Some lovely research about Mess, Enjoy


[size=18pt]What makes Mess stink[/size]?


The odor of Mess comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas and mercaptans in the mixture. These compounds contain sulfur. Nitrogen-rich compounds such as skatole and indole also add to the stench of Mess. The more sulfur-rich your diet, the more sulfides and mercaptans will be produced by the bacteria in your guts, and the more your Mess will stink. Foods such as cauliflower, eggs and meat are notorious for producing smelly Mess, whereas beans produce large amounts of not particularly stinky Mess.
 
[size=18pt]Why do Mess make noise[/size]?

The sounds are produced by vibrations of the anal opening. Sounds depend on the velocity of expulsion of the gas and the tightness of the sphincter muscles of the anus. Contrary to a popular misconception, Mess noise is not generatedby the flapping of the yansh cheeks.  

[size=18pt]Why are stinky & Smelly Mess generally warmer and quieter than regular Mess[/size]?

   
Most Mess gas comes from swallowed air and consists largely of nitrogen and carbon dioxide, the oxygen having been absorbed by the time it reaches the anal opening. These gases are odorless, although they often pick up other (and more odiferous) components on the way through the bowel. They emerge from the anus in fairly large bubbles at body temperature. A person can often achieve a good sound with these voluminous Mess, but they are commonly (but not always!) mundane with respect to odor, and don't feel particularly warm.

    Another major source of Mess gas is bacterial action. Bacterial fermentation and digestion processes produce heat as a byproduct as well as various pungent gases.The resulting bubbles of gas tend to be small, hot, and concentrated with stinky bacterial metabolic products. These emerge as the notorious, warm,SBD [size=14pt](Silent-But-Deadly), [/size] often in amounts too small to produce a good sound,but excelling in stench.  

[size=18pt]How much Mess does a normal person pass per day[/size]?


On average, a person produces about half a liter of Mess gas per day, distributed over an average of about fourteen daily Mess.

    Whereas it may be difficult for you to determine your daily flatus volume, you can certainly keep track of your daily numerical Mess count. You might try this as a science fair project: Keep a journal of everything you eat and a count of your Mess. You might make a note of the potency of their odor as well. See if you can discover a relationship between what you eat, how much you Mess, and how much they smell.
 
[size=18pt]How does a Mess travel to the Yansh[/size]?
     
    One may wonder why Mess gas travels downward toward the anus when gas has a lower density than liquids and solids, and should therefore travel upwards.

    The intestine squeezes its contents toward the anus in a series of contractions, a process called peristalsis. The process is stimulated by eating, which is why we often need to poop and Mess right after a meal.  Peristalsis creates a zone of high pressure, forcing all intestinal contents, gas included,to move towards a region of lower pressure, which is toward the anus. Gasis more mobile than other components, and small bubbles coalesce to fromlarger bubbles en route to the exit. When peristalsis is not active, gasbubbles may begin to percolate upwards again, but they won't get very fardue to the complicated and convoluted shape of the intestine. Furthermore,the anus is neither up nor down when a person is lying down.


[size=18pt]Why do Mess come out of your yansh[/size]?

   
    The yansh is the location of the anus in humans, and by definition, a Mess is an anal escape of intestinal gas. We should be grateful that we are not crinoids. Thecrinoid is a marine creature with a U-shaped gut, and its anus is locatednext to its mouth.


[size=18pt]How long does it take Mess gas to travel to someone else's nose[/size]?   


    Mess travel time depends on atmospheric conditions such as humidity, temperature and wind speed and direction, the molecular weight of the Mess particles, and the distance between the Mess transmitter and the Mess receiver. Mess also disperse (spread out) as they leave the source, and their potency diminishes with dilution.Generally, if the Mess is not detected within a few seconds, it will be too dilute for perception and will be lost into the atmosphere forever.
    Exceptional conditions exist when the Mess is released into a small enclosed area suchas an elevator, a small room, or a car. These conditions limit the amountof dilution possible, and the Mess may remain in a smellable concentration for a long period of time, until it condenses on the walls.


[size=18pt]Why is there a 13 to 20 second delay between Messing and the time it starts to smell[/size]?

