling her to marry a married man and accept to be treated like a mistress because "men procreate till death".

Is it just me?The OP writing style does come across like a BB-fevered sissy

mzfelivisions: Well I'm an old woman too. Well over 40. Iv so much to bring, most my passion an vision. My dedication n loyalty, my business acumen and discipline. Sori I will not lie n say I'm gonna pound his yam naked behind the kitchen as he watches. I'm not going to wash his clothes. But I will run my home efficiently and he will see growth in his vineyards if he's open to new ideas. If not I will continue with my work, be a gud wife, loyal n faithful n raise my family.

This is what first wife's do.I'm sorry but you aint bringing in anything new or fresh by Nigerian standards.If you really aim at being a second or third wife to an older,made Nigerian man,you have to be fly in your looks and a freak in the bedroom.

Passion,business acumen yada yada can only impress an average,struggling man not one who has a rock solid business empire.You need to get a Unilag girl for tuition.

I don't see a Dangote/Bode George/Orji Kalu marrying or looking for a second wife that is over 40 and coming in to teach them how to run/improve their business

Hmmm .....

chaircover: Ive read many of Kulyes posts about what she feels about Nigerian men, so her comments didnt surprise me. She knows my moniker but in her rush to say her piece about the negatives of Nigerian men she didn't look at who wrote it LOL

Personally I dont subscribe to gender bashing (male or female) because people are all different & no one can claim to have met a tiny percentage of the people that make up that particular gender. . . .not even presidents.

You point one finger and 4 are pointing back at you . . . A Nigerian man sleeps with you, He gives you his Nigerian seed, which you birth, and you are raising another Nigerian man, you were sired by a Nigerian man, you grew up with Nigerian brothers and then you come along and say they are all bad.

I have met good and bad Nigerian men and women. I dont like stereotypes, like saying all Ibadan people are abusive and all Ijebu people are stingy. I can think of worse stereotypes but I dont want to offend anyone especially when I know that stereotypes are not always factual

Seriously though, if one keeps on meeting bad people, then one should look inwards as well as the quality of the people that one rolls with.

i am not bashing any gender but dayo has emphasized or explained better what i have been trying to say.if you cannot live with the inherent characteristics of a nigerian man (egocentric traits etc that i dont want to mention here) there are over 2oo or more countries in the world were you have varying options,thats all.good enough nigerian men are not the only men in the world so the ball is in posters court except her body rejects truth like yorubas will say,am sure she herself knows better

No its the issue that we r discussing that has stopped me from choosing, I can't seem to understand the communication method. If I dnt cll, instead of being busy, I must be " having fun" but if he doesn't call I'm selfish becuz don't I realize he's a "busy man". If I refuse to go out its because I'm hiding from someone instead of me being protective of my image so that none can come and make useless advances to me because iv been seen out with too many men due to the type of business I do. That if I have to travel even when I've informed him for business, I receive midnight calls and clls at inopportune time and yet there is no trust, when I've never shown you that I do anything bad. That there's this insane desire to bed me, when you haven't even taken the time to know what makes me tick, wat makes me happy, what I do when I'm nervous. If you can admit it takes time to know those things, why won't it take time to posess my most precious treasure. They get annoyed and ask am I a virgin, after all I hv children and I expln tht I live my life by example to my children. I can't ask my daughters to behave and be a good girl, if I don't show them wat a good girl is, I can't demand or expect my sons respect women if I don't show them wat a good woman looks like or what to look for in a wife. I must admit that I do have high expectation because I have seen men, real men, not just those who cll themselves that because they were born with a extra member. Nigerian, AA, Global. I want a man that can be my head, that I can trust and believe in. A man who will allow me to close my eyes, streach out my hand and allow him to GUIDE me, not in obedience but in love and TRUST, because I know what it means to be a wife, a mother, a lover .... a helpmeet. I take my position seriously. Its not a right to be a Wife or Husband, its an honor and privelegde that comes with responsibilities and expectations

Ujujoan:

I'[m sorry . . I guess I missed that. My condolences.
Still you've got to admit that you do sound like the perfect woman, men should be falling all around you like flies na . . . even Nigerian men wey too like better thing!
Except there's errrm something you are NOT telling!

biolabee:

Oshisko to u 2

orisirisi characters on nairaland

That is what ALL wives should do, girlfriends and mistresses too. Your point is noted though. Very funny and sad at the same time. If that's what you have chosen to believe. Also if a woman is a freak in d bedroom its between her, her man n God. He alone should kno thts y its clld a private life.

ifyalways: Is it just me?The OP writing style does come across like a BB-fevered sissy

This is what first wife's do.I'm sorry but you aint bringing in anything new or fresh by Nigerian standards.If you really aim at being a second or third wife to an older,made Nigerian man,you have to be fly in your looks and a freak in the bedroom.

Passion,business acumen yada yada can only impress an average,struggling man not one who has a rock solid business empire.You need to get a Unilag girl for tuition.

