fellow women in the house, what will be your reaction if u r accused of infidelity when you are not guilty of such. am so hurting right now as my own husband accused me of sleeping with other men. i really cant forgive him for this allegations...

Since you know you are not guilty, do not try to be defensive, by being nagging or disrespectful or bitter, time and action will tell and hes the one that will come and apologise to you, because, no matter how long a lie may go, truth will overtake it in a day.
However, continue to be open, faithful respectful and dutiful as a good wife that you are, its a phase and it will definately pass and you will be celebrated again.
Wishing you best of luck.

^^ oh no! You forgot your signature.
Anyway May God Help Us All.
P.S I am a fan

LOL .. a lot of us are fans

Dear OP, this is a very powerful allegation and needs to be handled wisely


Is this coming out of the blue or has he hinted or made subtle jests abbout one or two people/friends (both male or females)
The reason why i saw this is because some females may be seen as sensual and thus could be a bad influence etc

If you are definite in your heart it is not true, talk to him first and plead your case
Dont onvolve 3rd party o.. such things have a way of escaping and some will see him as too soft when they arre condoning worse in their homes while some women can even use as an opportunity to swoop in

Do all the RIGHT things conscenciously, come home early, cook, s.ex etc bla bla bla and hopefully his stony heart may budge

Watch the FIREPROOF MOVIE too.. it may help

if after six months no change from the man or at least an explanation of how the allegations came by, then you can involve a suitable 3rd party (counsellor, pastor etc)as he may have a stony heart

May God Help Us All

ish

He'd have to eat his words mixed with cement.

Don't be defensive , sit him down and talk to him along the line of virtue , ur self respect , honour n the God factor.
Pls don't you counter accuse him at least not for now

thanks to you all, i actually had the plan to involve an elderly person in his family but now have a change of mind. i dont have friends asuch not to talk of being bad influence to me. he was like am sleeping with my boss how on earth could he think like that. but anyways i must confess am so bitter right now.

^ nice , but then look inwards and try to see what u did knowingly or unknowingly for ur hubby to get suspicious and work on it.
The good part is that ur hubby loves u so much that it hurt him to be losing u to another so just work on urself and keep reassuring him of ur faithfulness instead of being confrontational.
Enjoy ur marriage
E no easy

preciousmee: fellow women in the house, what will be your reaction if u r accused of infidelity when you are not guilty of such. am so hurting right now as my own husband accused me of sleeping with other men. i really cant forgive him for this allegations...

What was the basis for his accusation? There is no smoke without fire . .
Why would a man accuse his own wife of being unfaithful for no reason whatsoever
Was he joking?
If not then I'll advice you to take a look at him again? He's probably trying to cover up his own infidelity . . . reverse psychology.

Ujujoan:

What was the basis for his accusation? There is no smoke without fire . .
Why would a man accuse his own wife of being unfaithful for no reason whatsoever
Was he joking?
If not then I'll advice you to take a look at him again? He's probably trying to cover up his own infidelity . . . reverse psychology.

Exactly. If OP has truly not done anything to make him so suspicious, then she better start looking at him closely and preparing that cement.

demelza: ^^ oh no! You forgot your signature.
Anyway May God Help Us All.
P.S I am a fan

thanks.
May God help us all.

biolabee: LOL .. a lot of us are fans

Dear OP, this is a very powerful allegation and needs to be handled wisely


Is this coming out of the blue or has he hinted or made subtle jests abbout one or two people/friends (both male or females)
The reason why i saw this is because some females may be seen as sensual and thus could be a bad influence etc

If you are definite in your heart it is not true, talk to him first and plead your case
Dont onvolve 3rd party o.. such things have a way of escaping and some will see him as too soft when they arre condoning worse in their homes while some women can even use as an opportunity to swoop in

Do all the RIGHT things conscenciously, come home early, cook, s.ex etc bla bla bla and hopefully his stony heart may budge