 
    Actually, the Mess stinks immediately upon emergence, but it takes several seconds for the odor to travel to the Messer's nostrils. If Mess could travel at the speed of sound, we would smell them almost instantly, at the same time we hear them.


[size=18pt]Is it true that some people never Mess[/size]?

    No, not if they're alive. People even Mess shortly after death.
 


[size=18pt]Do men Mess more than women[/size]?


    No, women Mess just as much as men. It's just that most men take more pride in it than most women. There is a large variation among individuals in the amount of Mess gas produced per day, but the variation does not correlate with gender.
    I have readthat men Mess more often than women. If this is true, then womenmust be saving it up and expelling more gas per Mess than men do.


[size=18pt]Do men's Mess smell worse than women's Mess[/size]?


    Based on what I have experienced of women's Mess, all I can say is that I hope not. Scientific studies of Mess show that women's Mess have a higher concentration ofodor-causing gases than men's Mess, but men's Mess have a larger volume. The two factors equalize out (the same number of stench molecules for both), so the odour is about the same.


[size=18pt]At what time of day is a Woman most likely to Mess[/size]?

   
    A Woman is mostly likely to Mess first thing in the morning, while in the bathroom. [size=14pt]This is known as "morning thunder," and if the Woman gets good resonance, it can be heard throughout the household. [/size] 

[size=18pt]Why are beans so notorious for making people Mess[/size]?


    Beans contain sugars that we humans cannot digest. The most offensive sugars, known as "flatulence factors" to scientists who research Mess, are raffinose, stachiose, and verbascose. When these sugars reach our intestines, the bacteria go wild, have a big feast, and make lots of gas!

    Other notorious Mess-producing foods include corn, bell peppers, cauliflower, cabbage, milk, bread, eggs, beer, and raisins. People unable to digest milk due to lactose intolerance will suffer extreme flatulence if they consume dairy products.
    A friend of mine had a dog who was exceptionally fond of apples and turnips. The dog would eat these things and then get prodigious gas. A dog's digestive systemis not equipped to handle such vegetable matter, so the dog's bacteriaworked overtime to produce remarkable flatulence.
 
[size=18pt]What things other than diet can make a person Mess more than usual[/size]?

        People who swallow a lot of air Mess more than people who don't. This can be cured somewhat by chewing with your mouth closed, eating more slowly, and not gulping food or liquids. Chewing gum, smoking, and sucking on candy also can cause a person to swallow more air. Carbonated drinks give a person extra gas. Nervous people with fast moving bowels will Mess more because becauseless air is absorbed out of the intestines. Some disease conditions can can cause excess flatulence. Going up in an airplane or other low-pressure environment can cause the gas inside you to expand and emerge as flatus. Tilting your head back and pouring a drink straight down your gullet (chugging) also leads to an excess of swallowed air, and hence, Messing
 

[size=18pt]Is it harmful to hold in Mess[/size]?


    There are differences in opinion on this one. Certainly, people have believed for centuries that retaining flatus is bad for the health. Emperor Claudius even passed a law legalizing Messing at banquets out of concern for people's health.  There was a widespread belief that a person could be poisoned or catch a diseaseby retaining Mess.

    Doctors I have spoken to recently have told me that there is no particular harm in holding in Mess. Mess will not poison you; they are a natural component of your intestinal contents. The worst thing that can happen is that you may get a stomach ache from the gas pressure. But one doctor suggested that pathological distention of the bowel could result if a person holds in Mess too much. And Dr. P. said that the effort involved in retaining flatus can cause hemorrhoids.


[size=18pt]How long would it be possible to not Mess[/size]?

        As I understand it, a captive Mess can escape as soon as the person relaxes. This means that a lot of people who assiduously refrain from Messing during the day do so at great length as soon as they fall asleep. Having been on a great many overnight field trips, long bus trips, and trans-Pacific flights, I can personally vouch for the fact that lots of people do Mess voluminously as they doze off.  So the answer to the question would be, you can refrain from Messing as long as you can stay awake! 

[size=18pt]Do all people Mess in their sleep[/size]?
   
