Johnny was an 8-year old in remedial class. One day his teacher asked him a question. "Johnny, if there are five crows on a fence and the farmer shoots one, how many are left?". "None." comes the reply. "Sorry Johnny, but that's wrong. Think again".
"None, miss." is the reply once again.
"Could you explain please, Johnny?" asked the bemused teacher. "Okay," agrees Johnny, "he shoots one and there is blood and guts everywhere. So the others fly off terrified.".
"Well that's not exactly the answer I was looking for, the answer is four. But I do like the way you were thinking." remarked the teacher.
"Could I ask you a question, miss?" asked Johnny.
"Certainly, Johnny."
"Three woman are walking down the road. One is licking an ice lolly, one is sucking an ice lolly and the other is biting an ice lolly. Which one is married?"
The teacher ponders the question for a few moments then replies, "The one licking the ice lolly!" she answers.
"No," retorts Johnny, "the one wearing the wedding ring. But I do like the way you were thinking.".


Little Johnny comes home from Catholic school with a black eye. His
father sees
it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight
with the
other boys?"

"But Dad," said Johnny, "It wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying
our
prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in
the
crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit
me!"

"Johnny", the father said, "You don't do those kind of things to women!
Just
leave it alone!"

Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black
and
blue. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk about this!"

"But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church
saying
our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress
in
the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and
he
reached over and pulled it out. But now I know she doesn't like that, so
I
pushed it back in!"


Children were asked about love. Here is what some of them said:

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE

"One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too."
Andrew, age 6

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell , That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular."
Mae, age 9

"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful."
Manuel, age 8

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE

"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
John, age 9

"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long."
Glenn, age 7

ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE

"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful."
Anita C., age 8

"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet."
Brian, age 7

"Beauty is skin deep.But how rich you are can last a long time."
Christine, age 9

REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE

"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too."
Greg, age 8

HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?

"Mooshy , like puppy dogs , except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much."
Arnold, age 10

"All of a sudden, the people get movie fever so they can sit together in the dark."
Sherm, age 8

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS

"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them."
Gavin, age 8

"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing."
John, age 9

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE

"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'Dinosaurs' is on television."
Jill, age 6

"Love is foolish , but I still might try it sometime."
Floyd, age 9

"Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place , We were behind a tree."
Carey, age 7

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me."
Dave, age 8

"I'm not rushing into being in love.I'm finding fourth grade hard enough."
Regina, age 10

THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER

"Sensitivity don't hurt."
Robbie, age 8

"One of you should know how to write a check.Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."
Ava, age 8

SOME SURE-FIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores."
Del, age 6

"Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs , and don't worry if their parents are right there."
Manuel, age 8

"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers.You might get attention but attention ain't the same thing as love."
Alonzo, age 9

"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me."
Bart, age 9

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?

"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love."
Bobby, age 9

"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold , Other people care more about the food."
Bart, age 9

"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up."
Sarah, age 9

"See if the man has lipstick on his face."
Sandra, age 7

"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are -- on fire."
Christine, age 9

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"

"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day."
Michelle, age 9

"Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat."
Dick, age 7

HOW WAS KISSING INVENTED?

"I know one reason that kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses."
Gina, age 8

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS

"You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls."
Julia, age 7

"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you."
Brian, age 7

"It might help to watch soap operas all day."
Carin, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"When they're rich."
Pam, age 7

"It's never okay to kiss a boy.They always slobber all over you , That's why I stopped doing it."
Tammy, age 10

"If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime.But if it's a new person you have to ask permission."
Roger, age 6

Little Johnny kept disrupting his third grade class by regularly letting loud farts.

His teacher kept him after school. When she insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behavior, Little Johnny said, "I do it because I can do it better than anybody, and I'm very proud of that fact."

The teacher says, "If I show you I can do it better than you, will you stop?"

Little Johnny agreed and the teacher placed two pieces of paper on the floor with identical piles of chalk dust on each one. Johnny dropped his pants, squatted down, farted and blew all but a tiny little speck of dust off the paper.

The teacher dropped her panties, lifted her skirt, squatted down and farted but when she was done, and there was not a trace of chalk dust left on the paper. Johnny was astonished and asked if he could see her do it again. She was willing and as she repeated the process, Johnny peeked up underneath her skirt.

"No wonder you won!" he exclaimed indignantly, "you've got a Double-Barrel!"


This dad takes his son hunting. He tells his son," Okay, if you say a word while we're out here I'm gonna spank you." So the first day passes and the little boy doesn't say a thing. Second day passes and the little boy doesn't say a thing. Then the third day comes, and they found a big bull elk. The dad takes aim and just as he's about to squeeze the trigger the little boy begins screaming. The bull runs off and the dad turns around and says," Now I'm gonna spank you!!" The little boy looks up at his dad and says," But dad, the first day that the mountain lion chased me I didn't say anything, the second day when the rattle snake crawled across my boot I didn't say a word I just couldn't stand it when the two squrrals ran up my pants and says," lets eat one now and save one for later."

Little Tom was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tom?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tom tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Tom patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "that's because he's inside your FUCKING CAT!"

A Chinese couple had a new baby. The nurse brings them
over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, black baby boy.

"Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents.
"What will you name the baby?"

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
"I think we will name him Sum Ting Wong."

;d ;d ;d ;d

lol

l.o.l

this is an interminable joke.its way too long.dint finish it

Its not just one joke,there are about 5 or 6 of them

nice joke man.

Ah!am a woman o!

it's too long i cant read all,but i read half i think it's cool

spikedcylinder:

Ah!am a woman o!

ahhhh, sorry oooo. my bad. nice joke hun.

My fav was the double barrel (Lil Johnny)

Way toooo funny.

I think my fave is the one about "i like the way you are thinking!"

nice jokes!

Trust diddy4 beatin to think a female is male

Ahahaha

D johnny one is cokerstic. Löøl

$hadex:

this is an interminable joke.its way too long.dint finish it

Maybe u should read 5 lines a day!


@Spikedcylinder
Lovely joke jo! I love the 'Lil Johnny's 'double-barrell' joke. . . real naughty

@spikey
nice one, keep em flown


@joke
lmao!

@poster

It pains me to say it, but STALE. . . it is.

i weak 4 u o ble!

lol enemy of joy

wo'? the truth??

damhadji:

i weak 4 u o ble!

hehehe

u need to be stoned for admitting the truth

clemmy u 2 funny!

says who?

@blis
shines teeth

@tyty wetin na, the bobo no do am well abi? no vex na, it might be better 2nite

wats good about za monini?