Watch the FIREPROOF MOVIE too.. it may help

if after six months no change from the man or at least an explanation of how the allegations came by, then you can involve a suitable 3rd party (counsellor, pastor etc)as he may have a stony heart

May God Help Us All

ish

thanks sir.
May God help us all.

i really don't know what to say right now, its just a little complicated because i dnt work where we stay i work in another town but rotate 3 weeks at home and 2 weeks at work. this is d nature of my job so i guess sometimes cos am not around he is unnecessarily suspicious that makes it really bad for me if he cant trust me when am away how do i defend this? i haven't done anything to make him suspect me guys this is why i am not taken it slightly with him. am still at work as we speak working my life out instead of encouraging and supporting me in his own way, he is acusing me of infidelity...

That's why truth is very crucial in marriage. Its obvious the little distance is causing the hitch. No 3rd party interference please. Its something you can work together. Sit him down and talk with him its obvious he's beginning to doubt your integrity. And ask him what he wants. Is it possible to transfer back to where you two lives?? In all pray.

preciousmee: i really don't know what to say right now, its just a little complicated because i dnt work where we stay i work in another town but rotate 3 weeks at home and 2 weeks at work. this is d nature of my job so i guess sometimes cos am not around he is unnecessarily suspicious that makes it really bad for me if he cant trust me when am away how do i defend this? i haven't done anything to make him suspect me guys this is why i am not taken it slightly with him. am still at work as we speak working my life out instead of encouraging and supporting me in his own way, he is acusing me of infidelity...

Ok, now I get it.
Distance relationship.
Google up on nairaland issues about distance relationship and take it from there
But in summary. Be ready to spend more on calls cos communication at all times in what is required of you now.
call when u r eating, peeing, typing, submitting report, in a cab, on the pavement, on the bed, at midnight, midday, midmorning, midafternoon anytime.

Anything that has to do with work, should end in the office. Maybe you receive calls from your boss at home after work, or your Boss drops you at home after close of work etc. The only thing I think you should do is to defend your honour and tell him you are innocent and then do all you can to avoid anything that will make him feel you have something going on with your Boss.

He can't just wake up one day and accuse you of infidelity.

preciousmee: i really don't know what to say right now, its just a little complicated because i dnt work where we stay i work in another town but rotate 3 weeks at home and 2 weeks at work. this is d nature of my job so i guess sometimes cos am not around he is unnecessarily suspicious that makes it really bad for me if he cant trust me when am away how do i defend this? i haven't done anything to make him suspect me guys this is why i am not taken it slightly with him. am still at work as we speak working my life out instead of encouraging and supporting me in his own way, he is acusing me of infidelity...

Let me not lie to you, you may have to choose between this job and your marriage. Which do you consider to be more important?

2goodbobo: Anything that has to do with work, should end in the office. Maybe you receive calls from your boss at home after work, or your Boss drops you at home after close of work etc. The only thing I think you should do is to defend your honour and tell him you are innocent and then do all you can to avoid anything that will make him feel you have something going on with your Boss.

He can't just wake up one day and accuse you of infidelity.

The husband is having nightmares about the fact that her boss sees her more than he does and has let his imagination run wild. It is sometimes difficult to blame people like her husband. Experience shows that more often than not, people in her shoes end up in compromising situations.

She needs to understand this and address it.

For a man to point blankly accvse his wife,he is probably sticking it somewhere else.Accvsing yov is only a defence mechanism and very soon he might even ask yov to qvit yovr job.If yov earn more than he does,Its still possible he is svffering from a bovt of inferiority complex.

I won't know what to do if am accvsed bvt am svre I ll keep my eyes open enovgh to figvre ovt what prompted the accvsation in the first place.

err,,,, its not always true that a man accusing his wife is playing a reverse psychology game
some will not even do anything and want you to be caught so they can feel justified

#JezSayin

Yeah bvt there is a possibility, the issve of threatened ego was also raised.