    I have not made a scientific study of this, but I don't think all people Mess in their sleep. I think mainly those who refuse to Mess when they're awake do so when dozing off  For other people, toilet training takes such a strong hold that they let nothing pass their sphincters in sleep. For these people, the gas accumulates in the night and they vent it upon awakening.


[size=18pt]Where do Mess go when you hold them in[/size]?

    How often have you held in a Mess, intending to release it at the first appropriate opportunity, only to find that the Mess has disappeared when you are ready for it?

    I asked several doctors where the Mess goes. Does it leak out slowly without the person knowing it? Is it absorbed into the bloodstream? What happens to it?

    The doctorsagree that the Mess is neither released nor absorbed. It simply migratesback upward into the intestine and comes out later.

It is reassuring to know that such Mess aren't really lost, just delayed.  


[size=18pt]How can one cover up My Mess in Public?[/size]?
     
    A ploy is to blame the dog or cat, if one should be present, or complain about how the wind must be blowing from the direction of the paper mill.

    As for the sound,  if you are in a large group of people, act oblivious and innocent, or glance quickly at the person next to you, as if you think he/she did it. Other strategies include coughing or suddenly moving your chair so that people thinkthat they misheard the Mess. If you are with one other person, you can actas if nothing happened, and the other person may believe he was mistaken inthinking he heard a Mess.  

    CJT addresses the problem of Messing loudly in a public restroom as follows: "My solution: use a handful of loose toilet paper, cover your yansh hole and it will muffle the Messing; my friends and I call it the 'Buff Muff'!"

  Depending upon the company, another strategy is not to cover it up, but to proudly proclaim the Mess as your own grand accomplishment and to issue a challenge to the others to outdo that one if they think they can. 

[size=18pt]Is it really possible to ignite Mess[/size]?

    The answer to that is yes! However, you should be aware that people get injured igniting flatus. Not only can the flame back up into your colon, but your clothing or other surroundings may catch on fire. A survey done by Messcloud (the site, alas! is no more) indicates that about a quarter of the people who ignited their Mess got burned doing it. Ignition of flatus is a hazardous practice. However, if you want to try it, and you don't have a friend to light your Mess for you, you might find it easier to accomplish the job using the Messlighter.

[size=18pt]Is it possible to light a match with a Mess[/size]?

   
    No, even strike-anywhere matches have their limits, unless the Mess has the consistency of sandpaper!  Any Mess that rough I would hesitate to call a Mess. Also, Mess have the same temperature as the body from which they emerge, and aren't hot enough to initiate combustion.

    There have also been cases in which intestinal gases with a higher than normal oxygen content have exploded during surgery when electric cautery was used by the surgeon.


[size=18pt]Is it normal for dogs to like the smell of human Mess[/size]?

     Yes, any odour that we find disgusting smells delicious to a dog. Dogs respond to the smell of Mess, rotting fish, and carrion the same way we respond to the smellof bacon frying or cookies baking. A dog will often sniff the yansh of the Messer in order to inhale as much of the odour as possible.

    I have heard only one story about a dog being disconcerted by a Mess. According to a friend, her brother once delivered a Mess so evil that it made the dog sneeze, shake his head, and paw at his nose. That was either an unusual Mess or an unusual dog.  

[size=18pt]Is it possible to leave a brown spot on your pants because of a Mess, and if so, what causes it[/size]?


    Judging from what I see when I do the family's laundry, I'd say that the answer to the first question is definitely yes.
   As for the causes, we must remember that what we call "Mess" and what we call "Shit" are just end-members of a continuum. That is, we can have a pure Mess, or a pure Shit, or anything in-between, depending upon the admixture of the two.

   If a sample consists mostly of Shit with only a small Mess component, you get such things as jet-propelled bowel movements and spongy, floating fecal masses (you know, the ones that refuse to be flushed down the toilet -- they keep Shit back up).

   If the sample consists mostly of Mess with only a small Shit component, you get what is known as "skid marks" or "Mess art." These can also result from inadequate wiping, but the shape of the stain is different in the two cases.  Inadequate wiping leads to elongate marks parallel to one's crack, usually with well-defined edges, whereas Mess art is generally more circular and has an air-brushed look.