Pls can u expln what these 2 terms mean?

kulyie: orisirisi characters on nairaland

@ poster you better live your life because from your posts its obvious you are not living YOUR own life just to get a 'naija man'.you are the first teacher to your kids so be a model to them and enjoy your life to the fullest except of course you were born to live your life for a man.do what you are happy and fullfilled doing and along the line your ideal man will come along

mzfelivisions: That is what ALL wives should do, girlfriends and mistresses too. Your point is noted though. Very funny and sad at the same time. If that's what you have chosen to believe . Also if a woman is a freak in d bedroom its between her, her man n God. He alone should kno thts y its clld a private life.

The thread is about you trying to hook up with/understand made,older Naija man not me.

Good luck on your quest sha.Update us as you go

Actually I am chatting from my BB. Is that against the rules? When I sit down to my laptop its to work and write not browse and I don't use my tablets and bigger gadgets for social things. What exactly is a BB fevered Sissy by the way? If its abuse, please I dnt think I deserve it as I said if I'm not welcome say so and I will gracefully bow out.

ifyalways: Is it just me?The OP writing style does come across like a BB-fevered sissy

This is what first wife's do.I'm sorry but you aint bringing in anything new or fresh by Nigerian standards.If you really aim at being a second or third wife to an older,made Nigerian man,you have to be fly in your looks and a freak in the bedroom.

Passion,business acumen yada yada can only impress an average,struggling man not one who has a rock solid business empire.You need to get a Unilag girl for tuition.

mzfelivisions: Pls can u expln what these 2 terms mean?

i mean different characters on nairaland.from the sarcastic to the blunt and so many different ways of thinking.actually 'orisirisi' is a yoruba term that means different kinds of things,it could also be wonders shall never end depending on the context it is said or used

First things you have to accept you can't change anyone
Be the change you want

If you have so many desires at this time you may need to consider other races.

Uv gotten my post wrong dear. That's not my focus, if it was I wld hv been married long ago.I consult for them and deal with them daily so I know those inside n out. Not looking to b possessed or owned, just loved. Thnx for ur insight

ifyalways: The thread is about you trying to hook up with/understand made,older Naija man not me.

Good luck on your quest sha.Update us as you go

mzfelivisions: Actually I am chatting from my BB. Is that against the rules? When I sit down to my laptop its to work and write not browse and I don't use my tablets and bigger gadgets for social things. What exactly is a BB fevered Sissy by the way? If its abuse, please I dnt think I deserve it as I said if I'm not welcome say so and I will gracefully bow out.

Not an abuse in any way.The sms-typing style is used mostly by undergraduates found in chat rooms and social sites.
You are very welcome here.

mzfelivisions: Uv gotten my post wrong dear. That's not my focus, if it was I wld hv been married long ago.I consult for them and deal with them daily so I know those inside n out. Not looking to b possessed or owned, just loved. Thnx for ur insight

OK.

So what is your focus?What is this thread about?

Ok but there was another as well.. I didn't understnd

kulyie: i mean different characters on nairaland.from the sarcastic to the blunt and so many different ways of thinking.actually 'orisirisi' is a yoruba term that means different kinds of things,it could also be wonders shall never end depending on the context it is said or used

Iits just 2 pages follow through its all there.

ifyalways: OK.

So what is your focus?What is this thread about?

mzfelivisions: That is what ALL wives should do, girlfriends and mistresses too. Your point is noted though. Very funny and sad at the same time. If that's what you have chosen to believe. Also if a woman is a freak in d bedroom its between her, her man n God. He alone should kno thts y its clld a private life.

Her point (which you have stubbornly chose to ignore) i that you are looking at this all wrong . . .
There's not much you can offer a man to make him marry you . . . The only thing that can wow a man into proposing to you now is sex. Sad, but true!
I'll tell you why . .
1. Aside from the fact that you were married before, you also have kids, at least 3! No man wants that extra baggage.
2. You are past the age limit for young single Nigerian men to marry you, except desperados and gold diggers! Those are the people who won't care about sex but will be interested in somethings worse, your money. They won't only cheat on you, they'll marry a younger girl secretly who will give them what you can't. (but I guess you don't mind )
3. Most second wives are just for show . . . not for 'support, encouragement and bla bla bla' . . . Form your posts, I don't think you look like Bianaca!


You seem to be 'realistic' about sex and yet can't seem to admit that it is a major driving force for men . . . now who's deceiving herself!

I'm enjoying this thread! Pls continue to reply, unfortunately I'm about travelin now but will respond as soon as I get a network. I'm learning a lot and think I have identified at least 3 ethincities in this thread, just by your jist and rationale. Its interesting how people believe that its not possible to generalise when there are some things that are just culturally a part of us or engrained without us even being aware. That includes me as an AA and as a Native American. Thnx for not bootin me out, but I also think that some shld be a bit more receptive to dialogue even in regards to broaching sensitive subjects. Hv a blessed day and may all you aspire to achieve be yours exponentially beyond your expectations.

