hi nairalanders!i need your advice.my boyfriend of three weeks just told me yesterday that he has a son from his previous date.what should i do?quit or stay put cus am so confused.pls while replying,forget about what you think i want,just give me a piece of your mind,

well at leats he told you now

How old is the son?
where's his mother?
How involved is he in the son's life?
and the final question, can you handle being in such a relationship

answer those

What is the problem exactly? Does his innocent child have two heads or what?

@Seun
Gud Question!

Well Girl it depends on what you want from the relationship

If its going to be permanent ( i mean you expect marriage)
1. Be prepared to see the child as yours
2. Not think about who gets what  by way of inheritance
3. Deal with his ex coming over from time to time to discuss issues about his son
4. Expect that his son may have to live with you and him as a family
5. Hear gossips from outsiders about how you are not treating the son right and handle same with maturity

and much more!

I may be a guy but am talking from my mums experience with my half brothers and sisters.

But if all you want is just a nice time then fire down till you are tired of him

The choice is yours

You are just crying wolf where there is none. I give kudos to your guy for telling you the truth in the early stage of your relationship. Only enquire whether the son in question was born out of wedlock or adopted. Continue with the relationship when you find out that you are not snatching anybody's husband or trying to break any home.

Nothing wrong with dating a single daddy, your boyfriend unless a child's mother is either dead, mental-challenged or in death penalty prison.

Check out the existing thread at below:

Is it Wrong To Marry A Single Daddy?
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-28809.0.html

Perosnally I can never be in such a relationship but I do respectb those who can deal with it

AEjiro:

3. Deal with his ex coming over from time to time to discuss issues about his son

This is usually the biggest problem

@poster

what a bleeping question!
Mr. Banner u no go ban this one immediately abi?

Stay Cha

bouboubee:

hi nairalanders!i need your advice[b].my boyfriend of three weeks [/b] just told me yesterday that he has a son from his previous date.what should i do?quit or stay put cus am so confused.please while replying,forget about what you think i want,just give me a piece of your mind,

At least he is honest enough to inform you within three weeks of ur relationship, when others would have taken enternity before they will ever open up.

If you like/love him enough to consider long term relationship/marriage, then u should start asking questions that are fundamental to your relationship and what happened in the past that lead to him having the child. If his answers are justifiable, i don't think there is anything wrong with marrying him. Some of us one time or the other in our lives we made horrible mistakes that we can't change, but accept. Such is life.

Just be honest to yourself and to the guy (the same way he did by telling you about his son in three weeks). Abeg i respect the guy. Is only those who want you for the longterm that will open up to you in such a space of time.

darling

Ditch the guy

Come to me

I don't have any child

Ask him where the momma of the kid is. . .
If she's still alive and well. . . .Bounce!!!!! because she is likely to come back!!
But if otherwise. . . then you have nothing to be worried about!!
Savvy?

of all the thread posted in response to ur "confused mind" keziah gave u d best advise. candid n true. if it slongterm u desire be real n ask as much question as u possilbly can, both of u should have a no holds bar date n thrash out issues at least he has opened up this early grab the oppurnity with ur heart, if He is worth urs.

wish u luck, n  be honest 2 ur sef

bouboubee:

hi nairalanders!i need your advice.my boyfriend of three weeks just told me yesterday that he has a son from his previous date.what should i do?quit or stay put cus am so confused.please while replying,forget about what you think i want,just give me a piece of your mind,

u are a fool for starting this topic

u are a fool for starting this topic

Then u r a schmuck for responding.

Equation Balance!

Is this the room where ?? my bad! wrong room!

You asked a very funny and well defined question with the clause-"forget about what you think i want". My advise would  depend on what "you think you want" in the relationship. What you may or may not want would depend on you accepting the kid or not. But the bottom line is what do you thnk you want in the relationship.

sly u are a bagdhad doucebag for replying

Well, if you really love him, that shouldn’t be a problem. After-all girls who have children before marriage usually expect their future husband to adopt both them and the child.

What you should be bothered about is whether he still has contact with the mother; when last did he speak with her and where her present location is.

If you feel you trust him enough and he won’t betray your love, then you can go ahead with the relationship but if you feel otherwise, then quit for your own good.