   Mess art is most likely to occur if

(1) a person is suffering from diarrhea,

(2) the person is trying too hard to Mess, and

(3) the person mistakenly perceives the pressure against his sphincter to be gas pressure rather than liquid pressure.

Again, that last situation is most likely to occur if the person is afflicted with diarrhea.


[size=18pt]How can we tell when it's only Mess needing tocome out, rather than something more serious[/size]?
   
    Our ability to distinguish between the need to Mess and the need to Shit is something that we learn gradually in the process of toilet training and early childhood. With the tactile nerve endings in the rectal area, we can actually feel different sensations depending upon what is waiting by the exit. Of course, sometimes we are fooled, especially if the substance at hand is extremely fluid in nature, and that is when we have the unfortunate accident of venting a squirt of diarrhea rather than an innocent Mess. 


[size=18pt]What is the best position for Messing[/size]? 
   
    That depends onwhat you are trying to achieve.

    Years and years ago, I read a novel (can't remember which) that had a character in it who was plagued with intestinal gas pain. The character would coax Mess out by getting down on all fours with her yansh in the air, pressing her thighs against her belly. So perhaps this is the best position for Messing if you are having difficulty getting them to come out.

    Back when Iwas in NYSC, we would sit around the campfire in the eveningand ignite our flatus. It was a ritual. When a Mess was ready to emerge,the Messer would announce, "I have one." And everyone else would intone,"Assume the proper position." The Messer would lie back on his or her shoulderswith back propped up, head between the knees, and posterior in the air.The purpose was to give the person with the match easy access to the criticalvent.

    Expert Messers of my acquaintance often shift their weight onto one leg and lift the other slightly when Messing. I assume that this position is adopted less to aid in the Messing process than to signal that a Mess is imminent.

[size=18pt]Why do chicks/women/ladies always deny Messing[/size]?


    I suppose I should start by saying that only some chicks deny Messing. Most women acknowledge their gaseous accomplishments with pride.

    However, a great many Chicks do deny Messing. The reason is that they have been misled into thinking that Mess are not ladylike. It is a great mistake to say that Messing is not ladylike. The reason is that all people Mess, including ladies. Anything that ladies do is by definition ladylike, and that includes theemission of anal gases.  

[size=18pt]Is is possible that, by inhaling other people's Mess all day long, my own Mess will smell more[/size]?
     
    No, inhaled Mess would go into the lungs rather than into the digestive system, and would simply be exhaled again, although it might be possible that some of the Mess components might be absorbed into the blood. If you wanted to benefit from other people's Mess in the way you describe, you would have to swallow them somehow.

 
[size=18pt]Is it possible to get stoned or High after inhaling two or three Messes in a row[/size]?
   
    I am not aware of any intoxicating agents in flatus. However, most Mess contain very little oxygen, and you may experience dizziness if you are inhaling overly concentrated Mess essence  , simply from lack of oxygen. On the other hand, if you are inhaling Mess in the open air and are breathing rapidly in order to inhale as much Mess as possible, you may be hyperventilating, which also inducesdizziness.

    Then there is the intrinsic hilarity factor: Mess are so funny in both sound and odor that you might feel high just from the basic entertainment value of Mess.
Is it possible for a Mess to kill you?
    A great many of you have asked if Mess can be fatal, or if you can die from smelling a particularly bad Mess. My initial response to this question was "no,"but I thought I'd better ask a doctor. So now it is official, the medicalopinion I received is no, a Mess can't kill you.
    However, ifyou really work hard at it, you can manage to kill yourself with just aboutanything. I recently read of a man who hooked up his nose to his anus witha system involving a gas mask, rubber tubing and a hollow wooden post. Hedied of suffocation. This story comes from the Darwin Awards, and I personallycannot attest to the overall veracity of their stories.
    The story of the bed-bound obese man who died from inhaling his own flatus (and whose Mess almost killed the paramedics) is an urban legend that has been in circulation for some time.
    But according to Buzzbomb43, whom I quote: "In World War Two, the Air Force estimatesthat around 1000 to 2000 airmen were killed because of flatulence. The reason is B-17 bombers were not pressurized, so when bomber crews operated around 20,000 feet, the gas would expand and rupture their intestines." Now, that is a nasty way to go!


[size=18pt]Can excessive Messing cause impotence[/size]?
     