@ poster in my own humble opinion o,if you will listen to me,i will just say for your age,i doubt whether you can find a single sincere and commited guy that will stick to you.am not saying there are no good men out there o,but it will take the special grace of God to get that kind of nigerian man you described.those in their 2os and 3os are still searching like hungry lions and only few have found even with their sexy looks and the fact that they have not given birth,so if not for anything,for the sake of your kids,forget about searching except you are contented with 'friends with benefits,2nd or 3rd wife or * so just LIVE YOUR LIFE because the greatest investment a woman can do is to invest in her kids and watch them grow successfully.however if you decide to invest your emotions and time for a 'naija man' be ready to live with whatever you see including unexpected suprises you didnt bargain for.this is no bashing,its just the truth but you dont have to take it if you feel its not true

mzfelivisions: I'm enjoying this thread! Pls continue to reply, unfortunately I'm about travelin now but will respond as soon as I get a network. I'm learning a lot and think I have identified at least 3 ethincities in this thread, just by your jist and rationale. Its interesting how people believe that its not possible to generalise when there are some things that are just culturally a part of us or engrained without us even being aware. That includes me as an AA and as a Native American. Thnx for not bootin me out, but I also think that some shld be a bit more receptive to dialogue even in regards to broaching sensitive subjects. Hv a blessed day and may all you aspire to achieve be yours exponentially beyond your expectations.

You are cracking me up . . .
You want to marry a Nigerian man but don't want to face the reality that comes with it . . .
You are categorizing people into ethinc groups based on advice given, and yet you've forgotten that we are all 'one Nigeria' (your words not too long ago ) . . .
You expect people to be 'receptive to dialogue' and yet insist on running down anybody who dares give you advice you don't like . . .
My sister, I wish you luck in your search oh . . . you'll need as much as you can get!

OP,,, I am also getting confused

Ujujoan: You seem to be 'realistic' about sex and yet can't seem to admit that it is a major driving force for men . . . now who's deceiving herself!

Ujus post above has put it succintly and i find it vaguely amusing that you are segregating posts here on the basis of ethnicity

Though we all have different tribes, each of us is firstly an individual.

The fact you are a Cherokee shd i assume you hate all caucausians that forcibly evicted your ancestors from your ancestral land in the New World

mzfelivisions: I'm enjoying this thread! Pls continue to reply, unfortunately I'm about travelin now but will respond as soon as I get a network. I'm learning a lot and think I have identified at least 3 ethincities in this thread, just by your jist and rationale. Its interesting how people believe that its not possible to generalise when there are some things that are just culturally a part of us or engrained without us even being aware. That includes me as an AA and as a Native American. Thnx for not bootin me out, but I also think that some shld be a bit more receptive to dialogue even in regards to broaching sensitive subjects. Hv a blessed day and may all you aspire to achieve be yours exponentially beyond your expectations.

you're a mother, why dnt concentrate on raising ur kid/kids to standard rather than placing a strange tag on naija men. Naija men is all above ur arguements on this thread.

I like the passion of op for our country. No perfect man anywhere. All these stereotypes are getting boring. I have met naija men that are saints, likewise we have Western men that are beasts.
Talking about meeting a good man, there are no designated areas allocated to good men. Open your heart and.you will find what you need. Learn to also give people a chance, sometimes great books have boring covers.

Chukskalidon:
you're a mother, why dnt concentrate on raising ur kid/kids to standard rather than placing a strange tag on naija men. Naija men is all above ur arguements on this thread.

exactly what i was trying to make poster understand since

biolabee:
The fact you are a Cherokee shd i assume you hate all caucausians that forcibly evicted your ancestors from your ancestral land in the New World

Oh boy! can you imagine? *Scoffs* an aboriginal for that matter! Na your fault?

Ujujoan:

Her point (which you have stubbornly chose to ignore) i that you are looking at this all wrong . . .
There's not much you can offer a man to make him marry you . . . The only thing that can wow a man into proposing to you now is sex. Sad, but true!
I'll tell you why . .
1. Aside from the fact that you were married before, you also have kids, at least 3! No man wants that extra baggage.
2. You are past the age limit for young single Nigerian men to marry you, except desperados and gold diggers! Those are the people who won't care about sex but will be interested in somethings worse, your money. They won't only cheat on you, they'll marry a younger girl secretly who will give them what you can't. (but I guess you don't mind )
3. Most second wives are just for show . . . not for 'support, encouragement and bla bla bla' . . . Form your posts, I don't think you look like Bianaca!


You seem to be 'realistic' about sex and yet can't seem to admit that it is a major driving force for men . . . now who's deceiving herself!

Well said by Ujujoan, nothing more to add.

But if Op was below 30 than i would have just buried my head in shame on how useless a majority of us Nigerian males can be.

trae_z: But if Op was below 30 than i would have just buried my head in shame on how useless a majority of us Nigerian males can be.

Please Why do we think we are useless if she is below 30

kulyie: exactly what i was trying to make poster understand since

I bliv she's jst impersonating sumtin on d thread. If nt she should av thought of d fact that she had kid/kids b4 d strange thread.

biolabee:

Please Why do we think we are useless if she is below 30

Because we fail terribly when we examine ourselves against her starting post