Mr. P. Niss, a long-time employee of Knackson Services wrote:

The HR Manager,
Knackson Services Ltd.

Dear Madam,
REQUEST FOR SALARY RAISE

I wish to officially request a raise in
salary, and my reasons are as follows:
- I do physical labour.
- I work at great depths, and i am always required to plunge in headfirst into every job I perform.
- I never get weekends or public holidays off.
- I work in very dark environments, with little or no ventilation.
- My work environment is always HOT and always WET! I have complained severally about this, but i am always ignored.
- Most importantly, my work exposes me to contagious and life-threatening diseases.

I believe my long years of service under these conditions entitle me to a raise in remunerations.
Sincerely,

P. Niss


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The HR Manager, Ms. V. Gina replies:


Dear Mr P. Niss,

After assessing your request, and
considering the arguments you have raised, the management of Knackson Services has rejected your request for the following reasons:

- You NEVER work 8 hours straight.
- You are fond of falling asleep after brief work periods.
- You rarely follow the orders of the management team.
- You do not stay in your designated area
and are often seen visiting other locations, and this is a very serious offence!
- You sometimes lack initiative
- you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
- You always leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
- You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing (PPE)
.
- It is also well-established that you will retire before you are 65.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags! However, management might consider approving your request if you can work double shifts in future.
Best regards,

V. Gina
HR Manager
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**lifted from a friend's blog**