    That depends on the tolerance level of the person with whom one is trying to be potent!
    Fortunatelyfor humans, Messing doesn't cause tissue damage. Other animals aren't sollucky. Soldier termites can actually turn themselves into bombs by detonatingthemselves via the explosive release of gas and feces, a process called"autothysis."


[size=18pt]Is it possible to swallow smoke and then Mess it out your Yansh?[/size]?

   
    No, smoke consists of solid particles suspended in air. When such a mixture enters the digestive system, the solids condense on the walls and other objects in the gut, or go into suspension in liquids in the system. However, for people capable of inhaling through the Yansh, it is possible to smoke a cigarette with the anal opening and then blow the smoke back out.


[size=18pt]What causes the burning sensation that sometimes accompanies a Mess[/size]?

        This is generally caused by a recent meal of hot peppers (Ata rodo) or related spices. The oils associated with these foods remain intact and active all the way through one's gastrointestinal system.


[size=18pt]If you Mess in the bathtub, is the water polluted and should you refill the tub[/size]?

   
    As long as what comes out is only Mess and no Shit, your bath water should not be significantly polluted. Most of the Mess just bubbles up and contaminates the air rather than the water.


[size=18pt]Is it true that a woman can Mess out of her, shall we say, frontal opening, and if so, where does the gas come from[/size]?
     
    Yes, it is true!  The gas that emerges is simply trapped air, for there is no gas production in the Instruments of a woman. The air can enter because the system is open to the outside. This highly specialized kind of Mess is sometimes called a queef. This occurs especially frequently during the sex act, when air in the Instruments gets compressed and is forced out at high pressure.
   


[size=18pt]Is it weird to enjoy Messing[/size]?

   
    It is not unusual to enjoy Messing. I believe that enjoyment of Messing is a healthy attitude, since everyone has to Mess. If a person is Messing to the extent that it creates problems and unhappiness, then a visit to a doctor is in order. 


[size=18pt]Is it common for people to enjoy smelling their own Mess[/size]?

   
    I believe that it is not only common, it is universal. A person Messes and then thinks, at least subconsciously, "Wow, I made that!" 


[size=18pt]Can Messing be considered sexy[/size]?


    Everything imaginable, and many things not imaginable, can be considered sexy by humans. However, the female southern pine beetle exudes a pheromone called frontalin in her flatus that not only serves to attract males but acts as a general gathering call to both males and females of her species. Her Mess are an invitation to an orgy  . Unfortunately for her, her frontalin-laden Mess also attract predators.


[size=18pt]What color is a Mess[/size]?

    Mess are, alas, colorless. All of the gases that make up Mess have no inherent color. But just think of how interesting it would be if Mess were bright orange like nitrogen dioxide gas! It would certainly take the mystery out of who Messed.

    Never-the-less, a high-personality gas like Mess gas suggests color to people. Some people envision Mess as brown, others as green or yellow. I have always thought of Mess as brown, presumably because poop is brown. When someone Mess in our car, that person might say, "You better not breathe through your mouth for awhile, or your teeth will turn brown."
   I knew a toddler who used to draw pictures of Mess as yellow rectangles full of holes, like a slice of Swiss cheese. She thought of Mess as yellow, and said that she knew they were rectangular because she could feel the sharp corners scraping against her on the way out!
    Zaniab suggests that if Mess were visible, they would look like pork rinds.
    Helen says,"It always seemed to me like Mess were lumps of coal, black in color andirregularly spherical in shape."


[size=18pt]Do other people smell a Mess better than the Messer[/size]?
   
    The Mess should smell just as much for the person who created it as it does for other people  . However, the Messer is somewhat protected by having the Mess propelled away from his body in a direction opposite to his nose.  Messing upwind nullifies this advantage.


[size=18pt]Why is it that when you scratch your Yansh through two layers of clothing (your underwear and your jeans) your fingers still stink[/size]?
   
    A Mess can be regarded as "aerosolized Shit," which means that microscopic fragments and droplets of Shit are actually distributed throughout the gaseous matrix of the Mess. When delivered from the YANSH with some force, the components of the Mess can penetrate one's clothing and these tiny particles can be trapped in the fibers of the cloth. The particles are transferred to your fingers and then your nose when you scratch and sniff.

