Barely 2 weeks ago, I published a note titled "Let’s Get Undressed" and the most common descriptor for that note was "Scary." I actually wrote that note to promote Family School, a class on building healthy families organized by the Real Woman Foundation in Lagos. And by the way, the class will commence on Monday, 18th March through Friday, 22nd.

A few days ago, one of my High Capacity Friends, Ify Essien-Akpan, drilled me to write a sequel for the note. Since about 70% of the cases discussed in Let’s Get Undressed centered on sex, she was of the opinion that I write another one where other issues marriages face will be highlighted besides sex.

Ify and I had a short brainstorming session to come up with several of these cases. To be candid, she actually did more of the work. It got to a point where I asked her if she had a plan to make people allergic to marriage. It was that serious.

Now, just like Let’s Get Undresed, the objective of this note is not to scare you or make your decisions for you but to make you aware that these things happen and there is no formula to help us know who they will happen to. But with the right knowledge you can be better prepared for them or maybe you can decide that it is better the ship never sailed instead of encountering rogue waves. And that is what Family School does. It opens you up so you can make the decision for yourself.

But unlike Let’s Get Undressed where I stated 7 cases, here I will not elaborate on any. I will just list a couple of questions that you should have answers for before the ship sets sail. They are questions that you and that person that makes your head to spin should have already settled before you say “I do.” This is where you get undressed before you get undressed.
[b]
1. How many children are we having?
2. Four years after marriage, no child. What do we do?
3. How will we manage money, joint accounts or separate accounts?
4. Couple of years down the line either or both of us loses job what do we do?
5. Couple of years later I, the wife, is earning a lot more than you are earning and I am transferred to another country or location within Nigeria. Will you go with me?
6. One of us develops a medical condition that affects our fertility what do we do?
7. One of us is involved in an accident that permanently affects our physical condition e.g. loss of sight, become crippled, amputation, memory loss. What do we do?
8. I, the wife, reaches menopause earlier than expected before we have the number of kids we plan on having what do we do?
9. What plans do we have in place should any of us die while the kids are still very young. How do we protect the family estate from in-laws?
10. How important is sex to you? Every day? Once a week? Once a month? Once a year?
11. Are there issues in your family line that I should know about?
12. Who is going to be the next of kin?
13. Peradventure we have a mentally challenged child what will we do?
14. Is there any issue in your past I should know about? Do you have a child somewhere? Is there a medical issue like no womb? Do you belong to any cult?
15. Can our younger ones come and live with us after we get married?
16. Do you have any addictions I need to know about e.g. Pornography, gambling, etc.?
17. Do you have any sexual preferences? Are you bisexual? Are you okay with Mouth Gig, anal sex, etc?
18. Is there anything I will do that will make you divorce me?
19. Can I still hang out with friends from the past after marriage?
20. I am still friends with people I had relationships with in the past. Can the friendship continue after we get married?[/b]

I can actually hear some of you saying, "God forbid. This is not my portion." But like I said at the beginning, the objective is not to scare but to let you know the level of your preparation. When all you are doing is visiting Silverbird Cinemas and Kentucky Fried Chicken you tend to think that is all there is in life. And I really wish there was a pill I could give to you to make your life continue that way but there is none.

Is there any one right answer to all of those questions? No. Both parties need to agree on what line of action they will take in the eventuality of any of them occurring after marriage. This is what I mean.

What happens if 4 years after marriage there is still no child? There are different ways couples can handle that kind of situation:
Go for adoption
Go for artificial insemination
Go separate ways
Keep believing God
Whichever option the couple decides is okay as long as both of them are in agreement. But if they never discussed it ahead of time and such a case comes up the wife may say, "Let’s go for adoption." And the husband will reply, "God forbid! All my elder brothers’ wives gave birth to their own children. I will never adopt any child. If you can’t give me children then just get ready to leave my house." Now you see there is a problem. But if before they even got married they had discussed this and arrived at a common ground this problem would have been averted.

Now, listen. You probably spent 18 years or more from your primary to university or polytechnic just to get a job that you will still retire from someday. I read Electrical Electronics Engineering in school but I only worked with it for 4 years and 7 months before I resigned to be on my own. And right now I don’t even know where my statement of result is because for the past three years it has not put food on my table. If we can spend that long getting prepared for a job that we will still retire from is it not wise that we should also prepare for something we plan on doing for the rest of our lives which is marriage? Many people get married with little or no preparation and then start fire-fighting. Is that what you want?

From Monday, 18th March, through Friday, 22nd, The Real Woman Foundation will be organizing a Family School where issues like these and many more will be discussed so you can make your decisions. It is not a class for ladies alone. It is for both the guys and the ladies. If you reside in Lagos or you reside outside Lagos but you can still make it, I want to encourage you to attend this class. The Fee is just N5,000 for the five days. Is your marriage not worth N5,000? I was once a student of this school. I have done both the basic and the advanced class. And I must tell you it is worth more than N5,000.


For more information contact:

The Real Woman Foundation,
Life Skills Training Center,
6, Jubilee Road, Magodo,
Off CMD Road,
Close to NEPA Bus Stop,
Magodo, Shangisha, Lagos.
Tel: 0810-859-2659


The one whom Jesus loves,
Mute Efe,
Twitter: @mute_efe
Facebook: www.facebook.com/mutehimself
+234-803-874-9796 (SMS Only)