.....

sly u are a bagdhad doucebag for replying

Then u r a Seattle disease infested tortoise for replying. . .

If baby mama drama is not something you are willing to deal with you might as well leave because when it comes to a woman and children men decide quickly if they want to stay with you or not

@poster
Obviously this guy wants long-term from you,so ask yourself these:

1.Can you handle being a step-mum? Taking care of another woman's child like he's yours? Because if you can't,there will always be problems between you and your boyfriend,and the child could grow up hating you.

2.Can you cope with the definite interferences from the boy's mother in your boyfriend's life and yours?You will be the woman taking care of her son if he lives with his father,which will probably happen sooner or later.The mother will always want to know what you're up to with her son,how you run his life. And if you cannot handle the mother with maturity,it will lead to problems between you and your boyfriend(maybe husband then).

3.While he's still your boyfriend,as in,presently,he may have to cancel dates or he may be late for appointments with you because of his paternal obligations.Can you cope with being second-place to his son sometimes?

4.My last question.Ex-es sometimes have a way of getting back together,planned or unplanned.Especially when they've got a child together.Is this a risk you're willing to take?
(as in,he could come over to your place one day,hold your hand and solemnly say,''sweetheart i'm sorry but Laura and i have decided to give it one more shot for the sake of the child'')

Of course,your relationship could work out beautifully with the child present,but you should consider the above first.
I wish you well.

omega25red:

If baby mama drama is not something you are willing to deal with you might as well leave because when it comes to a woman and children men decide quickly if they want to stay with you or not

abi o

He will always continue to have a relationship with the mother

of his child, so it's really up to u, to determine whether

or not u want to deal with this kind of situation.

Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is the problem exactly?  Does his innocent child have two heads or what?

Bhawahahahahahahahahahaha! Oh my goodness.

I'm sorry poster, I'm not laughing at you but you have to admit that was a funny comment. On a serious note though, I honestly don't see the problem here. Did he have the baby while he was with you?

AEjiro:

Well Girl it depends on what you want from the relationship

If its going to be permanent ( i mean you expect marriage)
1. Be prepared to see the child as yours
2. Not think about who gets what  by way of inheritance
3. Deal with his ex coming over from time to time to discuss issues about his son
4. Expect that his son may have to live with you and him as a family
5. Hear gossips from outsiders about how you are not treating the son right and handle same with maturity

and much more!

I may be a guy but am talking from my mums experience with my half brothers and sisters.

But if all you want is just a nice time then fire down till you are tired of him

The choice is yours

# 1 - You are right. Poster You can Love the child without liking the mother. The last thing you want to do is have your boyfriend choose between you and his kid.
# 2 - Inheritance? Seriously? In this day and age?
# 3 - I don't see a reason why she has to deal with the baby mama on a personal basis. She and her boyfriend need to sit down and discuss the arrangements of picking up and dropping off of the kid. He should do it. . .there's no need for the other woman to come over but Poster, as you are making your demands, remember it's still "boyfriend oh, so go easy. You wouldn't want to play your hand too soon by having a hissy fit, now would you?
#4. Again going back to my #1
#5 - Outsiders being the operative word here. As long as Insiders know the real truth, those on the outside can take a long walk off a short pier.

The matter is not as serious as you want to make it. Goodluck.

If ur boyfriend is a daddy then you may want to jump into the lagoon or step on the next man's NIKE's (AS IF IT'S A BIG DEAL HAVING A CHILD WITH ANOTHER WOMAN)

You sound very suspicious and dodgy to me by the way

Well maybe i am just talking like dis becoz i am not cut out for marriage, i wld rather have babymum's and gurlfriends seperate, (And please nairalanders dont slay me for this, dat is my own opinion)

Enjoy whateva you want from your boyfriend but be ready to realise that you face a competition with that little kid!

I don't know about you but emmm I will run as soon as i can.

why not bless your star for being able to get a man rather than saying he has a kid? do you want him or do you want his kid? please wake up? others in your shoes will be happy

@ his grace

should we all start rolling on the ground and singing the halleluyah chorus because she managed to get a man? a whole man!
na wa o. womenfolk don suffer. its ok she voices her concern abeg. no woman is ever really prepared for a ready made family.