[size=18pt]Can Mess be filtered through your underwear or clothing[/size]?

   
    The term "filtering" suggests that some components pass through and others are trapped. This is certainly the case to some extent. Very likely most of the gaseous particles pass through unimpeded (although some of the odor-causing molecules adhere to cloth), whereas some of the microscopic liquid and solid droplets are trapped in the cloth. The efficiency of clothing as a filter could be estimated by Messing while wearing an increasingly large number of layers of underpants, with the assistance of a willing odor judge. The Messer could also smell each successive layer of underwear to see if the Mess odor diminished from interior to exterior layers.

[size=18pt]Why is it sometimes possible to taste Mess[/size]?
   

    The sense of taste detects substances that are either liquid or dissolved in liquid. You can taste a Mess when the Mess's constituent molecules go into solution in your saliva.


[size=18pt]Do Mess particles disperse in the air and float around until they hit something and then stick to it[/size]?
     
    The ultimate fate of Mess particles depends on the nature of the particles. Gas molecules mostly mix into the atmosphere, although some may react chemically to form new substances.Aerosolized particles of liquid and solid shit probably do condense on surfaces.Most of these particles are polar (with a positively charged end and a negatively charged end) and are attracted to other polar substances or charged surfaceslike a monitor screen. Other Mess particles condense on microscopic waterdroplets in the air if the humidity is very high (as in a bathroom), and some particles go into solution in water.


[size=18pt]Why do Mess seem to follow the Messer[/size]?


        I'm sure that everyone has experienced this phenomenon, in which one delivers oneself forth of a silent but potent gaseous emission and then steps rapidly away, only to have the Mess cling to one's person Yansh  . Part of the reason for this annoying characteristic of Mess is the turbulence that follows in the wake of a movingperson. The Mess "slip streams" or is actually pulled along in the Messer'sdirection by the air currents behind the person.

    Another factor is that part of the Mess is caught in the Messer's clothing, and diffuses out slowly after the main part of the emission has dispersed.

[size=18pt]Why do Mess smell so much worse in a shower than anywhere else[/size]?


There are several factors. First of all, a shower is a small, enclosed space, so the Mess gas is more concentrated, and the high turbidity of the air in the shower circulates the gas through the space effectively. Secondly, the high humidity and high temperature conditions in the shower enhance a person's sense of smell and taste. The Mess don't actually smell worse, it's just that we cansmell them better than usual.

  Similar conditions prevail in the bathtub

Hope you have learnt alot about Mess. So use your Mess to Spice up your Relationship! NO MESS NO RELATIONSHIP!

Phewwww too long a lecture for a messy issue !

big father:

Phewwww too long a lecture for a messy issue !

my brother

big father:

Phewwww too long a lecture for a messy issue !

i share d same opinion [font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]

Why are you guys yabbing me? Una no de mess? Why una de shame to know about una mess? This kin lecture fit help una understand why mess good for relationship and una de yab me for correct thing wey i do for una!

Its not fair o!

U self u no get better work to do. . . . .some people never chop, na mess u wan dey discuss with them!

Un a no good o! See as una de yab me because i de help una analyse una mess and know the good things about mess. I no yab anybody but all of una just de yab me. E no good to mess ni? Mess na enjoyable thing and i post this research make una know the kin thin una suppose chop before una go work or school and una de yab me.

I feel very bad. Infact i de go mess for one corner to drown my sorrows!

I feel very bad. Infact i de go mess for one corner to drown my sorrows! Undecided

if they send u,tell them say u no see me(i dont know of other nairaland members),person dey try find out how life go move well,na mess they send u to come talk,mess dey put food for table?mess dey give money?i beg no come inflict the spirit of poverty for our body oooo

this is just too long

Summary pls!

UTTERLY USELESS

i hope you all know what mess now means and how mess can affect your life and the joys and happiness of mess! Enjoy your mess. Its good for your health especially women on nairaland that mess alot through that their big yansh after eating all the nkwobi and chicken they beg boys to buy for them

it is very funny,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,at least for any one who reads it through

All these for mess?! Chei!