Awwwwwwww distance marraige!
kpele o.

you guys are funny o! op asked what are you gonna do if you were being accused of infidelity and y'all are giving her advice? smh


op, if my husband dares to accuse me of infidelity, well he needs to prove it as simple as that! or better still SILENCE .yeah, i just ignore him.

maclatunji:

Let me not lie to you, you may have to choose between this job and your marriage. Which do you consider to be more important?

Bullshit. If she leaves this job, how many more jobs would she have to quit to prove herself to her husband? A man with insecurity issues should go sort himself out and leave his wife and her career alone

jennykadry:

Bullshit. If she leaves this job, how many more jobs would she have to quit to prove herself to her husband? A man with insecurity issues should go sort himself out and leave his wife and her career alone

Well bullshit or no bullshit, her boss sees her more than her husband does and the poor husband is consumed with jealousy. I have not said she should leave her job, leaving the marriage is also an option, another option is ignoring the problem and whatever comes out of it.

Jenny, go drink garri and cool down. Make I no vex this afternoon.

demelza: ^^ oh no! You forgot your signature.
Anyway May God Help Us All.
P.S I am a fan

LOL.I love it
May God help me

OP, me and Jenny where debating your issue on another thread. I think you will find this useful.

maclatunji:

You don't understand that marriage is not really dependent on managing the rational behaviour of your spouse. It is about managing the irrational behaviours that come up periodically.

You are looking at it from a purely rational point of view. However, the husband is being irrational. Implementing your approach will almost lead to the breakdown of the marriage.

The lady can try my approach which is to call her husband for a face-to-face talk and say: "Sweetheart, you are accusing me of cheating on you with my boss. This is not true and it hurts me more than you can imagine. However, I have come to realise that the fact that I stay at work for 3 weeks and only stay at home for 2 weeks alternating is a major factor that has led to your suspicion. Hence, I am thinking of leaving my job to kill the suspicion and conflict between us. You do realise that leaving my job is a big risk. Hence, I would like you to help me find an alternative job that is more marriage friendly, I will also be scouting for other jobs as well.

I beg you to trust me as the woman you love and married and be patient with me and my current job. I am not cheating on you and would never do that. This is really difficult for me to handle and I need your support and trust. Please never doubt that I love you very much and would never cheat on you."

I am telling you that with this approach irrational husband will calm down. Isn't that what the wife wants?

Her claiming outrage and anger will only kill the marriage.

^You ladies don't get it. The major reason that her husband is accusing her of infidelity is simple- he is thinking to himself: "I am married to this woman, I get to see her for 2 weeks. She gets to work with and live close to her boss for 3 weeks. That is not fair! Then anger and jealousy set-in which is what OP is experiencing.

There is no amount of counselling and sweet-talking that will remove this resentment.

However, if she can show him that she is willing to leave the job to assure him of her love, he will understand that she is loyal to him. His fears and irrational behaviour will die down.

There is no where I have said she must leave her job. However, I am saying that her job is creating schism between her and her husband. The least she can do is to indicate her willingness to leave the job to save her marriage.

Willingness to do something does not necessarily translate to eventually doing it. I hope I am not being too cryptic.

maclatunji: ^You ladies don't get it. The major reason that her husband is accusing her of infidelity is simple- he is thinking to himself: "I am married to this woman, I get to see her for 2 weeks. She gets to work with and live close to her boss for 3 weeks. That is not fair! Then anger and jealousy set-in which is what OP is experiencing.

Maclatunji, I believe everybody gets this. What people don't get is why he can't just say he wants to see more of her and then they can work out together how they can adjust her schedule/change her job etc. Instead, he chose to make wild accusations and wild leaps of logic. Sure, she can follow your prescription and 'stoop to conquer' or she can rightfully express her disgust at his childishness and propensity to cause trouble where there is none. Not every wife is a robot who will reward every stupidity from their husband with a smile, their favorite meal and hot s*ex.