1. "You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."
George Burns.
2. "He is alive, but only in the sense that he can't be legally buried."
Geoffrey Madan
3. "A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
Groucho Marx.
4. "People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit."
George Burns.
5. "I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."
Bob Hope
6. "When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick."
George Burns
7. "I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet."
Rita Rudner.
8. "I do wish I could tell you my age but it's impossible. It keeps changing all the time."
Greer Garson.
9. "Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."
George Burns
10. "Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate."
Woody Allen

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